Write an essay of about 350 words on the following topic. Recently, many people have called for the victims in the areas affected by natural disasters. However, there is a belief that this trend will create chance for online frauds. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write an essay of about 350 words on the following topic.
Recently, many people have called for the victims in the areas affected by natural disasters. However, there is a belief that this trend will create chance for online frauds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In recent years, the presence of famous figures using their reputation to gain support for residents affected by natural catastrophe has gained immense popularity. While some contend that this phenomenon may create chance for some individuals to gain personal benefits, I believe that this will significantly contribute to support victims of calamities.
First and foremost, celebrities and public figures often have large number of followings and fans on social media, which facilitate them to draw significant attention to disaster relief efforts. To illustrate more, they could post information regarding current issues in regions faced with environmental hazard on their personal website. This enables individuals and organizations to respond quickly and send victims urgent necessities. Therefore, the involvement of public figures could amplify the message and raise awareness about the needs of affected communities. Such efforts can facilitate essential aid, showing the positive potential of social media in crisis situations.
In addition, it is acknowledged that when well-known individuals propagandize outreach to appeal citizens’ support for sufferers in affected regions, they have tendencies to directly involve in fundraising campaigns. Their endorsements of specific charities can lead to increased donations, as fans and followers are often motivated to contribute due to their trust and admiration on preferred character. Hence, it could effectively mobilize financial support and resources, which facilitate local authority to resolve environmental issues.
The dark side of this phenomenon is there are some individuals or organizations may exploit disasters to enhance their visibility and manipulate for personal gain. To illustrate, they might engage in corrupting supporting financial support to increase personal budgets or promoting their charitable actions without a genuine commitment to the cause. To tackle this problem, citizens could demand those famous figures to provide evidence on their volunteering activities.
In conclusion, despite some inevitable drawbacks, I believe that the presence of celebrities calling for residential support for victims affected by natural hazard has gained dominant benefits such as increased visibility and boost in donations. It is advisable for administration to encourage famous figures to appeal inhabitant’s attention on consequences of natural disasters, showcasing the potential for collective action driven by empathy and solidarity.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"famous figures using their reputation to gain support" -> "celebrities leveraging their influence to garner support"
Explanation: "Leveraging their influence" is a more precise and formal term than "using their reputation," which sounds somewhat vague and informal in this context. -
"has gained immense popularity" -> "has become increasingly popular"
Explanation: "Has become increasingly popular" is a more precise and academically appropriate way to describe the growing trend, avoiding the emotional connotation of "immense." -
"create chance for some individuals to gain personal benefits" -> "provide opportunities for some individuals to derive personal benefits"
Explanation: "Provide opportunities" is more formal and specific than "create chance," and "derive" is a more precise verb than "gain" in this context. -
"large number of followings" -> "substantial following"
Explanation: "Substantial following" is a more concise and formal expression than "large number of followings." -
"post information regarding current issues" -> "share updates on current issues"
Explanation: "Share updates" is a more precise and formal way to describe the action of posting information, especially in the context of social media. -
"urgent necessities" -> "essential supplies"
Explanation: "Essential supplies" is a more specific and formal term than "urgent necessities," which is somewhat vague and informal. -
"propagandize outreach" -> "promote outreach"
Explanation: "Promote" is a more straightforward and appropriate term than "propagandize," which carries a negative connotation in academic contexts. -
"tendencies to directly involve in fundraising campaigns" -> "tendency to directly participate in fundraising campaigns"
Explanation: "Tendency" should be singular to match the singular subject "they," and "participate" is more formal than "involve." -
"endorsements of specific charities" -> "endorsements of particular charities"
Explanation: "Particular" is more precise and formal than "specific" in this context. -
"fans and followers are often motivated to contribute" -> "fans and followers are frequently motivated to contribute"
Explanation: "Frequently" is more formal and precise than "often," aligning better with academic style. -
"facilitate local authority to resolve environmental issues" -> "enable local authorities to address environmental issues"
Explanation: "Enable" is more precise and formal than "facilitate," and "authorities" should be plural to match the context. -
"there are some individuals or organizations may exploit" -> "some individuals or organizations may exploit"
Explanation: Removing "there are" simplifies the sentence structure and maintains the formal tone. -
"engage in corrupting supporting financial support" -> "engage in corrupting financial support"
Explanation: "Corrupting supporting financial support" is awkward and unclear; "corrupting financial support" is more direct and clear. -
"demand those famous figures to provide evidence" -> "require these celebrities to provide evidence"
Explanation: "Require" is more formal than "demand," and "these celebrities" is more precise than "those famous figures." -
"inhabitant’s attention on consequences" -> "residents’ attention to the consequences"
Explanation: "Residents’" is the correct possessive form, and "to the consequences" is grammatically correct and clearer than "on consequences." -
"boost in donations" -> "increase in donations"
Explanation: "Increase" is a more formal and precise term than "boost" in this context, aligning better with academic style.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of celebrity involvement in disaster relief. The author acknowledges the potential for fraud while ultimately arguing that the benefits outweigh the risks. This balanced approach demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic. However, the essay could have more explicitly stated the extent of agreement or disagreement with the notion that celebrity involvement leads to fraud, which would align more closely with the prompt’s requirements.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly state their position at the beginning and reiterate it throughout the essay. Including a more direct statement on the extent of agreement or disagreement would strengthen the response to the prompt.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position that supports the involvement of celebrities in disaster relief. However, the transition between discussing the positive impacts and acknowledging the potential for fraud could be smoother. The phrase "the dark side of this phenomenon" introduces a slight ambiguity, as it may suggest a more significant focus on the negatives than intended.
- How to improve: To maintain clarity, the author should use transitional phrases that reinforce their main argument. For example, after discussing the negative aspects, they could reaffirm their belief in the overall positive impact of celebrity involvement before moving on to the conclusion.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, such as the ability of celebrities to raise awareness and mobilize donations. Examples, such as the use of social media and fundraising campaigns, are relevant and effectively support the main arguments. However, some points, like the mention of citizens demanding evidence from celebrities, could be further elaborated to enhance understanding.
- How to improve: The author should aim to provide more detailed examples or case studies that illustrate their points. For instance, citing a specific instance where a celebrity’s involvement led to significant donations or awareness could strengthen the argument. Additionally, expanding on how citizens can hold celebrities accountable would add depth to the discussion.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of celebrity involvement in disaster relief. However, the mention of "corrupting supporting financial support" is somewhat vague and could distract from the main argument. The phrase could be clearer and more directly related to the potential for fraud.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all points made are directly relevant to the prompt. Clarifying ambiguous phrases and ensuring that every sentence contributes to the main argument will help keep the essay on topic.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With some refinements in clarity, elaboration, and focus, it could achieve an even higher score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the role of celebrities in disaster relief efforts. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs logically follow, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the ability of celebrities to raise awareness, while the second addresses their role in fundraising. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother; for example, the shift from discussing awareness to fundraising feels abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of each paragraph to signal the connection between ideas. For example, phrases like "Building on this point," or "In addition to raising awareness," can help guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into clear paragraphs, each with a distinct focus. The introduction presents the thesis, and each body paragraph discusses a different aspect of the argument. However, the conclusion could be more robust in summarizing the main points discussed. The final paragraph feels somewhat rushed and does not fully encapsulate the arguments made.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by briefly reiterating the key points made in the body paragraphs. This will not only provide a sense of closure but also reinforce the argument for the reader. For example, you could summarize the benefits of celebrity involvement in disaster relief before stating your final opinion.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices effectively, such as "first and foremost," "in addition," and "to illustrate." These phrases help to connect ideas within paragraphs. However, there is a noticeable reliance on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For instance, the phrase "to illustrate" is used multiple times, which detracts from the overall variety of the essay.
- How to improve: Diversify the cohesive devices used throughout the essay. Instead of repeatedly using "to illustrate," consider alternatives such as "for example," "for instance," or "as an illustration." Additionally, using linking words like "however," "moreover," and "consequently" can help create a more nuanced flow between sentences and ideas.
By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score in this criterion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "natural catastrophe," "disaster relief efforts," and "environmental hazard." These choices effectively convey the topic’s seriousness and complexity. However, there are instances where more varied synonyms could enhance the essay. For example, the phrase "personal benefits" could be replaced with "self-serving motives" to add depth.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to diversify their vocabulary further. Incorporating synonyms and related terms can enrich the text. For instance, instead of repeating "support," alternatives like "assistance," "aid," or "backing" could be used in different contexts.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are areas of imprecision. For example, the phrase "propagandize outreach" is awkward and unclear; "promote outreach" would be more suitable. Additionally, "corrupting supporting financial support" is convoluted and could be simplified to "misusing financial support."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and simplicity in word choice. Reviewing phrases for clarity and ensuring that they convey the intended meaning without ambiguity will strengthen the essay. Utilizing a thesaurus for alternatives can also help in finding more precise terms.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "tendencies" (should be "tendency") and "administration" (should be "administrators" in this context). These errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully or use spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and familiarizing themselves with the correct forms can help reduce errors in future essays. Reading extensively can also enhance spelling through exposure to correct usage.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there are opportunities for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and aim for a higher band score in future IELTS writing tasks.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional phrases. For instance, phrases like "While some contend that this phenomenon may create chance for some individuals to gain personal benefits" and "To illustrate more, they could post information regarding current issues" show an attempt to use varied grammatical forms. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "create chance," which would be more naturally expressed as "create opportunities." The use of passive voice in "the involvement of public figures could amplify the message" is effective, but the overall range could be expanded further to include more varied conjunctions and relative clauses.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that utilize a wider range of conjunctions (e.g., although, whereas, despite) and relative clauses (e.g., which, that). Practicing sentence combining exercises can help in this regard. Additionally, varying the placement of adverbial phrases could create more dynamic sentence constructions.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, "large number of followings" should be corrected to "a large number of followers." The phrase "tendencies to directly involve in fundraising campaigns" is awkward and should be revised to "tend to be directly involved in fundraising campaigns." Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before "which facilitate them" in the second sentence of the first paragraph.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and article usage. Regularly reviewing grammar rules and practicing with exercises can help solidify these concepts. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors, especially in longer sentences, will help improve clarity. Reading essays or articles can also provide insight into correct grammatical structures and punctuation usage.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on refining specific areas will help elevate the score further.
Bài sửa mẫu
In recent years, the presence of celebrities leveraging their influence to garner support for residents affected by natural disasters has become increasingly popular. While some contend that this trend may provide opportunities for certain individuals to derive personal benefits, I believe that it significantly contributes to supporting victims of calamities.
First and foremost, celebrities and public figures often have a substantial following on social media, which enables them to draw considerable attention to disaster relief efforts. For instance, they can share updates on current issues in regions facing environmental hazards on their personal platforms. This allows individuals and organizations to respond swiftly and send essential supplies to victims. Therefore, the involvement of public figures can amplify the message and raise awareness about the needs of affected communities. Such efforts can facilitate vital aid, demonstrating the positive potential of social media in crisis situations.
In addition, it is acknowledged that when well-known individuals promote outreach to encourage citizens’ support for those suffering in affected regions, they tend to directly participate in fundraising campaigns. Their endorsements of particular charities can lead to an increase in donations, as fans and followers are frequently motivated to contribute due to their trust and admiration for these figures. Hence, this can effectively mobilize financial support and resources, enabling local authorities to address environmental issues.
However, the downside of this phenomenon is that some individuals or organizations may exploit disasters to enhance their visibility and manipulate situations for personal gain. For example, they might engage in corrupting financial support to boost their personal budgets or promote their charitable actions without a genuine commitment to the cause. To tackle this problem, it is essential for citizens to require these celebrities to provide evidence of their volunteering activities.
In conclusion, despite some inevitable drawbacks, I believe that the presence of celebrities calling for support for victims affected by natural disasters offers significant benefits, such as increased visibility and a boost in donations. It is advisable for authorities to encourage famous figures to draw residents’ attention to the consequences of natural disasters, showcasing the potential for collective action driven by empathy and solidarity.
