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ways to improve environment

ways to improve environment

In this day and age, the deterioration of environment quality is greatly attributed to pollution, global warming, overpopulation and loss of biodiversity. This essay is to outline some viable solutions that should be implemented to address environment-related issues in the long run.
First and foremost, it is highly recommended that the government enacts some strict environment regislation with an aim to enhance the quality of natural environment. To be more specific, law-breakers should be punished heavily through various forms such as community service, fines or even jail sentences. Singapore could be a case in point. People who are caught littering in public places may be fined up to $2000. Furthermore, it is essential for the authorities to invest money in green technologies and carbon-free energy. For instance, they could allocate budgets into developing energy-efficient machines and renewable energy such as wind turbines and solar panels.
Additionally, it is advisable for inhabitants to join hands in environmental conservation. They are likely to adopt a green lifestyle by buying reusable and green products and recycling as much as possible to avoid releasing too much waste. Another feasible measure associated with this insurmountable problem is that efforts should be concentrated on taking advantage of public transport to commute as a substitute for private vehicles, which may facilitate people in mitigating a considerable amount of exhaust emission.
From what have been discussed aforementioned, law enforcement, renewable energy development, green lifestyle and public transport are crucial measures to enhance ecological quality.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "In this day and age" -> "In the contemporary era"
    Explanation: Replacing the colloquial expression "In this day and age" with the more formal "In the contemporary era" aligns with academic style and provides a nuanced alternative.

  2. "deterioration of environment quality" -> "deterioration of environmental quality"
    Explanation: Correcting the phrase to "deterioration of environmental quality" ensures grammatical accuracy and maintains a formal tone by using the appropriate adjective form.

  3. "regislation" -> "legislation"
    Explanation: Substituting "regislation" with "legislation" corrects the spelling error, ensuring precision and adherence to formal language norms.

  4. "First and foremost" -> "Primarily"
    Explanation: Replacing "First and foremost" with "Primarily" adds sophistication to the transition, aligning with a more formal tone.

  5. "it is highly recommended" -> "it is imperative"
    Explanation: Substituting "it is highly recommended" with "it is imperative" enhances the strength of the statement, emphasizing the importance of the suggested action in a more formal manner.

  6. "law-breakers" -> "violators of the law"
    Explanation: Changing "law-breakers" to "violators of the law" maintains formality and precision, avoiding a colloquial expression.

  7. "may be fined up to $2000" -> "may face fines of up to $2000"
    Explanation: Replacing "may be fined up to $2000" with "may face fines of up to $2000" offers a more formal and precise expression of potential penalties.

  8. "Furthermore" -> "Moreover"
    Explanation: Substituting "Furthermore" with "Moreover" improves the flow and formality of the transition between ideas.

  9. "buying reusable and green products" -> "purchasing sustainable and eco-friendly products"
    Explanation: Changing "buying reusable and green products" to "purchasing sustainable and eco-friendly products" introduces more precise and formal vocabulary, aligning with academic style.

  10. "insurmountable problem" -> "formidable challenge"
    Explanation: Replacing "insurmountable problem" with "formidable challenge" maintains the emphasis on difficulty while using a more formal and sophisticated term.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0 – UNDER WORD

  1. Quoted text: "In this day and age, the deterioration of environment quality is greatly attributed to pollution, global warming, overpopulation and loss of biodiversity. This essay is to outline some viable solutions that should be implemented to address environment-related issues in the long run."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement that directly addresses the essay prompt. It briefly mentions the issues related to the environment but fails to present a distinct position on how to improve it. To enhance clarity, provide a concise thesis statement outlining your stance on the ways to improve the environment. For example, you could say, "This essay will discuss specific measures to tackle pollution, global warming, overpopulation, and loss of biodiversity for a more sustainable future."
    • Improved example: "In the contemporary world, environmental degradation due to pollution, global warming, overpopulation, and loss of biodiversity has become a pressing concern. This essay will delve into concrete solutions aimed at mitigating these issues and fostering a healthier environment for the future."
  2. Quoted text: "First and foremost, it is highly recommended that the government enacts some strict environment regislation with an aim to enhance the quality of natural environment. To be more specific, law-breakers should be punished heavily through various forms such as community service, fines or even jail sentences. Singapore could be a case in point. People who are caught littering in public places may be fined up to $2000."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While you advocate for government intervention, the example lacks depth and specificity. Instead of simply mentioning fines and jail sentences, provide more comprehensive details. For instance, elaborate on successful environmental policies implemented in other countries, explaining how these measures effectively deter individuals from environmental offenses. This will strengthen your argument and provide a more convincing case for strict environmental regulations.
    • Improved example: "A compelling illustration of effective environmental legislation can be observed in Singapore, where stringent measures are in place to combat littering. Offenders face fines of up to $2000, coupled with community service, creating a robust system that significantly curtails environmental misconduct."
  3. Quoted text: "Furthermore, it is essential for the authorities to invest money in green technologies and carbon-free energy. For instance, they could allocate budgets into developing energy-efficient machines and renewable energy such as wind turbines and solar panels."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While you touch upon the need for investment in green technologies, the explanation lacks depth and specific examples. Provide more detailed reasons and examples to support your point. Instead of broadly mentioning energy-efficient machines, specify particular technologies and their impact on the environment. Offering detailed insights will enhance the credibility and persuasiveness of your argument.
    • Improved example: "Moreover, directing funds toward cutting-edge technologies like advanced energy-efficient machinery, innovative carbon capture systems, and expanding the usage of renewable sources such as wind turbines and solar panels can substantially contribute to the reduction of environmental harm. Countries like Germany have successfully implemented such strategies, resulting in a significant decrease in carbon emissions."
  4. Quoted text: "Additionally, it is advisable for inhabitants to join hands in environmental conservation. They are likely to adopt a green lifestyle by buying reusable and green products and recycling as much as possible to avoid releasing too much waste. Another feasible measure associated with this insurmountable problem is that efforts should be concentrated on taking advantage of public transport to commute as a substitute for private vehicles, which may facilitate people in mitigating a considerable amount of exhaust emission."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The essay concludes with general advice on adopting a green lifestyle and using public transport, but the ideas lack elaboration and specific examples. Provide more nuanced reasoning and vivid examples to support these suggestions. For instance, explain how individual choices like using eco-friendly products and opting for public transport contribute to a significant reduction in the carbon footprint. This will strengthen your argument and showcase a deeper understanding of the topic.
    • Improved example: "Furthermore, individuals can actively participate in environmental conservation by embracing a green lifestyle, involving the use of reusable and eco-friendly products. For instance, choosing electric vehicles or utilizing public transport systems significantly minimizes the release of harmful exhaust emissions, as observed in cities like Copenhagen, where widespread use of bicycles and efficient public transport has led to a notable decline in air pollution."

Overall, while your essay addresses the topic, it requires more specific examples and in-depth reasoning to meet the criteria for higher band scores.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay effectively organizes ideas, presenting a clear central topic within each paragraph. It logically progresses from discussing government-enforced regulations to individual efforts, such as adopting a green lifestyle and using public transport. Cohesive devices are used to connect ideas, although there are a few instances of overuse or underuse. The essay maintains a clear focus on ways to improve the environment throughout.

How to improve: To elevate the coherence and cohesion, ensure a more consistent use of cohesive devices. While there’s a good range present, watch for instances where connections between sentences might be more effectively articulated. Additionally, refine paragraphing further for a more seamless flow of ideas within and between paragraphs.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable use of vocabulary, showcasing a variety of words and expressions. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items, such as "environment legislation," "carbon-free energy," and "renewable energy." The essay also exhibits some awareness of style and collocation, evident in phrases like "enacts strict environmental legislation" and "invest money in green technologies." While there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, like "environment regislation" and "carbon-free energy," they do not significantly impede communication. The spelling and word formation are generally accurate, with only minor errors.

How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource and move towards a higher band score, strive for more precision in word choice and collocation. Ensure consistent accuracy in spelling and word formation. Additionally, consider incorporating a wider range of less common lexical items throughout the essay to elevate the overall sophistication of language use.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable command of a wide range of sentence structures, contributing to an overall high level of grammatical flexibility and accuracy. There are occasional minor errors, but they do not impede communication and can be considered as ‘slips.’ The essay effectively combines complex and simple sentence forms, showcasing a varied and sophisticated use of language. The vocabulary is appropriate, and the ideas are conveyed with clarity and coherence.

How to improve:
To further enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay attention to the consistency of verb tenses throughout the essay. Additionally, ensuring precise word choices and refining sentence structures can help reduce minor errors and elevate the overall quality of expression. Regular proofreading is recommended to catch any inadvertent slips in grammar or punctuation.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary era, the deterioration of environmental quality is primarily attributed to pollution, global warming, overpopulation, and loss of biodiversity. This essay aims to outline some viable solutions that should be implemented to address environment-related issues in the long run.

First and foremost, it is imperative that the government enacts strict environmental legislation to enhance the quality of the natural environment. To be more specific, violators of the law should face consequences through various forms such as community service, fines, or even jail sentences. Singapore serves as an exemplary case, where people caught littering in public places may face fines of up to $2000. Moreover, it is essential for the authorities to invest in green technologies and carbon-free energy. For instance, they could allocate budgets to develop energy-efficient machines and renewable energy sources, such as wind turbines and solar panels.

Additionally, it is advisable for inhabitants to join hands in environmental conservation. They can adopt a green lifestyle by purchasing sustainable and eco-friendly products, recycling as much as possible to avoid excessive waste. Another practical measure associated with this formidable challenge is that efforts should be concentrated on using public transport as a substitute for private vehicles, which may help in reducing a considerable amount of exhaust emissions.

In conclusion, law enforcement, renewable energy development, a green lifestyle, and the use of public transport are crucial measures to enhance ecological quality. It is imperative that individuals and governments alike take proactive steps to preserve and improve the environment for future generations.

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