Write an email (100-120 words) to tell him/her about your favorite singer.

I really like music and I also like the people who sing those songs. His name is Bui Truong Linh, he and his stage name is buttruonglinh. The music genres he often uses such as V-pop, R&B… People listen to his music because it has catchy and inspiring melodies… he play many musical instruments such as the guitar, violin… and he can write music. So the people who listen to his music are teenager. I admire him because he is a very talented person and his music can encourage a lot of people. Beside this, In conclusion, I think he should be know to more people.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"I really like music and I also like the people who sing those songs." -> "I have a strong appreciation for music and the artists who perform it."
Explanation: The original phrase is informal and vague. The revised version uses more formal language and specifies the appreciation for both the music and the artists, enhancing the academic tone.
"His name is Bui Truong Linh, he and his stage name is buttruonglinh." -> "His name is Bui Truong Linh, and his stage name is Buttruong Linh."
Explanation: The original sentence lacks proper punctuation and capitalization. The revision corrects these errors and clarifies the structure of the sentence.
"The music genres he often uses such as V-pop, R&B…" -> "The genres of music he frequently employs, such as V-pop and R&B…"
Explanation: "uses" is too informal and vague; "employs" is more precise and formal. Also, adding "and" before "R&B" corrects the list structure.
"People listen to his music because it has catchy and inspiring melodies…" -> "People listen to his music because it features catchy and inspiring melodies…"
Explanation: "has" is too simple and informal for academic writing; "features" is more specific and formal.
"he play many musical instruments such as the guitar, violin…" -> "he plays many musical instruments, such as the guitar and violin…"
Explanation: "he play" should be "he plays" for grammatical correctness. Also, adding "and" before "violin" corrects the list structure.
"So the people who listen to his music are teenager." -> "Therefore, the people who listen to his music are teenagers."
Explanation: "So" is too informal; "Therefore" is more appropriate for formal writing. Also, "teenager" should be pluralized to "teenagers" for grammatical correctness.
"I admire him because he is a very talented person and his music can encourage a lot of people." -> "I admire him because he is an extremely talented individual whose music can inspire many people."
Explanation: "a very talented person" is too informal and vague; "an extremely talented individual" is more precise and formal. "a lot of people" is also less formal; "many people" is preferred in academic writing.
"Beside this, In conclusion, I think he should be know to more people." -> "Furthermore, in conclusion, I believe he should be known to a wider audience."
Explanation: "Beside this" is informal and unclear; "Furthermore" is a more formal transitional phrase. "I think" is informal; "I believe" is more suitable for academic writing. "know to more people" is grammatically incorrect; "known to a wider audience" corrects this and uses more formal language.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by introducing the favorite singer, Bui Truong Linh, and mentioning his music genres and talents. However, it lacks depth in discussing why the singer is favored and does not provide specific examples of songs or performances that illustrate this admiration. The phrase "he should be know to more people" suggests a desire for broader recognition but does not elaborate on why this is significant.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should include specific songs or albums that exemplify the singer’s talent. Additionally, providing personal anecdotes about how his music has impacted the writer’s life would enhance the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general admiration for Bui Truong Linh but lacks a consistent and clear position. The introduction of his talents is somewhat scattered, and the conclusion does not reinforce the initial admiration effectively. The phrase "he should be know to more people" feels abrupt and does not tie back to the reasons for the writer’s admiration.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position throughout the essay, the writer should start with a strong thesis statement that encapsulates their admiration. Each subsequent point should relate back to this thesis, ensuring that the conclusion summarizes the main reasons for the admiration clearly.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas about the singer’s talents and music styles but does so in a superficial manner. For instance, mentioning that he plays multiple instruments is a good start, but it lacks elaboration on how this contributes to his appeal. The ideas are not sufficiently extended or supported with examples or details.
- How to improve: To effectively present, elaborate, and substantiate ideas, the writer should provide specific examples of songs that showcase his musical talents. Discussing particular lyrics or themes in his music could also enrich the essay. Additionally, connecting these ideas back to the writer’s personal experience with the music would create a more compelling narrative.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the favorite singer, but there are moments where the focus wavers. For example, the mention of "teenager" as the audience feels somewhat disconnected from the main narrative. The phrase "Beside this, In conclusion" is also awkward and detracts from the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes to the central theme of admiration for the singer. Avoiding unnecessary phrases and ensuring smooth transitions between ideas will help maintain clarity and coherence throughout the essay.

In summary, to improve the essay, the writer should aim for a more structured response that includes specific examples, maintains a clear position, elaborates on ideas, and stays focused on the topic. Additionally, ensuring the essay meets the word count requirement will also positively impact the overall score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents information about the singer in a somewhat scattered manner. While it does touch upon various aspects such as the singer’s name, music genres, and personal admiration, the flow lacks a clear progression. For instance, the introduction of the singer’s name is immediately followed by his stage name without a smooth transition. Additionally, the mention of music genres and instruments feels disjointed rather than part of a cohesive narrative.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider structuring the essay with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Start with a brief introduction of the singer, followed by a paragraph discussing his music style and instruments, and conclude with a personal reflection on why you admire him. Using linking phrases such as "firstly," "next," and "finally" can help guide the reader through your thoughts.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks clear paragraphing, which contributes to its overall coherence issues. It reads as a single block of text, making it difficult for the reader to distinguish between different ideas or points. For example, the admiration for the singer and the conclusion are mixed with descriptive elements, which can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: Implementing clear paragraphs can significantly improve readability. Start a new paragraph when introducing a new idea or aspect of the singer. For instance, one paragraph could focus on his music genres and instruments, while another could express personal admiration and the impact of his music. This separation will help the reader follow your thoughts more easily.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses a limited range of cohesive devices, which affects the overall flow. Phrases like "beside this" and "in conclusion" are present, but they are not effectively integrated into the text. The use of cohesive devices should enhance connections between sentences and ideas, but here they feel forced and do not contribute to a smooth reading experience.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases throughout the essay. For example, use "furthermore" to add information, "however" to contrast ideas, or "for instance" to provide examples. This will create a more fluid connection between sentences and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

By addressing these areas, the essay can significantly improve in coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in vocabulary, such as "catchy," "inspiring," and "admire." However, the range is limited, and many phrases are repetitive or overly simplistic. For instance, the phrase "I really like music" could be enhanced with more descriptive language to convey enthusiasm or depth of appreciation. Additionally, the use of "the people who sing those songs" is vague and could be replaced with more specific terms like "artists" or "musicians."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and more descriptive adjectives. Instead of saying "I really like music," they could say, "I have a profound appreciation for music." Incorporating more varied vocabulary related to music and emotions will enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "he and his stage name is buttruonglinh" is grammatically incorrect and confusing. It should be rephrased for clarity, such as "His stage name is Buttruonglinh." Additionally, the term "teenager" is used incorrectly in the context; it should be pluralized to "teenagers" to match the subject.
- How to improve: Writers should focus on clarity and grammatical accuracy when using vocabulary. They can practice rephrasing sentences to ensure they convey the intended meaning accurately. Using a thesaurus can also help find more precise words that fit the context better.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "Beside this" (should be "Besides this") and "he play" (should be "he plays"). These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as writing short paragraphs and proofreading them afterward. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can also help catch errors before submission. Additionally, maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates some understanding of vocabulary, it falls short in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling, the writer can significantly improve their Lexical Resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited variety of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, such as "I really like music and I also like the people who sing those songs." This sentence could be more complex to show a greater range. Additionally, the use of phrases like "the music genres he often uses such as V-pop, R&B…" lacks variety in construction. The essay does not effectively incorporate complex sentences, which would enhance the overall fluency and sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice using complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "He is a very talented person," the writer could say, "Although he is a very talented person, many people are still unaware of his music." This not only adds complexity but also provides more depth to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: There are several grammatical and punctuation errors throughout the essay. For instance, "he and his stage name is buttruonglinh" is grammatically incorrect and should be rephrased for clarity. The phrase "he play many musical instruments" should be corrected to "he plays many musical instruments" to ensure subject-verb agreement. Additionally, there are issues with punctuation, such as the lack of commas in lists (e.g., "guitar, violin…") and the incorrect use of ellipses, which should not be used in formal writing.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct formation of sentences. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly focusing on verb forms and sentence structure, would be beneficial. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, especially for lists and conjunctions, will help improve clarity and readability. For example, the writer could revise "Beside this, In conclusion, I think he should be know to more people" to "In conclusion, I believe he should be known by more people." This correction addresses both grammatical accuracy and punctuation.

Bài sửa mẫu

I really like music, and I also appreciate the people who sing those songs. His name is Bui Truong Linh, and his stage name is Buttruong Linh. The music genres he often uses are V-pop and R&B. People listen to his music because it features catchy and inspiring melodies. He plays many musical instruments, such as the guitar and violin, and he can write music as well. Therefore, the people who listen to his music are teenagers. I admire him because he is a very talented individual whose music can inspire many people. Furthermore, in conclusion, I believe he should be known to a wider audience.