When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree

It is true that anyone who is looking for a job or considering a job change thoroughly considers remuneration. Personally, I completely agree with this perspective due to some following reasons.

To begin with, we should acknowledge high salaries in order for people to meet their basic needs, paying for housing, electricity, and food. For example, artists who are not famous do not always bring them enough money to have a fulfilling life.

Another interesting point to consider is that a person with a high salary earns respect from society. Currently, most people appreciate and value people with a high income. For example, a person with a high salary will be respected by people in the social family association of trust and respect.
Moreover, You can enjoy and do more interesting things,such as traveling, buying branded goods, and experiencing luxurious and classy services. For example, when you are on leave, you will have enough money to go to the place you want, or if you need to take care of your body such as washing your hair and getting your nails done, you are eligible to choose a premium service level.

In conclusion, for the reasons I have mentioned above, I maintain that carefully consider rewards because of great importance

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"thoroughly considers remuneration" -> "carefully considers compensation"
Explanation: "Thoroughly considers remuneration" is somewhat redundant and lacks precision. "Carefully considers compensation" maintains the intended meaning while using a more formal and concise term.
"due to some following reasons" -> "for the following reasons"
Explanation: "Due to some following reasons" is awkward and informal. "For the following reasons" is a more succinct and academically appropriate phrase.
"To begin with" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "To begin with" is more colloquial and less formal compared to "Firstly," which is a more suitable transition for academic writing.
"high salaries" -> "generous salaries"
Explanation: "High salaries" is somewhat informal. "Generous salaries" conveys the same meaning in a more formal and precise manner.
"acknowledge high salaries in order for people to meet their basic needs" -> "recognize that high salaries are necessary for individuals to meet their basic needs"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and lacks clarity. The suggested alternative provides a clearer and more formal expression of the idea.
"a person with a high salary earns respect from society" -> "individuals commanding high salaries garner societal respect"
Explanation: This revision maintains formality while employing more precise language and avoiding the passive voice.
"Currently, most people appreciate and value people with a high income" -> "Presently, there is a societal inclination to esteem individuals with substantial incomes"
Explanation: The suggested alternative utilizes a more academic tone and replaces the repetitive use of "people" with "individuals."
"appreciate and value" -> "esteem and value"
Explanation: "Appreciate and value" is repetitive. "Esteem and value" convey similar meanings in a more concise manner.
"interesting things" -> "intriguing pursuits"
Explanation: "Interesting things" is vague and informal. "Intriguing pursuits" is more specific and formal.
"traveling" -> "travelling"
Explanation: "Travelling" follows British English spelling conventions, which are typically preferred in academic writing.
"buying branded goods" -> "purchasing branded merchandise"
Explanation: "Buying branded goods" can be more formally expressed as "purchasing branded merchandise."
"luxurious and classy services" -> "opulent and refined services"
Explanation: "Luxurious and classy services" can be refined to "opulent and refined services" for a more sophisticated tone.
"when you are on leave" -> "while on vacation"
Explanation: "When you are on leave" is slightly informal. "While on vacation" is more formal and precise.
"eligible to choose a premium service level" -> "able to opt for premium service"
Explanation: "Eligible to choose a premium service level" is wordy and informal. "Able to opt for premium service" is more concise and formal.
"maintain that carefully consider rewards" -> "assert that considering rewards carefully is imperative"
Explanation: "Maintain that carefully consider rewards" is grammatically incorrect. "Assert that considering rewards carefully is imperative" maintains formality and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses all parts of the question by acknowledging the importance of salary considerations when choosing a job. However, it does not delve into the extent of agreement or disagreement as requested by the prompt. The response lacks depth in exploring the reasons behind the importance of salary in job decisions.
- How to improve: To enhance task response, the writer should explicitly state their level of agreement or disagreement and provide specific examples or reasons to support their stance. Additionally, addressing potential counterarguments can add depth to the analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position supporting the importance of salary considerations when choosing a job. However, the clarity is diminished by the lack of a strong thesis statement or explicit indication of the author’s stance. The position could be further reinforced by consistently aligning arguments with the chosen perspective.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position throughout the essay, the writer should craft a concise thesis statement at the beginning to clearly outline their viewpoint. Each paragraph should then support this position with relevant evidence and reasoning, ensuring coherence and consistency.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the significance of salary in job decisions but lacks depth and development. Examples provided are simplistic and lack elaboration, weakening the overall argument. Additionally, the essay lacks sufficient supporting evidence or logical reasoning to bolster its claims.
- How to improve: To enhance idea presentation, extension, and support, the writer should elaborate on each point with specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes. Developing each idea further and connecting them logically can strengthen the essay’s overall persuasiveness and coherence.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the importance of salary considerations when choosing a job. However, there are instances where the discussion deviates, such as mentioning respect from society and the ability to enjoy luxurious experiences, which are only tangentially related to the main topic.
- How to improve: To improve relevance to the topic, the writer should maintain a tighter focus on discussing salary considerations explicitly. Avoiding tangential points and ensuring that all ideas directly contribute to the main argument can enhance coherence and relevance.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. It follows a typical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the development of ideas within paragraphs lacks coherence, leading to disjointed reasoning. For instance, the essay jumps from discussing basic needs to societal respect without establishing a clear transition between these points. This lack of smooth transition affects the overall flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, focus on developing a clear and coherent progression of ideas. Each paragraph should build upon the previous one, with smooth transitions between points. Consider using topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph and providing supporting details to reinforce your arguments.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs but struggles with their structure and effectiveness. Each paragraph addresses a different aspect of the topic but lacks unity and coherence within itself. For example, the paragraph discussing societal respect combines multiple ideas without clear delineation, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: Improve paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and provides supporting details to strengthen the argument. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that introduces the main point, followed by supporting sentences that expand upon and clarify the topic. Consider using transition words and phrases to create smoother connections between paragraphs.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices but relies heavily on repetitive phrases and lacks variety. For instance, phrases like "to begin with" and "for example" are overused and do not effectively connect ideas. Additionally, there is a lack of cohesive devices within paragraphs, contributing to a choppy flow.
- How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices to create stronger connections between ideas. Instead of relying on a few repetitive phrases, explore a variety of cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, transition words, and parallel structures. Ensure that cohesive devices are used both within and between paragraphs to maintain coherence and cohesion throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fairly wide range of vocabulary, encompassing terms like "remuneration," "fulfilling," "association of trust and respect," and "premium service level." However, some phrases are repetitive and lack diversity, such as "high salary" and "people with a high income."
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, diversify word choices by utilizing synonyms and exploring more nuanced vocabulary options. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "high salary," consider alternatives like "generous compensation," "substantial income," or "lucrative wages." This can enrich the language and elevate the sophistication of the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally employs vocabulary effectively, there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "high salaries" could be more precisely defined or contextualized to convey a clearer understanding. Additionally, some expressions like "social family association of trust and respect" are somewhat ambiguous and could benefit from clarification.
- How to improve: Aim for greater precision by providing specific examples or elaborating on abstract concepts. Instead of using vague phrases, strive for clarity and specificity in language usage. Define terms explicitly when necessary to ensure the reader grasps their intended meaning. For instance, elucidate the concept of "social family association of trust and respect" by delineating its components or providing real-world illustrations to elucidate its significance.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally acceptable level of spelling accuracy, with no glaring errors that impede comprehension. However, there are minor instances of misspelled words, such as "acknowledge" spelled as "acknlowedge" and "great importance" as "greath importance."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing strategies such as proofreading carefully before submission, using spell-checking tools, and practicing spelling in context. Reviewing written work meticulously can help identify and rectify spelling errors, ensuring clarity and professionalism in communication. Additionally, familiarize yourself with commonly misspelled words to avoid recurrent mistakes and cultivate a habit of double-checking spelling during the writing process.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences follow a basic structure, lacking complexity and variety. For instance, there is a prevalent use of simple sentences without subordination or coordination. Examples include: "It is true that anyone who is looking for a job or considering a job change thoroughly considers remuneration." Additionally, there is a lack of variety in sentence length and type, which affects the overall flow and sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and variety of structures, the writer should incorporate a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. Introducing subordination and coordination can help in creating more complex structures. Additionally, utilizing rhetorical devices such as parallelism, inversion, and varying sentence lengths can add sophistication to the writing. For instance, instead of solely relying on simple sentences, the writer could experiment with compound sentences by combining related ideas to create more fluidity and coherence in the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its message, there are several instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies throughout the text. For example, there are errors in subject-verb agreement ("You can enjoy and do more interesting things,such as traveling…"), missing articles ("paying for housing, electricity, and food"), and incorrect word usage ("social family association of trust and respect"). Moreover, there are punctuation errors such as missing commas and periods, affecting the clarity and coherence of the sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, the writer should focus on proofreading the essay carefully to identify and correct errors. It’s essential to pay attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and appropriate word choice. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with punctuation rules, particularly the use of commas and periods to denote pauses and end sentences, can aid in improving clarity and readability. Revising sentences for clarity and coherence can also help in conveying ideas more effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

When considering a job opportunity, the issue of salary inevitably comes into play. I firmly agree with this viewpoint for several reasons.

Firstly, it’s crucial to recognize that high salaries are essential for individuals to meet their basic needs. This includes expenses such as housing, electricity, and food. Take, for instance, artists who may not be widely recognized; their earnings may not always suffice to sustain a fulfilling life.

Additionally, individuals commanding high salaries garner societal respect. Presently, there is a societal inclination to esteem individuals with substantial incomes. For instance, those earning generously are often held in high regard within social circles, being viewed as trustworthy and respectable members of the community.

Moreover, a higher income allows for the pursuit of more intriguing activities. This could entail traveling to exotic destinations, purchasing branded merchandise, or indulging in opulent and refined services. For example, when on vacation, having ample financial resources enables one to opt for premium service levels, enhancing the overall experience.

In conclusion, for the reasons outlined above, I assert that carefully considering compensation is imperative when evaluating job opportunities.