WRITING TASK 1 You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The table below shows how the UK unemployed spent their time last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

WRITING TASK 1
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The table below shows how the UK unemployed spent their time last year.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

You should write at least 150 words.

The table shows how men and women who were out of work last year spent their time. The information is broken down into parts of the day and fourteen different activities.
First of all, it is interesting to note that the majority of both men and women who are unemployed are engaged in productive activities in the morning with 61% of men and 91% of women either shopping, trying to secure employment or doing housework, with women being twice as likely to do the latter in the afternoon. However, figures for the afternoon show that the unemployed devote more time to leisure activities such as watching television, visiting friends or reading.
When looking at differences between genders it seems that men were more likely to be engaged with home improvement, gardening or active pursuits such as walking or taking part in sports. More sedentary activities such as staying in bed or sitting around were similar for both sexes. Twice the number of men than women spent their time drinking but this still only accounted for a very small proportion.
Overall, it appears that contrary to many stereotypical preconceptions of the unemployed both men and women do spend a proportion of each day on productive tasks with their being some interesting differences between genders.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "out of work" -> "unemployed"
   Explanation: Using "unemployed" is more formal and aligns with common terminology used in employment statistics.

2. "broken down into parts" -> "segmented into time periods"
   Explanation: The phrase "segmented into time periods" is more precise and technical, indicating a clearer division of the data.

3. "First of all" -> "Firstly"
   Explanation: "Firstly" is a more concise and commonly accepted transition word for introducing a list or an initial point.

4. "trying to secure employment" -> "seeking employment"
   Explanation: "Seeking employment" is a more common and concise phrase that conveys the same meaning with fewer words.

5. "engaged with" -> "engaged in"
   Explanation: The correct preposition here is "in," as it indicates involvement or participation in specific activities.

6. "active pursuits" -> "physical activities"
   Explanation: The term "physical activities" is clearer and more specific, conveying the idea of exertion or exercise.

7. "sedentary activities" -> "sedentary pursuits"
   Explanation: To maintain consistency with "active pursuits," the term "sedentary pursuits" aligns better with the structure of the sentence.

8. "sitting around" -> "lounging"
   Explanation: "Lounging" is a more vivid and descriptive term, indicating relaxation without specific activity.

9. "Twice the number of men than women" -> "Twice as many men as women"
   Explanation: The corrected phrase "Twice as many men as women" is the standard comparative structure for this context, ensuring clarity and accuracy.

10. "it appears that contrary to many stereotypical preconceptions" -> "it seems that, contrary to common stereotypes"
    Explanation: This suggestion provides a more succinct way to express the contrast with typical assumptions about unemployment.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay addresses the task requirements by summarizing the main features of the table regarding how unemployed individuals in the UK spent their time. It highlights key points such as morning activities, afternoon leisure, and gender differences in activities.

How to improve:
To improve the Task Achievement score, consider providing a more comprehensive overview of the data. Include specific percentages or figures from the table to support your summary. Additionally, ensure that all key features are adequately covered, and avoid adding unnecessary details that do not directly relate to the main trends or comparisons presented in the table.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes the information by first introducing the main features of the table and then proceeding to compare the activities of men and women. There is a clear progression throughout the essay, with each paragraph focusing on a different aspect of the data. Cohesion is achieved through the use of cohesive devices such as transitional phrases ("First of all", "However", "When looking at differences between genders"), which help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the essay. Additionally, the essay effectively utilizes referencing by clearly indicating which gender is being discussed in each instance. Paragraphing is sufficient and appropriate, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the data.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, consider varying the sentence structure to avoid repetition and monotony. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay to strengthen the connections between ideas. Lastly, double-check referencing to ensure clarity and precision in indicating which gender is being referred to in each instance.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow flexibility and precision in conveying ideas. It effectively uses vocabulary related to the topic of unemployment and daily activities. There is a variety of lexical items employed, such as "engaged in productive activities," "leisure activities," "sedentary activities," "home improvement," and "active pursuits." The writer also utilizes less common vocabulary items like "stereotypical preconceptions" and "proportion," which enhances the lexical range. Additionally, there is some awareness of style and collocation, evident in phrases like "engaged with," "devote time to," and "spend time on." However, there are occasional errors in word choice and word formation, such as "with their being" (it should be "there being").

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource further, focus on using more precise and nuanced vocabulary consistently throughout the essay. Proofreading for minor errors in word choice and formation would help improve accuracy. Additionally, expanding the range of less common lexical items and refining collocation can contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good level of grammatical range and accuracy. It employs a variety of complex sentence structures, such as compound and complex sentences, effectively conveying ideas. The majority of sentences are error-free, showcasing a strong command of grammar and punctuation. The writer demonstrates an ability to vary sentence structures to maintain reader engagement and coherence.

How to improve:
To further improve the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer could focus on eliminating the few errors that occur, particularly in punctuation. Additionally, incorporating more diverse vocabulary and sentence structures could elevate the essay to a higher band score. Continuing to practice writing under timed conditions and reviewing grammatical rules would also be beneficial.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided table delineates the daily activities of unemployed individuals in the UK, categorized by gender and time of day. Notably, the majority of both male and female unemployed individuals engage in productive pursuits during the morning hours. Specifically, 61% of men and a significant 91% of women allocate their time to activities such as shopping, job hunting, or household chores. It is pertinent to highlight that women are twice as likely as men to dedicate their afternoons to housework.

Conversely, the data illustrates a shift towards leisure activities in the afternoon, with individuals, regardless of gender, allocating more time to pursuits such as watching television, socializing, or reading. Gender disparities become apparent in specific activities, with men displaying a preference for home improvement, gardening, or active pursuits like walking or sports.

Interestingly, while sedentary activities such as resting or lounging are comparable between genders, the data reveals that twice as many men as women engage in drinking, although this remains a minor aspect of their daily routine.

In summary, the data challenges common stereotypes surrounding unemployment, demonstrating that both men and women allocate a portion of their day to productive endeavors, albeit with notable gender-based variations in activities.