fbpx

WRITING TASK 1 You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The two line graphs below show New Zealand import figures from Australia and Japan in the years 1994 – 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words. New Zealand Imports from Australia New Zealand Imports from Japan

WRITING TASK 1
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The two line graphs below show New Zealand import figures from Australia and Japan in the years 1994 – 2004.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

You should write at least 150 words.

New Zealand Imports from Australia
New Zealand Imports from Japan

The given line graphs compare and contrast data on the amount of money New Zealand used to import items from Australia and from Japan from 1994 to 2004. Overall, while imports from Australia experienced an increase, the reverse was true for the figure for imports from Japan over the same period of time.
Starting at 4000$ million for imports from Australia, New Zealand increased the amount of money for Australia's goods to about 6500$ million in 1996 before plunging to 3000$ million in 1999. Afterwards, the figure for items from Australia suddenly rose to 7500$ million in 2001 and ultimately reached its peak at 8000$ million in 2004.
With 3000$ million in the first year of the period, the expenditure of New Zealand on Japanese imports continuously continued to climb doubly (to over 6000 $ million) in 1997. After varying from about 4000$ million to 6000$ million in the next three years, the figure for Japan's imports entering New Zealand considerably decreased to 2000 $ in the final year of the time period.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Starting at 4000$ million" -> "Commencing at $4000 million"
    Explanation: Replacing "Starting at 4000$ million" with "Commencing at $4000 million" offers a more formal and precise expression of the initial value, adhering to standard conventions in financial language.

  2. "plunging to 3000$ million" -> "dropping to $3000 million"
    Explanation: Changing "plunging to 3000$ million" to "dropping to $3000 million" maintains clarity and simplicity, using a more neutral term for the decline in the amount of money.

  3. "figure for items from Australia suddenly rose" -> "the expenditure on Australian goods experienced a sudden increase"
    Explanation: Substituting "figure for items from Australia suddenly rose" with "the expenditure on Australian goods experienced a sudden increase" improves precision and conveys a more sophisticated understanding of economic language.

  4. "With 3000$ million in the first year of the period" -> "Initiating with an expenditure of $3000 million in the first year of the period"
    Explanation: Transforming "With 3000$ million in the first year of the period" into "Initiating with an expenditure of $3000 million in the first year of the period" enhances formality and clarity by providing a more structured introduction to the data.

  5. "expenditure of New Zealand on Japanese imports continuously continued to climb doubly" -> "New Zealand’s expenditure on Japanese imports consistently doubled"
    Explanation: Changing "expenditure of New Zealand on Japanese imports continuously continued to climb doubly" to "New Zealand’s expenditure on Japanese imports consistently doubled" simplifies the expression and maintains precision, avoiding redundancy.

  6. "varying from about 4000$ million to 6000$ million" -> "fluctuating between approximately $4000 million and $6000 million"
    Explanation: Substituting "varying from about 4000$ million to 6000$ million" with "fluctuating between approximately $4000 million and $6000 million" improves the accuracy of the description by using more specific language to convey the range of values.

  7. "considerably decreased to 2000 $" -> "significantly dropped to $2000"
    Explanation: Replacing "considerably decreased to 2000 $" with "significantly dropped to $2000" provides a more concise and impactful description of the reduction in the amount of money spent on Japanese imports.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay addresses the task effectively by summarizing the information presented in the line graphs. It covers the main features of the data, providing a clear overview of the trends in New Zealand’s imports from Australia and Japan between 1994 and 2004. The essay appropriately compares the two sets of data where relevant.

The introduction introduces the task and gives an overview of the main trends, setting the stage for the subsequent analysis. The body paragraphs effectively present and highlight key features of the line graphs, such as the fluctuations in imports from Australia and the continuous increase followed by a sudden decrease in imports from Japan.

The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the data, and the information is logically organized. The overall structure is clear, with a logical progression of ideas. The language used is generally appropriate and clear, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve:
To further enhance the essay, consider providing more specific details, such as actual numerical values, to support the analysis. Additionally, ensure a more consistent and accurate use of verb tenses throughout the essay. Be cautious of minor errors, such as missing spaces after commas and inconsistent use of dollar signs in representing monetary values (e.g., "$3000 million" vs. "3000$ million"). Paying attention to these details will contribute to a more polished and precise response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a generally coherent and logically organized structure. The introduction provides a clear overview of the main features of the graphs, and each paragraph focuses on specific aspects of the data, such as the trends in imports from Australia and Japan. The use of transition words and phrases contributes to the overall coherence, guiding the reader through the temporal progression of the data.

The paragraphing is adequate, with a separate paragraph for each country’s import data. However, there is room for improvement in paragraphing, especially in the second paragraph, where the discussion of imports from Japan could be further subdivided to enhance clarity.

Cohesion is maintained through the use of referencing words like "Overall," "Starting," "Afterwards," and "With." While there is effective use of cohesive devices within sentences, some sentences could benefit from more varied sentence structures to enhance cohesion between them.

The referencing of specific data points and years contributes to the clarity of the essay, allowing readers to follow the trends presented in the graphs.

How to improve:

  1. Consider further subdividing the paragraph discussing imports from Japan for better logical progression and clarity.
  2. Use a variety of sentence structures to enhance cohesion between sentences.
  3. Ensure consistent use of referencing words to guide the reader through the temporal progression of the data.
  4. Pay attention to the logical organization of ideas within paragraphs, ensuring a smooth flow of information.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision. The candidate uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. There are occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation, such as "the reverse was true" (awkward expression), "New Zealand increased the amount of money for Australia’s goods" (repetition of "amount of money" and could be more concise), and "imports entering New Zealand considerably decreased" (awkward phrasing). Despite these issues, the vocabulary is varied enough, and the errors do not severely impede communication.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the candidate should focus on refining word choice and avoiding awkward expressions. Additionally, attention to conciseness and eliminating unnecessary repetition would contribute to a smoother and more sophisticated use of vocabulary. Regular proofreading for spelling and word formation errors is also recommended to minimize such inaccuracies.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, contributing to a moderate range of structures. There are instances of errors in grammar and punctuation, but they rarely hinder communication. The use of vocabulary is generally appropriate, with some room for improvement. The writer effectively presents the main features and makes relevant comparisons, adhering to the task requirements.

How to improve:

  1. Grammar and Punctuation: While the essay generally communicates well, there are areas where grammatical errors can be reduced. For example, in the sentence, "Overall, while imports from Australia experienced an increase, the reverse was true for the figure for imports from Japan over the same period of time," a clearer structure can enhance precision.

  2. Sentence Complexity: Aim for a more varied range of sentence structures to achieve higher flexibility and sophistication. For instance, consider incorporating complex structures in describing trends, providing a more nuanced analysis of the data.

  3. Vocabulary Enhancement: To elevate the essay to a higher band, work on expanding the range of vocabulary. This can be achieved by using more diverse and precise terms to describe trends and comparisons.

  4. Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to identify and rectify minor errors and inconsistencies. This will contribute to achieving a more polished and refined piece of writing.

Overall, the essay is on the right track but requires refinement in grammar, sentence structure, and vocabulary to reach a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The presented line graphs illustrate New Zealand’s import expenditures from Australia and Japan during the years 1994 to 2004. In general, while there was an upward trend in imports from Australia, the opposite held true for imports from Japan during the same timeframe.

Commencing at $4000 million in 1994, New Zealand witnessed a steady rise in expenditure on Australian goods, reaching approximately $6500 million in 1996. However, there was a substantial decline to $3000 million in 1999. Subsequently, there was a remarkable surge, peaking at $8000 million in 2004, with a notable spike in 2001 to $7500 million.

Conversely, New Zealand’s spending on Japanese imports initiated at $3000 million in the inaugural year, escalating to over $6000 million in 1997. After fluctuating between $4000 million and $6000 million in the ensuing three years, there was a significant drop to $2000 million in the final year of the period.

In summary, New Zealand experienced a fluctuating pattern in import expenditures from Australia and Japan, with an overall increasing trend from Australia and a declining trend from Japan over the specified period.

Bài viết liên quan

Phản hồi

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K

119K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K

149K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

VIP

499K

299K/th

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K

159K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K

199K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

VIP

499K

399K/th

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

VIP

499K/th

  • Everthing in Premium

  • Hand Writing Image Recognition

  • Better Accuracy with GPT-4

  • Early Access to New features

    - Speaking Feedback

  • Customization

    We help with minor customizations to get it working just right.

  • Support Development of New Features

    • Speaking Practice
    • Classroom Management (e.g., Google Class Room)
    • Reading Practice
    • Listening Practice