you and some friends have raised 1000 pound for a charity at work/school. write to everyone who helped you to say thank you. tell them about how much money you raised, how you raised the money and about the charity

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to reach out and thank each of you for your incredible support in helping us raise an amazing £1,000 for our charity! Your generosity, time, and enthusiasm truly made this possible.

We raised the funds through a variety of activities like bake sales, sponsored events,…It was inspiring to see everyone pitch in, whether by donating, volunteering, or spreading the word. Every little effort added up, and the response was more than we could have hoped for.

The money will completely used for providing meals and essential supplies for families in need, supporting educational resources for underprivileged children. Thanks to you, we’re making a real impact for a cause that truly matters.

Once again, thank you for your kindness and support! We couldn’t have done it without each and every one of you.

Warmest regards,

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Hi everyone," -> "Dear colleagues and friends,"
Explanation: The phrase "Hi everyone," is too informal for an academic or formal context. "Dear colleagues and friends," is more appropriate and respectful for a formal letter.
"I just wanted to reach out and thank" -> "I am writing to express my gratitude to"
Explanation: "I just wanted to reach out and thank" is conversational and informal. "I am writing to express my gratitude to" is more formal and suitable for an academic or professional setting.
"incredible support" -> "significant support"
Explanation: "Incredible" can be seen as overly emotional and subjective. "Significant" is more objective and academically appropriate.
"raising an amazing £1,000" -> "raising £1,000"
Explanation: The word "amazing" is too informal and subjective for academic writing. Removing it maintains the formality of the statement.
"Your generosity, time, and enthusiasm" -> "Your contributions, efforts, and dedication"
Explanation: "Generosity, time, and enthusiasm" are somewhat vague and informal. "Contributions, efforts, and dedication" are more specific and formal.
"like bake sales, sponsored events," -> "including bake sales and sponsored events"
Explanation: "Like" is too informal and conversational for academic writing. "Including" is more precise and formal.
"It was inspiring to see everyone pitch in" -> "It was heartening to observe everyone’s participation"
Explanation: "It was inspiring to see everyone pitch in" uses colloquial language. "It was heartening to observe everyone’s participation" is more formal and precise.
"Every little effort added up" -> "Each contribution was cumulative"
Explanation: "Every little effort added up" is informal and vague. "Each contribution was cumulative" is more precise and formal.
"the response was more than we could have hoped for" -> "the response exceeded our expectations"
Explanation: "The response was more than we could have hoped for" is somewhat informal and subjective. "The response exceeded our expectations" is more objective and formal.
"completely used" -> "entirely utilized"
Explanation: "Completely used" is grammatically incorrect. "Entirely utilized" is grammatically correct and maintains a formal tone.
"providing meals and essential supplies" -> "providing meals and essential supplies"
Explanation: This is a repetition of the same phrase. It could be rephrased to avoid redundancy, such as "providing meals and essential supplies, as well as educational resources."
"Thanks to you, we’re making a real impact" -> "Thanks to your efforts, we are making a tangible impact"
Explanation: "We’re" is a contraction and "real" is somewhat informal. "We are" and "tangible" are more formal and precise.
"for a cause that truly matters" -> "for a cause of significant importance"
Explanation: "Truly matters" is informal and subjective. "Of significant importance" is more objective and formal.
"Warmest regards," -> "Sincerely,"
Explanation: "Warmest regards" is overly casual for an academic or professional setting. "Sincerely," is the standard closing for formal letters and documents.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by thanking the contributors and mentioning the amount raised (£1,000). However, it lacks a comprehensive explanation of how the money was raised and does not provide specific details about the charity itself. The mention of "bake sales" and "sponsored events" is vague and does not fully elaborate on the fundraising activities. Additionally, while it mentions the impact of the funds, it does not specify which charity is being supported, which is a crucial part of the prompt.
- How to improve: To better address all elements of the question, the writer should include more specific details about the fundraising activities (e.g., types of events, participation levels) and explicitly name the charity being supported. This would provide a clearer picture of the efforts made and the cause being championed.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a positive and grateful tone throughout, which is appropriate for the context of thanking contributors. However, the lack of specific details about the charity and the fundraising efforts can lead to ambiguity regarding the writer’s position on the importance of these efforts. The essay could benefit from a more defined stance on the significance of the charity work.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to articulate a clearer position by emphasizing the importance of the charity and the specific impact of the raised funds. This could involve including a brief statement about the mission of the charity and why it matters, thereby reinforcing the writer’s commitment to the cause.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents the main idea of gratitude effectively but lacks depth in extending and supporting this idea. While it mentions the amount raised and the types of activities, it does not delve into how these activities were organized or the personal stories behind them. The impact of the funds is mentioned but not elaborated upon, which weakens the overall message.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should include anecdotes or examples of specific contributions made by individuals or groups. Additionally, providing more information about how the funds will directly benefit the charity’s mission would strengthen the argument and engage the readers more effectively.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on thanking the contributors and discussing the fundraising efforts. However, the lack of detail about the charity and the fundraising process means that it does not fully capture the essence of the prompt. The essay could benefit from a more structured approach that clearly separates the different aspects of the prompt.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should create a clear outline before writing, ensuring that each part of the prompt is addressed in a dedicated section. This could involve a brief introduction, a paragraph on fundraising activities, a paragraph detailing the charity’s mission, and a concluding thank-you note, which would enhance clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is organized in a logical manner, beginning with an expression of gratitude, followed by details about the fundraising activities, and concluding with the impact of the raised funds. This structure effectively guides the reader through the message. For instance, the transition from thanking the supporters to explaining how the money was raised flows smoothly, maintaining clarity throughout. However, the introduction could benefit from a brief mention of the charity itself to set the context more clearly before diving into the fundraising details.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider starting with a sentence that introduces the charity and its mission before detailing the fundraising efforts. This would provide a clearer framework for the reader and enhance the overall coherence of the message.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is presented in a single paragraph, which can make it challenging for readers to digest the information. While the content is cohesive, the lack of distinct paragraphs can hinder the clarity of each point being made. For example, separating the expression of gratitude, the explanation of fundraising activities, and the impact of the funds into distinct paragraphs would improve readability and emphasize each section’s importance.
- How to improve: Implement a paragraph structure by dividing the essay into three main sections: one for gratitude, one for fundraising activities, and one for the impact of the funds. This will not only improve clarity but also allow readers to follow the narrative more easily.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices effectively, such as "once again," "thanks to you," and "whether by donating, volunteering, or spreading the word." These phrases help connect ideas and maintain a smooth flow. However, the essay could benefit from a wider variety of cohesive devices to enhance the connection between sentences and ideas. For instance, the use of conjunctions or transitional phrases could further clarify relationships between different points.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate more varied linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "furthermore," or "as a result." For example, when transitioning from the fundraising activities to the impact of the funds, a phrase like "As a result of your efforts, we are able to…" would strengthen the connection and provide a clearer transition.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion, further enhancing its effectiveness in communicating gratitude and the significance of the fundraising efforts.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with phrases like "incredible support," "generosity," and "essential supplies." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive and lacks variety. For example, the term "support" is used multiple times, which could be replaced with synonyms such as "assistance," "help," or "aid" to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to incorporate more varied vocabulary throughout the essay. This could involve using a thesaurus to find synonyms or related terms that convey similar meanings. Additionally, including more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could enrich the text. For instance, instead of saying "amazing £1,000," the writer could say "remarkable £1,000" or "substantial £1,000."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "The money will completely used for providing meals" contains a grammatical error and lacks clarity. The correct phrasing should be "The money will be used entirely for providing meals." This not only corrects the grammatical mistake but also enhances the precision of the statement.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary precision, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and clarity. Proofreading the essay for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing can help. Additionally, using specific terms related to the charity’s work, such as "nutritional support" or "educational materials," would provide clearer insights into how the funds will be utilized.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the spelling in the essay is accurate, with no noticeable errors. This reflects a good command of spelling conventions. However, the phrase "£1,000" is written correctly, but the writer should ensure consistency in formatting throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain high spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch any potential errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or quizzes can reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid foundation in lexical resource, there are opportunities for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and consistency. By incorporating a wider variety of vocabulary, ensuring grammatical accuracy, and maintaining spelling consistency, the writer can enhance their overall score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures. For instance, the writer employs simple sentences ("I just wanted to reach out and thank each of you…") alongside more complex structures ("The money will completely used for providing meals and essential supplies for families in need…"). The use of phrases like "whether by donating, volunteering, or spreading the word" showcases effective parallel structure, enhancing clarity and engagement. However, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence openings and the incorporation of conditional or relative clauses to further diversify the range.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could experiment with starting sentences in different ways, such as using adverbial phrases ("In addition to fundraising, we also…") or using conditional clauses ("If we continue to receive support, we will…"). Additionally, incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses can add depth to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the grammatical accuracy is quite high, with only a few minor errors. For example, the phrase "The money will completely used" is incorrect; it should be "The money will be completely used." Punctuation is generally well-handled, but there is a missing space after the ellipsis in "activities like bake sales, sponsored events,…It was inspiring…" which disrupts the flow. The use of commas is appropriate in most places, aiding readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay close attention to verb forms and ensure that all sentences are grammatically complete. Regular practice with verb tenses and auxiliary verbs can help solidify understanding. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors, such as ensuring proper spacing after punctuation marks, will enhance the overall presentation of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to an even higher standard.

Bài sửa mẫu

Dear colleagues and friends,

I am writing to express my gratitude to each of you for your incredible support in helping us raise an amazing £1,000 for our charity! Your generosity, time, and enthusiasm truly made this achievement possible.

We raised the funds through a variety of activities, including bake sales and sponsored events. It was heartening to observe everyone’s participation, whether by donating, volunteering, or spreading the word. Each contribution was cumulative, and the response exceeded our expectations.

The money will be entirely utilized for providing meals and essential supplies for families in need, as well as supporting educational resources for underprivileged children. Thanks to your efforts, we are making a tangible impact for a cause of significant importance.

Once again, thank you for your kindness and support! We couldn’t have done it without each and every one of you.

Sincerely,
[Your Name]