Write about the following topic: The media should include more stories which report good news. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Write about the following topic:
The media should include more stories which report good news. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.

the good stories should be reported more on social networking. i agree with this perspective for many reasons.
first, media is compelling, it can control the mindset or opinion of gen z about a problem, so if more good things are published they will want to imitate or spread them out then more good things will be done. in contrast, people especially gen z will also imitate the bad actions that are posted and repost that bad news more and more time. the result is the bad things will be known and discussed by many people. second, posting good news is a way to send big thanks to the people who do it. when the good things are posted is not only brings benefits to the individual but also to the community.
what if we always report bad news on social media? it's such a terrible thing. social media is not only a place where we can study or work it's also a space to relax and entertain. so posting only negative news will affect our feelings and if our feelings is not good our health and our work will be low too. fourth, many people in gen z take advantage of bad news just to be famous and influenced faster. for instance, some people post bad news even fake news about themselves or the otherselves just to be known more. an example of posting good stories will be spread and imitated is in the yagi storm period, many people did charity work and posted on the media then many people found ways to help people who had bad situations.
in conclusion, posting advantage stories instead of negative stories brings us many benefits so we should share more good stories on social networking.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "the good stories" -> "positive stories"
   Explanation: "Positive stories" is a more precise and formal term that clearly conveys the intended meaning without the ambiguity of "good stories," which can be subjective and vague.

2. "should be reported more on social networking" -> "should be more prominently featured on social media"
   Explanation: "More prominently featured" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea of increased visibility, and "social media" is the preferred term over "social networking" in academic contexts.

3. "i agree with this perspective" -> "I concur with this viewpoint"
   Explanation: Capitalizing "I" and replacing "agree" with "concur" aligns with formal academic writing standards, enhancing the formality and precision of the statement.

4. "media is compelling" -> "the media can be influential"
   Explanation: "The media can be influential" is a more accurate and formal way to describe the impact of media on public opinion, avoiding the vague and less formal "compelling."

5. "gen z" -> "Generation Z"
   Explanation: Using the full name "Generation Z" instead of the informal abbreviation "gen z" maintains a more formal tone appropriate for academic writing.

6. "want to imitate or spread them out" -> "are likely to emulate or disseminate them"
   Explanation: "Are likely to emulate or disseminate" is more formal and precise, replacing the colloquial "want to imitate or spread them out."

7. "people especially gen z" -> "individuals, particularly members of Generation Z"
   Explanation: "Individuals, particularly members of Generation Z" is more formal and specific, avoiding the informal "people especially gen z."

8. "posting good news is a way to send big thanks" -> "posting positive news serves as a means of expressing gratitude"
   Explanation: "Serves as a means of expressing gratitude" is more formal and precise than "is a way to send big thanks," which is overly casual and vague.

9. "brings benefits to the individual but also to the community" -> "benefits both the individual and the community"
   Explanation: "Benefits both the individual and the community" is a more concise and formal way to express the dual impact of posting positive news.

10. "what if we always report bad news on social media?" -> "what would be the consequences of consistently reporting negative news on social media?"
    Explanation: This revision clarifies the question and shifts it to a more formal inquiry, suitable for academic discourse.

11. "it’s such a terrible thing" -> "this is a detrimental practice"
    Explanation: "This is a detrimental practice" is more formal and objective than the colloquial "it’s such a terrible thing."

12. "posting only negative news will affect our feelings" -> "the exclusive posting of negative news can negatively impact our emotional well-being"
    Explanation: This revision uses more formal language and specifies the impact on emotional well-being, enhancing the academic tone.

13. "if our feelings is not good our health and our work will be low too" -> "if our emotional state is not positive, our health and productivity may also suffer"
    Explanation: This revision corrects the grammatical error and uses more precise language, aligning with formal academic standards.

14. "many people in gen z take advantage of bad news" -> "many individuals in Generation Z exploit negative news"
    Explanation: "Exploit" is a more precise term than "take advantage of," and "Generation Z" is used instead of the informal "gen z."

15. "posting bad news even fake news" -> "posting false or fabricated news"
    Explanation: "False or fabricated news" is a more precise and formal way to describe the type of news being referred to.

16. "posting good stories will be spread and imitated" -> "posting positive stories will be disseminated and emulated"
    Explanation: "Disseminated and emulated" are more formal terms that enhance the academic tone of the essay.

17. "posting advantage stories" -> "posting advantageous stories"
    Explanation: "Advantageous" is the correct adjective form to describe stories that have benefits, correcting the grammatical error in "advantage stories."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by expressing agreement with the idea that the media should report more good news. The writer provides several reasons supporting this stance, such as the influence of media on Gen Z and the positive effects of sharing good news. However, while the main argument is clear, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint or a more nuanced discussion of the extent of agreement. For instance, the essay could briefly mention the importance of balance in news reporting.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly address the opposing viewpoint, perhaps by acknowledging that while bad news is important, it should not overshadow positive stories. This could involve adding a sentence or two that recognizes the role of negative news in informing the public.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that good news should be reported more frequently. The writer consistently supports this view throughout the essay. However, the phrasing is somewhat informal and lacks the academic tone expected in IELTS essays. For example, phrases like "it’s such a terrible thing" could be articulated more formally.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear and formal position, the writer should use more sophisticated language and avoid colloquial expressions. Additionally, reinforcing the main argument in the conclusion with a strong statement can help solidify the position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the impact of good news on Gen Z and the potential for good news to inspire community action. However, some ideas are not fully developed or supported with concrete examples. For instance, the mention of the "yagi storm period" lacks context and could confuse readers unfamiliar with the event.
  • How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to elaborate on key points with more detailed examples and explanations. Providing context for specific references and ensuring that each idea is fully fleshed out will strengthen the essay.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the benefits of reporting good news. However, there are moments where the argument becomes slightly convoluted, such as when discussing the negative effects of bad news on health and work. This could distract from the main argument about the importance of good news.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly supports the central argument. It may help to outline the essay before writing, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear purpose and ties back to the main thesis. Additionally, avoiding tangential discussions about bad news will help keep the essay on track.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a clear argument, it would benefit from more nuanced engagement with the prompt, stronger examples, and a more formal tone.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a series of arguments in favor of reporting good news, but the organization of these ideas lacks clarity and logical progression. For instance, the transition from discussing the influence of media on Gen Z to the impact of good news on community well-being feels abrupt. The points are somewhat related but not effectively linked, which can confuse the reader about the overall argument. Additionally, the use of "fourth" without a clear "third" point disrupts the logical flow.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider outlining the essay before writing. Start with a clear introduction that states your main argument, followed by well-structured body paragraphs, each containing a single main idea supported by examples. Use transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In addition," "Conversely") to guide the reader through your argument and clarify how each point relates to the previous one.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks clear paragraphing, which makes it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. The ideas are presented in a single block of text, which can overwhelm the reader and obscure the main points. Effective paragraphing is crucial for clarity and allows the reader to digest information more easily.
  • How to improve: Implement clear paragraph breaks for each main idea. For example, start a new paragraph for the introduction, another for each distinct argument (e.g., the influence of media, the benefits of good news), and a final paragraph for the conclusion. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that summarizes the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices, which hampers the flow of ideas. While there are some attempts at linking ideas (e.g., "in contrast," "for instance"), the overall variety and effectiveness of these devices are insufficient. The repetition of phrases like "good news" and "bad news" without variation can lead to redundancy.
  • How to improve: To improve cohesion, diversify the range of cohesive devices used. Incorporate synonyms and related phrases to avoid repetition (e.g., use "positive stories" or "uplifting news" instead of repeatedly saying "good news"). Additionally, use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly, such as "however," "therefore," "as a result," and "in conclusion." This will create a more fluid reading experience and strengthen the connections between your ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt to use varied vocabulary, such as "compelling," "imitate," "benefits," and "charity work." However, the range is limited, and many phrases are repetitive or overly simplistic. For instance, the phrase "good stories" is used multiple times without variation, which detracts from the overall lexical richness.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or more specific terms. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "good stories," you could use "positive news," "uplifting narratives," or "inspiring accounts." Additionally, incorporating more complex phrases or idiomatic expressions could elevate the lexical quality.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: Some vocabulary choices are imprecise or awkward. For instance, the phrase "the otherselves" is incorrect and confusing. Additionally, the term "bad actions" could be more accurately described as "negative behaviors" or "harmful actions." The phrase "posting advantage stories" is also unclear and does not convey the intended meaning effectively.
  • How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in word choice. Review each sentence to ensure that the vocabulary accurately reflects the intended meaning. Using a thesaurus can help find more appropriate synonyms, but ensure that the chosen words fit the context. For example, instead of "posting advantage stories," consider "sharing positive experiences."

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "gen z" (should be "Gen Z"), "the otherselves" (should be "others"), and "is not only brings" (should be "not only brings"). These errors can distract the reader and detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, practice writing and proofreading. Utilize spell-check tools, but also manually review your work to catch errors that automated tools might miss. Additionally, consider keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly to enhance your spelling skills.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, improving precision in word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy—the overall quality of the essay can be significantly improved, potentially leading to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, with few complex structures. For example, sentences like "first, media is compelling, it can control the mindset or opinion of gen z about a problem" and "when the good things are posted is not only brings benefits to the individual but also to the community" show a tendency to rely on straightforward constructions. This limits the depth and sophistication of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences. This can be achieved by using subordinating conjunctions (e.g., "although," "because," "while") to create dependent clauses. For instance, instead of saying "the good stories should be reported more on social networking," the writer could say, "Although many stories are reported on social networking, the good stories should be highlighted more frequently." This not only adds variety but also improves the flow of ideas.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, "the good stories should be reported more on social networking" lacks capitalization at the beginning, and "when the good things are posted is not only brings benefits" contains a subject-verb agreement error ("is" should be "it not only brings"). Additionally, commas are often misused or omitted, such as in "first, media is compelling, it can control," which should be separated into two sentences or connected with a conjunction.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and proper sentence structure. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, would be beneficial. Furthermore, the writer should review punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas and periods. Reading more complex texts can also help the writer internalize correct grammatical forms and punctuation usage.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance their grammatical range and accuracy, ultimately leading to a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

The media should feature more positive stories on social media platforms. I concur with this viewpoint for several reasons.

First, the media can be influential; it has the power to shape the mindset and opinions of Generation Z regarding various issues. If more uplifting stories are published, individuals are likely to emulate or disseminate them, leading to a greater number of positive actions within society. In contrast, when negative news is prevalent, especially among Gen Z, it can encourage the imitation of undesirable behaviors, as these stories are often shared repeatedly. Consequently, harmful actions become widely known and discussed.

Second, sharing good news serves as a way to express gratitude towards those who contribute positively to society. When positive stories are highlighted, they not only benefit the individuals involved but also uplift the community as a whole.

What would happen if we only reported bad news on social media? This would create a rather bleak environment. Social media is not just a platform for work or study; it is also a space for relaxation and entertainment. Constant exposure to negative news can adversely affect our emotions, and if our mental state suffers, our overall health and productivity may decline as well.

Moreover, many individuals in Generation Z exploit negative news to gain fame and influence quickly. For instance, some people share sensationalized or even fabricated stories about themselves or others to attract attention. In contrast, an example of the impact of positive stories can be seen during the Yagi storm period, when many individuals engaged in charitable work and shared their efforts on social media. This inspired others to find ways to assist those in difficult situations.

In conclusion, promoting positive stories instead of negative ones offers numerous benefits. Therefore, we should advocate for the inclusion of more uplifting narratives on social media platforms.