Write about the following topic: Today, people are surrounded by advertising. This affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on people's lives.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In contemporary society, many people argue that advertising affects what people think is really crucial and has an adverse effect on people’s lives. While there are some drawbacks to this opinion, I partly agree with this notion due to its drawbacks.
On the one hand, the option that advertising has some positive impacts on people’s lives has several reasons. First of all, people can easily get a variety of options and choose the thing that they think is the best option. Advertising provides some valuable information about the product, so people can simply compare each of them to get the best option for their needs and budget. For instance, my mother wants to buy a new dress, so she researched on the internet. With numerous advertisements, she compared the information that advertisements provided and easily chose the most beautiful and affordable dress for her. Secondly, advertisements help people discover new products. Advertising introduces consumers to a lot of products that they might not otherwise encounter. This can be a valuable resource of information or inspiration, helping them discover solutions for their needs and wants. For example, I used to be annoyed with wired earbuds due to the entanglement when using them. But after looking at some advertisements, I accidentally discovered a wireless earphone, which is really convenient to use.
On the other hand, there are a variety of reasons why I also believe that with advertisements surrounded, there are several disadvantages for people’s lives. For the main reason, which lots of advertisements surround them, people might be definitely annoyed. For instance, when I visit some websites, many advertisable banners can appear and hide the information that I need. Another reason for this point is privacy. To get good advertising for you, many social media sites like facebook or youtube can track your activities in these social media. For example, I chatted with my friend that I absolutely need a new laptop for my study. As a result, after some minutes, my social media page displayed many advertisable banners about laptops. That made me feel a lake of privacy
In conclusion, while there are several benefits regarding the advertising, I still believe that it is more disadvantageous to it because of how annoying it is. It is advisable that you should be really careful on the authenticity of the information in advertising and how social media tracks your activities to display suitable advertisements for you.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"advertising affects what people think is really crucial" -> "advertising influences perceptions of what is genuinely essential"
Explanation: Replacing "affects what people think is really crucial" with "influences perceptions of what is genuinely essential" offers a more formal and precise expression.
"While there are some drawbacks to this opinion" -> "However, there are certain drawbacks to this viewpoint"
Explanation: The suggested alternative, "viewpoint," is more formal than "opinion," and "certain drawbacks" adds clarity and specificity to the statement.
"partly agree with this notion due to its drawbacks" -> "partially concur with this perspective because of its disadvantages"
Explanation: Replacing "notion" with "perspective" and "drawbacks" with "disadvantages" enhances the formality and clarity of the sentence.
"First of all" -> "To begin with"
Explanation: "To begin with" is a more formal transition phrase that suits academic writing better.
"people can easily get a variety of options" -> "individuals can readily access a range of choices"
Explanation: Substituting "get" with "access" and "variety of options" with "a range of choices" improves the formality and precision of the sentence.
"Advertising provides some valuable information" -> "Advertising furnishes valuable information"
Explanation: The revised phrase is more concise and formal.
"she researched on the internet" -> "she conducted online research"
Explanation: "Conducted online research" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrasing.
"numerous advertisements" -> "a multitude of advertisements"
Explanation: "A multitude of" is a more formal and descriptive term compared to "numerous."
"easily chose the most beautiful and affordable dress for her" -> "efficiently selected an elegant and cost-effective dress"
Explanation: The replacement uses more sophisticated language while retaining clarity.
"discover new products" -> "encounter novel products"
Explanation: "Encounter novel products" sounds more formal and scholarly.
"annoyed with wired earbuds" -> "irritated by wired earbuds"
Explanation: "Irritated by" is a more formal way to express annoyance.
"surrounded, there are several disadvantages" -> "surrounded, numerous disadvantages arise"
Explanation: The revised sentence is more structured and less colloquial.
"advertisable banners can appear" -> "advertising banners may appear"
Explanation: "Advertising banners may appear" is a more formal phrasing.
"lake of privacy" -> "lack of privacy"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling from "lake" to "lack" makes the phrase accurate and formal.
"In conclusion, while there are several benefits regarding the advertising" -> "In conclusion, while there are several advantages associated with advertising"
Explanation: "Advantages associated with advertising" is a more precise and formal expression.
"It is advisable that you should be really careful" -> "It is advisable to exercise caution"
Explanation: The revised sentence is more concise and avoids redundancy.
"the authenticity of the information in advertising" -> "the accuracy of information in advertisements"
Explanation: "Accuracy of information in advertisements" is a more precise and formal term.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Task Response: 6
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does a decent job of addressing all parts of the question. It presents both sides of the argument – the positive and negative impacts of advertising on people’s lives. However, it could have delved deeper into the "to what extent do you agree or disagree" aspect. The essay leans more towards agreeing with the statement but doesn’t explicitly state the extent of agreement.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should clearly state the extent of agreement or disagreement (e.g., "I partially agree") and provide more explicit reasoning for this stance.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a relatively clear position throughout. It consistently presents the idea that advertising has both positive and negative impacts on people’s lives. However, the clarity could be enhanced by explicitly stating the extent of agreement or disagreement and maintaining this position more emphatically.
- How to improve: To present a clearer position, state the extent of agreement or disagreement early in the essay and ensure that subsequent paragraphs consistently align with this stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents, extends, and supports ideas to some extent. It provides examples such as the comparison of products for purchasing and the discovery of new products through advertising. However, these examples could be more detailed and varied. The explanation of the negative impact on privacy is somewhat vague.
- How to improve: To improve, provide more specific and varied examples that thoroughly illustrate both the positive and negative impacts of advertising. Additionally, elaborate on the negative impact on privacy with concrete details.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic but does have moments where it slightly deviates. For instance, when discussing the annoyance of advertisements, it briefly mentions visiting websites, which is somewhat tangential to the main discussion. However, it quickly returns to the topic.
- How to improve: To stay more focused on the topic, ensure that all examples and points directly relate to the impact of advertising on people’s lives. Avoid minor deviations that may distract from the central argument.
Overall, this essay provides a balanced view of the topic but could benefit from a clearer and more explicit stance, as well as more detailed and varied examples to support its arguments. Additionally, maintaining a tighter focus on the topic throughout the essay would enhance its coherence and effectiveness.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a relatively good level of logical organization. It begins with an introduction that presents both sides of the argument and a clear thesis statement indicating partial agreement. The body paragraphs are well-structured, with each one discussing a different aspect of the issue (positive impacts of advertising and negative impacts of advertising). Transitions between paragraphs are generally smooth, helping the reader follow the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider using more explicit transition words or phrases between sentences and paragraphs. This will make the essay even more cohesive and guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas and arguments. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, such as the positive aspects of advertising or the negative impacts. This paragraphing helps in maintaining clarity and coherence.
- How to improve: Continue to use paragraphs in the same manner to maintain a clear and organized structure. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details or examples.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a reasonable range of cohesive devices, such as transition words (e.g., "First of all," "On the other hand," "In conclusion") and pronoun references (e.g., "this notion," "these social media"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: While the essay does use cohesive devices effectively, consider incorporating a more diverse set of connectives and transition words to provide a richer sense of coherence. Additionally, pay attention to the consistency of pronoun references to avoid any ambiguity.
Overall, the essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. To further improve, focus on enhancing the clarity of transitions and expanding the range of cohesive devices used. Additionally, ensure that pronoun references are consistently clear to avoid any potential confusion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with the writer using a variety of words and phrases to convey their ideas. For instance, they employ words such as "crucial," "adverse," "valuable," "encounter," "privacy," and "authenticity." These terms contribute to a rich and diverse vocabulary.
- How to improve: To further enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more complex and contextually precise vocabulary. In some instances, the writer uses relatively common words like "convenient," "annoyed," and "benefits," which, while accurate, could be replaced with more sophisticated synonyms or expressions. Expanding the use of idiomatic expressions or nuanced vocabulary would elevate the essay’s lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying the intended meanings. For example, when discussing the positive aspects of advertising, the writer uses words like "valuable," "compare," and "discover" accurately. However, there are a few instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For instance, the phrase "lake of privacy" is imprecise; it should be "lack of privacy." Additionally, the term "advantageous" might be replaced with "favorable" or "beneficial" for more precise phrasing.
- How to improve: Continue to focus on using vocabulary with precision, paying attention to nuances in meaning. Proofreading and editing can help eliminate minor imprecisions and ensure that each word contributes precisely to the essay’s message.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. Most words are spelled correctly, with only a few minor errors like "advertisable" (should be "advertising") and "lake" (should be "lack"). These errors do not significantly detract from comprehension.
- How to improve: To further enhance spelling accuracy, consider using spell-check tools during the writing process and reviewing the essay carefully before submission. Paying attention to common spelling pitfalls, such as homophones (e.g., "lake" vs. "lack"), will help avoid these minor errors.
Overall, the essay displays a strong command of vocabulary and language use. To continue improving, the writer should aim to incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary and ensure precision in word choice. Additionally, diligent proofreading can help eliminate minor spelling errors, maintaining a high level of lexical resource.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable variety of sentence structures. It includes both simple and complex sentences, but there is room for improvement in sentence structure diversity. For instance, many sentences follow a basic subject-verb-object pattern, which can make the writing seem somewhat monotonous.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and sentence structure variety, consider incorporating more complex sentence types such as conditional sentences, relative clauses, and passive voice constructions. This will make your writing more engaging and sophisticated.
Use Grammar Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a good command of grammar, with only a few minor errors. For instance, in the sentence "That made me feel a lake of privacy," the word "lake" should be replaced with "lack" for grammatical accuracy.
- How to improve: Continue to work on maintaining grammatical accuracy by carefully proofreading your essays for common errors like subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and word choice. Utilize grammar-checking tools to identify and correct any issues.
Use Correct Punctuation:
- Detailed explanation: Punctuation in the essay is generally accurate, but there are a few instances where it could be improved. For example, in the sentence, "For the main reason, which lots of advertisements surround them, people might be definitely annoyed," there should be a comma after "reason" and before "which" to set off the non-essential clause.
- How to improve: To enhance punctuation skills, pay attention to the use of commas, periods, and semicolons to ensure clarity and readability. Consider studying punctuation rules and practicing them in your writing.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a good level of grammatical range and accuracy, with minor areas for improvement in sentence structure variety and punctuation. Keep practicing and refining your writing skills to consistently achieve a higher level of proficiency in these areas.
Bài sửa mẫu
In contemporary society, many people argue that advertising influences perceptions of what is genuinely essential and has a negative impact on people’s lives. However, there are certain drawbacks to this viewpoint, and I partially concur with this perspective because of its disadvantages.
To begin with, individuals can readily access a range of choices through advertising. Advertising furnishes valuable information about products, allowing people to compare and select the best option for their needs and budget. For instance, my mother conducted online research when she wanted to buy a new dress. With a multitude of advertisements, she efficiently selected an elegant and cost-effective dress based on the information provided in the ads. Moreover, advertising helps individuals encounter novel products they might not have otherwise discovered. It can be a valuable resource of information and inspiration, aiding consumers in finding solutions for their needs and desires. For example, I used to be irritated by wired earbuds due to their entanglement when in use. However, after viewing some advertisements, I accidentally came across wireless earphones, which proved to be a convenient alternative.
On the other hand, when individuals are surrounded by numerous advertisements, various disadvantages arise. Firstly, advertising banners may appear on websites and obscure the information users are seeking, causing irritation. For instance, while visiting some websites, many advertising banners can obstruct and hide the information that I need. Secondly, there is a lack of privacy associated with advertising. To provide tailored advertising, social media platforms like Facebook or YouTube track users’ activities on these platforms. For example, after mentioning in a chat that I needed a new laptop for my studies, my social media page displayed numerous advertising banners related to laptops within minutes. This intrusion into my privacy was disconcerting.
In conclusion, while there are several advantages associated with advertising, I still believe that it is more disadvantageous due to how annoying it can be and the potential invasion of privacy. It is advisable to exercise caution and critically assess the accuracy of information in advertisements while being mindful of how social media tracks your activities to display suitable ads.