what are the effects of chilren's playing games

Nowadays, teenagers spend countless of times on video games. As a result, their mental and physical health is affected severely. This essay will discuss the problems of video games and how it affects people.
Firstly, online games can be addictive for users as they can play it for hours straight without stopping. Many game companies take advantage of this in order to attract more players and use their playtime for profit. Consequently, teenagers will prioritize gaming than most of their everyday activities or even interacting with anyone around them.
Next, games that involve criminal activities can affect people’s lifestyles. For instance, if a game contain actions that involve violent, illegal behaviors, it reminds them of said illegal behavior in real life and teaches them doing them as well. Sometimes, the game consists a lot of criminal scenery that the players might act more violently and similarly to those violent actions in game upon people around them if they aren’t aware.
Moreover, gaming discourages teenagers to do anything else. Online games can be addictive, so they will have a hard time remembering or wanting to quit playing and doing something else. As a result, their everyday life is changed drastically as they have less time talking, going outside, hang out or even eating.
In conclusion, video games can have harmful results on people who use it daily. The best way to avoid any problems with it is by managing your playtime or quit playing games entirely.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."
"countless of times" -> "endless hours"
Explanation: "Endless hours" is a more precise and formal way to describe the extensive time spent on video games, avoiding the vague and informal "countless of times."
"their mental and physical health is affected severely" -> "their mental and physical health is severely affected"
Explanation: Reordering the phrase to "is severely affected" improves the grammatical structure and clarity, aligning with formal academic style.
"This essay will discuss" -> "This essay explores"
Explanation: "Explores" is a more academically appropriate verb than "discuss," suggesting a deeper analysis and investigation.
"online games can be addictive for users as they can play it for hours straight without stopping" -> "online games can be addictive for users, as they can play continuously for hours without interruption"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the sentence structure and removes the informal "straight," replacing it with "continuously" for a more formal tone.
"Many game companies take advantage of this in order to attract more players and use their playtime for profit" -> "Many game companies exploit this strategy to attract more players and capitalize on their playtime"
Explanation: "Exploit" and "capitalize" are more precise and formal terms than "take advantage of," enhancing the academic tone.
"prioritize gaming than most of their everyday activities" -> "prioritize gaming over most of their daily activities"
Explanation: "Over" is the correct preposition for comparison, and "daily" is more formal than "everyday."
"games that involve criminal activities can affect people’s lifestyles" -> "games that depict criminal activities can influence individuals’ lifestyles"
Explanation: "Depict" is more specific and formal than "involve," and "influence" is a more precise term than "affect" in this context.
"it reminds them of said illegal behavior in real life and teaches them doing them as well" -> "it reminds them of such illegal behavior in real life and encourages them to emulate it"
Explanation: "Encourages them to emulate it" is more precise and formal than "teaches them doing them as well," which is awkward and informal.
"the game consists a lot of criminal scenery" -> "the game features numerous criminal scenarios"
Explanation: "Features" is more appropriate than "consists," and "numerous criminal scenarios" is more specific and formal than "a lot of criminal scenery."
"the players might act more violently and similarly to those violent actions in game upon people around them if they aren’t aware" -> "players may exhibit more violent behavior and mimic the violent actions depicted in the game, potentially affecting those around them if they are unaware"
Explanation: This revision clarifies and formalizes the sentence structure, using "exhibit" and "mimic" for a more precise and academic tone.
"gaming discourages teenagers to do anything else" -> "gaming discourages teenagers from engaging in other activities"
Explanation: "From engaging in other activities" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea than "to do anything else."
"they will have a hard time remembering or wanting to quit playing and doing something else" -> "they may struggle to discontinue playing and engage in other activities"
Explanation: "Struggle to discontinue playing and engage in other activities" is more formal and precise than the original phrase.
"their everyday life is changed drastically" -> "their daily lives are significantly altered"
Explanation: "Daily lives are significantly altered" uses more formal vocabulary and corrects the grammatical error in "everyday life."
"The best way to avoid any problems with it is by managing your playtime or quit playing games entirely" -> "The most effective method to mitigate issues with gaming is either to manage playtime or to cease playing games entirely"
Explanation: "Mitigate issues" and "cease playing games" are more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt regarding the effects of children playing games, but it primarily focuses on negative aspects without acknowledging any potential positive effects or a balanced view. The mention of "teenagers" instead of "children" also indicates a slight deviation from the prompt. The essay discusses addiction, violent behavior, and lifestyle changes, but it lacks a comprehensive exploration of the topic.
- How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the essay should include a more balanced discussion that acknowledges both the positive and negative effects of gaming. For instance, mentioning potential benefits like improved cognitive skills or social interaction through online gaming could provide a more rounded perspective. Additionally, ensuring that the terminology aligns with the prompt (using "children" instead of "teenagers") will enhance relevance.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance against video games, emphasizing their negative impacts. However, this position is not consistently reinforced throughout the essay, as some points could be interpreted as slightly ambiguous. For example, the conclusion suggests managing playtime rather than outright disapproval, which may confuse the reader about the author’s true position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the author should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and reinforce it in the conclusion. Using definitive language and avoiding hedging phrases can help clarify the stance. For instance, instead of suggesting to "manage your playtime," a stronger conclusion could advocate for specific limitations on gaming.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the negative effects of gaming, such as addiction and violent behavior. However, these ideas are not sufficiently developed or supported with examples or evidence. For instance, the mention of violent games lacks specific examples of games or studies that illustrate this point, which weakens the argument.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the author should provide specific examples, statistics, or studies that back up their claims. For instance, referencing a study that shows a correlation between violent video games and aggressive behavior would strengthen the argument. Additionally, elaborating on each point with more detail and analysis will enhance the overall quality of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic regarding the effects of gaming; however, the focus on "teenagers" instead of "children" introduces a slight inconsistency. Additionally, some points, such as the mention of "hang out or even eating," could be more tightly connected to the effects of gaming rather than general lifestyle changes.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the author should ensure that all points directly relate to the effects of gaming on children. Revising the language to consistently refer to "children" will also help align the essay with the prompt. Each point should clearly tie back to the central theme of the effects of gaming, avoiding generalizations that stray from the topic.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the author should aim for a more balanced discussion, maintain a consistent position, provide specific supporting examples, and ensure that all content directly addresses the prompt regarding children’s gaming.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic, which helps in maintaining a logical flow. For instance, the first paragraph introduces the issue of addiction, followed by the impact of violent games, and finally discusses the overall lifestyle changes due to gaming. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother; for example, the shift from addiction to violent behavior feels abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that connect ideas more fluidly. For instance, after discussing addiction, you could introduce the next point with a phrase like, "In addition to addiction, the content of some games can also lead to…" This would create a more cohesive narrative throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct issue related to video games. However, some paragraphs could be better developed. For example, the second paragraph about violent games introduces a significant point but lacks depth and examples to support the claims made.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details and examples. For instance, in the paragraph discussing violent games, you could elaborate on specific games or studies that illustrate the impact of such content on behavior. This would not only strengthen the argument but also provide a clearer structure within the paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Next," and "Moreover," which help in guiding the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the use of pronouns and conjunctions could be improved. For example, the phrase "it reminds them of said illegal behavior" could be clearer with a more explicit reference to the games being discussed.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeating "addictive" in multiple places, you could use synonyms like "compulsive" or "obsessive." Additionally, consider using conjunctions like "however," "furthermore," or "conversely" to create more nuanced connections between ideas. This would enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion with a Band Score of 7, there are areas for improvement in logical organization, paragraph development, and the use of cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested strategies, the essay can achieve a higher level of clarity and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with terms like "addictive," "prioritize," and "harmful." However, the repetition of certain phrases, such as "video games" and "teenagers," indicates a limited lexical variety. For example, the phrase "spend countless of times on video games" could be varied with alternatives like "invest significant hours in gaming" or "engage extensively with digital games."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "games," they could incorporate terms like "interactive entertainment," "digital pastimes," or "virtual experiences." This not only enriches the essay but also demonstrates a broader lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "countless of times" should be corrected to "countless hours" or "a significant amount of time." Additionally, the phrase "it reminds them of said illegal behavior" is awkward and unclear; a more precise expression could be "it may trigger thoughts of such illegal behaviors."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and appropriateness of word choice. Utilizing a thesaurus can help find more suitable words, but it’s essential to ensure that the chosen words fit the context accurately. Practicing writing with a focus on clarity can also aid in developing this skill.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling, but there are a few errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, "countless of times" is incorrect; it should be "countless hours." Additionally, "the game consists a lot of criminal scenery" should be "the game consists of a lot of criminal scenery."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, perhaps reading it aloud to catch errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing common spelling patterns can also be beneficial. Keeping a list of frequently misspelled words can help reinforce correct spelling in future writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. Focusing on these areas will help elevate the lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of "Firstly," "Next," and "Moreover" effectively organizes the argument and transitions between points. However, the complexity of some sentences could be improved. For instance, the sentence "Many game companies take advantage of this in order to attract more players and use their playtime for profit" is somewhat straightforward and could benefit from more intricate structures to enhance engagement.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses, participial phrases, or conditional clauses. For example, instead of saying "games that involve criminal activities can affect people’s lifestyles," you could say, "While games that involve criminal activities can affect people’s lifestyles, they also provide an opportunity for players to engage in strategic thinking." This not only adds variety but also depth to the argument.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity and coherence. For instance, "countless of times" should be "countless hours," and "it reminds them of said illegal behavior" is awkwardly phrased and could be clearer as "it reminds them of such illegal behaviors." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as missing commas that could help clarify meaning, e.g., "if a game contain actions that involve violent, illegal behaviors" should be "if a game contains actions that involve violent or illegal behaviors."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and article usage. Practicing sentence construction and reviewing punctuation rules can also be beneficial. For example, ensure that verbs agree in number with their subjects (e.g., "if a game contains" instead of "if a game contain"). Additionally, consider using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers to identify and correct errors before finalizing the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Improved Essay:**

Nowadays, teenagers spend endless hours on video games. As a result, their mental and physical health is severely affected. This essay explores the problems associated with video games and how they impact individuals.

Firstly, online games can be addictive for users, as they can play continuously for hours without interruption. Many game companies exploit this strategy to attract more players and capitalize on their playtime. Consequently, teenagers tend to prioritize gaming over most of their daily activities or even interacting with those around them.

Next, games that depict criminal activities can influence individuals’ lifestyles. For instance, if a game contains actions that involve violent, illegal behaviors, it reminds players of such illegal behavior in real life and encourages them to emulate it. Sometimes, the game features numerous criminal scenarios, leading players to exhibit more violent behavior and mimic the violent actions depicted in the game. This can potentially affect those around them if they are unaware.

Moreover, gaming discourages teenagers from engaging in other activities. Online games can be addictive, so they may struggle to discontinue playing and engage in other pursuits. As a result, their daily lives are significantly altered, as they have less time for talking, going outside, hanging out, or even eating.

In conclusion, video games can have harmful effects on individuals who play them daily. The most effective method to mitigate issues with gaming is either to manage playtime or to cease playing games entirely.