Write at least 10 sentences about your family.

My family lives in Hanoi. My mom, Nhung, is 39 years old. She is a nurse. My father, Dam, is 42 years old. He is a doctor. My parents work same hospital. My brother is a student in Dịch Vọng B primary school with myself. My garden so large, it has one apple tree big and grasses, flowers under. My living room has a big TV, coffee table. My bedroom has a big TV too, one bed. My bathroom has a shower, toilet, shampoo, I would love to have a pet but my family doesn't buy a dog because of my mom's busy schedule. I love my family.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"My family lives in Hanoi." -> "My family resides in Hanoi."
Explanation: "Resides" is a more formal and precise term than "lives," which is typically used in more casual contexts.
"My mom, Nhung, is 39 years old." -> "My mother, Nhung, is 39 years old."
Explanation: "Mother" is the more formal term in academic and formal writing, replacing "mom."
"She is a nurse." -> "She is a registered nurse."
Explanation: Adding "registered" clarifies the type of nurse, enhancing specificity and professionalism.
"My father, Dam, is 42 years old." -> "My father, Dam, is 42 years old."
Explanation: No change needed here, as the sentence is already clear and concise.
"My parents work same hospital." -> "My parents work at the same hospital."
Explanation: "At the same hospital" corrects the grammatical error and enhances formality.
"My brother is a student in Dịch Vọng B primary school with myself." -> "My brother is a student at Dịch Vọng B Primary School, and I am also a student there."
Explanation: This revision clarifies that both the brother and the writer are students at the same school, improving clarity and formality.
"My garden so large, it has one apple tree big and grasses, flowers under." -> "My garden is quite large, featuring a large apple tree and grasses and flowers beneath."
Explanation: "Is quite large" corrects the grammatical structure, and "featuring" and "beneath" are more precise and formal alternatives to "so large" and "under."
"My living room has a big TV, coffee table." -> "My living room features a large television and a coffee table."
Explanation: "Features" is more formal than "has," and "large television" is more precise than "big TV."
"My bedroom has a big TV too, one bed." -> "My bedroom also has a large television and a single bed."
Explanation: "Also" corrects the awkward phrasing, and "single bed" is more formal than "one bed."
"My bathroom has a shower, toilet, shampoo, I would love to have a pet but my family doesn’t buy a dog because of my mom’s busy schedule." -> "My bathroom is equipped with a shower, toilet, and shampoo. I would like to have a pet, but my family does not purchase a dog due to my mother’s busy schedule."
Explanation: "Is equipped with" and "purchase" are more formal than "has" and "buy," and "does not purchase" is grammatically correct.
"I love my family." -> "I am fond of my family."
Explanation: "Am fond of" is a more formal expression than "love," which is typically considered too emotional for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by providing basic information about the family members and their professions, as well as some details about the home environment. However, it lacks depth and fails to explore various aspects of family life, such as relationships, activities, or values. The response is limited to only a few sentences about each family member and does not fully develop the idea of what family means to the writer.
- How to improve: To better answer all parts of the question, the writer should aim to include more varied details about family interactions, shared activities, or traditions. Expanding on how the family members relate to one another or what they enjoy doing together would provide a more comprehensive view of the family dynamic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does express a clear affection for the family at the end, but the position is not consistently reinforced throughout the text. The statements about family members are factual but do not convey a strong emotional connection or personal reflection on what family means to the writer.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should weave in personal feelings and reflections throughout the essay. For instance, they could share anecdotes or specific memories that illustrate the bond with family members, reinforcing the overall sentiment of love and appreciation.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are quite basic and lack elaboration. Each sentence provides a piece of information, but there is little extension or support for these ideas. For example, stating that the mother is a nurse does not explain how her profession impacts the family or what it means to the writer.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. Instead of simply stating facts, they could explain why these facts are significant. For example, discussing how the mother’s job as a nurse inspires the writer or how the family enjoys spending time together in the garden would provide depth and clarity.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on family members and the home environment. However, some sentences, such as those describing the garden and the living room, feel somewhat disconnected from the central theme of family. While they provide context, they do not contribute to a deeper understanding of family life.
- How to improve: To maintain focus on the topic, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes to the overall theme of family. They could integrate descriptions of the home in a way that relates back to family activities or experiences, thereby reinforcing the connection between the physical environment and family life.

Overall, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should aim to expand their response to meet the word count requirement, delve deeper into the emotional aspects of family, and ensure that all details contribute meaningfully to the central theme.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents information about the family in a somewhat chronological manner, starting with the location and then introducing family members and their professions. However, the organization lacks clarity and logical progression. For instance, the transition from discussing family members to describing the garden and living spaces feels abrupt and disconnected. The sentence about the garden appears out of place, as it does not logically follow the introduction of family members.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer should group related information together. For example, all family members and their roles could be discussed in one paragraph, followed by a separate paragraph about the home environment. Using clear topic sentences to introduce each section can also help guide the reader through the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is presented as a single block of text without any paragraph breaks, which makes it difficult to follow. Each idea seems to blend into the next without clear delineation, leading to confusion about where one thought ends and another begins.
- How to improve: The writer should break the essay into distinct paragraphs. A suggested structure could be: one paragraph for family members and their professions, another for the description of the home, and a final paragraph expressing feelings about the family. This will not only improve readability but also help in organizing thoughts more effectively.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices, which are essential for connecting ideas and ensuring smooth transitions. Phrases like "My parents work same hospital" lack the necessary linking words to clarify relationships between sentences. Additionally, there are few transitional phrases that guide the reader through the text.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases. For example, using "Additionally," "Furthermore," or "In contrast," can help connect sentences and ideas more fluidly. The writer could also use pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned subjects, which would enhance cohesion. For instance, instead of repeating "my family," the writer could use "they" or "my parents" in subsequent sentences.

By addressing these areas—logical organization, effective paragraphing, and the use of cohesive devices—the writer can significantly enhance the coherence and cohesion of their essay, potentially raising their band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary related to family and home life. Words like "nurse," "doctor," "student," and "garden" are appropriate and relevant. However, the vocabulary is quite limited and repetitive, particularly in describing the family members and household items. For instance, the phrase "big TV" is used multiple times, which detracts from the overall lexical variety.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms and more descriptive adjectives. For example, instead of repeatedly using "big," alternatives like "large," "spacious," or "expansive" could be employed. Additionally, introducing more varied terms related to family dynamics or household items (e.g., "television," "sofa," "landscape") would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "My garden so large" lacks proper grammatical structure and clarity; it should be "My garden is very large." Additionally, "grasses" is not commonly used in this context; "grass" would be more appropriate. The phrase "my family doesn’t buy a dog" could be more accurately expressed as "my family doesn’t have a dog."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and clarity in sentence construction. Practicing sentence structure and ensuring that subjects and verbs agree will help. Furthermore, using a thesaurus to find more suitable words can aid in selecting vocabulary that conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "Dịch Vọng B primary school" (which may be a proper noun and thus acceptable) and "shampoo" (which is spelled correctly but may not fit the context as a standalone item in a bathroom description). The phrase "one apple tree big" is awkward and could be misinterpreted.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should practice spelling common vocabulary and familiarize themselves with the spelling of household items and family-related terms. Regular reading and writing exercises can also help reinforce correct spelling. Additionally, proofreading the essay for spelling errors before submission would be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of vocabulary related to family, there are notable areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By expanding vocabulary, focusing on grammatical accuracy, and practicing spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and overall writing quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences follow a simple subject-verb-object format, such as "My family lives in Hanoi" and "My mom, Nhung, is 39 years old." There are few complex or compound sentences, which restricts the overall variety. For instance, the sentence "My parents work same hospital" lacks a necessary article ("at the same hospital"), which affects clarity and grammatical correctness. Additionally, the sentence "My garden so large, it has one apple tree big and grasses, flowers under" attempts to convey multiple ideas but does so awkwardly, indicating a need for more varied and sophisticated structures.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "My brother is a student in Dịch Vọng B primary school with myself," the writer could say, "My brother and I are both students at Dịch Vọng B Primary School." Practicing the use of conjunctions (and, but, because) and relative clauses (who, which, that) can also help in constructing more varied sentences.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, "My parents work same hospital" is missing the article "at the same hospital." Additionally, "My garden so large" should be "My garden is so large" to include the verb "is." The phrase "grasses, flowers under" is unclear and lacks proper structure. Punctuation is also inconsistent; for instance, the list of items in the bathroom ("shower, toilet, shampoo") could benefit from clearer separation or a conjunction for better readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on verb forms and sentence structure, can be beneficial. For punctuation, the writer should review the rules for lists and consider using conjunctions to connect ideas more fluidly. Reading more examples of well-structured sentences can also help in understanding how to apply these rules effectively.

In summary, while the essay conveys basic information about the writer’s family, there is significant room for improvement in both the variety of sentence structures and grammatical accuracy. Focusing on these areas will enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

My family lives in Hanoi. My mom, Nhung, is 39 years old. She is a registered nurse. My father, Dam, is 42 years old. He is a doctor. My parents work at the same hospital. My brother is a student at Dịch Vọng B Primary School, and I am also a student there. My garden is quite large; it has a big apple tree and grasses and flowers beneath it. My living room has a big TV and a coffee table. My bedroom also has a big TV and a single bed. My bathroom has a shower, toilet, and shampoo. I would love to have a pet, but my family doesn’t buy a dog because of my mom’s busy schedule. I love my family.