Write an essay of 200 – 250 words on the following topic. Some people think that space exploration is a waste of resources while others think that it is essential for mankind to continue to explore the universe in which we live. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Write an essay of 200 – 250 words on the following topic.
Some people think that space exploration is a waste of resources while others think that it is essential for mankind to continue to explore the universe in which we live. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Over the last decades, the world has witnessed a controversy about space travel. A major part of the public affirms that it is such an excessive over-expenditure of resources; however, others deem that universe exploring is fundamentally vital to human life in every aspect. In this sense, we should demonstrate both the merits and pitfalls of this issue.
On the one hand, a variety of sources of support are necessitated for space journeys. It is undeniable that countless monetary supplies are required to fund theoretical and experimental research programs in outer space. There is nothing to argue if the expense is worthwhile; however, in essence, tangible values space exploration offers are still considered rare, compared to the great cost. Furthermore, necessary machinery and equipment are facilitated by various energies, especially fossil fuels such as petroleum, pessimistically worsening our environment and leading to the deterioration of every Earth creature’s wholesomeness.
On the other hand, space journey enables mankind to better the Earth’s living quality. The knowledge of our massive universe is endless, so flying into space can broaden human scientific understanding and illuminate the mysteries of planetary life, fostering humankind’s intelligence. Coupled with that, traveling to other planets is a method of discovering habitable planets and exploiting new resources that may be advantageous to the future existence of Earth. That is tremendously crucial to seek new accommodation because our planet is increasingly deteriorating owing to climate change, posing a threat to human and other creatures’ lives.
In conclusion, although space travel costs too much expenses, it is still indispensable to our lives in some aspects. In my viewpoint, the Earth will benefit from the tangible advantages of cosmos exploration shortly and I believe that can convince the majority of naysayers.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Over the last decades" -> "Over the past decades"
   Explanation: "Over the past decades" is a more precise and formal way to refer to a period of time in the past, aligning better with academic style.

2. "a controversy about" -> "a debate about"
   Explanation: "Debate" is more specific and academically appropriate than "controversy," which can imply a more emotional or sensational tone.

3. "A major part of the public affirms" -> "A significant portion of the public asserts"
   Explanation: "Asserts" is more formal and precise than "affirms," and "significant portion" is a more academic term than "major part."

4. "it is such an excessive over-expenditure of resources" -> "it represents an excessive expenditure of resources"
   Explanation: Simplifying "such an" to "an" removes redundancy, and "represents" is more formal than "is."

5. "universe exploring" -> "universe exploration"
   Explanation: "Exploration" is the correct noun form, not "exploring," which is a gerund.

6. "necessitated" -> "required"
   Explanation: "Required" is a more straightforward and commonly accepted term in academic writing than "necessitated," which can be less familiar.

7. "It is undeniable that" -> "It is evident that"
   Explanation: "Evident" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "undeniable," which can sound overly absolute.

8. "tangible values space exploration offers are still considered rare" -> "the tangible benefits of space exploration are still considered rare"
   Explanation: "Benefits" is more specific and appropriate than "values," and rephrasing improves clarity and flow.

9. "pessimistically worsening" -> "pessimistically affecting"
   Explanation: "Affecting" is more precise and appropriate in this context than "worsening," which is more emotional and less specific.

10. "every Earth creature’s wholesomeness" -> "the well-being of all Earth’s inhabitants"
    Explanation: "The well-being of all Earth’s inhabitants" is more formal and precise than "every Earth creature’s wholesomeness," which is awkward and unclear.

11. "better the Earth’s living quality" -> "improve the quality of life on Earth"
    Explanation: "Improve the quality of life" is a more standard and formal expression than "better the Earth’s living quality."

12. "flying into space" -> "traveling to space"
    Explanation: "Traveling to space" is a more formal and commonly used phrase in academic contexts than "flying into space."

13. "tremendously crucial" -> "crucial"
    Explanation: "Crucial" is sufficient and more formal without the unnecessary intensifier "tremendously."

14. "too much expenses" -> "excessive expenses"
    Explanation: "Excessive expenses" is a more formal and precise term than "too much expenses," which is grammatically incorrect.

15. "In my viewpoint" -> "In my view"
    Explanation: "In my view" is the correct idiomatic expression, whereas "in my viewpoint" is redundant and less formal.

16. "can convince the majority of naysayers" -> "may persuade the majority of skeptics"
    Explanation: "May persuade" is more tentative and formal than "can convince," and "skeptics" is a more precise term than "naysayers."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding space exploration. The first paragraph presents the argument against space exploration, highlighting the excessive costs and environmental concerns. The second paragraph counters this by discussing the benefits of space exploration, such as scientific understanding and the search for habitable planets. This balanced approach demonstrates a clear understanding of the prompt.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint in the conclusion. A brief summary of the arguments presented would reinforce the discussion and provide a more rounded conclusion.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear position that space exploration is ultimately beneficial, despite acknowledging its costs. Phrases like "indispensable to our lives" and "the Earth will benefit" clearly convey this stance. However, the position could be more consistently emphasized throughout the essay, particularly in the introduction and conclusion.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the position by reiterating it in various parts of the essay. For example, restate the opinion in the introduction and use transitional phrases that remind the reader of the writer’s stance as they discuss both sides.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the financial burden of space exploration and its potential benefits, including scientific advancement and resource discovery. However, some points could be further developed. For instance, the argument about environmental degradation could include specific examples or statistics to enhance its impact.
  • How to improve: To improve idea support, the writer should provide more concrete examples or data to back up claims. For instance, mentioning specific missions that have led to technological advancements or discoveries would strengthen the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the debate surrounding space exploration. However, there are moments where the language becomes overly complex or slightly deviates from the main argument, such as the phrase "pessimistically worsening our environment," which could be more straightforward.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should aim for clarity and conciseness in language. Simplifying complex phrases and ensuring that each sentence directly contributes to the argument will help keep the essay on topic.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-balanced discussion. With some refinements in clarity, support, and emphasis on the writer’s position, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets up the debate regarding space exploration, while the body paragraphs discuss both perspectives. However, the logical flow between ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the costs of space exploration to its benefits is somewhat abrupt. The use of phrases like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" helps to delineate the contrasting views, but the connection between the arguments could be made more explicit.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using more transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between sentences and paragraphs. For example, after discussing the costs, you could add a sentence that directly links these costs to the potential benefits, such as, "Despite the significant financial burden, proponents argue that the long-term benefits of space exploration justify the investment."

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct viewpoint, which is a strength. However, the second body paragraph could be further developed to ensure that it fully explores the benefits of space exploration. The ideas presented are relevant but could be more cohesive within the paragraph itself, as some sentences feel slightly disjointed.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Additionally, follow this with supporting sentences that elaborate on the topic sentence. For example, in the second body paragraph, start with a strong statement about the benefits of space exploration, and then provide specific examples or evidence to support that claim.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "furthermore," and "coupled with that." These devices help to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to enhance the overall flow of the essay. Some sentences feel slightly repetitive in their structure, which can detract from the overall cohesion.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "however," you could use alternatives like "on the contrary," "in contrast," or "nevertheless." Additionally, using phrases that indicate cause and effect, such as "as a result" or "therefore," can help clarify the relationships between your ideas.

Overall, while the essay achieves a solid level of coherence and cohesion, focusing on enhancing logical transitions, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will help elevate the score further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, employing terms such as "controversy," "excessive over-expenditure," "tangible values," and "habitable planets." These words reflect an understanding of the topic and contribute to the clarity of arguments. However, there are instances where vocabulary choices could be more varied or sophisticated. For example, the phrase "great cost" could be replaced with "significant financial burden" to enhance precision and sophistication.
  • How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating more advanced vocabulary and synonyms to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of using "necessary" multiple times, explore alternatives like "essential," "crucial," or "imperative." Additionally, using phrases like "financial implications" instead of "cost" can elevate the language.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary effectively, there are moments of imprecision. For instance, the phrase "pessimistically worsening our environment" could be more clearly articulated. The adverb "pessimistically" does not fit well in this context, as it implies a viewpoint rather than describing the action of worsening. Furthermore, "wholesomeness" is an unusual choice when discussing the environment; "health" or "well-being" would be more appropriate.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, focus on the context in which words are used. Review each term to ensure it accurately conveys the intended meaning. Consider using a thesaurus to find more suitable alternatives that fit the context better. For example, instead of "deem," you might use "consider" or "regard," which are more commonly used in academic writing.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors and awkward phrases that detract from the overall quality. For example, "excessive over-expenditure" is somewhat redundant, and "facilitated by various energies" could be clearer as "powered by various energy sources." However, the majority of the spelling is accurate, which supports the overall coherence of the essay.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools can help identify errors, but manual proofreading is crucial for catching context-specific mistakes. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards can reinforce correct spelling of commonly used academic terms.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource category. Focusing on vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will enhance the overall clarity and effectiveness of the arguments presented.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of sentence structures, including complex sentences such as "On the one hand, a variety of sources of support are necessitated for space journeys." However, there are instances of repetitive structure, particularly in the use of "it is" and "there is" constructions. The essay also employs some less common structures, such as "pessimistically worsening our environment," which adds variety but may lack clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and varying the introductory phrases. For example, instead of frequently starting sentences with "There is" or "It is," try using participial phrases or adverbial clauses. For instance, "While many argue that space exploration is a waste, others believe it is essential for our survival" could replace a simpler structure.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "it is such an excessive over-expenditure of resources" could be simplified to "it is an excessive waste of resources." Additionally, punctuation errors, such as the lack of commas in compound sentences (e.g., "the Earth will benefit from the tangible advantages of cosmos exploration shortly and I believe that can convince the majority of naysayers"), hinder readability.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on simplifying complex phrases and ensuring proper punctuation in compound sentences. Regular practice with sentence combining exercises can help in this regard. Additionally, reviewing rules for comma usage, especially in lists and before conjunctions in compound sentences, will enhance clarity and flow. Consider revising sentences for conciseness and clarity, ensuring that each sentence conveys its intended meaning without unnecessary complexity.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Over the past decades, the world has witnessed a debate about space travel. A significant portion of the public asserts that it represents an excessive expenditure of resources; however, others deem that universe exploration is fundamentally vital to human life in various aspects. In this sense, we should examine both the merits and pitfalls of this issue.

On the one hand, a variety of resources are required for space journeys. It is undeniable that substantial funding is necessary to support theoretical and experimental research programs in outer space. While there is room for discussion about whether the expense is worthwhile, it is evident that the tangible benefits of space exploration are still considered rare compared to the great costs involved. Furthermore, the machinery and equipment needed for these missions rely heavily on various energy sources, especially fossil fuels such as petroleum, which are pessimistically affecting our environment and leading to the deterioration of all Earth’s inhabitants’ well-being.

On the other hand, space exploration enables mankind to improve the quality of life on Earth. The knowledge of our vast universe is endless, and traveling to space can broaden human scientific understanding and illuminate the mysteries of planetary life, fostering humankind’s intelligence. Additionally, exploring other planets is a method of discovering habitable environments and exploiting new resources that may be advantageous for the future survival of Earth. This is crucial, as our planet is increasingly deteriorating due to climate change, posing a threat to human and other creatures’ lives.

In conclusion, although space travel incurs excessive expenses, it is still indispensable to our lives in certain aspects. In my view, the Earth will benefit from the tangible advantages of space exploration in the near future, and I believe this may persuade the majority of skeptics.