When asked to choose between a life without work and working most of the time, most people would choose not to work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the modern era, some individuals have a strong preference for a life without work to working most of the time. From my perspective, I partially disagree with this statement and strongly hold the belief that a balanced combination between meaningful work and personal life is the most effective approach.
There are several compelling reasons why some people make a priority to a comfortable life rather than working most of their time.Firstly, nowadays, hedonistic lifestyle may be popular in societies as many individuals do not want to be overworked or to get more burnouts in the workforce environment. Thus, the desire to avoid excessive or unfulfilling missions can be understandable. Additionally, some employees might have a tendency to escape from the stressed workforce to enjoy all indeed life values and accumulate more practical experiences. For example, some workers could renounce the busy office job in bustling major cities to pursue their free life that may be more straightforward.
Conversely, this phenomenon can generate divergent views that work also could play a pivotal role in life. One of the primary factors is that work may provide individuals not only financial security but also numerous essential skills that can help them revitalize the whole personal growth. For instance, while employees are in the company's workforce, they can know how to collaborate with others, enhance their critical thinking and problem – solving skills. In addition, it might foster their relationship with colleagues. If they make more efforts on work, they can receive more opportunities in both their career path and daily lives. Besides, a life free from work may seem appealing at first; however, for a long time, it could be quite tedious and bring them numerous new financial problems. Furthermore, it might lead to the loss of ambitious objectives in their life and they could live with the lack of purposes or motivation. Consequently, the most efficient strategy is a balanced and meaningful job that does not dominate their lives and may still allow them freetime for personal pursuits, relaxation and relationships.
In conclusion, there are various viewpoints about living without work. From my own part, I contend that while free life is not bad as it may offer individuals a comfortable and hedonistic lifestyle, the life without work can be difficult to replace entirely. As a result, a healthy work life balance is the most suitable approach for people.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"some individuals have a strong preference for a life without work to working most of the time" -> "some individuals prefer a life without work to working most of the time"
Explanation: Removing "strong" and rephrasing the sentence simplifies the structure while maintaining the intended meaning, making it more concise and formal.
"From my perspective, I partially disagree" -> "I partially disagree"
Explanation: Removing "From my perspective" streamlines the sentence, making it more direct and appropriate for academic writing.
"make a priority to a comfortable life" -> "prioritize a comfortable life"
Explanation: "Prioritize" is a more precise and formal verb than "make a priority to," which is awkward and less commonly used in formal writing.
"hedonistic lifestyle" -> "hedonistic lifestyle"
Explanation: "Hedonistic" is correct; no change is needed here, but it’s worth noting that "hedonistic" might be considered slightly informal in some contexts, so it’s best used with caution in academic writing.
"do not want to be overworked or to get more burnouts" -> "avoid overwork and burnout"
Explanation: "Avoid overwork and burnout" is more concise and formal, eliminating the informal construction "get more burnouts."
"enjoy all indeed life values" -> "enjoy all aspects of life"
Explanation: "Indeed" is unnecessary and informal in this context. "Aspects of life" is a more precise and formal phrase.
"accumulate more practical experiences" -> "gain more practical experience"
Explanation: "Gain" is more appropriate than "accumulate" in this context, and "experience" should be singular to match the singular verb "gain."
"renounce the busy office job" -> "leave their busy office job"
Explanation: "Leave" is more direct and formal than "renounce," which can imply a more dramatic or formal renunciation.
"pursue their free life" -> "pursue a freer lifestyle"
Explanation: "A freer lifestyle" is more specific and formal than "their free life," which is vague and informal.
"work also could play a pivotal role" -> "work also plays a pivotal role"
Explanation: Changing "could" to "plays" corrects the verb tense to match the present context, enhancing the formality and clarity.
"not only financial security but also numerous essential skills" -> "not only financial security but also numerous essential skills"
Explanation: No change needed here, but it’s worth noting that the list should be separated by a comma and "numerous essential skills" is redundant; "numerous" implies a large number, so "essential" is redundant.
"know how to collaborate with others" -> "learn how to collaborate with others"
Explanation: "Learn" is more accurate in this context, as it implies the process of acquiring skills, whereas "know" suggests a more static understanding.
"make more efforts on work" -> "make more effort in their work"
Explanation: "Effort" should be singular to match the singular subject "efforts," and "in their work" is more precise than "on work."
"bring them numerous new financial problems" -> "create numerous new financial problems"
Explanation: "Create" is more specific and formal than "bring," which is vague and less appropriate in this context.
"the life without work can be difficult to replace entirely" -> "a life without work can be difficult to fully replace"
Explanation: "A life without work" is grammatically correct and more formal than "the life without work," and "fully" is more precise than "entirely."

These changes aim to refine the vocabulary and structure of the essay to better align with academic standards, enhancing clarity, precision, and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding a life without work versus working most of the time. The author partially agrees with the notion that many would prefer not to work, presenting arguments for both perspectives. However, the response could be more explicit in stating the extent of agreement or disagreement, which is crucial for a clear task response. The essay mentions the benefits of both lifestyles but does not clearly articulate a strong position on the extent of agreement or disagreement, which is essential for a higher score.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state their position on the extent of agreement or disagreement at the beginning of the essay and reiterate it throughout. Clear phrases such as "I strongly disagree" or "I completely agree" should be used to clarify the stance taken.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that advocates for a balanced approach to work and personal life. However, the phrase "I partially disagree" can create ambiguity about the author’s stance. While the essay does provide arguments supporting both sides, the lack of a definitive position can confuse readers about the author’s true perspective.
- How to improve: The writer should maintain a consistent position by using clear language that reflects their viewpoint. They can also reinforce their position in the conclusion by summarizing their main arguments and reiterating their stance more decisively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the benefits of work for personal growth and financial security, as well as the appeal of a life without work. However, some points lack depth and could benefit from further elaboration. For example, while the essay mentions "hedonistic lifestyle," it does not explain what this entails or provide specific examples of how this lifestyle contrasts with working life.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. This could include specific scenarios or statistics that illustrate the benefits of work or the challenges of a life without it. Additionally, using more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures can enhance the overall quality of the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the implications of both working and not working. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing "the loss of ambitious objectives" without directly linking it back to the main argument about work versus no work. This can detract from the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly supports their main argument. They can achieve this by consistently linking back to the prompt and ensuring that each paragraph clearly relates to the central question of work versus leisure.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, it would benefit from clearer articulation of the author’s position, more detailed support for arguments, and a tighter focus on the prompt throughout the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the balance between work and personal life. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, stating the writer’s partial disagreement with the notion of a life without work. The body paragraphs are organized to first discuss the reasons for preferring a life without work, followed by the counterarguments supporting the importance of work. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the hedonistic lifestyle to the benefits of work is somewhat abrupt and could confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis statement. Additionally, transitional phrases such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely" should be used more effectively to guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for readability. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, which helps in maintaining clarity. However, the first body paragraph could be further divided into smaller sections to improve focus on individual points, particularly the reasons for preferring a life without work.
- How to improve: Consider breaking the first body paragraph into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the hedonistic lifestyle and the desire to avoid burnout, and the other on the pursuit of personal experiences. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and improve the overall structure of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Additionally," and "Conversely," which help in linking ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "this phenomenon can generate divergent views" lacks a clear connection to the previous sentence, making it less cohesive.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "In contrast," and "For instance." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device clearly connects the ideas it links. For example, instead of "this phenomenon can generate divergent views," consider rephrasing to "This preference for a life without work has led to divergent views on the role of work in personal fulfillment."

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced argument. By improving the logical flow, refining paragraph structure, and enhancing the use of cohesive devices, the essay could achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "hedonistic lifestyle," "financial security," and "personal growth" effectively conveying complex ideas. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied or sophisticated. For example, the phrase "comfortable life" is somewhat basic and could be enhanced with synonyms like "contented existence" or "fulfilling lifestyle." Additionally, the use of "escape from the stressed workforce" could be expressed more vividly, perhaps as "seek refuge from the pressures of the workplace."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate more varied expressions and synonyms throughout the essay. Engaging with a thesaurus or reading more academic texts could help in identifying alternative vocabulary that conveys nuanced meanings.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "revitalize" and "collaborate," which effectively communicate the intended meanings. However, there are also instances of imprecise usage, such as "make a priority to a comfortable life," which should be "prioritize a comfortable life." Furthermore, the phrase "the stressed workforce" is awkward and could be more accurately expressed as "the stressful work environment."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on contextually appropriate phrases and ensure that word choices fit grammatically within the sentence structure. Regular practice with writing and peer feedback can help identify and correct imprecise vocabulary usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling accuracy, with most words spelled correctly. However, there are a few errors, such as "burnouts" (which should be "burnout" when used in this context) and "freetime" (which should be "free time"). These minor spelling issues detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, possibly reading it aloud to catch errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial for improving spelling skills.

Overall, while the essay displays a commendable level of lexical resource, focusing on expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision, and ensuring spelling accuracy will contribute to achieving a higher band score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences such as "the desire to avoid excessive or unfulfilling missions can be understandable" showcases the writer’s ability to convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and some awkward phrasing, such as "some individuals have a strong preference for a life without work to working most of the time," which could be improved for clarity and variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and use different grammatical forms. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "some individuals" or "there are," the writer could use introductory phrases or clauses. Additionally, employing more conditional sentences or participial phrases could add complexity and interest to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "make a priority to a comfortable life" should be revised to "make a priority of a comfortable life." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing spaces after periods and inconsistent use of commas, which can confuse the reader. The sentence "For instance, while employees are in the company’s workforce, they can know how to collaborate with others" is also awkwardly phrased; "know how to" could be replaced with "learn to" for better clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review common grammatical structures and ensure correct usage. Practicing with grammar exercises focused on prepositions, verb forms, and sentence construction could be beneficial. Furthermore, proofreading for punctuation errors, such as ensuring proper spacing and comma placement, will enhance the overall readability of the essay. Utilizing tools like grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify and correct these issues before submission.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the modern era, some individuals have a strong preference for a life without work compared to working most of the time. From my perspective, I partially disagree with this statement and firmly believe that a balanced combination of meaningful work and personal life is the most effective approach.

There are several compelling reasons why some people prioritize a comfortable life over working most of their time. Firstly, nowadays, a hedonistic lifestyle may be popular in societies as many individuals do not want to be overworked or experience burnout in the workforce. Thus, the desire to avoid excessive or unfulfilling tasks is understandable. Additionally, some employees might feel the need to escape from a stressful work environment to enjoy all aspects of life and gain more practical experience. For example, some workers could leave their busy office jobs in bustling cities to pursue a freer lifestyle that may be more straightforward.

Conversely, this phenomenon can generate divergent views, as work also plays a pivotal role in life. One of the primary factors is that work provides individuals not only financial security but also numerous essential skills that can contribute to their overall personal growth. For instance, while employees are part of a company, they learn how to collaborate with others and enhance their critical thinking and problem-solving skills. In addition, work can foster relationships with colleagues. If they make more effort in their jobs, they can receive more opportunities in both their career paths and daily lives. Furthermore, while a life without work may seem appealing at first, over time it could become quite tedious and lead to numerous new financial problems. It might also result in a loss of ambitious goals, leaving individuals with a lack of purpose or motivation. Consequently, the most effective strategy is to maintain a balanced and meaningful job that does not dominate their lives while still allowing for free time for personal pursuits, relaxation, and relationships.

In conclusion, there are various viewpoints about living without work. From my perspective, while a free life is not without its merits, as it may offer individuals a comfortable and hedonistic lifestyle, a life without work can be difficult to fully replace. As a result, a healthy work-life balance is the most suitable approach for people.