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Write an exposition (120 – 150 words) about bad effects of drug addiction and suggestions for how to fight against it.

Write an exposition (120 – 150 words) about bad effects of drug addiction and suggestions for how to fight against it.

It is true that in today’s society, the world is being attacked by a variety of acute issues one of which is drug addiction that impacts individuals and society. From my perspective, there are a number of reasons behind this trend, and several drastic steps should be adopted to address it by the government.

According to scientific research shows that Vietnam has a powerful and increasing statistic about drug addiction, and it brings about a variety of harmful repercussions. First and foremost, mental and physical health problems, especially depression and respiratory issues which are principal risk factors that every so often appear in the young generation are some of the direct consequences of it. Moreover, the aforementioned phenomenon also leads to multifarious anti-social behaviors that are social and economic trouble. The underlying reason is that the unemployment and homelessness ratio is increasing which is why the prevalence of individuals seeking expeditious financial benefits has led to an increase in illegal activities.

Drug addiction has given rise to a host of alarming problems; to address this issue, both local authorities and each individual should take immediate action, and a multi-faceted approach is required. The first way is to raise public awareness that emphasizes the importance of health and instilling positive virtues from a young age about the dangers of this trouble, this can promote healthy coping mechanisms to deal with stress and mental health issues. The government should implement stricter dug laws. Furthermore, fostering supportive communities in order to avoid using drugs can help addicts have more healthy lifestyles. This should be achieved by establishing a plethora of harm reduction centers that offer a range of services that embrace measures to reduce addiction and promote safer drug usage.

In conclusion, drug addiction is a matter of concern for society. It can be tackled by not only do they prioritize education, but also the efforts of individuals, families, communities, and local authorities. By implementing these solutions, we can work towards building a better society, so it should be taken into consideration.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "trend" -> "phenomenon"
    Explanation: Replacing "trend" with "phenomenon" lends a more formal and precise description to the issue of drug addiction, emphasizing its complex nature beyond a mere trend, aligning better with an academic tone.

  2. "shows that Vietnam has a powerful and increasing statistic" -> "indicates a significant and escalating trend in Vietnam"
    Explanation: The phrase "shows that Vietnam has a powerful and increasing statistic" lacks precision and clarity. Using "indicates a significant and escalating trend in Vietnam" provides a more accurate and formal representation of the situation related to drug addiction statistics.

  3. "repercussions" -> "consequences"
    Explanation: While "repercussions" is not incorrect, "consequences" is a more formal and commonly used term in academic writing, maintaining a professional tone.

  4. "principal risk factors" -> "key risk factors"
    Explanation: "Principal" could imply a hierarchical aspect, whereas "key" emphasizes the essential nature of risk factors associated with drug addiction in a more direct and formal manner.

  5. "every so often" -> "often"
    Explanation: "Every so often" is a colloquial expression that can be replaced with the more direct and formal "often" in academic writing.

  6. "multifarious anti-social behaviors" -> "various antisocial behaviors"
    Explanation: "Multifarious" might seem overly complex. "Various" is a simpler and equally effective term that maintains formality.

  7. "underlying reason is that" -> "This is due to the fact that"
    Explanation: The phrase "underlying reason is that" is less formal. "This is due to the fact that" maintains formality while expressing causation.

  8. "expeditious" -> "quick"
    Explanation: "Expeditious" is a less common and formal word. "Quick" is a simpler yet still appropriate term in academic writing.

  9. "given rise to a host of alarming problems" -> "resulted in numerous alarming issues"
    Explanation: While not incorrect, the phrase "given rise to a host of alarming problems" could be simplified to "resulted in numerous alarming issues" for clearer and more direct academic writing.

  10. "stricter dug laws" -> "more stringent drug-related legislation"
    Explanation: "Stricter dug laws" lacks precision. "More stringent drug-related legislation" is a more formal and clearer way to express the intended idea.

  11. "plethora" -> "variety"
    Explanation: While "plethora" is not incorrect, "variety" is a more commonly used term in academic writing, maintaining a formal tone without being overly complex.

  12. "emphasizes the importance of health" -> "highlights the significance of well-being"
    Explanation: "Emphasizes the importance of health" can be rephrased as "highlights the significance of well-being" for a more nuanced and formal expression.

  13. "implementing these solutions" -> "implementing these measures"
    Explanation: Using "measures" instead of "solutions" maintains a formal tone and better fits the context of addressing drug addiction from multiple angles.

  14. "so it should be taken into consideration" -> "thus, it warrants consideration"
    Explanation: "So it should be taken into consideration" can be replaced with "thus, it warrants consideration" for a more formal and assertive tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "According to scientific research shows that Vietnam has a powerful and increasing statistic about drug addiction, and it brings about a variety of harmful repercussions."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The sentence lacks clarity and precision. It seems to introduce a statistic but fails to provide specific details. To enhance this, provide a clear statistic or reference to strengthen your argument. For example, "Recent scientific research indicates a concerning rise in drug addiction cases in Vietnam, with a sharp increase of X% over the past decade."
    • Improved example: "Recent scientific research indicates a concerning rise in drug addiction cases in Vietnam, with a sharp increase of 15% over the past decade."
  2. Quoted text: "Moreover, the aforementioned phenomenon also leads to multifarious anti-social behaviors that are social and economic trouble."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The sentence is unclear and lacks specificity. To improve, provide concrete examples of antisocial behaviors and their social and economic consequences. For instance, "Additionally, drug addiction contributes to various antisocial behaviors such as theft and violence, causing significant social unrest and economic burdens."
    • Improved example: "Additionally, drug addiction contributes to various antisocial behaviors such as theft and violence, causing significant social unrest and economic burdens."
  3. Quoted text: "Drug addiction has given rise to a host of alarming problems; to address this issue, both local authorities and each individual should take immediate action, and a multi-faceted approach is required."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: While you acknowledge the severity of the issue, the statement lacks specificity. Provide specific actions that local authorities and individuals can take. For example, "To effectively address the issue, local authorities should implement comprehensive rehabilitation programs, while individuals can contribute by actively participating in community-based support groups."
    • Improved example: "To effectively address the issue, local authorities should implement comprehensive rehabilitation programs, while individuals can contribute by actively participating in community-based support groups."
  4. Quoted text: "By implementing these solutions, we can work towards building a better society, so it should be taken into consideration."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The conclusion is somewhat vague and lacks a strong call to action. Provide a more impactful and concise closing statement, emphasizing the urgency of the suggested solutions. For instance, "In conclusion, swift implementation of these solutions is imperative to safeguard our society from the detrimental effects of drug addiction."
    • Improved example: "In conclusion, swift implementation of these solutions is imperative to safeguard our society from the detrimental effects of drug addiction."

Overall, the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, but improvements in clarity, specificity, and a more compelling conclusion are needed to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information with a clear progression throughout. It effectively uses a range of cohesive devices, although there is a slight underuse in certain areas. The central topic is presented clearly within each paragraph. Paragraphing is generally logical, but there’s room for improvement in the transition between paragraphs.
How to improve: Strengthen the use of cohesive devices to ensure a seamless flow of ideas. Pay attention to smoother transitions between paragraphs to enhance overall coherence. Consider incorporating more varied sentence structures for added cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing some flexibility and precision in conveying ideas. There is a mix of common and less common lexical items, contributing to a generally coherent and well-developed discussion. The use of scientific research and phrases like "multifarious anti-social behaviors" showcases a good attempt at incorporating less common vocabulary. While occasional errors in word choice and collocation are present, they do not significantly impede communication. The essay effectively addresses the prompt, discussing the reasons behind drug addiction, its consequences, and proposing solutions.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource and aim for a higher band score, the writer should focus on refining word choice and collocation. Additionally, increasing the variety of sentence structures and incorporating more sophisticated expressions could elevate the lexical richness of the essay. Paying close attention to spelling and word formation, ensuring accuracy, will contribute to a more polished and precise vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical structures with a variety of complex sentences. There is an attempt to use a wide range of vocabulary, contributing to the overall coherence. The majority of sentences are error-free, with occasional errors and inaccuracies. The writer effectively conveys the message and maintains a clear focus on the prompt, addressing both the negative effects of drug addiction and suggesting solutions.

How to improve:
To further enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay attention to the agreement between subject and verb, ensuring consistency throughout the essay. Additionally, a more precise use of articles and prepositions could eliminate minor errors. Proofreading for punctuation, especially the use of commas, can contribute to a smoother flow of ideas. Expanding the complexity of sentence structures and incorporating a wider range of grammatical forms could elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Drug addiction stands as a pressing issue in today’s society, impacting both individuals and communities. There are several underlying reasons behind this trend, and it’s crucial to take significant steps to combat it, particularly by government intervention.

Vietnam, in particular, faces a concerning rise in drug addiction, leading to detrimental effects. Mental and physical health issues, such as depression and respiratory problems, particularly affect the younger generation due to drug addiction. Additionally, this phenomenon fuels anti-social behaviors, contributing to social and economic issues like increased unemployment and homelessness, leading individuals towards illegal activities for quick financial gains.

Addressing this problem requires immediate action from both local authorities and individuals. Raising public awareness about the health risks associated with drug addiction is paramount, especially starting from a young age. Implementing stricter drug laws is necessary, alongside creating supportive communities and harm reduction centers to aid addicts in adopting healthier lifestyles and reducing addiction.

In conclusion, combatting drug addiction necessitates a collective effort from educational institutions, individuals, families, communities, and authorities. Prioritizing education and collaborative efforts will pave the way towards a healthier and safer society for all.

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