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While many families are keeping at home, some people fear what pets can harm children. what threats can pets cause to children. how to minimize those threats?

While many families are keeping at home, some people fear what pets can harm children. what threats can pets cause to children. how to minimize those threats?

Meanwhile, numerous households are keeping pets at home. Few people worry that pets can hurt children. Personally, there are two keys to discuss positive and negative aspects of pets. And also give some possible solutions for remedies.
There are several negative risks associated with the fact that families want to raise pets at home. Parents often adopt wild animals that are not domesticated, easily can hurt their children prone to be injured because of wild animal, they easily have some viruses that effortlessly are affected to children, such as poor diseases, illnesses. For instance, children would like to spend time playing with dogs, although sometimes dogs can have such a strong impact on children as to become irritated and bite to children.
On the other hand, families should implement stricter laws for children when they interact with their pets. The first solution for parents who would like to raise pets at home because of adopting pets of the quality pet store Pets have been vaccinated and do not have any risks of developing diseases. The second solution, parents should put pets in a safe place to prevent children from interacting with their children. These solutions are some of the best answers to this remedies.
In conclusion, the large number of endangerments from pets associated with holding pets at home. A few positive keys to this problem


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Meanwhile" -> "Simultaneously"
    Explanation: "Simultaneously" is a more formal and precise term that better fits the academic style, enhancing the formality of the introduction.

  2. "keeping pets at home" -> "maintaining pets at home"
    Explanation: "Maintaining pets at home" is a more formal expression that aligns better with academic language, emphasizing the ongoing responsibility involved in pet ownership.

  3. "Few people worry" -> "Some individuals are concerned"
    Explanation: "Some individuals are concerned" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea, avoiding the colloquial tone of "few people worry."

  4. "there are two keys to discuss" -> "there are two key issues to discuss"
    Explanation: "Key issues" is a more precise and formal term than "keys," which is incorrect in this context.

  5. "And also give some possible solutions for remedies" -> "Additionally, I will discuss potential solutions to mitigate these issues"
    Explanation: "Additionally, I will discuss potential solutions to mitigate these issues" is more formal and clearly indicates the author’s intention to provide solutions, improving the academic tone.

  6. "wild animals that are not domesticated, easily can hurt" -> "undomesticated animals, which can easily harm"
    Explanation: "Undomesticated animals, which can easily harm" corrects the grammatical error and uses more precise language.

  7. "prone to be injured because of wild animal" -> "prone to injury due to wild animals"
    Explanation: "Prone to injury due to wild animals" corrects the grammatical structure and uses the plural form to match the context.

  8. "they easily have some viruses that effortlessly are affected to children" -> "they can easily transmit viruses that can affect children"
    Explanation: "They can easily transmit viruses that can affect children" corrects the awkward and incorrect phrasing, improving clarity and grammatical accuracy.

  9. "such as poor diseases, illnesses" -> "such as diseases and illnesses"
    Explanation: "Diseases and illnesses" is grammatically correct and avoids the redundancy of "poor diseases," which is unclear and incorrect.

  10. "children would like to spend time playing with dogs" -> "children often spend time playing with dogs"
    Explanation: "Often spend time playing with dogs" is a more natural and precise way to describe the behavior, avoiding the awkward construction of "would like to."

  11. "can have such a strong impact on children as to become irritated and bite to children" -> "can have a significant impact on children, potentially leading to irritation and biting"
    Explanation: "Can have a significant impact on children, potentially leading to irritation and biting" is clearer and avoids the awkward and incorrect "bite to children."

  12. "implement stricter laws for children" -> "establish stricter regulations for children’s interactions with pets"
    Explanation: "Establish stricter regulations for children’s interactions with pets" is more specific and formal, improving the clarity and appropriateness for an academic context.

  13. "Pets have been vaccinated and do not have any risks of developing diseases" -> "Pets are vaccinated and pose no risk of contracting diseases"
    Explanation: "Pets are vaccinated and pose no risk of contracting diseases" is more concise and uses more precise medical terminology.

  14. "put pets in a safe place to prevent children from interacting with their children" -> "place pets in a secure area to prevent children from interacting with them"
    Explanation: "Place pets in a secure area to prevent children from interacting with them" corrects the awkward and incorrect phrase "interacting with their children," which is grammatically incorrect and unclear.

  15. "These solutions are some of the best answers to this remedies" -> "These solutions are among the most effective remedies"
    Explanation: "These solutions are among the most effective remedies" corrects the awkward and incorrect phrase "best answers to this remedies," aligning with formal academic language.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both the threats that pets can pose to children and potential solutions to mitigate those threats. However, the response lacks depth and clarity in addressing each part of the question. For example, while it mentions "negative risks" and provides a brief example of dogs potentially biting children, it does not thoroughly explore other possible threats, such as allergies or zoonotic diseases. The solutions proposed are vague and not well-developed, failing to fully answer the second part of the prompt regarding how to minimize those threats.
    • How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the essay should clearly outline specific threats posed by various types of pets, including both common household pets and exotic animals. Each threat should be explained in detail, followed by well-defined and practical solutions. For instance, discussing the importance of supervision, training pets, and educating children about safe interactions with animals would provide a more comprehensive response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a personal stance on the issue but lacks consistency in maintaining this position throughout the text. The introduction mentions discussing both positive and negative aspects of pets, but the body primarily focuses on negative aspects without adequately addressing any positive points or balancing the discussion. This inconsistency can confuse readers about the author’s overall viewpoint.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and ensure that each paragraph supports this stance. If the intention is to highlight both risks and benefits, the essay should equally address both sides, providing a balanced perspective that reinforces the author’s position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are underdeveloped and lack sufficient support. For instance, the mention of "poor diseases, illnesses" is vague and does not specify which diseases are being referred to. Additionally, the solutions offered are not elaborated upon, making them seem superficial. The lack of examples or evidence weakens the overall argument.
    • How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should provide specific examples and evidence for each claim made. Instead of general statements, the essay could include statistics about pet-related injuries or references to studies on pet ownership and child safety. Each solution should also be detailed, explaining how it can be implemented and its potential effectiveness.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay attempts to stay on topic, it occasionally strays into vague generalizations that detract from the main focus. For example, the phrase "a few positive keys to this problem" in the conclusion is unclear and does not directly relate to the threats posed by pets or the solutions discussed. This lack of clarity can lead to confusion about the essay’s main argument.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes directly to answering the prompt. Avoiding vague language and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that ties back to the main question will help keep the essay on track. Additionally, a more structured approach, such as clearly defined sections for threats and solutions, would enhance coherence and focus.

In summary, to improve the essay’s score, the writer should aim for a more comprehensive and structured response that thoroughly addresses all parts of the prompt, maintains a clear position, presents well-supported ideas, and stays focused on the topic throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the threats pets can pose to children and potential solutions. However, the organization of information is somewhat disjointed. For instance, the introduction mentions discussing both positive and negative aspects of pets, but the essay primarily focuses on negative aspects without clearly delineating or transitioning between ideas. The flow from one point to the next lacks clarity, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should outline the essay before writing. This could include clearly stating the negative aspects in one paragraph, followed by a separate paragraph for solutions. Using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can also help guide the reader through the argument.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but they are not effectively structured. The first paragraph introduces the topic but does not provide a clear thesis statement. The second paragraph mixes ideas about risks and examples without a clear separation of thoughts. The third paragraph introduces solutions but lacks coherence and connection to the previous content.
    • How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. The writer should begin with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details. For example, one paragraph could focus solely on the risks pets pose, while another could detail the solutions. This will create a more organized and readable structure.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "on the other hand" and "for instance," but they are limited and sometimes misused. For example, the phrase "And also give some possible solutions for remedies" is awkward and lacks clarity. The transitions between ideas are often abrupt, leading to a lack of fluidity in the writing.
    • How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," and "however." Additionally, ensuring that each cohesive device is used correctly in context will enhance the overall flow of the essay. Practicing the use of these devices in different contexts can help the writer become more comfortable with their application.

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt, improvements in organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with terms like "households," "adopt," "wild animals," and "endangerments." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive, particularly in phrases like "pets can hurt children" and "negative risks." This repetition detracts from the overall lexical variety expected at higher band scores.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "hurt," alternatives like "harm," "injure," or "pose a threat" could be utilized. Additionally, expanding on vocabulary related to the topic, such as "domestic animals," "safety measures," or "health risks," would enrich the essay.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "poor diseases" and "easily can hurt their children prone to be injured." The phrase "poor diseases" is unclear and does not accurately convey a specific meaning. Additionally, the construction "easily can hurt their children prone to be injured" is awkward and confusing.
    • How to improve: The writer should aim for clarity and precision in word choice. For example, instead of "poor diseases," they could specify "contagious diseases" or "zoonotic diseases." Furthermore, restructuring sentences for clarity, such as changing "easily can hurt their children" to "can easily harm children," would improve precision and readability.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors and awkward phrases that may hinder comprehension. For instance, "remedies" is used incorrectly in context, and "endangerments" is an unusual term that may not be widely recognized. Additionally, "illnesses" is mentioned but could be more effectively integrated into the sentence structure.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully or use spell-check tools. Familiarizing themselves with commonly misspelled words and practicing writing exercises focused on spelling can also be beneficial. Furthermore, using simpler, more commonly accepted terms instead of obscure vocabulary can help avoid confusion and improve clarity.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score for Lexical Resource, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range, ensuring precise word choice, and improving spelling accuracy through careful proofreading and practice.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that can enhance clarity and engagement. For example, the sentence "Parents often adopt wild animals that are not domesticated, easily can hurt their children prone to be injured because of wild animal" is convoluted and lacks proper structure, making it difficult to follow. Additionally, the use of phrases like "the large number of endangerments from pets associated with holding pets at home" reflects a repetitive structure that does not vary significantly throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, such as those using subordinate clauses (e.g., "Although many families enjoy having pets, they must consider the potential risks to their children"). Using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences can enhance the flow and readability of the essay. Practicing sentence combining exercises can also help in developing this skill.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, the phrase "easily can hurt their children prone to be injured because of wild animal" is grammatically incorrect and awkwardly phrased. The use of commas is inconsistent, as seen in "For instance, children would like to spend time playing with dogs, although sometimes dogs can have such a strong impact on children as to become irritated and bite to children," where the phrase "bite to children" is incorrect and should be "bite children." Additionally, there are run-on sentences that could benefit from clearer punctuation.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review basic grammatical rules, particularly concerning subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. Practicing with grammar exercises focused on common errors can be beneficial. Furthermore, careful proofreading can help catch punctuation mistakes and awkward phrasing. Reading the essay aloud may also assist in identifying areas that sound unclear or incorrect.

In summary, while the essay addresses the prompt, it requires significant improvement in both grammatical range and accuracy to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on sentence variety and grammatical correctness will enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Meanwhile, numerous households are keeping pets at home. Some individuals are concerned that pets can harm children. Personally, there are two key issues to discuss: the positive and negative aspects of pets. Additionally, I will discuss potential solutions to mitigate these issues.

There are several negative risks associated with the fact that families want to raise pets at home. Parents often adopt undomesticated animals, which can easily harm their children. Children are prone to injury due to wild animals, and these animals can easily transmit viruses that can affect children, such as diseases and illnesses. For instance, children often spend time playing with dogs; however, sometimes dogs can have a significant impact on children, potentially leading to irritation and biting.

On the other hand, families should establish stricter regulations for children’s interactions with pets. The first solution for parents who would like to raise pets at home is to adopt pets from quality pet stores. Pets are vaccinated and pose no risk of contracting diseases. The second solution is for parents to place pets in a secure area to prevent children from interacting with them. These solutions are among the most effective remedies.

In conclusion, there are a large number of dangers associated with keeping pets at home. However, there are also positive aspects to this issue.

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