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Write an advantages and disadvantages essay about living in an apartment in the city.

Write an advantages and disadvantages essay about living in an apartment in the city.

Among various types of accomodations, apartments has so far known as a affordable, popular living places among people. Is this type of housings, in the city, carrying drawbacks? In this essay I will elaborate on both views.
On one hand, it is undeniable that traveling is not a big deal while living in a city-located apartment because most cities are implemented with safe, convenient public transport. No matter where your apartment placed in, booking a taxi or train can be done in a few minutes.
Another view that approves the claim that it is ideal to live in apartment is about its housing price. The fact that the vast majority of abroaded or college students are sorting for cheap, affordable city housings has enhanced more and more apartments to be built. The monthly bill of apartment renting is cut down significantly, so it is way much appreciated than other housing types. Hence, apartments are also a good choice for those who have less financial stability.
On the other hand, life in apartments seems to be difficult and less secure for several reasons. As regards circumstances with others, some offensive attack or distracting can be done, causing irritation or even both physical and emotional damage for the stayers. There exists a higher rate of dangerous crimes than individual homes.
In reference to the building constructions, technical issues in apartments is being more popular, foster a sense of concern among people living in there. Accidents, for instance, being stuck in elevators, burnings or circuit explosions can either bring destructive damage in human lives and property.
In conclusion, whilts there are a few disadvantages for living in a city-located apartment, I highly recommend owning one for the sake of saving funds, immigration or distant education.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Among various types of accomodations" -> "Among various types of accommodations"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "accomodations" to "accommodations" ensures the use of the correct form of the word, which is essential for maintaining professionalism in academic writing.

  2. "has so far known as a affordable, popular living places" -> "is commonly regarded as an affordable and popular form of living"
    Explanation: Replacing "has so far known as" with "is commonly regarded as" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances the formality of the sentence. Additionally, "an affordable and popular form of living" is more precise and formal than "a affordable, popular living places."

  3. "in the city, carrying drawbacks" -> "in the city, presenting drawbacks"
    Explanation: "Presenting drawbacks" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea that apartments in the city have disadvantages.

  4. "it is undeniable that traveling is not a big deal" -> "it is undeniable that traveling is not a significant concern"
    Explanation: "Not a significant concern" is a more formal and precise alternative to "not a big deal," which is colloquial.

  5. "implemented with safe, convenient public transport" -> "equipped with safe and convenient public transportation"
    Explanation: "Equipped with" is more appropriate than "implemented with" in this context, and "public transportation" is the correct term for referring to the system as a whole.

  6. "No matter where your apartment placed in" -> "Regardless of the location of your apartment"
    Explanation: "Regardless of the location of your apartment" is more formal and grammatically correct than "No matter where your apartment placed in."

  7. "booking a taxi or train can be done in a few minutes" -> "booking a taxi or train can be accomplished in a few minutes"
    Explanation: "Accomplished" is a more formal synonym for "done," enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

  8. "abroaded or college students" -> "international students or college students"
    Explanation: "Abroaded" is not a standard term; "international students" is the correct and formal expression.

  9. "sorting for cheap, affordable city housings" -> "seeking affordable city housing"
    Explanation: "Seeking" is more formal than "sorting," and "city housing" is the correct singular form.

  10. "way much appreciated than other housing types" -> "significantly more appreciated than other housing types"
    Explanation: "Significantly more appreciated" corrects the awkward and informal "way much appreciated," aligning with formal academic language.

  11. "As regards circumstances with others" -> "Regarding circumstances involving others"
    Explanation: "Regarding" is more formal and appropriate than "As regards," and "involving" is more precise than "with."

  12. "some offensive attack or distracting can be done" -> "some offensive attacks or distractions can occur"
    Explanation: "Can occur" is more grammatically correct and formal than "can be done," and "attacks" and "distracting" should be plural to match the context.

  13. "causing irritation or even both physical and emotional damage" -> "causing irritation, physical, and emotional damage"
    Explanation: Removing "even" and using commas to separate items in a list improves the clarity and formality of the sentence.

  14. "technical issues in apartments is being more popular" -> "technical issues in apartments are becoming more prevalent"
    Explanation: "Are becoming more prevalent" corrects the subject-verb agreement and uses a more formal term than "is being more popular."

  15. "foster a sense of concern among people living in there" -> "foster concern among residents"
    Explanation: "Residents" is a more precise and formal term than "people living in there," which is vague and informal.

  16. "whilts" -> "while"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "whilts" to "while" ensures the proper use of the word in the context.

  17. "owning one for the sake of saving funds, immigration or distant education" -> "owning one for the purposes of saving funds, facilitating immigration or pursuing distant education"
    Explanation: "For the purposes of" and "facilitating" or "pursuing" are more formal and precise than "for the sake of" and "saving," enhancing the academic tone of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both advantages and disadvantages of living in an apartment in the city. It mentions convenience of transport and affordability as advantages, while highlighting security and technical issues as disadvantages. However, the discussion lacks depth and fails to fully explore the implications of these points.
    • How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point. For instance, elaborating on specific transportation benefits or citing statistics on crime rates in apartments would strengthen the argument.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a stance that living in an apartment is beneficial due to affordability and convenience, despite acknowledging security and technical concerns. However, the position lacks clarity and coherence at times, especially in concluding that apartments are recommended despite the drawbacks mentioned.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, the essay should clearly state and maintain its position throughout each paragraph. Avoiding contradictory statements and reinforcing the main thesis with stronger arguments would improve coherence.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented but lack development and support. For example, the essay briefly mentions advantages like affordability and convenience of transport without providing specific details or examples to substantiate these claims.
    • How to improve: To extend ideas effectively, each point should be supported with specific examples, data, or anecdotes. This would enrich the content and provide a more persuasive argument. Additionally, connecting ideas more logically would improve the flow and coherence of the essay.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing advantages and disadvantages of living in an apartment in the city. However, there are instances where the connection to the topic is tenuous, such as brief mentions of unrelated topics like immigration or distant education.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should avoid introducing tangential topics that do not directly relate to the advantages and disadvantages of apartment living. Keeping the discussion tightly focused on the prompt would improve coherence and relevance.

Overall, while the essay addresses the basic elements of the prompt, there is room for improvement in depth of analysis, coherence of position, development of ideas, and maintaining relevance to the topic. Strengthening these aspects would enhance the overall quality and effectiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of organization. It begins with an introduction that outlines the topic and states the intention to discuss both advantages and disadvantages. Each viewpoint (advantages and disadvantages) is presented in separate paragraphs, which helps in clarity. However, there is room for improvement in the logical flow within paragraphs, as ideas sometimes appear disjointed.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure each paragraph follows a clear structure: topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence that links back to the main idea. For instance, in the paragraph discussing advantages, start with a clear topic sentence about affordability, provide specific examples (like rent costs), and conclude by summarizing the benefits clearly.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different aspects of advantages and disadvantages, which is appropriate. However, some paragraphs could be more focused and cohesive. For example, in the paragraph discussing disadvantages, the ideas about security concerns and technical issues could each be developed into separate paragraphs for clarity and coherence.
    • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph around a single central idea related to the advantages or disadvantages of apartment living. This will help in maintaining clarity and coherence throughout the essay. Use topic sentences to introduce each new paragraph’s main idea clearly.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices such as linking words (e.g., "on one hand," "on the other hand," "in conclusion"). However, their usage is somewhat repetitive and could be more varied to improve coherence. There are missed opportunities to use other cohesive devices like pronouns (it, this) or synonyms (e.g., "furthermore," "moreover").
    • How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices used. Instead of relying solely on transitional phrases like "on one hand" and "on the other hand," consider using pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned ideas or synonyms that add variety and clarity to the essay’s structure.

Overall, while the essay adequately addresses the topic and presents coherent ideas, enhancing the logical structure within paragraphs and diversifying the use of cohesive devices would strengthen its coherence and cohesion score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with attempts to vary lexical choices throughout. For instance, phrases like "various types of accommodations," "affordable, popular living places," and "vast majority of abroaded or college students" show attempts at varied expression.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, aim for more nuanced and precise vocabulary choices. For example, instead of "affordable," consider alternatives like "economical" or "cost-effective." Expand on specific terms related to city living (e.g., "urban dwellings" instead of "city housings").
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: Vocabulary precision varies. While some terms are used correctly ("monthly bill," "dangerous crimes"), there are instances of imprecise language such as "abroaded" instead of "abroad" and "foster a sense of concern" which could be more succinct.
    • How to improve: Work on using words accurately and fittingly. Replace vague phrases with precise terms where possible (e.g., replace "foster a sense of concern" with "heighten anxieties").
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays generally acceptable spelling accuracy with a few errors, such as "accomodations" (correct spelling: accommodations), "whilts" (correct spelling: whilst), and inconsistent use of capitalization ("Apartment," "buildings").
    • How to improve: Focus on proofreading to catch spelling errors and inconsistencies. Utilize spell-check tools and allocate time to review written work before submission to ensure correctness.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates adequate lexical resource overall, improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling consistency would elevate the quality of expression and coherence. Aim for clarity and accuracy in word choice and ensure meticulous proofreading to enhance overall lexical performance.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 4

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. There is occasional use of complex sentences, such as "No matter where your apartment placed in, booking a taxi or train can be done in a few minutes." However, these structures are limited in variety and often lack complexity, which impacts the overall sophistication of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses and varied sentence lengths. For instance, instead of always using simple sentences, combine ideas to create more nuanced arguments. Example: "While city apartments offer convenient access to public transport, their affordability may be overshadowed by safety concerns."
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay shows frequent errors in grammar and punctuation, affecting clarity and coherence. Examples include incorrect verb forms ("apartments has so far known as a affordable"), subject-verb agreement issues ("The fact that the vast majority … are sorting for cheap"), and missing articles ("the housing price").
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on reviewing basic grammar rules such as verb conjugation, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. Proofreading for punctuation errors, especially commas and sentence boundaries, will also enhance the readability of the essay. Example: "Apartments are known for their affordability, making them a popular choice among students and immigrants seeking cheaper housing options."

Overall, while the essay presents both advantages and disadvantages of living in a city apartment, improvements in sentence structure variety and grammatical accuracy are essential to achieving a higher band score. Focus on developing more sophisticated sentence structures and refining grammar skills through practice and careful proofreading.

Bài sửa mẫu

Among various types of accommodations, apartments are commonly regarded as affordable and popular places to live in cities. Is this type of housing associated with drawbacks? In this essay, I will elaborate on both views.

On one hand, it is undeniable that traveling is not a significant concern while living in a city-located apartment because most cities are equipped with safe and convenient public transportation. Regardless of the location of your apartment, booking a taxi or train can be accomplished in a few minutes.

Another advantageous aspect of apartment living is its affordability. Many international students or college students seeking affordable city housing find apartments significantly more appreciated than other housing types. The monthly cost of renting an apartment is generally lower, making it a viable option for those with limited financial stability.

However, on the other hand, life in apartments can present challenges and security issues. Regarding interactions with neighbors, some offensive attacks or distractions can occur, causing irritation, physical, and emotional harm to residents. Additionally, apartments often experience technical issues, which are becoming more prevalent and can foster concern among residents. Incidents such as elevator breakdowns, fires, or electrical failures can pose risks to human life and property.

In conclusion, while there are some disadvantages to living in a city-located apartment, such as security concerns and technical issues, the affordability and convenience make it a practical choice for many individuals, especially those aiming to save money, immigrate, or pursue education in distant locations.

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