write a paragraph (120-150 word) about two conflicts between you and your parents and suggest soluions
write a paragraph (120-150 word) about two conflicts between you and your parents and suggest soluions
Conflicts between parents and children are inevitable and part of family life. First, a common conflict I have with my parents is about choosing subjects. They want me to study science so I can go to university, but I am passionate about art. To resolve this, I can suggest taking art classes after school and let them know that it can also help develop skills that will be needed in the future. The second conflict is about time to hang out with friends. My parents often set a time for me to come home very early, while I want more time to relax with friends. To reach a consensus, I can suggest agreeing on a specific time frame for special occasions, and also commit to keeping in touch when going out. In short, to limit conflicts, everyone must be aware of their own work, whether big or small.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Conflicts between parents and children are inevitable" -> "Parent-child conflicts are inherent"
Explanation: The phrase "Parent-child conflicts are inherent" uses more precise and formal language, avoiding the colloquial tone of "inevitable" which can imply a sense of resignation rather than a neutral acknowledgment of the reality of conflicts. -
"a common conflict I have with my parents" -> "a recurring issue I face with my parents"
Explanation: "Recurring issue" is more specific and formal than "common conflict," and "face" is a more academic term than "have" in this context, which enhances the formality of the statement. -
"They want me to study science so I can go to university" -> "They advocate for my pursuing a science-related field to enhance my university prospects"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the motivation behind their preference and uses more formal language, replacing the conversational "want me to study science" with "advocate for my pursuing a science-related field." -
"I am passionate about art" -> "I have a strong affinity for art"
Explanation: "Have a strong affinity for" is a more formal expression than "am passionate about," which is somewhat informal and emotional for academic writing. -
"To resolve this, I can suggest taking art classes after school" -> "To address this, I propose enrolling in art classes after school"
Explanation: "Propose" is more formal than "suggest," and "enrolling" is a more precise verb than "taking" in this context, which is typically used for temporary or casual activities. -
"let them know that it can also help develop skills" -> "inform them that it can also foster skills"
Explanation: "Inform" is more formal than "let them know," and "foster" is a more precise term than "develop" in the context of nurturing skills. -
"The second conflict is about time to hang out with friends" -> "The second issue pertains to the allocation of time for socializing with friends"
Explanation: "Pertains to the allocation of time" is a more formal and precise way to describe the nature of the conflict, replacing the casual "time to hang out." -
"My parents often set a time for me to come home very early" -> "My parents frequently establish an early curfew for me"
Explanation: "Establish an early curfew" is a more formal and specific term than "set a time for me to come home very early," which is vague and informal. -
"while I want more time to relax with friends" -> "while I desire additional time for relaxation with friends"
Explanation: "Desire additional time for relaxation" is more formal and precise than "want more time to relax," which is conversational. -
"To reach a consensus, I can suggest agreeing on a specific time frame" -> "To achieve a consensus, I propose establishing a specific time frame"
Explanation: "Propose establishing" is more formal than "suggest agreeing on," and "achieve a consensus" is a more academic phrase than "reach a consensus." -
"everyone must be aware of their own work, whether big or small" -> "each individual must be cognizant of their responsibilities, regardless of their scope"
Explanation: "Cognizant of their responsibilities" is more formal and precise than "aware of their own work," and "regardless of their scope" is a more formal way to express the idea of considering both large and small tasks.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by identifying two conflicts between the writer and their parents: the choice of subjects and curfews. However, it lacks depth in exploring the conflicts. For instance, while the first conflict is mentioned, there is minimal elaboration on the emotional aspects or the implications of this disagreement. Additionally, the solutions provided are somewhat vague and do not fully explore the potential outcomes or benefits of these suggestions.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should expand on the nature of each conflict, providing more context and detail. For example, discussing why the choice of subjects is important to them personally and how it affects their relationship with their parents would enhance the response. Furthermore, offering more concrete and actionable solutions would demonstrate a deeper understanding of conflict resolution.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position regarding the conflicts but lacks a strong, consistent voice throughout. While the writer expresses their feelings about the conflicts, the solutions provided seem to shift focus, making it unclear what the main stance is. The conclusion also introduces a somewhat unrelated idea about awareness of work, which detracts from the overall clarity.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should ensure that each part of the essay directly relates back to the main conflicts and their resolutions. A more focused conclusion that reiterates the importance of understanding between parents and children would strengthen the overall argument.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are basic and lack sufficient development. The writer mentions conflicts and solutions but does not provide enough supporting details or examples to extend these ideas. For instance, the suggestion of taking art classes could be supported by discussing how this could benefit both the writer and their parents in the long run.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples or anecdotes. This could involve discussing past experiences related to the conflicts or potential benefits of the proposed solutions. Providing evidence or reasoning behind each suggestion would enhance the persuasiveness of the essay.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on conflicts with parents. However, the final sentence introduces a broader concept of awareness of work, which feels disconnected from the main points discussed. This deviation can confuse the reader and detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that all parts of the essay directly relate to the conflicts and their resolutions. It would be beneficial to conclude with a summary of the conflicts and solutions discussed, reinforcing the main points without introducing new ideas that could lead to confusion.
In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should focus on expanding their ideas, maintaining a clear position, and ensuring all content is relevant to the prompt. Additionally, adhering to the word count requirement is crucial for meeting the task response criteria.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents two distinct conflicts between the writer and their parents, which are clearly delineated. The first conflict regarding subject choice is followed by a resolution, and then the second conflict about curfew is similarly structured. This logical progression allows the reader to follow the writer’s thought process easily. However, the transition between the two conflicts could be smoother to enhance overall coherence.
- How to improve: To improve the logical flow, consider adding a transitional phrase or sentence between the two conflicts. For example, a sentence like "Another common area of disagreement is…" would help signal a shift in focus while maintaining cohesion.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is structured as a single paragraph, which is appropriate for the word limit; however, it could benefit from clearer internal organization. Each conflict is presented sequentially, but the lack of paragraph breaks may make it harder for the reader to digest the information.
- How to improve: While the essay is concise, consider using a two-paragraph structure: one for each conflict. This would allow for a clearer separation of ideas and make it easier for the reader to follow. Each paragraph could start with a topic sentence that introduces the conflict, followed by the resolution.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices such as "first," "but," and "to resolve this," which effectively guide the reader through the arguments. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from more varied connectors to enhance fluency and coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating phrases like "in addition," "on the other hand," or "for instance." For example, when transitioning from the first conflict to the second, you might say, "In addition to academic disagreements, I also face challenges regarding my social life." This would create a more engaging and fluid reading experience.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, but with minor adjustments in organization, paragraphing, and the use of cohesive devices, it could achieve an even higher level of clarity and effectiveness.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "inevitable," "passionate," and "consensus." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat basic and lacks variety in expression. For instance, the phrase "hang out with friends" is informal and could be replaced with a more sophisticated expression such as "spend time with friends" or "socialize with peers."
- How to improve: To enhance lexical range, consider incorporating synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "conflict," you could use "disagreement" or "tension." Expanding your vocabulary through reading diverse materials can help in this regard.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While most vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances where word choice could be more precise. The phrase "let them know that it can also help develop skills" could be more specific by stating what skills are being referred to, such as "creative skills" or "critical thinking skills."
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and specificity in your word choices. When discussing solutions, explicitly state the benefits of your suggestions. For example, instead of saying "commit to keeping in touch," you could say "commit to providing regular updates via text or phone calls."
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with no major errors noted. Words such as "inevitable," "passionate," and "consensus" are spelled correctly, which reflects a good command of spelling.
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, consider practicing with spelling exercises or using tools like spell check in word processors. Additionally, reading more can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.
Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and the sophistication of language used. Engaging with a wider array of texts and practicing more advanced vocabulary will help elevate the essay’s overall quality.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of "They want me to study science so I can go to university, but I am passionate about art" showcases a compound structure that effectively conveys contrasting ideas. Additionally, the phrase "To resolve this, I can suggest taking art classes after school" employs an infinitive phrase to express purpose, which adds complexity. However, the essay could benefit from more varied introductory phrases and clause structures to enhance the overall range.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses, such as "Although my parents want me to study science, I believe that pursuing art will also provide valuable skills." Additionally, using a wider range of transition words and phrases can help in creating smoother connections between ideas.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The grammatical accuracy in the essay is generally strong, with few errors. For example, the sentence "To reach a consensus, I can suggest agreeing on a specific time frame for special occasions" is grammatically correct and clearly articulated. However, there are minor punctuation issues, such as the lack of a comma before "and also commit to keeping in touch when going out," which could enhance clarity. The phrase "everyone must be aware of their own work, whether big or small" is slightly ambiguous and could be misinterpreted, indicating a need for clearer expression.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on ensuring that all clauses are properly punctuated, especially when using conjunctions. Additionally, clarify ambiguous statements by providing more context or rephrasing. For example, instead of "everyone must be aware of their own work," consider specifying what "work" refers to in the context of family dynamics, such as "everyone must be aware of their own responsibilities and perspectives in resolving conflicts."
By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.
Bài sửa mẫu
Conflicts between parents and children are inherent and part of family life. First, a recurring issue I face with my parents is about choosing subjects. They advocate for my pursuing a science-related field to enhance my university prospects, while I have a strong affinity for art. To address this, I propose enrolling in art classes after school and inform them that it can also foster skills that will be beneficial in the future. The second issue pertains to the allocation of time for socializing with friends. My parents frequently establish an early curfew for me, while I desire additional time for relaxation with friends. To achieve a consensus, I propose establishing a specific time frame for special occasions, and I will also commit to keeping in touch when going out. In short, to limit conflicts, each individual must be cognizant of their responsibilities, regardless of their scope.