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Write about the following topic: Organising a large family celebration such as a wedding can often create problems. What can be the problems associated with organising a large family event and what solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Write about the following topic: Organising a large family celebration such as a wedding can often create problems. What can be the problems associated with organising a large family event and what solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Many people want to organise a large celebration such as a wedding can often create problems. Some problems such as money, places, food,… Although we still have many solutions to solve these problems.

Firstly, the problem is about money. If we do not decide the time already, the people are invited can be busy and you waste money beacause everyone will not present all. Secondly, If you choose the wrong location, you can spend a lot of money and also have to take some risks that you don't want. Also if the information wrong, it can waste your time and make the the guest doesn't have chair to sit. So you can see that, many problems can be created and if we don't khnow how to solve it, you can waste your money and time too

To solve the problem, you need to rent the person who can help you to choose place, food with the suiitable budget in order to save your money. You can also prioritizing spend on considering cost-saving measures, such as DIY decorations or negotiating supplier prices, can help maintain financial stability. Additionally, establishing a clear communications plan and designating a focal person or team responsible for coordinating logistics can minimize coordination challenges. Regular meetings, using technology and tools, and keeping everyone informed can streamline the process.

In conclusion, in order for our celebration to go smoothly, we need to make a clear schedule and consider organizing it if we do not have enough finances.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "organise" -> "organize"
    Explanation: Replacing "organise" with "organize" adheres to the standard spelling in formal English, enhancing the essay’s overall formality.

  2. "can often create problems" -> "can pose challenges"
    Explanation: Substituting "can often create problems" with "can pose challenges" introduces a more formal and nuanced expression while maintaining the original meaning.

  3. "Some problems such as money, places, food,…" -> "Challenges, such as financial constraints, venue selection, and catering…"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence to "Challenges, such as financial constraints, venue selection, and catering…" improves precision and aligns with a more formal and academic tone.

  4. "you waste money beacause" -> "you may incur unnecessary expenses because"
    Explanation: Replacing "you waste money because" with "you may incur unnecessary expenses because" provides a more formal and precise expression.

  5. "Secondly, If you choose the wrong location," -> "Secondly, selecting an inappropriate venue may result in"
    Explanation: Replacing "If you choose the wrong location" with "selecting an inappropriate venue may result in" maintains formality and clarity while improving the structure of the sentence.

  6. "it can waste your time and make the the guest doesn’t have chair to sit." -> "it can consume your time and leave guests without seating."
    Explanation: Replacing "waste your time and make the guest doesn’t have chair to sit" with "consume your time and leave guests without seating" enhances clarity and formality.

  7. "So you can see that, many problems can be created and if we don’t khnow how to solve it," -> "This illustrates that numerous challenges may arise, and without the knowledge of how to address them,"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence to "This illustrates that numerous challenges may arise, and without the knowledge of how to address them," improves formality and precision.

  8. "you need to rent the person" -> "you need to hire a professional"
    Explanation: Substituting "rent the person" with "hire a professional" introduces a more appropriate term for seeking assistance in organizing an event.

  9. "suiitable" -> "suitable"
    Explanation: Correcting "suiitable" to "suitable" adheres to standard spelling and maintains formality.

  10. "prioritizing spend on considering cost-saving measures" -> "prioritizing spending by considering cost-saving measures"
    Explanation: Adjusting "prioritizing spend on considering cost-saving measures" to "prioritizing spending by considering cost-saving measures" improves grammatical accuracy and formality.

  11. "Regular meetings, using technology and tools, and keeping everyone informed can streamline the process." -> "Conducting regular meetings, leveraging technology and tools, and ensuring everyone is informed can streamline the process."
    Explanation: Revising the sentence for clarity and formality while maintaining the original meaning.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the problems associated with organizing a large family event and suggests solutions. However, the coverage is brief, and some parts of the prompt are not adequately addressed. For instance, the essay touches on problems related to money, location, and information but lacks depth and fails to provide reasons and examples from personal knowledge and experience.
    • How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide a more comprehensive analysis of the problems associated with organizing large family events, offering specific reasons and examples. Include personal experiences or knowledge to enhance the depth of the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear and consistent position. It discusses problems and solutions but does not establish a strong stance or perspective on whether organizing large family celebrations is generally problematic or not. The position is implicit rather than explicit, making it less effective.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, the essay should explicitly state the writer’s position on whether organizing large family celebrations is challenging or not. The position should be maintained throughout the essay, providing a strong foundation for the arguments presented.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay briefly presents ideas related to problems and solutions but lacks sufficient development and support. Specific instances and examples are limited, making the content somewhat superficial. The essay mentions problems such as money and location but does not delve into these issues with depth.
    • How to improve: To improve, the essay should elaborate on each idea, providing detailed explanations and examples. For instance, when discussing money problems, elaborate on the potential financial challenges and provide real-life examples or scenarios to illustrate the point.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay somewhat deviates from the topic, especially in the conclusion where it introduces the idea of making a clear schedule and considering organization in the absence of enough finances. These elements are not directly related to the problems associated with organizing a large family celebration.
    • How to improve: To stay on topic, the essay should focus on addressing the specific problems and solutions related to organizing large family celebrations, avoiding tangential ideas in the conclusion. Ensure that all content directly contributes to addressing the prompt.

In summary, while the essay attempts to address the prompt, it falls short in terms of depth, clarity, and relevance. To improve, the writer should provide more detailed responses, maintain a clear position, elaborate on ideas with examples, and stay focused on the given topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information in a logical manner, progressing from the identification of problems associated with organizing a large family event to the presentation of solutions. However, there are instances of unclear or incomplete ideas, such as the introductory sentence, "Many people want to organise a large celebration such as a wedding can often create problems," which lacks clarity and cohesion.
    • How to improve: Begin with a clear and concise introduction that directly addresses the prompt. Develop a thesis statement that outlines the problems and solutions to be discussed in the essay. Provide a roadmap for the reader to follow, indicating how the essay will address the issues raised in the prompt.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, but there is room for improvement in terms of structure and effectiveness. Paragraphs are sometimes brief, and the transitions between them could be smoother. For example, the transition from discussing problems to presenting solutions is abrupt.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. Work on improving the flow between paragraphs by using transitional phrases that guide the reader through the logical progression of ideas. Consider grouping related ideas within paragraphs to enhance coherence.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases like "Firstly" and "Secondly," but there is limited diversity in their use. The variety of cohesive devices could be expanded to create a more nuanced and connected narrative. Additionally, some sentences lack clarity due to grammatical errors or awkward phrasing.
    • How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices by incorporating a variety of transition words and phrases. Ensure that these devices are used appropriately to maintain coherence. Review sentences for grammatical accuracy and clarity, paying particular attention to subjects, verbs, and pronoun agreement to enhance overall readability.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a generally logical organization and cohesion, refining the introduction, improving paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will enhance overall coherence and cohesion. Paying attention to clarity and grammatical accuracy will contribute to a more polished and effective essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a diverse vocabulary. The use of words and phrases is limited, and there is repetition of some terms such as "money" and "problems." The vocabulary does not exhibit a broad range, hindering the essay from demonstrating a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
    • How to improve: To enhance your lexical resource, try incorporating more varied and sophisticated vocabulary. Instead of repeatedly using words like "money" and "problems," consider synonyms or explore different ways to express the same idea. For instance, you could use terms like "financial constraints" or "challenges" to add variety.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay tends to use imprecise language, leading to a lack of clarity in conveying ideas. For example, the phrase "the people are invited can be busy" is ambiguous and could be more precisely articulated to enhance understanding.
    • How to improve: Focus on precision in your language. Clearly express ideas without leaving room for interpretation. Instead of the vague phrase mentioned, consider saying, "the invited guests may have prior commitments," which is more precise and leaves no room for ambiguity.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: There are several spelling errors throughout the essay, such as "beacause" instead of "because," "khnow" instead of "know," and "suiitable" instead of "suitable." These errors impact the overall impression of the essay’s quality.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to spelling during the writing process. Consider utilizing spell-check tools or proofreading the essay thoroughly before submission. Practicing spelling through regular writing exercises can also contribute to improvement.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic, improvement in lexical resource is crucial to elevate the overall quality. Expanding vocabulary, using precise language, and ensuring correct spelling will contribute significantly to achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 4

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks variety in sentence structures. It predominantly uses simple and compound sentences, resulting in a monotonous and repetitive style. For instance, the repetitive use of "If" at the beginning of several sentences contributes to this issue.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical range, incorporate a mix of sentence structures, including complex and compound-complex sentences. Utilize varied sentence beginnings and lengths to create a more engaging and sophisticated writing style. For instance, introduce conditional sentences in a more diverse manner.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates several grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies, impacting overall clarity. Instances of subject-verb agreement issues, inconsistent verb tenses, and punctuation errors (e.g., "khnow" instead of "know," missing articles, inconsistent verb forms) are evident throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: Prioritize proofreading to catch and rectify grammatical and punctuation errors. Consider seeking assistance from language resources or language exchange partners to address specific areas of weakness. Practice constructing grammatically correct sentences and pay attention to verb tenses for improved accuracy. Also, familiarize yourself with the correct usage of articles and work on eliminating spelling mistakes.

In summary, to achieve a higher score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criterion, focus on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing overall grammatical precision. Additionally, meticulous proofreading and targeted practice in areas of weakness will contribute to noticeable improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many individuals aspire to organize grand celebrations, like weddings, which can pose challenges. Various issues, such as financial constraints, venue selection, and catering, may arise during the planning process. However, there are viable solutions to address these concerns.

Primarily, financial considerations can become a significant hurdle. If the event date is not decided well in advance, invited guests may have prior commitments, leading to unnecessary expenses for arrangements that won’t be fully utilized. Furthermore, selecting an inappropriate venue may result in substantial expenditure and unwanted risks. If incorrect information is disseminated, it can consume your time and leave guests without seating. This illustrates that numerous challenges may arise, and without the knowledge of how to address them, the celebration may suffer.

To mitigate these challenges, hiring a professional to assist in selecting a suitable venue and managing the budget is crucial. Prioritizing spending by considering cost-saving measures, such as DIY decorations or negotiating supplier prices, can help maintain financial stability. Additionally, establishing a clear communication plan and designating a focal person or team responsible for coordinating logistics can minimize coordination challenges. Conducting regular meetings, leveraging technology and tools, and ensuring everyone is informed can streamline the process.

In conclusion, to ensure the smooth execution of a celebration, it is imperative to make a clear schedule and seek professional assistance, especially when facing financial constraints. By addressing these challenges proactively, one can enhance the overall success of the event.

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