Write about the following topic. Modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduced the amount of time people spend seeing their friends. This has had a negative effect on their social lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write about the following topic.
Modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduced the amount of time people spend seeing their friends. This has had a negative effect on their social lives.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is stated that email and messaging are considered types of communication in modern world and they caused a reduction in the time people use to see their friends. Besides, they triggered a harmful impact on people's social lives. From my persepctive, I partly agree on this assertion, and in this essay I will thoroughly elaborate justifications on this statement.

It is no doubt that innovative communication methods facilitate transmitting information process. To be more specific, in the past, people used to meet their friends or colleages directly or sent letters by post, which took a lot of time if they wanted to inform something. However, with the advancement of technology, everything is just a push of a button. For example, individuals just need to send instant messages or emails without wasting their time and physical effort. Therefore, it is inevitable that the amount of time people spend on meeting friends is declined, but it is just for transferring announcements. However, if someone is desperate for seeing their peers, that person will attempt to arrange their work schedule although they are very busy. Hence, I think we cannot blame the fact that people meet others less on the introduction of modern communication.
In spite of those mentioned convenience, email and messaging also provoked some adverse influence on people's social lives, especially on communication skill if they rely on them excessively. The reason for this is that face-to-face conversations requires people to wield numerous skills, including eyes contact, gestures, intonation and word choices. These factors help the speakers impress the listeners, thus they can be more successful in various areas such as job interviews or convesing with customers. In contrast, if human entirely depend on email or messaging, their communication related skills will degrade, and this leads to failure in impressing the others as well as acheiving their success.

In conclusion, I think that people should make use of means of communication in this contemporary time in order to avoid wasting their time and effort on informing information, but not completely replacing direct conversations. This is because meeting people directly is deemed to be an effective way to strengthen relationships and cohesions in our community.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "It is stated that" -> "It is argued that"
   Explanation: "It is argued that" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase, indicating that the statement is a subject of debate rather than a simple assertion.

2. "modern world" -> "modern world"
   Explanation: The phrase "modern world" is correct as it is, but it could be enhanced by specifying what aspect of the modern world is being referred to, such as "the contemporary communication landscape" or "the digital age."

3. "they caused a reduction in the time people use to see their friends" -> "they have led to a reduction in the time spent socializing with friends"
   Explanation: "have led to" is more precise and formal than "caused," and "time spent socializing" is a clearer and more specific term than "time people use to see their friends."

4. "From my persepctive" -> "From my perspective"
   Explanation: Corrects a spelling error, ensuring the text maintains professionalism and accuracy.

5. "I partly agree on this assertion" -> "I partially agree with this assertion"
   Explanation: "Partially agree with" is the correct idiomatic expression, enhancing the formality and clarity of the statement.

6. "justifications on this statement" -> "arguments supporting this assertion"
   Explanation: "Arguments supporting this assertion" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better than "justifications on this statement."

7. "It is no doubt that" -> "It is undeniable that"
   Explanation: "It is undeniable that" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "It is no doubt that," which can sound colloquial.

8. "transmitting information process" -> "the process of transmitting information"
   Explanation: Adding "the" before "process" clarifies the noun phrase and enhances the sentence structure.

9. "just a push of a button" -> "simply a matter of pressing a button"
   Explanation: "Simply a matter of pressing a button" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial tone of "just a push of a button."

10. "waste their time and physical effort" -> "waste time and effort"
    Explanation: Removing "physical" simplifies the phrase without losing meaning, as "time and effort" is sufficient to convey the intended meaning in this context.

11. "desperate for seeing their peers" -> "desperate to see their peers"
    Explanation: "Desperate to see" is grammatically correct and more natural in this context than "desperate for seeing."

12. "convesing" -> "conversing"
    Explanation: Corrects a spelling error, ensuring the text maintains professionalism and accuracy.

13. "acheiving their success" -> "achieving their success"
    Explanation: Corrects a spelling error, ensuring the text maintains professionalism and accuracy.

14. "make use of means of communication" -> "utilize communication methods"
    Explanation: "Utilize communication methods" is more concise and formal than "make use of means of communication," aligning better with academic style.

15. "avoid wasting their time and effort on informing information" -> "avoid wasting time and effort on conveying information"
    Explanation: "Conveying information" is a more precise term than "informing information," which is redundant and awkwardly phrased.

16. "meeting people directly is deemed to be an effective way" -> "direct communication is considered an effective method"
    Explanation: "Direct communication is considered an effective method" is more concise and formal, improving the academic tone of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by acknowledging the impact of modern communication methods on social interactions. The writer states a partial agreement with the assertion that these methods have negatively affected social lives. However, the response could be clearer in delineating the extent of agreement or disagreement. The essay mentions both the benefits of modern communication and its drawbacks, but it does not explicitly quantify the extent of agreement, which is crucial for a higher band score.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly state whether they agree or disagree with the assertion and provide a more explicit rationale for their stance. For example, they could specify that they agree to a certain degree (e.g., "I agree that modern communication has negatively impacted social lives to some extent") and elaborate on what that extent is.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that is somewhat clear but lacks consistency. The initial statement of partial agreement is somewhat diluted by the subsequent discussion of the benefits of modern communication. While the writer does return to the idea of the negative impact, the position could be more assertively maintained throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should consistently refer back to their main argument in each paragraph. Using phrases like "Despite these benefits, I maintain that…" can help reinforce their stance. Additionally, summarizing the position in the conclusion can provide clarity.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the convenience of modern communication and its adverse effects on communication skills. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For instance, the discussion on how communication skills degrade lacks specific examples or deeper analysis. The argument about arranging schedules could also benefit from more elaboration.
  • How to improve: The writer should aim to expand on each point with specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate their arguments. For instance, they could provide a scenario where a lack of face-to-face interaction led to misunderstandings or social awkwardness. This would not only support their claims but also engage the reader more effectively.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the effects of modern communication on social lives. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing the skills required for face-to-face communication without directly linking back to the main argument about social lives.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made ties back to the central thesis. Using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that clearly relate to the prompt can help keep the discussion aligned with the main argument. Additionally, summarizing how each point contributes to the overall argument at the end of each paragraph can reinforce relevance.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer could enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their essay, potentially raising their band score in the Task Response category.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument, with a logical progression from the introduction to the conclusion. The first paragraph outlines the author’s stance and sets the stage for the discussion. The second paragraph effectively contrasts the benefits of modern communication with its drawbacks, while the third paragraph focuses on the negative impact on communication skills. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the convenience of modern communication to its adverse effects feels abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis statement. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases (e.g., "On the other hand," "Furthermore," "In contrast") can help guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction clearly states the writer’s position, while the body paragraphs delve into different facets of the topic. However, the second body paragraph could be divided into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the benefits of modern communication and the other on its drawbacks. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point.
  • How to improve: Consider structuring the essay with a more balanced approach by ensuring that each paragraph contains a single main idea. For example, after discussing the convenience of communication in one paragraph, the next could focus solely on the negative effects on social skills. This will help maintain clarity and focus throughout the essay.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "besides," and "in contrast," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from more varied expressions to enhance cohesion. For example, phrases like "in addition," "consequently," and "as a result" could be used to create a more nuanced connection between ideas.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, practice incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately in context. For instance, when transitioning between contrasting ideas, using "on the contrary" or "alternatively" could provide a clearer distinction between the points being made.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By refining the organization of ideas, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can elevate the clarity and effectiveness of their writing, potentially achieving a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it tends to rely on some common phrases and expressions. For instance, terms like "modern communication methods" and "harmful impact" are used, but they are somewhat generic. Additionally, phrases like "push of a button" and "wasting their time" are familiar and could be replaced with more sophisticated alternatives.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more complex phrases. For example, instead of "push of a button," one might say "with a mere click" or "at the touch of a button." Expanding the vocabulary related to the topic of communication, such as using "interpersonal skills" instead of "communication skills," would also strengthen the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "the amount of time people spend on meeting friends is declined" is awkwardly constructed; "has declined" would be more appropriate. Additionally, "provoked some adverse influence" could be more clearly expressed as "had a detrimental effect."
  • How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing word choices and ensuring they fit the context. For instance, instead of "wield numerous skills," a more precise phrase could be "employ various skills." Regular practice with synonyms and context-specific vocabulary can help improve precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "persepctive," "colleages," "convesing," and "acheiving." These mistakes can disrupt the flow of reading and detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize tools such as spell checkers. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Reading extensively can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there are several areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, simple sentences like "It is stated that email and messaging are considered types of communication in modern world" are used alongside more complex sentences such as "In contrast, if human entirely depend on email or messaging, their communication related skills will degrade." However, there is a noticeable reliance on straightforward constructions, which limits the overall variety. The use of phrases like "to be more specific" and "in spite of those mentioned convenience" indicates an attempt to connect ideas, but transitions could be more sophisticated.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound and complex sentences. For example, you could combine ideas to create sentences that show relationships between thoughts, such as "While modern communication methods save time, they also risk diminishing essential interpersonal skills." Additionally, using a wider range of linking words and phrases can help create more fluid transitions between ideas.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, "the amount of time people use to see their friends" should be "the amount of time people spend seeing their friends." There are also misspellings, such as "persepctive" instead of "perspective," and "colleages" instead of "colleagues." Furthermore, phrases like "the innovative communication methods facilitate transmitting information process" are awkward and grammatically incorrect. The use of commas is inconsistent, leading to run-on sentences and confusion in some areas.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully. Focus on common areas of error, such as subject-verb agreement and correct word forms. For punctuation, ensure that commas are used appropriately to separate clauses and ideas. Practicing writing with a focus on clarity and correctness can also help. Consider using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers to identify and correct errors before finalizing your essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, you can enhance both the range and accuracy of your grammatical structures, which will contribute to a higher band score in future IELTS writing tasks.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is argued that email and messaging are prevalent forms of communication in the modern world, and they have led to a reduction in the time people spend socializing with friends. Furthermore, this shift has had a negative effect on their social lives. From my perspective, I partially agree with this assertion, and in this essay, I will thoroughly elaborate on the justifications supporting this viewpoint.

It is undeniable that innovative communication methods facilitate the process of transmitting information. To be more specific, in the past, people used to meet their friends or colleagues directly or send letters by post, which took a considerable amount of time if they wanted to convey something. However, with the advancement of technology, everything is simply a matter of pressing a button. For example, individuals can send instant messages or emails without wasting their time and physical effort. Therefore, it is inevitable that the amount of time people spend meeting friends has declined, but this is primarily for transferring announcements. However, if someone is desperate to see their peers, that person will attempt to arrange their work schedule, even if they are very busy. Hence, I believe we cannot solely blame the introduction of modern communication for the fact that people meet others less frequently.

In spite of these conveniences, email and messaging also provoke some adverse influences on people’s social lives, particularly regarding communication skills if they rely on them excessively. The reason for this is that face-to-face conversations require individuals to wield numerous skills, including eye contact, gestures, intonation, and word choices. These factors help speakers impress their listeners, thus enabling them to be more successful in various areas, such as job interviews or conversing with customers. In contrast, if individuals entirely depend on email or messaging, their communication-related skills may degrade, leading to difficulties in impressing others and achieving their success.

In conclusion, I think that people should utilize modern communication methods in this contemporary era to avoid wasting time and effort on conveying information, but they should not completely replace direct conversations. This is because meeting people face-to-face is considered an effective way to strengthen relationships and foster cohesion within our communities.