Write an answer to the following essay question.
Sports stars are paid too much for what they do. Discuss.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
These days, The remuneration of sports stars has become a controversial issue with divergent opinions on whether their salaries are excessive or justified. Some argue that these athletes are paid excessively for their contributions, while I totally agree their salaries are justified for several reasons.
Firstly, I firmly believe that athletes are entitled to receive generous pay because of the economic benefits. Major sports events and the involvement of high-profile athletes stimulate various sectors, including tourism, hospitality, and retail. For instance, the Olympic Games, where athletes from around the world gather, attract millions of spectators and substantial business opportunities.
Secondly, I am fully supportive of the notion that athletes should command high salaries as a result of the short duration of their careers. Unlike many other professions, The physical demands of sports often lead to a limited period in which athletes can compete at their peak. Consequently, the generous compensation serves as a fair recompense for their sacrifices and the transitory nature of their careers.
However, critics argue that these athletes are overpaid, and exorbitant salaries could be better utilized to address societal needs like education and healthcare. While this perspective is valid, it overlooks the economic contributions of the sports industry. The revenue which is generated by star athletes contributes substantially to the overall economy, creating jobs and fostering growth in related sectors.
In conclusion, the high salaries of sports stars are justified based on the broader economic impact and the limited duration of their careers. Although there are some legitimate concerns about their generous compensation, we should consider how they contribute to the economy worldwide.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"These days" -> "Currently"
Explanation: Replacing the informal phrase "These days" with "Currently" aligns with a more formal tone suitable for academic writing.
"the remuneration of sports stars" -> "the compensation of athletes"
Explanation: "Remuneration" is a formal term, but "compensation" is more commonly used in academic contexts and maintains a formal tone.
"divergent opinions" -> "differing opinions"
Explanation: Substituting "divergent" with "differing" maintains formality while using a more straightforward term.
"while I totally agree" -> "I strongly believe"
Explanation: Replacing "while I totally agree" with "I strongly believe" provides a more assertive and academically appropriate expression of agreement.
"Firstly" -> "First and foremost"
Explanation: "Firstly" is less formal; "First and foremost" introduces the point with greater emphasis, fitting academic style.
"I firmly believe" -> "I assert"
Explanation: "I firmly believe" is slightly informal; "I assert" is a more concise and formal alternative.
"command high salaries" -> "deserve substantial salaries"
Explanation: "Command" may be seen as too direct; "deserve substantial salaries" maintains a more neutral and formal tone.
"Unlike many other professions" -> "In contrast to numerous other occupations"
Explanation: "Unlike" is somewhat informal; "In contrast to numerous other occupations" offers a more formal expression.
"the physical demands of sports" -> "the rigorous physical demands of athletic pursuits"
Explanation: Expanding on "the physical demands of sports" with "the rigorous physical demands of athletic pursuits" adds precision without sacrificing formality.
"generous compensation" -> "ample compensation"
Explanation: "Generous" might be considered too subjective; "ample compensation" is a more neutral and formal choice.
"critics argue that" -> "opponents contend that"
Explanation: "Critics" is somewhat informal; "opponents contend that" maintains a formal tone while expressing a contrasting viewpoint.
"overpaid" -> "excessively compensated"
Explanation: "Overpaid" may sound colloquial; "excessively compensated" is a more formal alternative.
"exorbitant salaries" -> "excessive salaries"
Explanation: "Exorbitant" is slightly more informal; "excessive salaries" is a commonly used and formal term.
"could be better utilized" -> "might be more effectively allocated"
Explanation: "Better utilized" is somewhat informal; "might be more effectively allocated" is a more formal expression.
"the revenue which is generated" -> "the generated revenue"
Explanation: Restructuring the phrase to "the generated revenue" is more concise and adheres to a formal style.
"in conclusion" -> "to conclude"
Explanation: "In conclusion" is a common phrase, but "to conclude" is a more concise and formal alternative.
"we should consider" -> "one should consider"
Explanation: Shifting from "we" to "one" maintains a more formal and objective tone in academic writing.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Quoted text: "However, critics argue that these athletes are overpaid, and exorbitant salaries could be better utilized to address societal needs like education and healthcare."
- Explanation and Improvement suggestion: Your essay acknowledges an opposing viewpoint, which is essential for a balanced argument. However, it would strengthen your response if you further engaged with this opposing view by acknowledging the validity of concerns about societal needs, such as education and healthcare. You could add depth by providing a counterargument that directly addresses how the economic benefits from sports stars’ salaries could potentially be redirected or supplemented to support these societal needs. This would enrich the consideration of alternative uses of these funds, enhancing the depth of your argument.
- Improved example: "Critics argue that the massive earnings of athletes could be redirected toward critical societal needs like education and healthcare. While these areas indeed require substantial funding, it’s pivotal to recognize that the economic benefits generated by sports stars aren’t solely confined to their personal earnings. A portion of these revenues could strategically supplement educational programs or healthcare initiatives, thereby leveraging the economic influence of sports in addressing these pressing societal needs."
Quoted text: "Although there are some legitimate concerns about their generous compensation, we should consider how they contribute to the economy worldwide."
- Explanation and Improvement suggestion: This concluding statement effectively emphasizes the global economic impact of sports stars. However, it would elevate your conclusion by briefly summarizing the primary reasons you presented earlier in the essay. Reiterating these reasons would reinforce your argument’s coherence and leave a stronger impression on the reader.
- Improved example: "In conclusion, while acknowledging the legitimate concerns regarding their substantial compensation, it remains evident that the economic contributions of sports stars significantly outweigh these concerns. From stimulating various sectors to compensating for their short career spans, the pivotal role of athletes in the global economy is undeniable. Therefore, appreciating their economic contributions should be a crucial consideration amidst discussions about their remuneration."
Overall, your essay effectively presents a clear position on the topic and provides reasons to support your argument. To enhance the depth of your response, consider further engaging with counterarguments and reinforcing your main points in the conclusion for a more comprehensive and compelling essay.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout the text. The use of cohesive devices is generally appropriate, although there are instances of underuse and overuse. Paragraphing is mostly sufficient and appropriate, with a clear central topic within each paragraph. The essay effectively addresses the prompt and provides relevant examples to support the arguments.
How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider ensuring a more consistent and balanced use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. While the overall progression is clear, occasional underuse and overuse of these devices can be addressed by maintaining a more consistent application. Additionally, paying attention to referencing and substitution within and between sentences can further improve the overall cohesion of the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. While there are occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation, they do not significantly impede communication. The essay effectively discusses the economic benefits of sports, the short duration of athletes’ careers, and addresses counterarguments.
How to improve:
Lexical Range: Introduce more varied and sophisticated vocabulary to enhance the overall lexical resource. This can be achieved by using synonyms and exploring alternative expressions.
Word Choice and Collocation: Carefully choose words and phrases to ensure accuracy and appropriate collocation. Verify the suitability of less common lexical items in the given context.
Spelling and Word Formation: Review and proofread the essay to correct occasional errors in spelling and word formation. This will contribute to a smoother and more polished presentation.
By refining these aspects, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good control of grammar and punctuation, with the majority of sentences being error-free. The use of a variety of complex structures, such as the inclusion of subordinate clauses and varied sentence forms, contributes to a relatively high level of grammatical range and accuracy. However, there are some noticeable errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluency and precision of expression. For instance, the phrase "I totally agree their salaries are justified" could be refined for smoother articulation.
How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, pay attention to sentence structure and avoid unnecessary redundancies or awkward phrasing. Proofread the essay carefully to catch and rectify minor errors, ensuring that ideas are conveyed with precision and clarity. Additionally, strive for a seamless flow between sentences to further enhance overall coherence.
Bài sửa mẫu
The compensation of sports stars has recently sparked debates, with opinions varying on whether their salaries are excessive or fair. While some argue that these athletes are paid too much for their contributions, I strongly believe that their salaries are justified for several reasons.
Primarily, I firmly believe that athletes deserve generous pay due to the economic benefits they bring. Major sports events and the participation of high-profile athletes stimulate various sectors, such as tourism, hospitality, and retail. Take the Olympic Games, for example, where athletes worldwide gather, attracting millions of spectators and significant business opportunities.
Secondly, I am fully supportive of the idea that athletes should command high salaries because of the short duration of their careers. Unlike many other professions, the physical demands of sports often result in a limited period during which athletes can perform at their peak. Therefore, the substantial compensation serves as fair recompense for their sacrifices and the transient nature of their careers.
Critics argue that these athletes are overpaid, suggesting that such exorbitant salaries could be better utilized for societal needs like education and healthcare. While this perspective is valid, it tends to overlook the economic contributions of the sports industry. The revenue generated by star athletes significantly contributes to the overall economy, creating jobs and fostering growth in related sectors.
In conclusion, the high salaries of sports stars are justified based on the broader economic impact and the limited duration of their careers. Although there are legitimate concerns about their generous compensation, we should consider how they contribute to the global economy.