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With many problems of transport and accommodation in cities, some governments are encouraging businesses to move to rural areas. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

With many problems of transport and accommodation in cities, some governments are encouraging businesses to move to rural areas.
Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In the contemporary era, urban centers play a pivotal role in fostering financial growth and housing a diverse range of enterprises across various sectors. Numerous authorities have asserted that instead of concentrating growth in urban areas, businesses should consider diversifying into agricultural sectors. In my opinion, the advantages of this shift are considerable, outweighing the associated drawbacks.

On one hand, there are drawbacks related to relocating companies to less developed rural areas. Firstly, the challenge lies in the distance, leading to difficulties in the mobility of city-based employees and personnel, as well as hindering collaboration with partners and support from other companies. Moreover, transportation becomes intricate, especially in elevated terrains or high-altitude locations, due to a scarcity of vehicles suitable for these paths; for instance, airports may not be operational in such areas.

On the other hand, the move to an isolated location offers numerous benefits that are closely linked to enhanced work environments. The tranquility and peaceful ambiance of such locations contribute to increased concentration and efficiency among the staff. Additionally, the spaciousness of these sites stands in stark contrast to the cramped nature of city firms. NASA, for instance, strategically selected expansive sites for constructing their rocket assembly stations, demonstrating the viability of such locations for large-scale projects.

In conclusion, while the relocation of enterprises to isolated areas presents challenges, the associated advantages far outweigh the disadvantages. Governmental policies advocating for this shift recognize the potential for improved productivity and a more conducive working environment. Therefore, the encouragement to establish enterprises in less bustling areas is well-founded and holds significant merit.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "instead of concentrating growth in urban areas" -> "rather than centralizing growth in urban areas"
    Explanation: Replacing "instead of" with "rather than" and "concentrating" with "centralizing" enhances the formality of the sentence, aligning it more closely with academic style.

  2. "consider diversifying into agricultural sectors" -> "contemplate diversifying into agricultural domains"
    Explanation: Substituting "consider" with "contemplate" and "sectors" with "domains" elevates the language by introducing more nuanced and sophisticated terms, suitable for an academic context.

  3. "outweighing the associated drawbacks" -> "outweighing the inherent drawbacks"
    Explanation: Replacing "associated" with "inherent" provides a more precise and formal description of the drawbacks, maintaining a formal tone.

  4. "there are drawbacks related to relocating companies" -> "drawbacks are associated with relocating companies"
    Explanation: Inverting the sentence structure and replacing "related to" with "associated with" contributes to a more formal and academically appropriate expression.

  5. "the challenge lies in the distance" -> "the challenge arises from the geographical distance"
    Explanation: Substituting "lies in" with "arises from" and specifying "geographical distance" adds precision and formality to the statement.

  6. "leading to difficulties in the mobility" -> "resulting in challenges in the mobility"
    Explanation: Changing "leading to" to "resulting in" and replacing "difficulties in" with "challenges in" enhances the formality and clarity of the sentence.

  7. "collaboration with partners and support from other companies" -> "collaboration with partners and garnering support from other enterprises"
    Explanation: Using "garnering support" instead of "support from" and replacing "companies" with "enterprises" contributes to a more sophisticated and formal expression.

  8. "transportation becomes intricate" -> "transportation becomes complex"
    Explanation: Substituting "intricate" with "complex" maintains clarity while using a more standard and formal term.

  9. "especially in elevated terrains or high-altitude locations" -> "particularly in elevated terrains or locations at high altitudes"
    Explanation: Rearranging the phrase and using "at high altitudes" instead of "high-altitude locations" enhances the formality and precision of the sentence.

  10. "due to a scarcity of vehicles suitable for these paths" -> "attributed to a scarcity of vehicles suitable for these routes"
    Explanation: Replacing "due to" with "attributed to" and "paths" with "routes" contributes to a more formal and academically appropriate expression.

  11. "for instance, airports may not be operational in such areas" -> "for example, airports might not be operational in such regions"
    Explanation: Substituting "for instance" with "for example" and replacing "areas" with "regions" aligns with formal language conventions.

  12. "the move to an isolated location" -> "the relocation to a secluded site"
    Explanation: Substituting "move" with "relocation" and "isolated location" with "secluded site" enhances the formality and precision of the statement.

  13. "benefits that are closely linked to enhanced work environments" -> "benefits intricately associated with improved work environments"
    Explanation: Replacing "closely linked to" with "intricately associated with" elevates the language and maintains a formal tone.

  14. "tranquility and peaceful ambiance" -> "serenity and peaceful ambiance"
    Explanation: Substituting "tranquility" with "serenity" contributes to a more formal and nuanced expression.

  15. "stands in stark contrast to" -> "differs significantly from"
    Explanation: Replacing "stands in stark contrast to" with "differs significantly from" introduces a more formal and precise expression.

  16. "strategically selected expansive sites" -> "strategically chose expansive locations"
    Explanation: Using "chose" instead of "selected" simplifies the language while maintaining formality and clarity.

  17. "demonstrating the viability of such locations" -> "highlighting the feasibility of these sites"
    Explanation: Substituting "demonstrating" with "highlighting" and "viability" with "feasibility" maintains formality and precision in the context of large-scale projects.

  18. "the associated advantages far outweigh the disadvantages" -> "the advantages outweigh the drawbacks significantly"
    Explanation: Simplifying the expression by using "outweigh" and specifying "significantly" maintains formality and clarity in presenting the balance between advantages and drawbacks.

  19. "advocating for this shift" -> "advocating this transition"
    Explanation: Simplifying the expression by using "transition" instead of "shift" while maintaining formality and clarity.

  20. "holds significant merit" -> "holds considerable merit"
    Explanation: Substituting "significant" with "considerable" maintains formality while providing a nuanced and precise description of merit.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay fully and appropriately addresses the prompt, acknowledging both advantages and disadvantages of moving businesses to rural areas. It recognizes the challenges associated with this shift and expresses a clear opinion on the balance of advantages outweighing the disadvantages. For instance, it mentions the challenges related to mobility and collaboration, but it also highlights the benefits of a peaceful work environment and increased efficiency.
    • How to improve: To further enhance this aspect, consider providing more specific examples or details regarding the challenges and benefits mentioned. This would add depth to the analysis and make the response more nuanced.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout: Characteristic of Band 9

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and fully developed position throughout. The stance on the advantages outweighing the disadvantages is evident from the introduction to the conclusion. The essay effectively supports this position with examples, such as the mention of NASA strategically selecting expansive sites for their projects.
    • How to improve: While the position is clear, consider incorporating a brief acknowledgment of potential counterarguments to strengthen the overall argumentative structure. This could demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas: Characteristic of Band 9

    • Detailed explanation: The ideas presented are relevant, fully extended, and well-supported. The essay explores both sides of the argument, providing specific details about the challenges and benefits of relocating businesses to rural areas. Examples such as the difficulties in transportation in elevated terrains and the case of NASA’s site selection add depth to the discussion.
    • How to improve: To further enhance this aspect, consider delving deeper into the implications of the challenges and benefits discussed. Providing more elaboration on how these factors impact businesses and their employees would contribute to a more thorough analysis.
  • Stay on Topic: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay remains relevant to the essay prompt throughout its entirety. It discusses the problems of transport and accommodation in cities and evaluates the idea of encouraging businesses to move to rural areas. However, there could be a more explicit connection between the challenges presented in urban areas and the advantages of relocating to rural areas.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the link between the issues faced in urban areas and the proposed solution of moving businesses to rural areas. This could involve explicitly connecting the challenges of urban areas to the benefits of the suggested shift.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, presents a well-structured argument with clear positions, and provides relevant and supported ideas. To enhance the response, consider incorporating more specific details and deepening the analysis of the challenges and benefits presented. Additionally, reinforcing the connection between the problems in urban areas and the proposed solution would contribute to a more cohesive argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is generally well-organized with a clear progression of ideas. Each paragraph is dedicated to discussing a specific aspect of the topic, from the drawbacks of relocating businesses to rural areas to the benefits associated with such a move. The introduction provides a clear context for the discussion, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points. For instance, the first paragraph introduces the topic and the author’s opinion, followed by two body paragraphs that delve into the disadvantages and advantages, respectively. This logical structure enhances the essay’s coherence.
    • How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider ensuring a smooth transition between paragraphs. While the essay generally flows well, paying attention to the use of transitional phrases can help create a seamless connection between ideas. For example, using phrases like "On the contrary" or "However" can strengthen the transition between the drawbacks and benefits discussed in the body paragraphs.
  • Use Paragraphs: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to present distinct ideas, contributing to a coherent structure. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, and the ideas within each paragraph are logically sequenced. The introduction and conclusion are appropriately structured, providing a clear framework for the essay. The paragraphs demonstrate unity and coherence, with the ideas flowing logically from one to another.
    • How to improve: To further enhance paragraphing, consider incorporating topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. While the ideas are logically sequenced, explicit topic sentences can provide a roadmap for the reader, making it easier to follow the essay’s argument. For example, in the paragraph discussing the benefits of relocating to rural areas, a clear topic sentence can succinctly introduce the main idea.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and ensure a smooth flow of information. Transition words and phrases such as "on the other hand" and "moreover" are used effectively to signal shifts between contrasting points and to add supporting details. This contributes to the overall coherence of the essay. While there is a flexible use of cohesive devices, there are occasional instances where the connection between ideas could be strengthened for a more seamless transition.
    • How to improve: To further diversify and refine the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, using words like "furthermore," "in addition," or "conversely" can add nuance to the connections between ideas. Additionally, pay attention to the consistent use of pronouns to avoid any ambiguity in reference. This will contribute to a more polished and cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay showcases a commendable breadth of vocabulary. It adeptly employs a diverse range of words and phrases to express ideas, demonstrating fluency and flexibility. For instance, phrases like "fostering financial growth," "scarcity of vehicles," "tranquility and peaceful ambiance," and "conducive working environment" display a sophisticated command of vocabulary, contributing to the precision of meaning.
    • How to improve: To further elevate the lexical richness, consider incorporating specialized terminology or industry-specific vocabulary related to business diversification or rural development. This could enhance the depth of expression and bolster the argument’s specificity.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly maintains precision in vocabulary usage. However, there are occasional instances where the choice of words could be more precise. For instance, phrases like "cramped nature of city firms" might benefit from a more nuanced description to precisely convey the limitations or challenges faced in urban work environments.
    • How to improve: Aim for greater precision by delving into the specific nuances of the concepts discussed. For instance, instead of a generic term like "cramped nature," describe the constraints or issues related to space, collaboration, or resource allocation within urban workspaces to paint a clearer picture for the reader.
  • Use Correct Spelling: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates strong spelling accuracy with only occasional errors that minimally impact communication. The errors present are infrequent and do not hinder the overall coherence or understanding of the text.
    • How to improve: To maintain this high level of spelling accuracy, consider proofreading techniques such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools to catch any inadvertent errors. Additionally, dedicating specific time for proofreading after drafting can further minimize spelling mistakes.

Overall, the essay showcases a commendable grasp of vocabulary with a nuanced range of expressions. To further enhance lexical precision, aim for more detailed and specific language in certain areas. Additionally, maintaining the current level of spelling accuracy through thorough proofreading would solidify the essay’s linguistic strength.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable use of a variety of complex structures with reasonable flexibility and accuracy. The introduction, for instance, exhibits a complex sentence structure that effectively sets the tone for the essay. Throughout the response, you utilize compound and complex sentences, showcasing a broad range of grammatical structures. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures further. For instance, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences to enhance complexity and cohesion within paragraphs.
    • How to improve: To elevate your score, consciously aim for a higher degree of sentence variety. Integrate compound-complex sentences where applicable, ensuring they contribute to the coherence and sophistication of your essay. Experiment with different sentence structures to maintain reader engagement.
  • Use Grammar Accurately: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly employs error-free sentences with only occasional, minor errors. The grammatical accuracy is commendable, contributing to a coherent and well-structured response. Examples such as "NASA, for instance, strategically selected expansive sites" showcase a mastery of complex grammatical structures. However, there are a few instances where sentence structure could be refined for better clarity. For instance, in "the spaciousness of these sites stands in stark contrast," consider rephrasing for smoother flow, such as "the contrast is stark due to the spaciousness of these sites."
    • How to improve: While maintaining the overall accuracy, focus on refining sentence structures for optimal clarity and flow. Pay attention to the nuances of sentence construction, ensuring that even complex structures enhance rather than potentially obscure the intended meaning.
  • Use Correct Punctuation: Characteristic of Band 9

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is well-managed throughout the essay. Commendably, your use of punctuation contributes to the clarity and coherence of the essay. Instances like "In conclusion, while the relocation of enterprises to isolated areas presents challenges," demonstrate an effective application of punctuation for organizational purposes.
    • How to improve: As your punctuation is already strong, continue to be vigilant in maintaining this skill. Consider exploring advanced punctuation, such as the use of semi-colons or em dashes, to add variety and nuance to your writing. However, be cautious not to overuse these and ensure they enhance rather than complicate your sentences.

In summary, your essay exhibits a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, with a few opportunities for refinement in sentence variety and structure. Keep honing your skills in these areas to further enhance the sophistication and coherence of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary era, urban centers play a pivotal role in fostering financial growth and housing a diverse range of enterprises across various sectors. Numerous authorities have asserted that instead of concentrating growth in urban areas, businesses should contemplate diversifying into agricultural domains. In my opinion, the advantages of this shift are considerable, outweighing the inherent drawbacks.

On one hand, drawbacks are associated with relocating companies to less developed rural areas. Firstly, the challenge arises from the geographical distance, resulting in challenges in the mobility of city-based employees and personnel, as well as hindering collaboration with partners and garnering support from other enterprises. Moreover, transportation becomes complex, particularly in elevated terrains or locations at high altitudes, attributed to a scarcity of vehicles suitable for these routes; for example, airports might not be operational in such regions.

On the other hand, the relocation to a secluded site offers benefits intricately associated with improved work environments. The serenity and peaceful ambiance of such locations contribute to increased concentration and efficiency among the staff. Additionally, the strategically chosen expansive locations differ significantly from the cramped nature of city firms. NASA, for example, strategically chose expansive locations for constructing their rocket assembly stations, highlighting the feasibility of these sites for large-scale projects.

In conclusion, while the relocation of enterprises to isolated areas presents challenges, the advantages outweigh the drawbacks significantly. Governmental policies advocating this transition recognize the potential for improved productivity and a more conducive working environment. Therefore, the encouragement to establish enterprises in less bustling areas holds considerable merit.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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