WRITE A POSTCARD ABOUT HOLIDAYS

My close friend, who is the person I want to write this postcard. Her name is Rainy and she is living in America.
Dear Rainy Song Yen
As I told you, I need for a failry long period of time for my hobbies, and around now, I'm having a wonderful time here, in Nha Trang City!
I went to Nha Trang City yesterday at 3;30 Am. and I enjoyed the resort one-day NO'A, right now, I'm playing volleyball with my neighbor at the beach on my travel and drinking watermelon juice, besides, I enjoyed the fresh air here and try many different kinds of food at here. I've always wanted to do this when I go to travel to Nha Trang city
actually, there are so many things to do here, and I want to discover famous places, therefore I wish to know how to spend money cheaply
wish you were here with me, I'm sure it makes you interesting, have fun and appetizing!
see you later

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"My close friend, who is the person I want to write this postcard." -> "This postcard is intended for my close friend, Rainy Song Yen."
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The revised version clarifies the intended recipient and maintains a formal tone suitable for an academic or professional context.
"I need for a failry long period of time" -> "I have been away for a fairly long period"
Explanation: "I need for a failry long period of time" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "I have been away for a fairly long period" corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.
"I’m having a wonderful time here, in Nha Trang City!" -> "I am having a wonderful time in Nha Trang City."
Explanation: The contraction "I’m" is too informal for academic writing. Using "I am" maintains a formal tone.
"I went to Nha Trang City yesterday at 3;30 Am." -> "I visited Nha Trang City yesterday at 3:30 AM."
Explanation: The semicolon is incorrect in this context, and the time should be written in 24-hour format with a colon. This correction aligns with standard time notation.
"I enjoyed the resort one-day NO’A" -> "I spent a day at the resort yesterday"
Explanation: "one-day NO’A" is unclear and grammatically incorrect. "I spent a day at the resort yesterday" is clear and grammatically correct.
"I’m playing volleyball with my neighbor at the beach on my travel" -> "I am currently playing volleyball with my neighbor at the beach during my trip"
Explanation: "on my travel" is awkward and unclear. "during my trip" is more precise and formal.
"drinking watermelon juice" -> "enjoying watermelon juice"
Explanation: "drinking" is too specific for the context of savoring a beverage. "enjoying" is more appropriate for describing the act of appreciating a drink.
"besides, I enjoyed the fresh air here and try many different kinds of food at here" -> "furthermore, I am appreciating the fresh air and trying various local dishes"
Explanation: "besides" is informal and vague; "furthermore" is more formal. "try many different kinds of food at here" is grammatically incorrect; "trying various local dishes" is grammatically correct and more precise.
"I’ve always wanted to do this when I go to travel to Nha Trang city" -> "I have always wanted to do this when I travel to Nha Trang City"
Explanation: "I’ve always wanted to do this when I go to travel to Nha Trang city" is awkwardly phrased. Simplifying it to "I have always wanted to do this when I travel to Nha Trang City" improves readability and formality.
"wish you were here with me" -> "I wish you were here with me"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect. Adding "I" corrects the subject-verb agreement and maintains the formal tone.
"I’m sure it makes you interesting, have fun and appetizing!" -> "I am certain it would be fascinating, enjoyable, and appetizing for you"
Explanation: "I’m sure it makes you interesting, have fun and appetizing!" is informal and grammatically incorrect. The revised version is more formal and grammatically correct.
"see you later" -> "until we meet again"
Explanation: "see you later" is informal and casual. "until we meet again" is more formal and suitable for an academic or professional context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt of writing a postcard about holidays but falls short in fully engaging with the format and expectations of a postcard. While it mentions the location (Nha Trang City) and some activities (playing volleyball, enjoying food), it lacks a clear structure typical of postcards, such as a greeting, a brief update, and a closing. The message is somewhat disorganized and does not effectively convey a holiday experience.
- How to improve: To better answer the prompt, the writer should ensure that all elements of a postcard are included: a friendly greeting, a clear description of the holiday experience, and a closing statement. Structuring the postcard with clear sections and focusing on a few key experiences would enhance clarity and engagement.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does not maintain a clear position throughout. While it expresses enjoyment of the holiday, the message is muddled with grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, making it difficult to discern the writer’s overall sentiment. For instance, phrases like "I need for a fairly long period of time for my hobbies" are confusing and detract from the intended message.
- How to improve: To present a clearer position, the writer should focus on expressing specific feelings about the holiday experience. Using straightforward language and avoiding convoluted sentences will help maintain a consistent tone. Additionally, the writer could explicitly state how they feel about the holiday at the beginning and reiterate that sentiment at the end.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat limited and lack depth. While the writer mentions enjoying volleyball and food, these points are not elaborated upon. For example, describing a specific dish or a memorable moment while playing volleyball could provide more vivid imagery and engagement for the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each activity mentioned. Including sensory details (sights, sounds, tastes) and personal reflections will help to create a more engaging narrative. For instance, instead of simply stating "I enjoyed the fresh air," the writer could describe how the fresh air felt and what it added to the experience.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay deviates from the postcard format and includes irrelevant details, such as the mention of wanting to know how to spend money cheaply, which does not fit the context of a holiday postcard. This distracts from the main purpose of sharing a holiday experience with a friend.
- How to improve: To stay on topic, the writer should focus solely on the holiday experience and avoid introducing unrelated thoughts. Keeping the content relevant to the postcard’s purpose will help maintain clarity and coherence. The writer could create an outline before writing to ensure that all included details contribute to the overall message of the postcard.

In summary, to improve the essay, the writer should focus on structuring the postcard correctly, maintaining a clear and consistent position, elaborating on ideas with specific details, and ensuring all content remains relevant to the holiday theme.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents information in a somewhat chronological manner, detailing the writer’s activities in Nha Trang City. However, the organization lacks clarity and logical progression. For instance, the transition from discussing the arrival time to activities such as playing volleyball and trying food feels abrupt and disjointed. There are also instances where ideas are mixed together, such as the mention of wanting to discover famous places alongside a wish to spend money cheaply, which could confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should consider structuring the postcard in clear sections. Starting with an introduction that sets the scene (e.g., location and purpose of the postcard), followed by a chronological account of activities, and concluding with personal reflections or wishes for the friend would create a more coherent flow. Using transitional phrases like "first," "next," and "finally" can help guide the reader through the narrative.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is presented as a single block of text without clear paragraphing. This lack of separation makes it difficult for the reader to follow the different ideas being expressed. For example, the writer jumps from discussing the arrival to activities and then to personal feelings without any breaks, which can overwhelm the reader.
- How to improve: Implementing paragraph breaks would significantly enhance readability. Each paragraph could focus on a specific aspect: one for the introduction and setting, another for activities enjoyed, and a final one for personal reflections or messages to the friend. This structure not only organizes thoughts better but also makes it easier for the reader to digest the information.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "besides" and "therefore," but they are limited and sometimes misused. For instance, "besides" is used to add information but does not effectively connect the previous and following sentences. The overall lack of variety in cohesive devices contributes to a choppy reading experience.
- How to improve: To improve cohesion, the writer should incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions (e.g., "and," "but," "so"), linking phrases (e.g., "in addition," "on the other hand"), and referencing (e.g., "this," "these"). Practicing the use of these devices in different contexts can help the writer connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, ensuring that each cohesive device used is appropriate for the context will enhance clarity and coherence.

Overall, while the essay conveys enthusiasm for the holiday experience, improvements in organization, paragraphing, and the use of cohesive devices are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in vocabulary, such as "wonderful," "enjoyed," and "discover." However, the range is limited, with frequent repetition of basic terms like "Nha Trang City" and "travel." For example, the phrase "I went to Nha Trang City" could be enhanced by using synonyms or more descriptive language, such as "I visited the beautiful coastal city of Nha Trang."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more descriptive adjectives. Instead of repeating "Nha Trang City," consider using phrases like "this stunning destination" or "this vibrant locale." Additionally, exploring more varied verbs could enrich the text, such as "explored," "savored," or "relaxed."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "I need for a failry long period of time for my hobbies," which is unclear and awkwardly phrased. The phrase "makes you interesting" is also imprecise; it should convey that the experience would be enjoyable or fun for the friend instead.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and appropriateness of word choice. For instance, rephrasing "I need for a failry long period of time for my hobbies" to "I need some time to indulge in my hobbies" would enhance clarity. Similarly, changing "makes you interesting" to "would be exciting for you" would convey the intended meaning more effectively.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "failry" (fairly), "NO’A" (which seems to be a typo or miscommunication), and "appetizing" (used incorrectly in context). These errors detract from the overall readability and professionalism of the postcard.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, perhaps by keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them. Additionally, proofreading the text before submission can help catch errors. Using spell-check tools or apps can also be beneficial in identifying and correcting spelling mistakes.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic ability to communicate ideas about a holiday, there are significant areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can elevate their lexical resource score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as the use of complex sentences ("My close friend, who is the person I want to write this postcard.") and simple sentences ("I went to Nha Trang City yesterday at 3:30 AM."). However, the overall range is limited, and many sentences are either too simplistic or poorly constructed, leading to a lack of sophistication. For example, the phrase "I enjoyed the resort one-day NO’A" is confusing and lacks clarity, which detracts from the overall effectiveness of the message.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice combining sentences and using different types of clauses. Incorporating more complex sentences and varying sentence beginnings can enhance the flow and readability of the essay. For instance, instead of saying "I went to Nha Trang City yesterday at 3:30 AM," the writer could say, "After arriving in Nha Trang City at 3:30 AM yesterday, I immediately enjoyed the resort." This not only varies the structure but also improves coherence.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "I need for a failry long period of time for my hobbies" contains a typographical error ("failry" should be "fairly") and awkward phrasing. Additionally, punctuation errors such as the incorrect use of a semicolon in "3;30 Am." and the lack of commas in compound sentences lead to confusion. The sentence "besides, I enjoyed the fresh air here and try many different kinds of food at here" is grammatically incorrect as it mixes past and present tenses.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for typos and grammatical errors. Practicing the correct use of tenses and ensuring subject-verb agreement will also help. For punctuation, the writer should review the rules for commas, periods, and semicolons. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors, allowing for corrections before final submission. Additionally, using grammar-checking tools can provide immediate feedback on common mistakes.

Overall, while the essay conveys a sense of enjoyment and personal experience, enhancing grammatical range and accuracy will significantly improve the clarity and effectiveness of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

My close friend, who is the person I want to write this postcard to, is Rainy, and she is living in America.
Dear Rainy Song Yen,
As I told you, I need a fairly long period of time for my hobbies, and right now, I’m having a wonderful time here in Nha Trang City!
I visited Nha Trang City yesterday at 3:30 AM, and I spent a day at the resort called NO’A. Right now, I’m playing volleyball with my neighbor at the beach during my trip and enjoying watermelon juice. Furthermore, I am appreciating the fresh air here and trying many different kinds of food. I’ve always wanted to do this when I travel to Nha Trang City.
Actually, there are so many things to do here, and I want to discover famous places. Therefore, I wish to know how to spend money cheaply.
I wish you were here with me; I’m certain it would be fascinating, enjoyable, and appetizing for you!
Until we meet again.