Write a story, you must begin with this sentence: When i opened the door, i couldn't believe my eyes. Write about 100 words or more.

When i opened the door, i couldn't believe my eyes. Since i went to bed and prepared to fall asleep. However, behind the door that i opened there was a strange world. That world was really different from mine. I could see many buildings were damaged heavily. And the highest one in the city center was like ruins. But an eye-catching animal made me feel nervous. It was exactly a monster. It had two heads, four eyes, and six hands. I was really frightened. Then, everyone ran as they saw an incredible thing. Suddenly, a giant and scary monster approached me in the distance. At that time, i felt everything was a bit slow as well as i couldn't escape from the enormous animal. Unfortunately, the monster moved its foot on top of my head. It looked like the monster stomped me to death. However, there was a bell rang and took me out of the terrible world. After that, i realised it was a nightmare. Even though, i tried to forget it, it was still a nostalgia dream with me.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"When i opened the door, i couldn’t believe my eyes." -> "As I opened the door, I was astonished."
Explanation: Replacing "When i" with "As I" corrects the capitalization and pronoun usage, aligning with standard English grammar rules. "Couldn’t believe my eyes" is informal and can be replaced with "was astonished" for a more formal tone.
"Since i went to bed and prepared to fall asleep." -> "After retiring to bed and preparing for sleep."
Explanation: "Since" is incorrectly used here; "After retiring to bed and preparing for sleep" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"behind the door that i opened there was a strange world." -> "behind the door I opened lay a strange world."
Explanation: Correcting "i" to "I" and "there was" to "lay" improves grammatical accuracy and formality.
"many buildings were damaged heavily." -> "many buildings were severely damaged."
Explanation: "Heavily" is an adverb and should not be used with "damaged," which is a verb. "Severely" is the correct adverbial form needed here.
"And the highest one in the city center was like ruins." -> "And the tallest building in the city center resembled ruins."
Explanation: "The highest one" is vague; "the tallest building" is more specific and accurate. "Was like ruins" is informal; "resembled ruins" is more precise and formal.
"an eye-catching animal made me feel nervous." -> "an unusual creature evoked a sense of unease in me."
Explanation: "Eye-catching" is too casual and vague; "unusual" is more precise. "Made me feel nervous" is informal; "evoked a sense of unease in me" is more formal and descriptive.
"It was exactly a monster." -> "It was precisely a monster."
Explanation: "Exactly" is somewhat informal and can be replaced with "precisely" for a more academic tone.
"I was really frightened." -> "I was deeply frightened."
Explanation: "Really" is informal; "deeply" is more appropriate for formal writing.
"Then, everyone ran as they saw an incredible thing." -> "Then, everyone fled upon witnessing this extraordinary phenomenon."
Explanation: "Ran" is too casual; "fled" is more formal. "As they saw an incredible thing" is vague; "upon witnessing this extraordinary phenomenon" is more precise and formal.
"a giant and scary monster approached me in the distance." -> "a colossal and intimidating monster approached me from afar."
Explanation: "Giant" is informal; "colossal" is more precise and formal. "Scary" is too informal; "intimidating" is more suitable for academic writing.
"At that time, i felt everything was a bit slow as well as i couldn’t escape from the enormous animal." -> "At that moment, I felt everything was slowing down, and I was unable to escape the enormous creature."
Explanation: "At that time" is less formal; "At that moment" is more precise. "A bit slow" is vague; "slowing down" is clearer. "As well as" is informal; "and" is more appropriate. "Couldn’t escape" is informal; "was unable to escape" is more formal.
"It looked like the monster stomped me to death." -> "It appeared as if the monster had crushed me."
Explanation: "Looked like" is informal; "appeared as if" is more formal. "Stomped me to death" is colloquial; "crushed me" is more formal and less graphic.
"However, there was a bell rang and took me out of the terrible world." -> "However, a bell rang, and I was transported out of the terrible world."
Explanation: "There was a bell rang" is grammatically incorrect; "a bell rang" is correct. "Took me out of" is informal; "transported me out of" is more formal.
"After that, i realised it was a nightmare." -> "Subsequently, I realized it was a nightmare."
Explanation: "After that" is informal; "Subsequently" is more formal. "Realised" is British English; "realized" is preferred in American English, but "realised" is acceptable in both styles.
"Even though, i tried to forget it, it was still a nostalgia dream with me." -> "Despite my efforts to forget it, it remained a nostalgic dream for me."
Explanation: "Even though" is informal; "Despite" is more formal. "Nostalg

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay begins with the required opening sentence, but it fails to fully develop a coherent story that aligns with the prompt’s request for a narrative. The narrative introduces a strange world and a monster, but it lacks a clear plot structure, including a beginning, middle, and end. The transition from the dream to waking up is abrupt and does not provide a satisfying conclusion to the story.
- How to improve: To better address all parts of the prompt, the writer should focus on creating a more structured narrative. This could involve outlining the story before writing, ensuring that there is a clear progression of events. Additionally, expanding on the setting and character reactions could enhance the narrative depth.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does not maintain a clear position or perspective throughout the narrative. While it starts with a first-person viewpoint, the emotional response to the monster and the dream is not consistently conveyed. The shift from fear to realization at the end feels disjointed and lacks emotional impact.
- How to improve: To present a clearer position, the writer should focus on maintaining a consistent emotional tone throughout the story. This could involve using more descriptive language to convey feelings and reactions to the events occurring in the narrative. Additionally, ensuring that the ending ties back to the beginning can help reinforce the story’s emotional journey.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat limited and lack development. While the introduction of the monster is intriguing, there is little elaboration on its significance or the protagonist’s feelings. The narrative feels rushed, and key moments, such as the encounter with the monster, are not fully explored.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on key moments in the story. This could involve adding descriptive details about the strange world, the monster, and the protagonist’s emotional responses. Using sensory details can help create a more immersive experience for the reader.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, focusing on the experience of opening the door and encountering a strange world. However, the conclusion introduces the concept of a "nostalgia dream," which feels disconnected from the rest of the narrative and does not tie back effectively to the initial premise.
- How to improve: To maintain focus on the topic, the writer should ensure that all elements of the story contribute to the central theme. Avoiding abrupt shifts in tone or topic can help create a more cohesive narrative. The conclusion should reflect on the events of the story rather than introducing new concepts that may confuse the reader.

In summary, to improve the essay’s score, the writer should focus on developing a clear narrative structure, maintaining a consistent emotional tone, elaborating on key ideas, and ensuring that all parts of the story are relevant to the central theme. Additionally, paying attention to grammatical accuracy and word count will also contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a narrative that begins with an intriguing opening line, but the organization of information is somewhat disjointed. For instance, the transition from waking up to entering the strange world is abrupt, lacking a clear connection. The sequence of events feels jumbled, particularly when the protagonist encounters the monster. The narrative jumps from describing the world to the monster’s appearance without a smooth transition, which can confuse readers about the timeline and setting.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should create a clearer structure by outlining the sequence of events before writing. Using a chronological order would help, starting with the protagonist’s initial reaction to the door, followed by a description of the strange world, and then the encounter with the monster. Incorporating transitional phrases like "After that," or "Next," can guide the reader through the story more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is presented as a single block of text, which makes it difficult for readers to follow the different parts of the story. Each new idea or event should ideally start a new paragraph to enhance readability. For example, the introduction of the strange world and the subsequent encounter with the monster could each be separated into distinct paragraphs to clarify the narrative flow.
- How to improve: The writer should practice using paragraphs to separate different ideas or events. A good rule of thumb is to start a new paragraph when introducing a new setting, character, or significant action. This will not only improve clarity but also give the essay a more polished appearance.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices, which affects the overall flow. Words like "However," and "Then," are used, but there is a lack of variety in transitions and connectors. For example, the phrase "At that time" is somewhat awkward and could be replaced with a more fluid transition. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices to link sentences and ideas is minimal, leading to a choppy reading experience.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, using "Meanwhile," "Furthermore," or "Consequently" can help connect ideas more smoothly. Practicing the use of different conjunctions and transitional phrases in writing exercises can also aid in developing a more cohesive narrative style.

In summary, while the essay presents an imaginative story, enhancing the logical organization, utilizing paragraphs effectively, and diversifying cohesive devices will significantly improve the coherence and cohesion of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some effective phrases such as "strange world," "damaged heavily," and "eye-catching animal." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, with terms like "monster" and "scary" used multiple times without variation. This limits the overall richness of the language used.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or more descriptive phrases. For example, instead of repeating "monster," they could use terms like "creature," "beast," or "fiend." Additionally, using adjectives like "terrifying," "bizarre," or "grotesque" could add depth to the descriptions.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "damaged heavily," which could be more effectively expressed as "severely damaged" or "badly damaged." The phrase "an incredible thing" is vague and does not convey a clear image or emotion related to the monster.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that convey specific meanings. For example, instead of "incredible thing," they could describe the monster with more vivid adjectives or phrases, such as "a terrifying sight" or "an astonishing creature." This would enhance clarity and impact.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, notably the lowercase "i" instead of "I" throughout the text. This is a significant issue as it detracts from the professionalism of the writing. Additionally, "nostalgia dream" is an awkward phrase; "nostalgic dream" would be more appropriate.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools or writing software can help catch basic errors. Furthermore, practicing writing with attention to capitalization rules and common spelling patterns would be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic command of vocabulary, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling that could elevate the Lexical Resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, but it largely relies on simple and compound sentences. For instance, sentences like "I could see many buildings were damaged heavily" and "It was exactly a monster" are straightforward and lack complexity. There are a few attempts at more complex structures, such as "Since I went to bed and prepared to fall asleep," but these are not fully developed or varied throughout the essay. The use of conjunctions is limited, which restricts the flow and sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences, such as those using subordinate clauses (e.g., "Although I was frightened, I couldn’t look away from the monster"). Additionally, varying the beginnings of sentences and using different types of clauses (e.g., relative clauses) can add depth. Engaging with sentence combining exercises could also be beneficial.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity and coherence. For example, "Since i went to bed and prepared to fall asleep" is a fragment and lacks a main clause. The use of lowercase "i" throughout the essay is incorrect and should always be capitalized. Punctuation errors include the incorrect use of commas and periods, such as in "But an eye-catching animal made me feel nervous," where a comma could be more appropriate to separate clauses. Additionally, the phrase "there was a bell rang" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "there was a bell ringing."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and sentence completeness. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly on sentence structure and punctuation, will help. Reading more complex texts can also aid in understanding proper grammar usage and punctuation. Furthermore, proofreading the essay for common errors before submission can significantly enhance overall accuracy.

In summary, while the essay presents a creative narrative, it requires significant improvement in both grammatical range and accuracy to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on sentence variety and grammatical correctness will greatly enhance the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

When I opened the door, I couldn’t believe my eyes. I had just gone to bed and prepared to fall asleep. However, behind the door that I opened lay a strange world. That world was really different from mine. I could see many buildings were severely damaged. And the tallest one in the city center resembled ruins. But an eye-catching creature evoked a sense of unease in me. It was precisely a monster. It had two heads, four eyes, and six hands. I was deeply frightened. Then, everyone fled upon witnessing this extraordinary phenomenon. Suddenly, a colossal and intimidating monster approached me from afar. At that moment, I felt everything was slowing down, and I was unable to escape the enormous creature. Unfortunately, the monster moved its foot on top of my head. It appeared as if the monster had crushed me. However, a bell rang, and I was transported out of the terrible world. After that, I realized it was a nightmare. Despite my efforts to forget it, it remained a nostalgic dream for me.