Write about the following topic: Some people think only parents are responsible for teaching children how to behave. Others think the main responsibility lies wit schools and the government. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Write at least 250 words.

Write about the following topic:
Some people think only parents are responsible for teaching children how to behave. Others think the main responsibility lies wit schools and the government.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Write at least 250 words.

In the parts where in many underdeveloped countries when there has been years to acquire independence, education in schools wasn’t prevalent. There were the responsibility of teaching how to behave, walk, or be longs to their parents. However, as the modern era, this responsibility has more than just parents in the various other factors or becoming more undeniable than parents’ education plays a crucial role in its and more significant parts. Obviously, from the moment we’re born up until when we attend pre-school, for our parents stick with us almost every ticking seconds. It is our parents who teach us about everything in early life. How to eat, how to talk, how to walk, how to run, etc. Not only do they teach about the most basic human functions, they also convey their moral about life experiences and moral values. How to hold what is sage and how dangerous, how to do this, how to that, and how not how, who is not to act in different places. Are valuable lessons than you get from your parents around you. There are diverse people and how to treat everything, everyone which will be your guide to explore the journey that is life. This they will be your new of the world and how you behave and means that parent’s responsibility is of utmost importance to make a functional member of society with crucial human values so parents need to raise their child with love, care and responsibility otherwise it would be bad to a child growing up to be a possible threat to society.

Although parental education is a core factor to determine how a child behaves, as mentioned above the very same can be said about the influence of schools and the government in perspective. Nowadays, children no longer spend their day along side their parents anymore as there would be sent to school and spend the majority of their time there. Schools teach children things that their parents can’t or don’t have the time to teach them. In addition to teaching knowledge on different subjects, teachers also pass their moral opinions and ideas to students. Moreover, schools require children to do group making so friends to complete given tasks and also make friends. On the other hand, undeniably make a little island life a lot easier and it’s be far more for instance, an always positive and smiling child’s behavior can win. These elements contribute a great deal to respect their teachers who care will make a good bee of their teachers and having friends who a negative teacher and toxic friends will receive the opposite.

It’s understandable to note the government’s influence into account on how a child behaves also. Besides the two previously mentioned factors, a child’s behavior is more or less depend on their life gaining another topic to be the other lived a good life or not. Since the government directly affects citizens’ life, it’s also affects the outside measure. Inferior government often make its people’s lives miserable, which means the shortcomings of financially or mentally and in most cases it leads parents whether it educationally, infrastructurally. In men for many, it leads to tension between parents and their directly aspects their kids and create a child who grow up serving life in a negative campaign. Therefore, the government’s role in this issue is considerable and our need to have responsibility in caring for children and people try in general in order to develop.

In conclusion, each mentioned party plays a crucial irreplaceable part in the way a child behaves especially in this day and age where children no longer depend solely on their parents. Parents teach and provide the bars, schools advances the children further and children reinforce those two factors while the government is the key element to secure those socializing a above. There is, it would be unreasonable to only recognize the importance of one aspect.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In the parts where in many underdeveloped countries when there has been years to acquire independence" -> "In many underdeveloped countries, particularly those that have recently gained independence"
   Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed and unclear. The revised version clarifies the meaning and maintains a formal tone.

2. "the responsibility of teaching how to behave, walk, or be longs to their parents" -> "the responsibility of teaching basic social skills, such as behavior, walking, and etiquette, lies with parents"
   Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and vague. The revision corrects the grammar and specifies the skills being referred to.

3. "as the modern era, this responsibility has more than just parents in the various other factors or becoming more undeniable than parents’ education plays a crucial role in its and more significant parts" -> "in the modern era, this responsibility extends beyond parental involvement to include various other factors, making it increasingly undeniable that parental education plays a crucial role in this process"
   Explanation: The original sentence is convoluted and unclear. The revision clarifies the meaning and improves readability.

4. "How to hold what is sage and how dangerous, how to do this, how to that, and how not how, who is not to act in different places" -> "how to handle situations wisely, how to navigate risks, and how to behave appropriately in various contexts"
   Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and contains errors. The revision clarifies the meaning and uses more precise language.

5. "Are valuable lessons than you get from your parents around you" -> "are valuable lessons compared to those learned from parents"
   Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects the grammar and improves clarity.

6. "This they will be your new of the world" -> "This is how they will introduce you to the world"
   Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.

7. "how you behave and means that parent’s responsibility is of utmost importance" -> "how you behave, emphasizing the paramount importance of parental responsibility"
   Explanation: The original sentence is awkwardly constructed. The revision improves the flow and clarity of the sentence.

8. "to make a functional member of society with crucial human values" -> "to produce a well-adjusted member of society with essential human values"
   Explanation: The original phrase is vague and awkward. The revision specifies the outcome and uses more precise language.

9. "otherwise it would be bad to a child growing up to be a possible threat to society" -> "otherwise, it could lead to a child growing up to be a potential threat to society"
   Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.

10. "Nowadays, children no longer spend their day along side their parents anymore as there would be sent to school" -> "Currently, children no longer spend their days alongside their parents, as they are now sent to school"
    Explanation: The original sentence is awkwardly phrased and contains a grammatical error. The revision corrects the grammar and improves readability.

11. "Schools teach children things that their parents can’t or don’t have the time to teach them" -> "Schools impart knowledge that parents are either unable or lack the time to teach"
    Explanation: The original phrase is wordy and informal. The revision is concise and maintains a formal tone.

12. "In addition to teaching knowledge on different subjects, teachers also pass their moral opinions and ideas to students" -> "In addition to teaching various subjects, teachers also impart their moral perspectives and values to students"
    Explanation: The original phrase uses vague terms. The revision specifies what is being imparted, enhancing clarity and precision.

13. "make a little island life a lot easier and it’s be far more for instance" -> "make life easier and it is far more advantageous, for instance"
    Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.

14. "an always positive and smiling child’s behavior can win" -> "a consistently positive and smiling child’s behavior can be advantageous"
    Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The revision corrects the awkward phrasing and clarifies the meaning.

15. "These elements contribute a great deal to respect their teachers who care will make a good bee of their teachers" -> "These factors significantly contribute to fostering respect for teachers who care, leading to a positive relationship"
    Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.

16. "having friends who a negative teacher and toxic friends will receive the opposite" -> "having friends with a negative teacher and toxic friends will receive the opposite"
    Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect. The revision corrects the grammar and improves clarity.

17. "Besides the two previously mentioned factors, a child’s behavior is more or less depend on their life gaining another topic to be the other lived a good life or not" -> "Besides the previously mentioned factors, a child’s behavior is largely influenced by their life experiences and whether they have lived a good life or not"
    Explanation: The original sentence is convoluted and unclear. The revision clarifies the meaning and improves readability.

18. "Inferior government often make its people’s lives miserable" -> "Inadequate governance often makes people’s lives miserable"
    Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects the grammar and improves clarity.

19. "which means the shortcomings of financially or mentally and in most cases it leads parents whether it educationally, infrastructurally" -> "which often results in financial or mental shortcomings, and in many cases, this leads to educational or infrastructural shortcomings for parents"
    Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.

20. "In men for many, it leads to tension between parents and their directly aspects their kids" -> "In many cases, this leads to tension between parents and their children"
    Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.

These changes aim to refine the vocabulary, improve grammatical accuracy, and enhance the overall formality and clarity of the essay.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both views regarding the responsibility of teaching children how to behave, focusing on parents, schools, and the government. However, the arguments are somewhat disjointed and lack clarity. For instance, the first paragraph primarily emphasizes parental responsibility but does not clearly articulate the counterargument regarding schools and government until later in the essay. This results in a lack of balance in discussing both perspectives.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should clearly delineate the two viewpoints in separate paragraphs. Each viewpoint should be presented in a structured manner, with a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details. Additionally, the writer should ensure that both sides are given equal weight and that the transition between discussing parents and schools/government is smooth and logical.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general opinion that acknowledges the importance of both parents and schools/government in teaching children behavior. However, the position is not consistently clear throughout the essay. Phrases like "it would be unreasonable to only recognize the importance of one aspect" suggest a balanced view, but the lack of a definitive stance makes it difficult for the reader to grasp the writer’s personal opinion.
  • How to improve: The writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. This can be achieved by using clear language to express which side they lean towards or if they believe a combination of both is essential. Consistency in expressing this opinion throughout the essay will strengthen the overall argument.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding parental influence, school education, and government roles, but these ideas are not well-developed or supported with specific examples. For instance, while it mentions that schools teach moral values, it does not provide concrete examples of how this occurs or why it is significant. Additionally, some sentences are convoluted and difficult to follow, which detracts from the clarity of the arguments.
  • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should focus on providing specific examples and explanations for each point made. For instance, when discussing how schools contribute to a child’s behavior, the writer could include examples of specific programs or teaching methods that promote moral education. Clear and concise sentences will also help in articulating ideas more effectively.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the main topic, particularly in sections where the writer discusses the government’s influence on behavior. While it is relevant, the discussion lacks focus and clarity, making it difficult to see how it directly relates to the prompt about teaching behavior. Some sentences are also overly complex and may confuse the reader about the main point being made.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus on the topic, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the prompt. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that all content is relevant. Additionally, simplifying complex sentences and avoiding tangential ideas will help keep the essay on track.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, it requires clearer structure, more specific examples, and a more consistent position to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing the roles of parents, schools, and the government in teaching children how to behave. However, the organization of ideas is somewhat disjointed. For instance, the first paragraph begins with a historical context but quickly shifts to the present without a clear transition. The flow of ideas is often interrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear connections, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. For example, the sentence "There are diverse people and how to treat everything, everyone which will be your guide to explore the journey that is life" lacks clarity and coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the essay should follow a clear structure: introduction, body paragraphs (each focusing on a specific aspect), and conclusion. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. Additionally, using transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In contrast," "For example") can help guide the reader through the argument.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several paragraphs, but they are not well-defined or effectively structured. Some paragraphs are overly long and contain multiple ideas that could be better presented in separate paragraphs. For instance, the second paragraph mixes discussions about parental roles and the influence of schools without clear separation, leading to confusion. The lack of clear paragraphing makes it challenging for the reader to identify the main points being discussed.
  • How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. For example, one paragraph could solely discuss the role of parents, while another could focus on schools, followed by a separate paragraph addressing the government’s influence. This would create a clearer structure and allow for more in-depth exploration of each point. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and a concluding sentence can help reinforce the main idea.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "however" and "although," but these are often misused or insufficiently varied. The transitions between ideas can feel abrupt, and the lack of cohesive devices leads to a fragmented reading experience. For example, phrases like "on the other hand" are used, but the connection to the preceding sentence is not always clear, which disrupts the flow of the argument.
  • How to improve: To improve cohesion, the writer should incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices, including conjunctions (e.g., "and," "but," "because"), linking words (e.g., "therefore," "consequently"), and phrases that indicate contrast or addition (e.g., "in addition," "furthermore"). Practicing the use of these devices in context can help create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs, ultimately enhancing the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, while the essay addresses the prompt and presents relevant ideas, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion. Focusing on these areas will not only clarify the argument but also enhance the reader’s understanding and engagement with the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. Phrases like "functional member of society" and "moral values" show an understanding of appropriate terminology. However, there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as "how to behave, walk, or be longs to their parents," which detracts from the overall lexical variety. The use of "the modern era" is somewhat vague and could be replaced with a more specific term.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more precise terms. For example, instead of repeating "how to" in multiple instances, the writer could use phrases like "the methods of" or "the skills of." Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to education and social behavior would enrich the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the very same can be said about the influence of schools and the government in perspective" is unclear and could be more directly stated. The phrase "make a little island life a lot easier" is also confusing and does not effectively convey a clear meaning. Additionally, "inferior government" lacks clarity and could be better articulated as "an ineffective government."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and specificity in word choice. It would be beneficial to revise sentences for conciseness and to ensure that the intended meaning is clear. Using a thesaurus to find more appropriate synonyms and practicing sentence restructuring can help achieve this.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that affect readability and professionalism. For instance, "be longs" should be "belongs," and "sage" should likely be "safe." The phrase "a good bee of their teachers" appears to be a typographical error, possibly intended to mean "a good view of their teachers." Such errors detract from the overall quality of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, ideally reading it aloud to catch errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Regular practice with writing exercises focused on spelling can help solidify correct forms in memory.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to engage with the prompt, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as the use of complex sentences (e.g., "Although parental education is a core factor to determine how a child behaves, as mentioned above the very same can be said about the influence of schools and the government in perspective."). However, many sentences are overly long and convoluted, which affects clarity. For example, phrases like "the very same can be said about the influence of schools and the government in perspective" are awkwardly constructed and could be simplified. Additionally, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as the frequent use of "how to" phrases, which detracts from the overall range.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. Breaking down longer sentences into shorter, clearer ones can improve readability. For example, instead of "There are diverse people and how to treat everything, everyone which will be your guide to explore the journey that is life," the writer could say, "There are diverse people, and learning how to treat everyone is essential. This knowledge will guide you on your journey through life." Incorporating more varied sentence beginnings and avoiding repetitive phrases will also contribute to a more engaging writing style.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder understanding. For instance, phrases like "the responsibility has more than just parents in the various other factors or becoming more undeniable than parents’ education plays a crucial role in its and more significant parts" are grammatically incorrect and confusing. Additionally, there are missing articles (e.g., "the responsibility" instead of "responsibility") and incorrect verb forms (e.g., "are valuable lessons than you get" should be "are more valuable lessons than those you get"). Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and run-on sentences, further complicate the reading experience.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on understanding subject-verb agreement, proper use of articles, and verb forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help solidify these concepts. It would also be beneficial to read more academic essays to observe correct grammar and punctuation usage. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and sentence structure before submission can help catch mistakes. For example, breaking down run-on sentences and ensuring that each sentence clearly conveys a complete thought will enhance clarity.

In summary, while the essay presents relevant ideas and arguments, significant improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on sentence variety, clarity, and grammatical correctness will greatly enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In many underdeveloped countries, particularly those that have recently gained independence, education in schools wasn’t prevalent. The responsibility of teaching how to behave, walk, and have good manners lies with parents. However, in the modern era, this responsibility extends beyond parental involvement to include various other factors, making it increasingly undeniable that parental education plays a crucial role in this process. From the moment we’re born until we attend preschool, our parents stick with us almost every second. It is our parents who teach us about everything in early life: how to eat, how to talk, how to walk, and how to run. Not only do they teach us the most basic human functions, but they also convey their moral values and life experiences. They teach us how to understand what is safe and what is dangerous, how to behave in different situations, and how to treat others. These are valuable lessons compared to those learned from parents around us. There are diverse people and ways to treat everyone, which will guide us on the journey that is life. This is how they will introduce us to the world and emphasize the paramount importance of parental responsibility to produce a well-adjusted member of society with essential human values. Therefore, parents need to raise their children with love, care, and responsibility; otherwise, it could lead to a child growing up to be a potential threat to society.

Although parental education is a core factor in determining how a child behaves, the influence of schools and the government should also be considered. Nowadays, children no longer spend their days alongside their parents, as they are sent to school and spend the majority of their time there. Schools impart knowledge that parents are either unable or lack the time to teach. In addition to teaching various subjects, teachers also impart their moral perspectives and values to students. Moreover, schools require children to work in groups, which helps them make friends and learn teamwork. On the other hand, having a consistently positive and smiling child’s behavior can be advantageous. These factors significantly contribute to fostering respect for teachers who care, leading to a positive relationship. However, having friends with a negative teacher and toxic friends will lead to the opposite experience.

It’s also important to consider the government’s influence on how a child behaves. Besides the previously mentioned factors, a child’s behavior largely depends on their life experiences and whether they have lived a good life or not. Since the government directly affects citizens’ lives, it also influences their environment. Inadequate governance often makes people’s lives miserable, which can result in financial or mental shortcomings. In many cases, this leads to educational or infrastructural shortcomings for parents. Consequently, this can create tension between parents and their children, leading to a child who grows up in a negative environment. Therefore, the government’s role in this issue is considerable, and it needs to take responsibility for caring for children and the community in general to promote development.

In conclusion, each mentioned party plays a crucial and irreplaceable part in shaping a child’s behavior, especially in this day and age where children no longer depend solely on their parents. Parents teach and provide the foundation, schools advance the children further, and children reinforce those two factors, while the government is the key element to secure socialization. Thus, it would be unreasonable to only recognize the importance of one aspect.