Write an essay of about 250 words to express your opinion on the following topic: Parents should get punishment in some ways if their children break the law.

Write an essay of about 250 words to express your opinion on the following topic:
Parents should get punishment in some ways if their children break the law.

In contemporary society, the notion that parents should be held accountable when their children commit a transgression is gaining traction. While I acknowledge this perspective, I contend that the responsibility for a child’s illegal behavior is not solely on parents.

On the one hand, parents ought to face penalties for inadequate upbringing. They play a crucial role in shaping a child's behaviors and values. Hence, if children violate the law, it may reflect insufficient supervision, guidance, or discipline at home. Moreover, children frequently regard their parents as role models and may imitate their actions, including any criminal activities. If parents are held accountable for their children's actions, they may take proactive measures to prevent illegal behavior, potentially reducing juvenile crime rates.

On the other hand, adults should not be penalized for their children’s misconduct. Children, particularly adolescents, possess free will and may make choices independent of parental influence. Therefore, punishing parents for actions they cannot fully control may be unjust. Additionally, children are influenced not only by their parents but also by various external factors, such as exposure to toxic friends, violent content, and anti-social material on the Internet. This is the primary cause of children’s misdeeds and may foster a propensity for violence.

Taking everything into consideration, although parents should bear some responsibility for their offspring’s infringement of regulations due to improper upbringing or negative role modeling, I maintain the belief that the ultimate responsibility for a child's actions lies with the child themselves.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In contemporary society" -> "In the contemporary society"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "contemporary society" corrects the grammatical structure, making the phrase more formal and precise.
"gaining traction" -> "gaining increasing acceptance"
Explanation: "Gaining traction" is somewhat informal and colloquial; "gaining increasing acceptance" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"I contend" -> "I argue"
Explanation: "Contend" can imply a more confrontational tone; "argue" is a more neutral and academically appropriate term.
"inadequate upbringing" -> "inadequate parenting"
Explanation: "Parenting" is a more specific and precise term than "upbringing," which is somewhat vague and less formal.
"may reflect" -> "may indicate"
Explanation: "May reflect" is somewhat vague; "may indicate" is more direct and precise in academic writing.
"frequently regard" -> "often view"
Explanation: "Frequently" is somewhat informal and less precise; "often" is more commonly used in academic texts and is more formal.
"may imitate" -> "may emulate"
Explanation: "Imitate" can be too casual; "emulate" is more formal and suitable for academic discourse.
"may take proactive measures" -> "may implement proactive measures"
Explanation: "Take" is somewhat informal; "implement" is more formal and precise in an academic context.
"juvenile crime rates" -> "youth crime rates"
Explanation: "Juvenile" is somewhat outdated and less precise; "youth" is a more contemporary and academically accepted term.
"adults should not be penalized" -> "adults should not be held accountable"
Explanation: "Penalized" can imply punishment, which may be too harsh; "held accountable" is more neutral and appropriate for an academic discussion.
"children, particularly adolescents" -> "children, especially adolescents"
Explanation: "Particularly" is correct but less formal; "especially" is more commonly used in formal writing.
"possess free will" -> "exercise their free will"
Explanation: "Possess" is less specific; "exercise" is more precise and appropriate for describing the action of using one’s free will.
"may be unjust" -> "may be unfair"
Explanation: "Unjust" can imply moral judgment, which may be too subjective; "unfair" is more neutral and suitable for an academic analysis.
"toxic friends, violent content, and anti-social material" -> "toxic influences, violent content, and antisocial influences"
Explanation: "Toxic friends" is informal and vague; "toxic influences" is more precise and formal. "Anti-social material" is less commonly used; "antisocial influences" is more standard in academic writing.
"may foster a propensity for violence" -> "may contribute to a propensity for violence"
Explanation: "Foster" can imply nurturing or encouraging, which may be too strong; "contribute to" is more neutral and appropriate for describing the role of external factors in shaping behavior.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the idea of holding parents accountable for their children’s illegal actions. It presents arguments both for and against this notion, which is a positive aspect. However, the essay lacks depth in fully exploring the implications of punishing parents. For instance, it mentions the role of parents in shaping behaviors but does not delve into specific examples or scenarios where parental punishment might be warranted or how it could be implemented.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should explicitly outline the various aspects of the prompt, such as the types of punishments that might be appropriate and the potential consequences of holding parents accountable. Including specific examples or case studies could enhance the argument and provide a more rounded response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that while parents should bear some responsibility, the ultimate accountability lies with the child. This position is articulated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion. However, the argument could be more consistently reinforced throughout the body paragraphs. For example, the transition between acknowledging parental responsibility and emphasizing children’s free will could be smoother.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer could use transitional phrases to connect ideas more effectively and reiterate their stance at the end of each paragraph. This would help reinforce the main argument and provide a cohesive structure to the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding parental responsibility and children’s autonomy. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat superficial. For instance, while the essay mentions external influences on children, it does not elaborate on how these factors interact with parental guidance or provide evidence to support the claims made.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. Incorporating statistics, studies, or real-life examples could strengthen the arguments and provide a more compelling case. Additionally, expanding on the implications of the arguments would add depth to the discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the relationship between parental accountability and children’s actions. However, there are moments where the discussion veers slightly off course, particularly when mentioning external influences without clearly linking them back to the main argument about parental responsibility.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central thesis. This can be achieved by consistently tying external influences back to the discussion of parental roles and responsibilities, thereby reinforcing the main argument throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic but requires more depth, clarity, and support to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. Each paragraph effectively addresses a specific aspect of the argument: the first paragraph discusses the reasons for holding parents accountable, while the second counters this with arguments against such punishment. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the writer’s position. However, the transition between the two main ideas could be smoother, as the shift from parental responsibility to the child’s autonomy feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, phrases like "Conversely," or "On the other hand," can help signal shifts in argument more clearly. Additionally, providing a brief summary of the previous point before introducing the counterargument can create a more cohesive narrative.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is well-paragraphed, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct idea. The introduction sets the stage, the body paragraphs explore opposing viewpoints, and the conclusion wraps up the argument effectively. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of the paragraph more explicitly.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that encapsulates the main point. For instance, in the second body paragraph, a sentence like "Despite the arguments for parental accountability, it is essential to recognize that children also have agency in their actions" would provide clarity and focus.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "Moreover," and "Additionally," which help to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more varied linking words and phrases, which would enhance the overall fluidity of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases for common connectors. For example, instead of repeatedly using "Moreover," you could use "Furthermore" or "In addition." Additionally, using pronouns effectively to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can help maintain coherence without redundancy. For instance, instead of repeating "parents," you could use "they" in subsequent mentions.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to an increased band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with terms like "transgression," "accountable," "upbringing," and "propensity" showcasing a sophisticated lexical choice. The use of phrases such as "gaining traction" and "proactive measures" further illustrates the writer’s ability to employ varied vocabulary effectively. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be expanded to include more nuanced expressions or synonyms to avoid repetition, particularly in phrases like "illegal behavior" and "misconduct."
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeating "illegal behavior," you might use "criminal acts" or "lawbreaking." Additionally, exploring more academic or formal expressions could elevate the essay’s tone further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, with terms like "accountable" and "role models" fitting well within the context. However, the phrase "infringement of regulations" could be seen as slightly vague; it may be more precise to specify "legal regulations" or "laws" to clarify the context of the infringement.
- How to improve: To improve precision, ensure that all terms are contextually appropriate. For instance, replacing "infringement of regulations" with "violation of laws" would enhance clarity. Additionally, consider using more specific adjectives to describe behaviors or actions, which can provide a clearer picture of the arguments being made.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words like "contemporary," "acknowledge," and "misdeeds" are spelled correctly, indicating a strong grasp of standard English spelling conventions.
- How to improve: While spelling is accurate, to maintain this standard, it is advisable to regularly engage in reading and writing exercises. Utilizing tools like spell checkers and proofreading can also help catch any potential errors in future essays. Additionally, expanding your vocabulary through reading can reinforce correct spelling of less common words.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of lexical resource, meriting a band score of 8. By focusing on expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can further elevate their writing quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "While I acknowledge this perspective, I contend that the responsibility for a child’s illegal behavior is not solely on parents" effectively convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "if parents are held accountable for their children’s actions, they may take proactive measures," showcases the ability to express hypothetical scenarios. However, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence beginnings and the inclusion of some compound-complex sentences to further enhance the depth of argumentation.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more introductory phrases or clauses. For example, starting sentences with adverbial clauses (e.g., "Although parents play a crucial role…") can add variety. Additionally, integrating more compound-complex sentences can help articulate more complex relationships between ideas, enriching the overall argument.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors. For instance, the use of "ought to face penalties" and "may reflect insufficient supervision" are both grammatically correct and appropriately used. Punctuation is mostly accurate, with commas effectively used to separate clauses and enhance readability. However, there are minor issues, such as the lack of a comma before "and" in "toxic friends, violent content, and anti-social material on the Internet," which could improve clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in lists and complex sentences. Practicing sentence diagramming can also help identify potential areas for improvement. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors before submission can help catch any overlooked mistakes, ensuring a polished final product.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining punctuation, the writer can further elevate their writing quality.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, the notion that parents should be held accountable when their children commit a transgression is gaining increasing acceptance. While I acknowledge this perspective, I argue that the responsibility for a child’s illegal behavior is not solely on parents.

On the one hand, parents ought to face penalties for inadequate parenting. They play a crucial role in shaping a child’s behaviors and values. Hence, if children violate the law, it may indicate insufficient supervision, guidance, or discipline at home. Moreover, children often view their parents as role models and may emulate their actions, including any criminal activities. If parents are held accountable for their children’s actions, they may implement proactive measures to prevent illegal behavior, potentially reducing youth crime rates.

On the other hand, adults should not be penalized for their children’s misconduct. Children, especially adolescents, possess free will and may exercise their choices independent of parental influence. Therefore, punishing parents for actions they cannot fully control may be unfair. Additionally, children are influenced not only by their parents but also by various external factors, such as exposure to toxic influences, violent content, and antisocial influences on the Internet. These factors are primary contributors to children’s misdeeds and may foster a propensity for violence.