When asked to choose between a life without work and working most of the time, people would choose not to work. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Human activities play a pivotal role in how our society operates, with a solid association between financial stability and employment. While some people want to live without work instead of working most of the time, I strongly disagree with this statement. From my point of view, without working our society would lead to social deterioration and the harsh life of the residents.

Initially, a world with the absence of employees would be extremely eroded. It is evident that our country functions with the leadership of the locomotives called the Government, leading the human resources called the employees to maintain the growth of a national regime. If there were not any workforce, there would be no one to carry out the policies set forth by the Government, leading to the rapid regression. Only when there is sustainable manpower can we maintain a normal society, continuing to develop in the future. As a result, this issue would cause a social crisis, leading to the regression of society.

Additionally, the lack of employees can lead to a severe life for citizens. It is undeniable that the more society loses its foundation such as employees to maintain, the more difficult people’s lives become. If everyone wants to quit their job, there will be nothing to help them live and survive the day, when the amenities in life lack the human resources to operate. For example, there will be no one at the market to sell food to people, and the residents will have no money to purchase for the things they need if they want to live without working. Consequently, this social problem would lead to a harsher life for the residents.

In conclusion, working is the fundamental basis of the world's function and an indispensable thing in our life. While some people have the desire for living without working, I strongly oppose this opinion as there would be a recession in our society and leading to a more severe life for people.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Human activities play a pivotal role" -> "Human activities exert a pivotal role"
Explanation: The phrase "exert a pivotal role" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"solid association between financial stability and employment" -> "strong correlation between financial stability and employment"
Explanation: "Correlation" is a more precise term in academic contexts than "association," and "strong" is more formal than "solid."
"want to live without work instead of working most of the time" -> "prefer not to work full-time"
Explanation: "Prefer not to work full-time" is more concise and formal, avoiding the awkward construction of the original phrase.
"I strongly disagree with this statement" -> "I firmly oppose this assertion"
Explanation: "Firmly oppose" is a stronger, more formal expression than "strongly disagree," and "assertion" is more precise than "statement" in academic writing.
"without working our society would lead to" -> "without employment, our society would deteriorate"
Explanation: "Without employment" is more specific and formal than "without working," and "deteriorate" is a more precise term than "lead to."
"extremely eroded" -> "severely degraded"
Explanation: "Severely degraded" is a more appropriate and formal term than "extremely eroded," which is not commonly used in this context.
"locomotives called the Government" -> "drivers called the Government"
Explanation: "Drivers" is the correct term for those who lead or manage, not "locomotives," which refers to trains.
"rapid regression" -> "rapid decline"
Explanation: "Decline" is a more commonly used term in academic writing to describe a decrease or deterioration, making it more suitable than "regression."
"sustainable manpower" -> "sufficient workforce"
Explanation: "Sufficient workforce" is a more precise and formal term than "sustainable manpower," which is less commonly used and somewhat vague.
"a severe life for citizens" -> "a harsher life for citizens"
Explanation: "Harsher" is more specific and formal than "severe," which is somewhat vague in this context.
"the more society loses its foundation such as employees to maintain" -> "the more society loses its foundation, including its workforce"
Explanation: "Including its workforce" is clearer and more direct than "such as employees to maintain," which is awkwardly phrased.
"there will be nothing to help them live and survive the day" -> "there will be no means to support their daily survival"
Explanation: "No means to support their daily survival" is more formal and precise than "nothing to help them live and survive the day."
"the residents will have no money to purchase for the things they need" -> "residents will lack the funds to acquire essential items"
Explanation: "Lack the funds to acquire essential items" is more formal and precise than "have no money to purchase for the things they need."
"a recession in our society" -> "a decline in our society"
Explanation: "Decline" is a more appropriate term than "recession," which typically refers to economic downturns, not societal changes.
"leading to a more severe life for people" -> "resulting in a harsher existence for individuals"
Explanation: "Resulting in a harsher existence for individuals" is more formal and precise than "leading to a more severe life for people."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a disagreement with the notion that people would prefer a life without work. The author presents a strong argument that emphasizes the necessity of work for societal stability and individual survival. The points made about social deterioration and the harsh realities of life without employment are relevant and well-articulated. However, the essay could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the reasons why some individuals might prefer a life without work, which would provide a more balanced view of the topic.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author could briefly acknowledge the opposing viewpoint and then refute it. This could involve discussing the potential benefits of a life without work, such as increased leisure time or personal fulfillment, before reinforcing the argument for the necessity of work.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The position taken in the essay is clear and consistent throughout. The author repeatedly emphasizes the negative consequences of a life without work, reinforcing their stance effectively. Phrases like "I strongly disagree" and "I strongly oppose this opinion" clearly communicate the author’s viewpoint. However, the conclusion could be more impactful if it reiterated the main arguments more explicitly, rather than just restating the position.
- How to improve: To maintain clarity and consistency, the author should ensure that each paragraph ties back to the main argument. In the conclusion, summarizing the key points made in the body paragraphs would strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The use of examples, such as the lack of food vendors in a work-free society, effectively supports the claims made. However, the development of ideas could be further extended. For instance, while the essay mentions social crisis and regression, it could delve deeper into the implications of these issues, perhaps by discussing specific societal functions that would be disrupted.
- How to improve: To improve the depth of the argument, the author should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. This could involve discussing the broader economic impacts of unemployment or exploring psychological aspects of work and identity, thereby enriching the analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, with all arguments relating back to the central question of work versus a life without it. The author does not deviate from the main point, which is commendable. However, there are moments where the language could be clearer, particularly in complex sentences that may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, the author should strive for simpler sentence structures where possible. Ensuring that each sentence contributes directly to the argument will help in keeping the reader engaged and the essay coherent.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, the author could elevate their score even further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the idea of living without work, structured around two main points: the societal implications of a workforce absence and the personal hardships that would ensue. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the argument, and the body paragraphs logically follow from this premise. Each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea, such as "Initially, a world with the absence of employees would be extremely eroded," which helps guide the reader through the argument. However, the transition between the two body paragraphs could be smoother, as the connection between societal and individual consequences is somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider adding transitional phrases or sentences that link the ideas between paragraphs more explicitly. For example, a sentence at the end of the first paragraph could hint at the personal consequences of a workforce absence, thereby creating a smoother transition to the second paragraph.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is well-paragraphed, with a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, which is a strength. The body paragraphs are adequately developed, with relevant examples that support the claims made. However, the conclusion could be more robust; it reiterates the main points but does not synthesize the information or provide a strong closing statement that reinforces the argument.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the key arguments in a more impactful way. Consider restating the thesis in a way that reflects the insights gained from the discussion, and perhaps pose a rhetorical question or a thought-provoking statement to leave a lasting impression on the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "initially," "additionally," and "consequently," which help to guide the reader through the argument and clarify the relationships between ideas. These devices effectively signal the progression of thought. However, the use of cohesive devices could be diversified; for instance, there is a reliance on similar phrases to introduce points, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive.
- How to improve: To improve the range of cohesive devices, incorporate synonyms and varied phrases to introduce new ideas. For example, instead of repeatedly using "initially" and "additionally," consider alternatives like "firstly," "furthermore," or "moreover." Additionally, using conjunctions and other linking words can enhance the fluidity of the writing. For instance, phrases like "on the other hand" or "in contrast" could be used to introduce counter-arguments or alternative perspectives, enriching the essay’s cohesiveness.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, effectively presenting a well-structured argument. By refining transitions, enhancing the conclusion, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can further elevate the quality of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "pivotal," "financial stability," and "social deterioration." However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied to avoid repetition. For example, the word "employees" is used multiple times without synonyms or alternative phrases, which can make the writing feel monotonous. Additionally, phrases like "lack of employees" could be expressed in different ways, such as "shortage of workforce" or "insufficient manpower."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "employees," they could use "workers," "staff," or "labor force." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises could help in this regard.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "social crisis" and "sustainable manpower." However, there are instances of imprecise usage that could lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the leadership of the locomotives called the Government" is metaphorical but may not clearly convey the intended meaning. The term "regression" is used correctly in context, but the phrase "the harsh life of the residents" could be more specific—what aspects of life are harsh?
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim for clarity in their expressions. Instead of using metaphors that may not resonate with all readers, they could opt for straightforward language that clearly articulates their ideas. For example, instead of "the leadership of the locomotives called the Government," they could say "the guiding role of the government." Additionally, providing specific examples or elaborating on vague terms would enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good level of spelling accuracy, with no glaring errors. Words such as "pivotal," "financial," and "indispensable" are spelled correctly, which contributes positively to the overall impression of the writing. However, there are minor issues, such as the phrase "leading to the regression," which could be misinterpreted due to the lack of context or clarity.
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch any overlooked mistakes. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or quizzes can further reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay meets the criteria for a Band 6 in Lexical Resource, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling practices. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of conditional structures such as "If there were not any workforce, there would be no one to carry out the policies" showcases an understanding of more complex grammatical forms. However, the essay tends to rely on certain patterns, such as starting multiple sentences with "It is evident that" or "Additionally," which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive and less engaging.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly using "It is evident that," the writer could use phrases like "This highlights the fact that" or "Clearly, this indicates that." Additionally, integrating more relative clauses and participial phrases could enhance the complexity of the sentences. For instance, "The absence of employees, which is crucial for societal function, leads to severe consequences" would add variety and depth.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with few noticeable errors. However, there are instances where punctuation could be improved for clarity. For example, the phrase "when the amenities in life lack the human resources to operate" could benefit from clearer punctuation to separate the clauses, perhaps with a comma before "when" to indicate a pause. Additionally, the phrase "leading to the regression of society" could be more effectively punctuated to clarify that it is a result of the previous clause.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on careful proofreading to catch minor errors and improve punctuation. Practicing the use of commas in complex sentences can help clarify relationships between ideas. Furthermore, reviewing common grammatical structures and their correct usage can help avoid minor mistakes. For instance, ensuring that subject-verb agreement is consistently checked, as seen in the phrase "the absence of employees can lead to a severe life for citizens," where the subject and verb are correctly matched.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining punctuation will help elevate the writing to a higher level.

Bài sửa mẫu

Human activities play a pivotal role in how our society operates, with a strong correlation between financial stability and employment. While some people prefer not to work full-time instead of working most of the time, I firmly oppose this assertion. From my point of view, without employment, our society would deteriorate, leading to a harsh life for the residents.

Initially, a world without employees would be severely degraded. It is evident that our country functions under the leadership of the drivers called the Government, guiding the human resources known as employees to maintain the growth of a national regime. If there were no workforce, there would be no one to carry out the policies set forth by the Government, leading to rapid decline. Only when there is a sufficient workforce can we maintain a normal society and continue to develop in the future. As a result, this issue would cause a social crisis, leading to the regression of society.

Additionally, the lack of employees can result in a harsher life for citizens. It is undeniable that the more society loses its foundation, including its workforce, the more difficult people’s lives become. If everyone prefers not to work, there will be no means to support their daily survival when the amenities of life lack the human resources to operate. For example, there will be no one at the market to sell food to people, and the residents will lack the funds to acquire essential items if they choose to live without working. Consequently, this social problem would lead to a harsher existence for individuals.

In conclusion, working is the fundamental basis of the world’s function and an indispensable part of our lives. While some people have the desire to live without working, I strongly oppose this opinion, as it would result in a decline in our society, leading to a more severe life for people.