Writing task 2: People all over the world wear the same fashions, watch the same t.v channels, use the same brands and have similar eating habits. Do you think that the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

In today’s modern society, when it comes to the tastes of people in all corners of the world in a large number of fields such as fashions, t.v channels, brands, eating habits and so on, we can’t deny the fact that there’s no difference between them. Personally, I consider that this currently trend seems to bring far more drawbacks than benefits.
On the one hand, it’s worth noting that the same habit of consumption would provide people with a variety of chances to expose to many other cultures, which motivate cultural exchanges and form a close connection between human regardless of their difference backgrounds. For instance, when people share the fashions, t.v channels, brands or even dietary in common, they would feel sympathy and have a tendency to build a fast friendship. As a consquences of this, the government can stand a good chance of motivating worldwide intergration.
On the other hand, we can’t assure that there’s no worry about this owing to the conspiracy of rivalry between nations. There’s a probability that country’s enemy would make use of this trend to brainwash people in a country, leading to losing national character and assimilation. This style of living also cause some environmental issues like fast fashion since all the people devote themselves to following the trend and forgetting about how damage they do to the environment, which make matters worse and worse.
In conclusion, I appreciate both the pros and cons of this trend but I also contend that disadvantages of this trend are too awful in comparison with its advantages.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In today’s modern society" -> "In contemporary society"
Explanation: "Contemporary" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "modern," which can be vague and overly broad in this context.
"tastes of people in all corners of the world" -> "tastes of individuals globally"
Explanation: "Individuals globally" is more specific and formal than "people in all corners of the world," which is somewhat colloquial and imprecise.
"we can’t deny the fact that" -> "it is undeniable that"
Explanation: "It is undeniable that" is a more formal and concise way to express certainty, avoiding the contraction "can’t" which is too informal for academic writing.
"this currently trend" -> "this current trend"
Explanation: "Currently" should be "current" to maintain grammatical correctness and formality.
"bring far more drawbacks than benefits" -> "yield more drawbacks than benefits"
Explanation: "Yield" is a more formal synonym for "bring" and is more suitable in academic contexts.
"it’s worth noting" -> "it is noteworthy"
Explanation: "It is noteworthy" is a more formal expression than the contraction "it’s," which is too informal for academic writing.
"provide people with a variety of chances to expose to" -> "offer individuals numerous opportunities to be exposed to"
Explanation: "Offer individuals numerous opportunities to be exposed to" is more precise and formal, replacing the awkward and incorrect "provide people with a variety of chances to expose to."
"motivate cultural exchanges and form a close connection" -> "facilitate cultural exchanges and foster close connections"
Explanation: "Facilitate" and "foster" are more precise and formal verbs than "motivate" and "form," enhancing the academic tone.
"have a tendency to build a fast friendship" -> "tend to form close friendships"
Explanation: "Tend to form close friendships" is more formal and avoids the colloquial "fast friendship."
"As a consquences of this" -> "As a consequence of this"
Explanation: "Consequence" should be singular when referring to a single effect, correcting the plural form "consequences."
"stand a good chance of motivating" -> "have a strong likelihood of promoting"
Explanation: "Have a strong likelihood of promoting" is more formal and precise than "stand a good chance of motivating."
"There’s a probability that" -> "There is a possibility that"
Explanation: "There is a possibility that" is more formal and avoids the contraction "There’s," which is too informal for academic writing.
"country’s enemy" -> "enemy of a country"
Explanation: "Enemy of a country" is grammatically correct and more formal than "country’s enemy."
"make use of this trend to brainwash" -> "exploit this trend to manipulate"
Explanation: "Exploit" and "manipulate" are more precise and formal terms than "make use of" and "brainwash," which can be overly dramatic and informal.
"losing national character and assimilation" -> "losing national identity and cultural assimilation"
Explanation: "National identity" is a more precise term than "national character," and "cultural assimilation" is more specific than the general term "assimilation."
"This style of living also cause" -> "This lifestyle also causes"
Explanation: "Causes" should be singular to agree with the singular subject "lifestyle," and "lifestyle" is a more formal term than "style of living."
"which make matters worse and worse" -> "which worsens the situation"
Explanation: "Worsens the situation" is a more concise and formal expression than the repetitive and informal "make matters worse and worse."
"I contend that disadvantages of this trend are too awful" -> "I argue that the disadvantages of this trend are too significant"
Explanation: "I argue" is more formal than "I contend," and "too significant" is a more measured and academic term than "too awful," which is emotionally charged and informal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the global trend of shared fashions, media, brands, and eating habits. The writer acknowledges the potential for cultural exchange as a benefit, while also highlighting significant drawbacks such as loss of national identity and environmental issues. However, the essay could be clearer in explicitly stating the advantages and disadvantages in a more structured manner. For example, the advantages are somewhat buried within the discussion of cultural exchange and could be more distinctly outlined.
- How to improve: To enhance the response to all parts of the question, the writer should clearly delineate the advantages and disadvantages in separate paragraphs. This could involve explicitly listing the advantages in one paragraph and the disadvantages in another, ensuring that each point is clearly articulated and supported with relevant examples.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer presents a clear position that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages, stating this explicitly in the introduction and conclusion. However, the argument could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. For instance, while the writer mentions the benefits of cultural exchange, they do not sufficiently connect this back to the overall argument that disadvantages prevail, which could lead to some confusion about the main stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should ensure that each point made in support of the advantages is countered with a corresponding disadvantage. This could involve using transitional phrases that reinforce the main argument, such as "However, despite this benefit,…" or "Nevertheless, the drawbacks include…".
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as cultural exchange and environmental issues, but the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, while the writer mentions the potential for cultural exchange, they do not provide specific examples or further elaboration on how this occurs or its implications. Similarly, the environmental issues are mentioned but not deeply explored.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples and explanations. For instance, when discussing environmental issues, the writer could provide statistics or case studies related to fast fashion to illustrate the impact more vividly. Additionally, extending ideas with further analysis or implications would strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the global trend of shared consumption and its implications. However, some parts of the essay, particularly the mention of "the conspiracy of rivalry between nations," could be seen as a deviation from the main focus. This point is not sufficiently connected to the central argument about the advantages and disadvantages of shared consumption.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the prompt. It would be beneficial to either remove or better integrate off-topic ideas by linking them back to the main argument. For example, if discussing national rivalry, the writer could explain how this rivalry is exacerbated by shared consumption trends, thus tying it back to the overall discussion of disadvantages.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear position, improvements in structure, elaboration, and focus will enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the advantages and disadvantages of globalized trends in fashion, media, and consumption. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by stating the author’s position. The body paragraphs are organized into two distinct sections: one discussing the advantages and the other the disadvantages. However, the transition between these sections could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "On the one hand" is appropriately used, but the subsequent transition to the disadvantages lacks a clear signaling phrase, which can confuse the reader about the shift in focus.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer transition phrases such as "Conversely" or "On the other hand" at the beginning of the second body paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph starts with a topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, guiding the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate ideas, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from further subdivision or clearer delineation of points, particularly when discussing the environmental issues and the loss of national character. The ideas presented are somewhat jumbled, which may hinder the reader’s ability to follow the argument.
- How to improve: Consider breaking down complex ideas into smaller, more digestible parts. For example, the discussion on environmental issues could be a separate point in its own paragraph. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each issue and improve the overall clarity of the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "In conclusion," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "As a consequence of this" is somewhat vague and could be replaced with a more specific connector that clearly links the ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "Additionally" to introduce supporting points, and "However," "Nevertheless," or "Conversely" to present contrasting ideas. This will not only enhance the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a greater command of language.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices could elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "cultural exchanges," "sympathy," and "environmental issues" being used appropriately. However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive or lacks variety, such as the repeated use of "trend" and "fashion." Additionally, phrases like "we can’t deny the fact" and "it’s worth noting" are somewhat formulaic and could be replaced with more varied expressions.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "trend," alternatives like "phenomenon," "movement," or "tendency" could be employed. Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could add depth to the writing, such as "rapidly evolving fashion" instead of just "fashion."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are notable instances of imprecise usage. For example, "the same habit of consumption" could be more accurately described as "uniform consumption patterns." Furthermore, the phrase "the conspiracy of rivalry between nations" is vague and could be better articulated to convey the intended meaning more clearly.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the ideas being expressed. This can be achieved by reviewing and revising sentences to ensure that the words chosen convey the intended meaning. For instance, replacing "brainwash" with "influence" or "manipulate" could provide a clearer understanding of the concern regarding national identity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "consquences" (consequences), "intergration" (integration), and "cause" (causes). These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy. This could involve reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using spell-check tools before finalizing the writing. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can help improve overall spelling skills.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria. By incorporating a broader variety of vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can significantly improve the quality of their writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the sentence "On the one hand, it’s worth noting that the same habit of consumption would provide people with a variety of chances to expose to many other cultures…" uses a complex structure effectively. However, there is a tendency to rely on similar patterns, such as starting multiple sentences with "there’s" or "we can’t," which limits the overall range. Additionally, the use of phrases like "as a consquences of this" and "this style of living also cause" indicates a lack of variety in conjunctions and transitions.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should experiment with different ways to start sentences and incorporate more varied conjunctions and transitions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," the writer could use phrases like "in contrast," "alternatively," or "furthermore" to introduce new ideas. Additionally, varying the placement of clauses within sentences can create more complex structures, such as using introductory phrases or embedding clauses.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, "this currently trend seems to bring far more drawbacks than benefits" should be "this current trend." The phrase "the same habit of consumption would provide people with a variety of chances to expose to many other cultures" is awkward and could be rephrased for clarity. Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences and incorrect pluralization in "as a consquences of this." The use of "which make matters worse and worse" is also grammatically incorrect; it should be "which makes matters worse and worse."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and correct article usage. Practicing sentence rephrasing can also help clarify awkward constructions. Additionally, the writer should pay attention to punctuation rules, particularly with complex sentences, to ensure that clauses are properly separated. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify and correct errors before finalizing the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of grammatical structures, there is room for improvement in both the variety of sentence structures and the accuracy of grammar and punctuation. By diversifying sentence openings and practicing grammatical accuracy, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s modern society, when it comes to the tastes of people in all corners of the world in a large number of fields such as fashion, TV channels, brands, eating habits, and so on, we cannot deny the fact that there is little difference between them. Personally, I consider that this current trend seems to yield more drawbacks than benefits.

On the one hand, it is noteworthy that the same habit of consumption would provide people with a variety of chances to be exposed to many other cultures, which facilitates cultural exchanges and fosters close connections between humans regardless of their different backgrounds. For instance, when people share the same fashion, TV channels, brands, or even dietary habits, they tend to form close friendships. As a consequence of this, the government can stand a good chance of promoting worldwide integration.

On the other hand, we cannot assure that there are no worries about this owing to the conspiracy of rivalry between nations. There is a possibility that a country’s enemy would exploit this trend to manipulate people in that country, leading to the loss of national identity and cultural assimilation. This lifestyle also causes some environmental issues, like fast fashion, since all people devote themselves to following the trend and forget about the damage they do to the environment, which worsens the situation.

In conclusion, I appreciate both the pros and cons of this trend, but I also argue that the disadvantages of this trend are too significant in comparison with its advantages.