Write about your daily life
Describe three of your daily activities that might be interesting to someone from another country.
Everyday I have a lot of activities to do. I think that has a little different from another country and make them to be interesting about it. Such as in Vietnam general and I study very much and I feel many subjects everyday I have to learn can more difficult to another country. I read a newspaper about university exam in England in the past and it is very easy with me when I studied in 12 class so student in another country have to happy and funny to was born in it, haha. People in many countries can challenge with Math exam in University VN, it’s may be interesting.
And I usually learn English with Ielts Fighter. The vocabulary very much make me sometimes forget meaning a few words. That can creat exciting to people in UK when I study their mother language.
Doing exercise allow to reduces stress and keep fit so I hope all of people in the world have to do it and generate positive energy to self them.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"Everyday I have a lot of activities to do." -> "Each day, I engage in various activities."
Explanation: Replacing "Everyday I have a lot of activities to do" with "Each day, I engage in various activities" enhances formality and provides a more structured introduction.
"I think that has a little different from another country and make them to be interesting about it." -> "I believe these activities differ somewhat from those in other countries, which may intrigue them."
Explanation: The original sentence is unclear and informal. The suggested alternative clarifies the idea and maintains a formal tone.
"Such as in Vietnam general and I study very much and I feel many subjects everyday I have to learn can more difficult to another country." -> "For instance, in Vietnam, the academic curriculum is rigorous. I devote considerable time to studying various subjects every day, which may be more challenging compared to other countries."
Explanation: The suggested alternative provides a clearer and more precise description of the academic situation, adhering to formal language conventions.
"I read a newspaper about university exam in England in the past and it is very easy with me when I studied in 12 class so student in another country have to happy and funny to was born in it, haha." -> "I once read a newspaper article about university exams in England. Finding it relatively easy during my 12th-grade studies, I humorously suggest that students in other countries should consider themselves fortunate to be born into such a system."
Explanation: The revised version maintains formality, clarity, and adds a touch of humor without sacrificing academic tone.
"People in many countries can challenge with Math exam in University VN, it’s may be interesting." -> "Individuals from various countries might find the challenge posed by the Mathematics exams at Vietnamese universities intriguing."
Explanation: The suggested alternative uses more formal language and improves the structure of the sentence for clarity.
"And I usually learn English with Ielts Fighter." -> "Additionally, I consistently enhance my English language skills through the use of Ielts Fighter."
Explanation: The revised sentence is more formal, specifying the method of learning English and avoiding the use of "usually."
"The vocabulary very much make me sometimes forget meaning a few words." -> "The extensive vocabulary sometimes confuses me, leading to occasional forgetfulness of certain word meanings."
Explanation: The suggested alternative uses more sophisticated language and improves the expression of the idea.
"That can creat exciting to people in UK when I study their mother language." -> "This can be intriguing for individuals in the UK when I study their native language."
Explanation: The improved version maintains a formal tone and provides a more accurate expression of the idea.
"Doing exercise allow to reduces stress and keep fit so I hope all of people in the world have to do it and generate positive energy to self them." -> "Engaging in regular exercise not only helps reduce stress and maintain fitness but also fosters positive energy. I encourage people worldwide to adopt this practice for self-benefit."
Explanation: The suggested alternative maintains formality, improves clarity, and provides a more persuasive tone in promoting the idea of regular exercise.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by describing three daily activities. However, it lacks clarity and detail in each activity. The response is underdeveloped and does not fully explore the interesting aspects that might captivate someone from another country.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, provide more specific and detailed information about each daily activity. Elaborate on why these activities might be intriguing to someone from another country. Add depth to the content to fully answer the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay struggles to maintain a clear and consistent position. The writer discusses various activities without a strong overarching theme or focus. There is inconsistency in the level of detail and relevance to the prompt, making it challenging for the reader to discern a coherent stance.
- How to improve: To improve coherence, establish a clear thesis or theme related to the daily activities early in the essay. Maintain a consistent level of detail and relevance throughout each activity description. Ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall theme.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The presentation of ideas is rudimentary, and the development lacks depth. The essay briefly mentions daily activities but fails to extend or support them adequately. Specific examples or anecdotes related to each activity are lacking.
- How to improve: Extend the discussion by providing more details, examples, or personal experiences related to each daily activity. This will help in engaging the reader and making the essay more informative. Consider adding relevant anecdotes to illustrate the significance of each activity.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay deviates from the topic at times, introducing information about university exams, English learning struggles, and global exercise recommendations. These elements, while somewhat related, distract from the main focus of describing three daily activities.
- How to improve: To stay on topic, maintain a tight focus on the three daily activities. Avoid introducing unrelated information that dilutes the main theme. Each paragraph should contribute directly to the discussion of the interesting aspects of the specified daily activities.
In summary, to improve the essay and achieve a higher band score, the writer should provide more detailed and focused descriptions of each daily activity, maintain a consistent theme throughout, extend ideas with examples or anecdotes, and stay strictly on topic without introducing irrelevant details.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 4
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some issues with logical organization. The introduction lacks clarity, and the overall flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed. For example, the transition between discussing studying in Vietnam and learning English with IELTS Fighter could be smoother. Additionally, the conclusion seems abrupt and could benefit from summarizing key points.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider restructuring the essay to have a more coherent introduction that clearly outlines the three daily activities. Ensure a smooth transition between each activity and conclude by summarizing the main points. This will provide a clearer roadmap for the reader.
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks effective paragraphing. While there are attempts to separate ideas, the structure within each paragraph is inconsistent. The use of paragraphs could be more strategic to emphasize different daily activities and facilitate readability.
- How to improve: Organize content into distinct paragraphs, each focusing on a specific daily activity. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details and examples. This will improve the overall structure and make the essay more reader-friendly.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, but there is room for improvement. There’s a reliance on simple conjunctions, and more sophisticated devices, such as transitions and pronouns, could be incorporated for smoother connections between ideas. Additionally, some sentences lack clarity due to vague pronoun references.
- How to improve: Expand the use of cohesive devices such as transitions (e.g., firstly, moreover) and pronouns to create stronger connections between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure pronouns have clear antecedents to avoid confusion. This will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 4
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, but the range is limited. There is a reliance on basic vocabulary, and the attempt to showcase a broader range is hindered by frequent language errors and awkward phrasing.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of vocabulary, try incorporating more specific and nuanced terms. For instance, instead of using general words like "activities" or "very much," consider more precise terms related to the activities or the intensity of your studies. Replace generic terms like "interesting" with more descriptive adjectives that convey a richer meaning.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary usage is inconsistent. While some terms are used appropriately, there are instances where the intended meaning is unclear due to imprecise word choices and awkward phrasing. This impacts the overall clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: Focus on selecting words that accurately convey your intended meaning. For example, replace phrases like "make me sometimes forget meaning a few words" with a more concise expression like "occasionally struggle to recall certain words." This refinement will enhance the clarity and precision of your language.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits noticeable spelling errors, such as "creat" instead of "create" and grammatical inaccuracies like "self them." These errors affect the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to spelling during the proofreading process. Utilize tools like spell checkers and consider seeking feedback from peers or teachers to identify and rectify spelling and grammatical mistakes. Consistent practice will contribute to improved spelling accuracy.
In conclusion, while there is an attempt to use varied vocabulary, the essay’s effectiveness is hindered by imprecise language and noticeable spelling errors. To enhance your lexical resource, focus on precision in word choice, expand your vocabulary with more specific terms, and diligently proofread to eliminate spelling and grammatical errors. This will contribute to a more polished and proficient expression of ideas.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple and lack complexity. The repetition of certain structures affects the overall fluency and variety of expression. For instance, the frequent use of simple sentences diminishes the essay’s overall impact.
- How to improve: To enhance your grammatical range, consider incorporating more complex structures such as compound and complex sentences. Experiment with different sentence lengths and structures to create a more engaging and varied narrative. Use a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to add richness to your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous grammatical errors and punctuation issues that impact its clarity. For instance, there are problems with subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and incorrect word usage. Punctuation, including commas and periods, is often misapplied, leading to confusion.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, carefully proofread your work for errors in subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and word choice. Pay close attention to the correct usage of articles and prepositions. Additionally, work on proper punctuation placement to ensure clarity. Consider seeking feedback from peers or using grammar-check tools to identify and rectify these issues. Reviewing grammar rules and practicing sentence structure variations will contribute to improved accuracy.
In summary, while your essay addresses the prompt adequately, focusing on enhancing sentence variety and rectifying grammatical errors will elevate the overall quality of your writing. Paying close attention to these aspects will likely result in an improved band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
My daily routine involves a variety of activities that might pique the interest of someone from another country. For instance, in Vietnam, the academic curriculum is quite demanding. I dedicate a significant amount of time each day to studying various subjects, which might be more challenging compared to other countries.
I remember reading a newspaper article about university exams in England. Having found them relatively easy during my 12th-grade studies, I jokingly suggest that students in other countries should consider themselves fortunate to be part of such a system. It’s intriguing how individuals from different countries might find the challenge posed by Mathematics exams at Vietnamese universities interesting.
Furthermore, I consistently work on enhancing my English language skills through the use of Ielts Fighter. The extensive vocabulary can be a bit confusing at times, leading to occasional forgetfulness of certain word meanings. This aspect can be intriguing for individuals in the UK when I study their native language.
Engaging in regular exercise is another essential part of my daily routine. It not only helps reduce stress and maintain fitness but also fosters positive energy. I encourage people worldwide to adopt this practice for their own well-being.