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Writing Task 2 Nowadays, the traditions and customs relating to the food we eat and the way we eat are changing. Why is this happening? Do you think this kind of change is positive or negative?

Writing Task 2
Nowadays, the traditions and customs relating to the food we eat and the way we eat are changing. Why is this happening? Do you think this kind of change is positive or negative?

In the contemporary era, cuisine is a matter of debate, with some arguing that conventional food and dietary habits are modified. In my opinion, this issue, which stems from multiple factors, has profound negative outcomes.

First of all, the massive influence of social media is the primary factor that alters our daily meals significantly. To be specific, technological breakthroughs have led to the widespread dissemination of various culinary techniques. For instance, sushi, originally from Japan, has gained huge popularity in other nations through social media, thereby making non-japanese people captivated and try its outstanding ingredients and smell. Thus, this problem has caused both merits and demerits to all countries.

On the one hand, this issue can be complementary to our lives. To be specific, culinary globalization has offered everyone vast choices of food. Because of the recipes being available on the internet, people now can find details relating to dishes from every corner in the world. A notable instance is that Europeans can easily make an Asian dish from instructions on Google. This advancement may satisfy our demands and needs for food, facilitating living conditions substantially.

On the other hand, this phenomenon can pose a threat to the preservation of some traditional food. In particular, as individuals tend to indulge in exotic dishes, several distinctive characteristics of one nation can be detrimentally diminished. For example, in Vietnam, since youngsters are considerably keen on foreign cuisine such as Korean and Japanese food, its culinary heritage such as Banh Gio is expected to fade, taking a toll on the country's unique identity. As a result, younger generations may not have an opportunity to witness and try their gastronomic delights, which potentially has an adverse influence on a nation as a whole.

In conclusion, technology is the primary cause of the alteration of traditional food and eating habits. Consequently, while this transformation leads to some advantages, its drawbacks are far more such as the diminishing of authentic flavors of traditional dishes, resulting in the loss of conventional identity.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "In the contemporary era, cuisine is a matter of debate, with some arguing that conventional food and dietary habits are modified." -> "In the present-day era, culinary practices are a subject of debate, with some asserting that traditional food and dietary habits have undergone modifications."
    Explanation: Replacing "contemporary" with "present-day" and using more formal language such as "culinary practices" enhances the academic tone. Additionally, specifying "present-day era" is more precise than simply "contemporary era."

  2. "In my opinion, this issue, which stems from multiple factors, has profound negative outcomes." -> "From my perspective, this matter, rooted in various factors, yields significant adverse consequences."
    Explanation: Substituting "In my opinion" with "From my perspective" maintains formality. Additionally, replacing "issue" with "matter" and using "yields" instead of "has" contributes to a more refined and precise expression.

  3. "First of all, the massive influence of social media is the primary factor that alters our daily meals significantly." -> "Primarily, the substantial impact of social media is a key factor that markedly transforms our daily dietary habits."
    Explanation: Using "First of all" is replaced with "Primarily" for a more formal transition. "Massive influence" is substituted with "substantial impact," and "alters" is replaced with "transforms" to convey a more precise meaning.

  4. "To be specific, technological breakthroughs have led to the widespread dissemination of various culinary techniques." -> "Specifically, technological advancements have facilitated the widespread dissemination of diverse culinary techniques."
    Explanation: The phrase "To be specific" is replaced with "Specifically" for conciseness and formality. "Breakthroughs" is changed to "advancements," providing a more accurate representation of technological progress.

  5. "For instance, sushi, originally from Japan, has gained huge popularity in other nations through social media, thereby making non-Japanese people captivated and try its outstanding ingredients and smell." -> "For example, sushi, originating in Japan, has garnered immense popularity worldwide through social media, captivating non-Japanese individuals and enticing them to experience its exceptional flavors and aroma."
    Explanation: Replacing "For instance" with "For example" adheres to a more formal style. "Gained huge popularity" is changed to "garnered immense popularity," and the sentence is rephrased for clarity and precision.

  6. "Thus, this problem has caused both merits and demerits to all countries." -> "As a result, this issue has implications, encompassing both advantages and disadvantages for all nations."
    Explanation: The word "problem" is replaced with "issue" for a more nuanced expression. "Caused both merits and demerits" is revised to "has implications, encompassing both advantages and disadvantages" to enhance clarity and formality.

  7. "To be specific, culinary globalization has offered everyone vast choices of food." -> "Specifically, the globalization of culinary practices has provided a diverse array of food choices for individuals."
    Explanation: The phrase "To be specific" is replaced with "Specifically" for conciseness and formality. "Culinary globalization" is used for precision, and "vast choices" is modified to "a diverse array" for a more refined expression.

  8. "Because of the recipes being available on the internet, people now can find details relating to dishes from every corner in the world." -> "Owing to the availability of recipes on the internet, individuals can now access information about dishes from every corner of the world."
    Explanation: The phrase "Because of" is replaced with "Owing to" for a more formal tone. "Recipes being available" is modified to "availability of recipes" for clarity and conciseness.

  9. "On the other hand, this phenomenon can pose a threat to the preservation of some traditional food." -> "Conversely, this phenomenon poses a threat to the preservation of certain traditional cuisines."
    Explanation: "On the other hand" is replaced with "Conversely" for variety and formality. "Some traditional food" is changed to "certain traditional cuisines" for specificity and precision.

  10. "For example, in Vietnam, since youngsters are considerably keen on foreign cuisine such as Korean and Japanese food, its culinary heritage such as Banh Gio is expected to fade, taking a toll on the country’s unique identity." -> "For instance, in Vietnam, the increasing enthusiasm among the younger generation for foreign cuisines like Korean and Japanese has led to the potential fading of its culinary heritage, exemplified by dishes like Banh Gio, thereby impacting the nation’s distinctive identity."
    Explanation: The sentence is rephrased for clarity and precision. "Youngsters are considerably keen" is modified to "the increasing enthusiasm among the younger generation," and the impact on culinary heritage is specified for a more detailed explanation.

  11. "Consequently, while this transformation leads to some advantages, its drawbacks are far more such as the diminishing of authentic flavors of traditional dishes, resulting in the loss of conventional identity." -> "As a result, while this transformation brings about certain benefits, its drawbacks are more pronounced, including the erosion of authentic flavors in traditional dishes and the consequent loss of conventional identity."
    Explanation: "Consequently" is replaced with "As a result" for a smoother transition. "Far more such as" is modified to "more pronounced, including" for clarity and precision. The phrase "diminishing of authentic flavors" is changed to "erosion of authentic flavors" for a more formal expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It discusses why traditions and customs related to food are changing and expresses a clear opinion on whether this change is positive or negative. Relevant sections include the introduction, where the influence of social media is mentioned, and the conclusion, which summarizes the impact of technology on traditional food.
    • How to improve: While the essay answers all parts of the question, a more explicit connection between the reasons for the change and the overall positivity/negativity of the change could enhance coherence.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position throughout, clearly stating that the change in food traditions has profound negative outcomes. This stance is evident in the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
    • How to improve: The essay could further strengthen its position by providing a brief roadmap in the introduction, outlining the main reasons supporting the negative impact of changing food traditions.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents and supports ideas. It discusses the influence of social media on culinary habits, provides examples like the popularity of sushi, and explores both positive and negative aspects of culinary globalization.
    • How to improve: To enhance the depth of analysis, the essay could incorporate more specific examples or case studies to illustrate the impact of changing food habits on traditional cuisines.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the reasons for changing food traditions and evaluating whether this change is positive or negative. However, there is a slight deviation in the third paragraph when discussing the benefits of culinary globalization without directly linking it to the overall negativity of the change.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, each paragraph should directly contribute to the central argument, emphasizing the negative consequences of changing food traditions.

Overall Feedback: The essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, presenting a well-structured response with a clear position and supporting details. To improve, consider refining the connection between reasons and overall opinion, reinforcing the thesis in the introduction, incorporating more specific examples, and ensuring each paragraph aligns directly with the central argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. The introduction introduces the topic, and the body paragraphs present both sides of the argument coherently. However, there is a slight lack of clarity in the organization of ideas within paragraphs, particularly in the second paragraph where the discussion on the positive aspects of culinary globalization could be more logically structured.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider restructuring the second body paragraph. Begin with a clear topic sentence outlining the positive aspects, followed by supporting details. This will provide a more organized and coherent development of ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: Paragraphing is generally effective, with clear separation of the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, as mentioned earlier, the second body paragraph could benefit from improved structure to enhance overall effectiveness.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus on a specific aspect of the argument. In the second body paragraph, clearly separate the discussion on the positive aspects of culinary globalization from potential drawbacks to enhance clarity and readability.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, including transition words and phrases such as "First of all," "On the one hand," "On the other hand," and "In conclusion." However, there is room for improvement in the strategic use of cohesive devices within paragraphs for better coherence.
    • How to improve: Focus on using cohesive devices not only at the beginning of paragraphs but also within them to connect ideas. For instance, use transitional words to guide the reader through the flow of arguments within each paragraph. This will contribute to a smoother and more connected presentation of ideas.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a solid but not flawless level of coherence and cohesion. By refining the logical organization within paragraphs and strategically employing cohesive devices, the overall flow and structure of the essay can be further improved.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable effort in employing a reasonably wide range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to incorporate varied terms related to the topic, such as "culinary globalization," "exotic dishes," and "technological breakthroughs." However, at times, the vocabulary appears somewhat repetitive, and there is room for improvement in diversifying word choices further.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary, consider introducing more nuanced and contextually fitting terms. Explore synonyms for frequently used words, and aim to capture the nuances of the ideas more precisely. For instance, instead of repeatedly using the term "culinary globalization," try alternatives like "global gastronomic integration" or "cross-cultural culinary exchange" where appropriate.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally precise use of vocabulary. However, there are instances where a more precise choice of words could enhance clarity. For example, the phrase "this problem has caused both merits and demerits" is somewhat vague. Using more specific terms like "benefits" and "drawbacks" would provide a clearer understanding of the intended meaning.
    • How to improve: Focus on using words that precisely convey your intended message. In the mentioned case, replacing "merits and demerits" with "benefits and drawbacks" would eliminate ambiguity. Review the essay for similar instances and refine the language for greater precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with only a few minor errors. For instance, in the phrase "the diminishing of authentic flavors," "diminishing" is spelled correctly, but attention to consistency in pluralizing by using "flavors" instead of "flavor" would improve accuracy.
    • How to improve: Maintain consistent spelling throughout the essay, especially when it comes to pluralization. Proofread carefully to catch such minor errors and ensure a polished final product.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of vocabulary, with some room for improvement in diversifying word choices and enhancing precision. Spelling is generally accurate, with minor inconsistencies that can be easily addressed through careful proofreading.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and complex sentences, contributing to overall clarity. The use of introductory phrases and clauses is evident, such as "In the contemporary era" and "First of all." However, there is room for improvement in terms of sentence variety. The essay tends to rely on straightforward structures, and more complex constructions can be incorporated to enhance sophistication.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating a variety of sentence types, such as compound and complex sentences. Introduce more complex grammatical structures, such as conditional sentences or relative clauses, to add depth and complexity to the essay. For example, instead of using only simple sentences to express ideas, experiment with combining them or introducing subordination for a more nuanced expression.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonably high level of grammatical accuracy. There are minimal grammatical errors, and the essay effectively conveys ideas without causing confusion. Punctuation is generally used correctly, with appropriate placement of commas and periods. However, there are a few instances where sentence structures could be refined for better clarity, and minor errors like missing articles or prepositions are present.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to the use of articles, prepositions, and verb agreements. For instance, in the sentence "To be specific, culinary globalization has offered everyone vast choices of food," consider adding the article "a" before "culinary" for grammatical completeness. Additionally, review sentence structures for clarity, ensuring that ideas are presented in a logically organized manner. Proofread carefully to catch any minor errors that may affect the overall coherence of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary era, culinary practices have become a topic of discussion, with some asserting that traditional food and dietary habits have undergone modifications. From my perspective, this matter, rooted in various factors, yields significant adverse consequences.

Primarily, the substantial impact of social media is a key factor that markedly transforms our daily dietary habits. Technological advancements have facilitated the widespread dissemination of diverse culinary techniques. For example, sushi, originating in Japan, has garnered immense popularity worldwide through social media, captivating non-Japanese individuals and enticing them to experience its exceptional flavors and aroma. As a result, this issue has implications, encompassing both advantages and disadvantages for all nations.

Specifically, the globalization of culinary practices has provided a diverse array of food choices for individuals. Owing to the availability of recipes on the internet, individuals can now access information about dishes from every corner of the world. Conversely, this phenomenon poses a threat to the preservation of certain traditional cuisines. For instance, in Vietnam, the increasing enthusiasm among the younger generation for foreign cuisines like Korean and Japanese has led to the potential fading of its culinary heritage, exemplified by dishes like Banh Gio, thereby impacting the nation’s distinctive identity.

As a result, while this transformation brings about certain benefits, its drawbacks are more pronounced, including the erosion of authentic flavors in traditional dishes and the consequent loss of conventional identity. The massive influence of social media and technological breakthroughs has not only expanded culinary choices globally but also posed challenges to the preservation of cultural culinary heritage, especially among younger generations.

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