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Writing Task 2 Nowadays, the traditions and customs relating to the food we eat and the way we eat are changing. Why is this happening? Do you think this kind of change is positive or negative?

Writing Task 2
Nowadays, the traditions and customs relating to the food we eat and the way we eat are changing. Why is this happening? Do you think this kind of change is positive or negative?

In the contemporary era, cuisine is a matter of debate, with some arguing that conventional food and dietary habits are modified. In my opinion, this issue, which stems from multiple factors, has profound negative outcomes.

First of all, the massive influence of social media is the primary factor that alters our daily meals significantly. To be specific, technological advancements have led to the widespread dissemination of various culinary techniques. For instance, sushi, originally from Japan, has gained huge popularity in other nations through social media, thereby making non-japanese people captivated and try its outstanding ingredients and smell. Thus, people may acquire plenty of opportunities to try food coming from other cultures.

This phenomenon; however; can pose a threat to the preservation of some traditional food. In particular, as individuals tend to indulge in exotic dishes, several distinctive characteristics of one nation can be detrimentally diminished. For example, in Vietnam, since youngsters are considerably keen on foreign cuisine such as Korean and Japanese food, its culinary heritage such as Banh Gio is expected to fade, taking a toll on the country's unique identity. As a result, younger generations may not have an opportunity to witness and try their gastronomic delights, which potentially has an adverse influence on a nation as a whole.

In conclusion, technology is the primary cause of the alteration of traditional food and eating habits. Consequently, this transformation causes some prominent drawbacks such as the diminishing of authentic flavors of traditional dishes, resulting in the loss of conventional identity.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "In the contemporary era" -> "In the present era"
    Explanation: Replacing "contemporary" with "present" maintains formality while avoiding a slightly informal tone. "Contemporary" may sound more suitable for casual conversation than academic writing.

  2. "with some arguing that" -> "with arguments asserting that"
    Explanation: The phrase "with some arguing that" is a bit informal. Replacing it with "with arguments asserting that" adds a more academic and assertive tone to the sentence.

  3. "conventional food and dietary habits are modified" -> "traditional cuisine and dietary practices are altered"
    Explanation: Substituting "conventional" with "traditional" and rephrasing "are modified" to "are altered" improves precision and formality. Additionally, "dietary practices" is a more academically appropriate term than "dietary habits."

  4. "First of all" -> "Primarily"
    Explanation: "First of all" is colloquial; replacing it with "Primarily" enhances the formal tone of the essay.

  5. "To be specific" -> "Specifically"
    Explanation: "To be specific" can be replaced with the more concise "Specifically" to maintain formality and improve the flow of the sentence.

  6. "huge popularity" -> "significant popularity"
    Explanation: "Huge" is a less formal term, and replacing it with "significant" maintains the academic tone of the essay.

  7. "captivated and try its outstanding ingredients and smell" -> "intrigued and compelled to experience its exceptional ingredients and aroma"
    Explanation: The term "captivated" is somewhat informal. Replacing it with "intrigued" and rephrasing the latter part of the sentence adds a more sophisticated and descriptive touch to the essay.

  8. "may acquire plenty of opportunities" -> "may have ample opportunities"
    Explanation: Substituting "acquire plenty of" with "have ample" enhances precision and maintains formality.

  9. "This phenomenon; however;" -> "However, this phenomenon,"
    Explanation: The use of semicolons and the placement of "however" disrupt the flow. A simple comma after "However" is more appropriate.

  10. "pose a threat" -> "pose a potential threat"
    Explanation: Adding "potential" before "threat" provides a nuanced and more accurate description, aligning better with academic style.

  11. "distinctive characteristics of one nation can be detrimentally diminished" -> "unique attributes of a nation can be significantly diminished"
    Explanation: "Distinctive" is replaced with "unique," and "detrimentally" is substituted with "significantly" for precision and a more formal tone.

  12. "considerably keen" -> "strongly inclined"
    Explanation: "Considerably keen" is informal; replacing it with "strongly inclined" adds a more formal touch to the sentence.

  13. "culinary heritage such as Banh Gio is expected to fade" -> "culinary heritage, like Banh Gio, is anticipated to diminish"
    Explanation: The revised sentence is more precise and maintains an academic tone.

  14. "taking a toll on the country’s unique identity" -> "jeopardizing the nation’s distinctive identity"
    Explanation: "Taking a toll" is replaced with "jeopardizing" for a more specific and formal expression.

  15. "In conclusion," -> "To conclude,"
    Explanation: "In conclusion" is a more common phrase in casual writing; replacing it with "To conclude" aligns better with academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both aspects of the prompt—why traditions are changing and whether the change is positive or negative. However, the explanation could be more comprehensive, with specific examples and a deeper analysis of the factors contributing to the change.
    • How to improve: To enhance completeness, provide more detailed examples of how social media impacts food traditions. Analyze the positive and negative aspects more thoroughly, considering multiple perspectives on the changes.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay takes a clear stance that the changes in food traditions have negative outcomes. However, the expression of this position could be more explicit and consistently woven throughout the essay. There are instances where the stance is implied rather than explicitly stated.
    • How to improve: Clearly state the position in the introduction and consistently reinforce it throughout the essay. Strengthen the use of language that unequivocally communicates the negative perspective on changing food traditions.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas reasonably well but lacks depth in extending and supporting them. While there is an attempt to explain the impact of social media on food habits, providing more specific examples and elaborating on the consequences would strengthen the argument.
    • How to improve: Expand on the discussion of how social media influences food choices and traditions. Provide detailed examples and delve into the consequences, considering both the positive and negative aspects to enrich the analysis.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but includes some slightly off-topic elements, such as the introduction of sushi. While this example is interesting, it needs a more direct connection to the main theme of changing traditions and its consequences.
    • How to improve: Ensure that all examples and details directly contribute to the discussion of changing food traditions. If introducing examples from other cultures, tie them explicitly to the impact on local traditions and identity.

In conclusion, the essay addresses the prompt adequately, maintaining a coherent structure and language use. To improve, it should deepen the analysis, explicitly express and consistently reinforce its stance, provide more specific examples, and ensure all content is closely tied to the main theme.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable level of logical organization. The introduction sets the stage by presenting the topic and the writer’s stance. Each body paragraph develops a specific point, providing examples and explanations. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main ideas. However, there are instances where the connection between sentences could be smoother, affecting overall coherence. For instance, the transition between discussing the influence of social media and the potential threat to traditional food in Vietnam could be more seamless.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases at key points to guide the reader through the essay’s progression. For example, introducing each body paragraph with clear topic sentences and employing transitional phrases like "Furthermore" or "However" can contribute to a smoother transition between ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs adequately, with a clear structure for the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in the development of individual paragraphs. Some paragraphs, particularly the second one, contain lengthy sentences that may confuse the reader. Breaking down complex ideas into shorter sentences can enhance clarity and coherence.
    • How to improve: Focus on creating well-structured paragraphs with clear topic sentences, supporting details, and a concluding sentence. Ensure that each paragraph revolves around a single main idea to maintain coherence. Additionally, vary sentence lengths to prevent monotony and aid reader comprehension.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as pronouns ("this issue," "this phenomenon") and linking words ("for instance," "in conclusion"). However, the essay could benefit from a more diverse range of cohesive devices to establish stronger connections between sentences and ideas. The transitions between paragraphs, especially between the second and third, could be more explicit.
    • How to improve: Introduce a broader array of cohesive devices, including conjunctions ("however," "moreover"), transitional phrases ("on the other hand," "in contrast"), and synonyms. This will contribute to a more cohesive and smoothly flowing essay. Pay special attention to transitions between paragraphs to reinforce the overall coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, improvements in the use of transitional phrases, paragraph development, and a more diverse range of cohesive devices can elevate the overall organization and clarity of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, with a mix of general and more specialized terms. The use of phrases like "culinary techniques," "distinctive characteristics," and "gastronomic delights" shows an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more academic and nuanced terms related to the topic. For instance, instead of "captivated," you might use "intrigued," and in place of "keen on," you could use "enthusiastic about."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances where more precision could be achieved. For example, the term "technological advancements" is a bit broad; specifying the type of technology involved would add precision.
    • How to improve: Aim for more specificity in terminology. Instead of "technological advancements," consider specifying the exact technologies, such as "social media platforms" or "online platforms." This precision will enhance the clarity and depth of your expression.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally accurate level of spelling, with minimal errors. However, there is an instance of a semicolon used incorrectly: "This phenomenon; however; can pose a threat." Semicolons should be used to connect closely related independent clauses, and here a comma or period would be more appropriate.
    • How to improve: Continue with the good spelling accuracy, but pay attention to punctuation rules. Specifically, review the usage of semicolons and ensure they connect related independent clauses appropriately. Consider using commas or periods where needed for clearer and more accurate punctuation.

Overall, the essay exhibits a reasonable command of vocabulary and spelling. To improve further, focus on incorporating more precise and academic terms, ensuring clarity in expression, and refining punctuation usage. This will contribute to a more polished and refined piece of writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and complex sentences, with attempts at using varied sentence structures to convey ideas. For example, the use of introductory phrases like "First of all" and "In particular" adds some variety. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures further, particularly in the complexity of compound and complex sentences. The essay tends to rely on simple sentence structures, impacting the overall richness and fluency.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences, such as those with subordinate clauses and different sentence types (interrogative, imperative). Varying the length and structure of sentences will contribute to a more engaging and sophisticated writing style.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, with few noticeable errors. However, there are instances where subject-verb agreement could be strengthened. For example, in the sentence "In particular, as individuals tend to indulge in exotic dishes," the plural subject "individuals" does not entirely align with the singular verb "tend," creating a slight grammatical inconsistency. Punctuation is generally accurate, but there is a tendency to overuse commas in places where other punctuation marks or sentence structures could enhance clarity.
    • How to improve: Pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, ensuring consistency in number agreement throughout the essay. Regarding punctuation, consider using a variety of punctuation marks (colons, semicolons, dashes) to add nuance to sentence structures. Additionally, review the use of commas, making sure they are employed judiciously and not excessively. This will contribute to a smoother and more precise expression of ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical structures, with opportunities for improvement in sentence structure variety and fine-tuning of subject-verb agreement and punctuation usage.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the present era, discussions about cuisine abound, with arguments asserting that traditional food and dietary practices are altered. Primarily, the significant popularity of social media plays a crucial role in this transformation. Specifically, technological advancements have led to the widespread dissemination of various culinary techniques. For instance, sushi, originally from Japan, has gained significant popularity in other nations through social media, intriguing and compelling people to experience its exceptional ingredients and aroma. Thus, individuals may have ample opportunities to explore and taste food from diverse cultures.

However, this phenomenon may pose a potential threat to the preservation of some traditional foods. Specifically, as individuals become more inclined towards exotic dishes, the unique attributes of a nation can be significantly diminished. For example, in Vietnam, where the younger generation is strongly inclined towards foreign cuisines like Korean and Japanese food, the culinary heritage, such as Banh Gio, is anticipated to diminish, jeopardizing the nation’s distinctive identity. Consequently, younger generations may not have the chance to witness and savor their gastronomic delights, potentially having an adverse influence on the nation as a whole.

To conclude, the alteration of traditional food and eating habits is primarily driven by the influence of technology, particularly through social media. However, this transformation poses some drawbacks, such as the diminishing of authentic flavors of traditional dishes and the potential loss of conventional identity. It is essential to strike a balance and appreciate the diversity brought about by culinary evolution while safeguarding the rich heritage that defines each nation.

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