What are the problems for people living and working in the countryside? What should the government do to solve them?
What are the problems for people living and working in the countryside? What should the government do to solve them?
Development in the countryside is by far lower than in big cities . Living and working there face lack of essential infrastructure and joblessness . The government takes responsibility for solutions in rural areas .
Life in the countryside, first of all, lacks convenience . Base facilities are poor, even in remote areas there is not likely to have a fresh water system, electricity grid . There is less innovation in undeveloped areas instead of that the government's investment poured critically in booming economic, medical, education centers . For example, patients in a remote destination always spend a lot of time and money on high-quality hospitals in urban regions to have good care and get an accurate diagnosis , they do not put trust in doctors in their hometown . As the likes are insufficient, it is uncomfortable to live in rural areas.
Secondly, rural residents are facing unemployment . Most of them, particularly youngsters, migrate from the countryside to the city to look for job opportunities, leading to an undynamic labor market in the countryside . The young require white-collar jobs, meanwhile rural regions there are only manual ones .
Finally, Rural environment is worsening due to over-exploitation of natural resources . Dwellers face challenges such as deforestation, soil erosion and pollution because of using chemical materials in agriculture .
To sum up, the government has to take charge of solutions to deal with the countryside's difficulties . The fund should be splitted equally from urban to rural sites to improve quality in education , healthcare service . To encourage the young coming back to their neighborhood, it is necessary for the administrator to call for investment from foreign companies in building factories providing job . Introducing farmers use ordinary substance instead of chemical ones for a sustainable agriculture .
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Development in the countryside is by far lower than in big cities" -> "Rural development lags significantly behind that of urban areas"
Explanation: The phrase "by far lower" is somewhat informal and vague. "Lags significantly behind" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better. -
"Living and working there face lack of essential infrastructure and joblessness" -> "Residents face a lack of essential infrastructure and unemployment"
Explanation: "Living and working there face" is awkwardly phrased and informal. "Residents face" is more direct and formal, and "unemployment" is the correct term instead of "joblessness." -
"The government takes responsibility for solutions in rural areas" -> "The government assumes responsibility for addressing issues in rural areas"
Explanation: "Takes responsibility for solutions" is somewhat vague and informal. "Assumes responsibility for addressing issues" is more specific and formal. -
"Life in the countryside, first of all, lacks convenience" -> "Life in rural areas, initially, lacks convenience"
Explanation: "First of all" is informal and can be replaced with "initially" for a more formal tone. -
"Base facilities are poor" -> "Basic facilities are inadequate"
Explanation: "Base facilities" is incorrect; "basic facilities" is the correct term. "Inadequate" is more precise than "poor" in this context. -
"There is less innovation in undeveloped areas instead of that the government’s investment poured critically in booming economic, medical, education centers" -> "In contrast, there is less innovation in underdeveloped areas, whereas the government invests heavily in urban economic, medical, and educational centers"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version corrects these issues and clarifies the comparison. -
"patients in a remote destination always spend a lot of time and money on high-quality hospitals in urban regions" -> "patients in remote areas often travel long distances and incur significant expenses to access high-quality healthcare in urban centers"
Explanation: "A remote destination" is vague and informal; "remote areas" is more precise. "Incur significant expenses" is more formal than "spend a lot of money." -
"the likes are insufficient" -> "the facilities are inadequate"
Explanation: "The likes" is unclear and informal; "the facilities" is specific and appropriate for the context. -
"Most of them, particularly youngsters, migrate from the countryside to the city to look for job opportunities" -> "Many, particularly young people, migrate from rural areas to cities in search of employment opportunities"
Explanation: "Most of them" is vague; "Many" is more precise. "Youngsters" is informal; "young people" is more formal. "Look for job opportunities" is informal; "in search of employment opportunities" is more formal. -
"The young require white-collar jobs, meanwhile rural regions there are only manual ones" -> "Young people seek white-collar employment, whereas rural areas primarily offer manual jobs"
Explanation: "The young" is informal and imprecise; "young people" is more formal. "Meanwhile" is informal; "whereas" is more appropriate for formal writing. -
"Rural environment is worsening" -> "The rural environment is deteriorating"
Explanation: "Is worsening" is somewhat informal and vague; "is deteriorating" is more precise and formal. -
"Dwellers face challenges such as deforestation, soil erosion and pollution because of using chemical materials in agriculture" -> "Residents face challenges such as deforestation, soil erosion, and pollution due to the use of chemical substances in agriculture"
Explanation: "Dwellers" is less common and slightly informal; "Residents" is more typical in formal writing. "Using chemical materials" is less precise; "the use of chemical substances" is more specific and formal. -
"The fund should be splitted equally from urban to rural sites" -> "The funds should be distributed equally between urban and rural areas"
Explanation: "The fund" is singular and incorrect; "The funds" is plural and correct. "Splitted" is a misspelling; "distributed" is the correct term. "From urban to rural sites" is awkward; "between urban and rural areas" is clearer and more formal. -
"it is necessary for the administrator to call for investment from foreign companies in building factories providing job" -> "it is essential for the authorities to solicit investment from foreign companies to establish factories that provide employment"
Explanation: "The administrator" is vague; "the authorities" is more specific and formal. "Call for investment" is informal; "solicit investment" is more precise. "Providing job" is informal; "provide employment" is more formal.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying problems faced by people living and working in the countryside, such as lack of infrastructure and unemployment. It also suggests government actions to mitigate these issues, like equal funding and attracting foreign investment. However, the discussion could benefit from more depth and specificity regarding the problems and solutions.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each problem is clearly linked to specific solutions. For instance, when discussing unemployment, the essay could elaborate on how specific government initiatives could create job opportunities tailored to the skills of rural residents.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the government should intervene to solve the problems in the countryside. However, the clarity of the position could be improved by explicitly stating the main argument in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion. Some sentences are somewhat vague, which can lead to confusion about the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: The writer should clearly state their position in the introduction and summarize it in the conclusion. Using phrases like "I believe" or "It is essential that" can help reinforce the writer’s stance. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph ties back to this central argument will strengthen the overall coherence.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as poor infrastructure and unemployment, but lacks thorough development and support for these points. For example, while the essay mentions that patients prefer urban hospitals, it could provide statistics or studies to substantiate this claim. The solutions proposed are somewhat general and could benefit from more specific examples or case studies.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should include specific examples, data, or anecdotes that illustrate the points made. For instance, when discussing the need for better healthcare, citing a specific rural area that has successfully improved its healthcare services could provide a stronger foundation for the argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the issues faced by rural residents and potential government solutions. However, there are moments where the writing becomes slightly off-topic, particularly in the discussion of environmental issues, which, while relevant, could be more tightly connected to the main argument about living and working conditions.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the prompt. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that all content is relevant. Additionally, linking back to the main question in each paragraph can help reinforce the topic’s relevance.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and presents relevant ideas, it would benefit from deeper analysis, clearer structure, and more specific examples to achieve a higher band score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph addresses a specific issue faced by those living and working in the countryside. For instance, the first paragraph discusses the lack of infrastructure, while the second focuses on unemployment. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother; for example, the shift from discussing infrastructure to unemployment feels abrupt and could benefit from clearer linking phrases.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning or end of paragraphs to connect ideas more explicitly. For example, after discussing infrastructure, you might say, "In addition to these challenges, rural residents also face significant employment issues." This would help guide the reader through your argument more cohesively.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph has a clear focus, such as infrastructure, unemployment, and environmental issues. However, some paragraphs could be more developed. For instance, the paragraph on environmental issues is quite brief and lacks depth compared to the others.
- How to improve: Aim for more balanced paragraph lengths and content. Expand on shorter paragraphs by providing additional examples or explanations. For instance, in the environmental paragraph, you could elaborate on specific consequences of pollution or deforestation to strengthen your argument.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first of all," "secondly," and "finally," which help in outlining the points. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the use of "meanwhile" in the unemployment paragraph is somewhat effective, but the overall cohesion could be improved with more varied devices.
- How to improve: To diversify your use of cohesive devices, incorporate a mix of conjunctions, referencing words, and transitional phrases. For example, instead of repeating "first of all" and "secondly," consider using phrases like "Moreover," "In contrast," or "Consequently" to connect ideas. This will not only enhance the flow of your writing but also demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary and grammatical structures.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents clear arguments, improvements in logical flow, paragraph development, and the variety of cohesive devices could elevate the overall coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "infrastructure," "joblessness," "unemployment," and "over-exploitation." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety and sophistication. For instance, phrases such as "poor base facilities" and "high-quality hospitals" could be enhanced with more varied synonyms or expressions to demonstrate a broader lexical range.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate more diverse vocabulary. For example, instead of repeating "poor" and "high-quality," alternatives like "substandard" and "superior" could be used. Additionally, using synonyms for "government" such as "authorities" or "administration" can help diversify word choice.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the government’s investment poured critically" is awkward and unclear. The term "poured" is not typically used in this context, which can confuse the reader. Furthermore, "the young require white-collar jobs" could be more accurately expressed as "young people seek white-collar jobs."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. It would be beneficial to revise awkward phrases for clarity. For instance, changing "poured critically" to "is disproportionately allocated" would improve the precision of the statement. Additionally, using "young people" instead of "the young" can help clarify the subject.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "splitted" (should be "split") and "administrator" (should be "administration" in this context). These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and can lead to misunderstandings.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as using spelling apps or tools, and proofreading their work carefully before submission. Additionally, creating a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can help reinforce correct spelling. Reading more extensively can also expose the writer to correct spellings in context, aiding retention.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying word choice, refining phrasing for clarity, and enhancing spelling practices, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "First of all" and "To sum up" indicates an attempt to structure the argument logically. However, many sentences are quite basic, lacking complexity. For example, "Base facilities are poor" and "The young require white-collar jobs" are straightforward and do not utilize more intricate grammatical forms that could enhance the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "Base facilities are poor," the writer could say, "Although base facilities are poor, there is potential for improvement with government investment." Additionally, using varied sentence openings and transitions can help create a more engaging flow.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For instance, the phrase "there is not likely to have a fresh water system" is awkwardly constructed and should be revised for clarity. Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas before conjunctions in compound sentences, e.g., "they do not put trust in doctors in their hometown" could be improved with a comma for clarity. The phrase "the fund should be splitted equally" contains a grammatical error; "splitted" should be "split."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement and verb forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on common errors can also be beneficial. For punctuation, the writer should familiarize themselves with the rules regarding comma usage, especially in compound sentences. Reading the essay aloud can help identify areas where punctuation is needed for clarity.
Overall, while the essay presents relevant ideas and arguments, focusing on improving grammatical range and accuracy will significantly enhance the overall quality of the writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
Development in the countryside lags significantly behind that of big cities. Living and working there face a lack of essential infrastructure and unemployment. The government assumes responsibility for addressing issues in rural areas.
Life in the countryside, initially, lacks convenience. Basic facilities are inadequate; even in remote areas, there is often no fresh water system or electricity grid. There is less innovation in underdeveloped areas; instead, the government’s investment is heavily directed towards booming economic, medical, and educational centers. For example, patients in remote areas often spend a lot of time and money traveling to urban centers to access high-quality healthcare, as they do not trust the doctors in their hometowns. As the facilities are inadequate, it is uncomfortable to live in rural areas.
Secondly, rural residents face significant unemployment. Many, particularly young people, migrate from the countryside to cities in search of job opportunities, leading to an undynamic labor market in rural areas. Young people seek white-collar employment, whereas rural regions primarily offer manual jobs.
Finally, the rural environment is deteriorating due to the over-exploitation of natural resources. Residents face challenges such as deforestation, soil erosion, and pollution due to the use of chemical substances in agriculture.
To sum up, the government must take charge of solutions to address the difficulties faced in the countryside. Funds should be distributed equally between urban and rural areas to improve the quality of education and healthcare services. To encourage young people to return to their neighborhoods, it is essential for the authorities to solicit investment from foreign companies to establish factories that provide employment. Additionally, introducing farmers to the use of organic substances instead of chemicals can promote sustainable agriculture.