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Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below. Write at least 150 words. The flowchart below show the recycling process of aluminum cans.

Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below.
Write at least 150 words.
The flowchart below show the recycling process of aluminum cans.

The flowchart illustrates how aluminium cans are recycled. Overall, the recycling process can be divided into six steps. First, the cans are taken to special collection centers instead of being thrown away normally. They are then collected from there and transported to the factory where they undergo sorting, cleaning and cut into small pieces. These pieces are subsequently compressed until they form solid blocks. Next, the metal blocks are heated to a sufficiently high temperature to melt the aluminium. After melting, it is rolled out by a special machine to achieve a thickness between 2.5mm and 6mm depending on its intended use. At this stage, the aluminium cans is ready to be recycled into new products such as drink containers with a new packaging. Finally, they are sent to the beverages factory where the cans are filled with drinks. The cans now can be sold to the market on supermarket shelves. In the UK, 74 per cent of aluminium cans are recycled and sold


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "taken to special collection centers" -> "transported to designated recycling facilities"
    Explanation: The term "designated recycling facilities" is more specific and formal than "special collection centers," which sounds vague and less formal. This change enhances the academic tone of the text.

  2. "thrown away normally" -> "disposed of improperly"
    Explanation: The phrase "thrown away normally" is informal and imprecise. "Disposed of improperly" is more specific and appropriate for an academic context, indicating that the cans are not being handled in a responsible manner.

  3. "collected from there and transported to the factory" -> "collected and transported to the manufacturing facility"
    Explanation: "Manufacturing facility" is a more precise term than "factory," which can be too general and informal for academic writing. Using "collected and transported" instead of "collected from there" streamlines the sentence and improves clarity.

  4. "sorted, cleaning and cut into small pieces" -> "sorted, cleaned, and cut into small pieces"
    Explanation: "Cleaning" should be "cleaned" to maintain grammatical correctness and consistency in verb tense. This change also improves the flow of the sentence.

  5. "compressed until they form solid blocks" -> "compressed into solid blocks"
    Explanation: "Compressed until they form solid blocks" is redundant. "Compressed into solid blocks" is more concise and direct, enhancing the formal tone.

  6. "the metal blocks are heated to a sufficiently high temperature" -> "the metal blocks are heated to a sufficiently high temperature"
    Explanation: This is a typographical error, likely a missing article ("the"). Adding "the" corrects the sentence structure and maintains grammatical accuracy.

  7. "rolled out by a special machine" -> "processed by a specialized machine"
    Explanation: "Processed" is a more precise term than "rolled out," which is vague and less formal. "Specialized" also enhances the formality and specificity of the description.

  8. "the aluminium cans is ready to be recycled" -> "the aluminum cans are ready for recycling"
    Explanation: "Aluminum" is the correct spelling in American English, and "are ready for recycling" is grammatically correct and more formal than "is ready to be recycled."

  9. "new packaging" -> "new packaging materials"
    Explanation: "New packaging materials" specifies what is being recycled, enhancing clarity and formality.

  10. "The cans now can be sold" -> "The cans are now available for sale"
    Explanation: "Are now available for sale" is more formal and precise than "can be sold," which is somewhat informal and less direct.

  11. "on supermarket shelves" -> "in retail stores"
    Explanation: "In retail stores" is more formal and encompassing than "on supermarket shelves," which is specific to a particular type of store.

  12. "In the UK, 74 per cent of aluminium cans are recycled and sold" -> "In the United Kingdom, 74 percent of aluminum cans are recycled and sold"
    Explanation: "United Kingdom" is the formal name for the country, and "percent" should be spelled out in formal writing. These changes align with academic standards of formality and precision.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the recycling process of aluminum cans, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends or stages of the process. It also does not adequately highlight the key features of the process. For example, the essay does not mention the specific types of sorting, cleaning, or compression that are used in the process.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more detailed overview of the process, including the specific types of sorting, cleaning, and compression that are used. The essay could also be improved by highlighting the key features of the process, such as the fact that the aluminum is melted and rolled out to a specific thickness. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific information about the recycling process, such as the types of new products that are made from recycled aluminum.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents a coherent overview of the recycling process of aluminum cans, with a clear overall progression from one step to the next. The information is arranged in a logical sequence, and the main stages of the process are clearly identified. However, there are instances where cohesion could be improved, such as the use of cohesive devices that may feel mechanical or repetitive. Additionally, the referencing of "the aluminium cans" in the last step is inconsistent, as it should be pluralized to "the aluminium cans are ready." The paragraphing is present but could be more effectively structured to enhance clarity and flow.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on varying the use of cohesive devices and ensuring that referencing is clear and consistent throughout the essay. Additionally, organizing the information into distinct paragraphs for each major step of the process would improve the overall structure and readability. Using linking phrases to connect ideas more fluidly would also contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. The use of terms such as "collection centers," "sorting," "cleaning," and "compressed" shows an attempt to use relevant vocabulary related to the recycling process. However, there are inaccuracies in word choice, such as "the aluminium cans is ready" instead of "the aluminium cans are ready," which indicates a lack of grammatical control. Additionally, while some less common vocabulary is used, the overall lexical resource is limited and does not fully convey precision or sophistication. There are also minor errors in spelling and word formation, but they do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary related to the topic and ensuring accurate word forms and collocations. Incorporating more varied and sophisticated vocabulary, as well as ensuring grammatical accuracy, will contribute to a higher score. Practicing the use of synonyms and less common lexical items in context can also improve the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of Band 6. While it effectively communicates the recycling process, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that detract from overall clarity. For instance, the phrase "the aluminium cans is ready" contains a subject-verb agreement error, and the sentence structure in "with a new packaging" is awkward. Additionally, there are minor punctuation issues, such as the lack of a comma before "and cut into small pieces." These errors do not significantly impede understanding but do indicate a need for improvement in grammatical accuracy.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following:

  1. Subject-Verb Agreement: Ensure that subjects and verbs agree in number (e.g., "the aluminium cans are ready" instead of "the aluminium cans is ready").
  2. Sentence Structure: Vary sentence structures more effectively and ensure clarity in phrasing (e.g., "with new packaging" instead of "with a new packaging").
  3. Punctuation: Review punctuation rules to avoid errors, particularly in compound sentences.
  4. Complex Sentences: Practice using more complex sentence structures accurately to demonstrate a higher level of grammatical control.

Bài sửa mẫu

The flowchart illustrates how aluminium cans are recycled. Overall, the recycling process can be divided into six steps. First, the cans are taken to special collection centers instead of being thrown away normally. They are then collected from there and transported to the factory, where they undergo sorting, cleaning, and are cut into small pieces. These pieces are subsequently compressed until they form solid blocks. Next, the metal blocks are heated to a sufficiently high temperature to melt the aluminium. After melting, it is rolled out by a special machine to achieve a thickness between 2.5 mm and 6 mm, depending on its intended use. At this stage, the aluminium cans are ready to be recycled into new products, such as drink containers with new packaging. Finally, they are sent to the beverage factory, where the cans are filled with drinks. The cans can then be sold to the market on supermarket shelves. In the UK, 74 percent of aluminium cans are recycled and sold.

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