You need to write an essay addressing the topic below: The government should invest in teaching science subjects rather than other subjects for a country’s development and progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

You need to write an essay addressing the topic below: The government should invest in teaching science subjects rather than other subjects for a country’s development and progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Currently, there is an argument that the government should increase the expense on teaching science subjects instead of others for a country’s development and progress. Personally, I think we should invest in both of them because their effects are unreplaceable. In this passage, I will present every reason to prove my mentioned opinion.
First of all, countries do not rely only on one or two specific subjects in school. Its maintenance depends on lots of factors such as the growth of the economic, how the society being operated or how the education going on. Politicians made out the rules in order to control crime, they also gave out strategies, policies for a country to grow and so many other things. Without them, any nation would be wiped out of the map, even if it had the cutting-edge technology.
In addition, the social subjects could be considered as a reflection of humanity. The values of a person always need something to lead them to be developed. That is when we need the other subjects. Their role is crucial because they teach students who they are, how to be a good person and especially how to be themselves.
In conclusion, there is no subject that can replace the role of the other. For a development of a country, there must be an investment for both of them. If a nation based only from some scientist, there will be no one to draw out the path for it. Without history or geography, math cannot be use and vice versa.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "increase the expense on teaching" -> "increase expenditure on teaching"
   Explanation: "Expenditure" is a more precise and formal term than "expense," which is more commonly used in financial contexts, making it more suitable for academic writing.

2. "for a country’s development and progress" -> "for the country’s development and progress"
   Explanation: Adding "the" before "country’s" corrects the possessive form, aligning with grammatical standards in formal English.

3. "Personally, I think" -> "I believe"
   Explanation: "Personally, I think" is somewhat informal and conversational for academic writing. "I believe" is more direct and formal.

4. "every reason to prove my mentioned opinion" -> "each reason to support my opinion"
   Explanation: "Every reason" is slightly informal and vague; "each reason" is more precise and formal. Also, "prove" can be replaced with "support" to avoid the implication of proof by evidence, which is not necessary in this context.

5. "countries do not rely only on one or two specific subjects in school" -> "countries do not rely solely on one or two specific subjects in school"
   Explanation: "Solely" is more precise and formal than "only," and it correctly modifies "rely."

6. "Its maintenance depends on lots of factors" -> "Its development depends on numerous factors"
   Explanation: "Maintenance" is not the correct term here; "development" is more appropriate. "Lots of" is informal; "numerous" is more formal and precise.

7. "how the society being operated" -> "how society is operated"
   Explanation: "Being" is incorrectly used here; "is" is the correct linking verb for the present tense.

8. "Politicians made out the rules" -> "politicians establish the rules"
   Explanation: "Made out" is an idiom that is too informal for academic writing. "Establish" is a more formal and precise verb.

9. "gave out strategies, policies" -> "developed strategies and policies"
   Explanation: "Gave out" is informal and vague; "developed" is more specific and formal, indicating the active creation of policies.

10. "any nation would be wiped out of the map" -> "any nation would be erased from the map"
    Explanation: "Wiped out" is a colloquial expression; "erased" is more formal and precise.

11. "the social subjects" -> "social subjects"
    Explanation: "The" is unnecessary before "social subjects" as it is not referring to a specific set of subjects.

12. "The values of a person always need something to lead them to be developed" -> "Individual values require guidance to evolve"
    Explanation: "The values of a person always need something to lead them to be developed" is awkward and unclear. "Individual values require guidance to evolve" is more concise and academically appropriate.

13. "how to be a good person and especially how to be themselves" -> "how to cultivate good character and self-awareness"
    Explanation: "How to be a good person and especially how to be themselves" is informal and vague. "Cultivate good character and self-awareness" is more precise and formal.

14. "there is no subject that can replace the role of the other" -> "no subject can fully replace the role of another"
    Explanation: "There is no subject that can replace the role of the other" is awkwardly phrased. "No subject can fully replace the role of another" is clearer and more formal.

15. "For a development of a country" -> "for the development of a country"
    Explanation: "For a development of a country" is grammatically incorrect; "for the development of a country" corrects the possessive form and is grammatically correct.

16. "math cannot be use" -> "math cannot be used"
    Explanation: "Cannot be use" is grammatically incorrect; "cannot be used" is the correct form.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear opinion that both science and other subjects are essential for a country’s development. However, it does not fully engage with the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The introduction suggests a disagreement with the notion of prioritizing science over other subjects, but the body paragraphs do not explicitly counter the argument for prioritizing science, which is a critical aspect of the task.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should clearly outline their position in the introduction and ensure that each paragraph addresses the prompt’s requirement to discuss the extent of agreement or disagreement. Including a direct acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint and systematically refuting it would strengthen the argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that both science and other subjects are important, but the clarity of this stance fluctuates. The phrase "I think we should invest in both of them" is clear, yet the subsequent paragraphs do not consistently reinforce this position. The discussion tends to drift into general statements about the importance of various subjects without tying them back to the central argument.
  • How to improve: The author should consistently refer back to their main argument throughout the essay. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that reiterates the main position, and the subsequent sentences should support that position with relevant examples and reasoning.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas about the importance of both science and social subjects, but these ideas are not well-developed or supported with specific examples. For instance, the claim that social subjects reflect humanity lacks concrete examples or elaboration that would make the argument more persuasive. Additionally, the reasoning in the paragraphs is somewhat vague and could benefit from more detailed explanations.
  • How to improve: The author should aim to provide specific examples to illustrate their points. For instance, discussing how subjects like history or geography contribute to critical thinking or civic responsibility could strengthen the argument. Each claim should be followed by an explanation or a real-world example that demonstrates its relevance.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the importance of both science and other subjects. However, there are moments where the focus becomes diluted, particularly when discussing the role of politicians and crime control, which feels somewhat tangential to the main argument about educational investment.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates to the central thesis of the essay. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that all arguments are relevant and contribute to the overall discussion of the prompt.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a relevant argument, it would benefit from clearer engagement with the prompt’s requirements, more detailed support for its claims, and a consistent focus on the central position throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance that both science and other subjects are essential for a country’s development. The introduction outlines the argument, and the body paragraphs attempt to support this viewpoint. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the importance of various subjects to the role of social subjects feels abrupt. The ideas are somewhat related but lack a smooth progression that connects them more clearly.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer could use clearer topic sentences that summarize the main point of each paragraph. Additionally, employing transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "Moreover," "On the other hand") can help guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly. Structuring the essay in a way that each paragraph builds on the previous one will also strengthen the overall coherence.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a positive aspect. However, the paragraphs themselves could be more effectively structured. For example, the first paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be split into separate paragraphs for clarity. The second paragraph introduces new concepts without fully developing them, which can confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea, supported by examples and explanations. The writer could benefit from starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and then elaborating on that idea with supporting details. This approach will help maintain clarity and ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay makes some use of cohesive devices, such as "first of all" and "in addition," which help to signal the progression of ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some connections between sentences and ideas are weak. For instance, the phrase "their effects are unreplaceable" is vague and could be better connected to the subsequent arguments.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases (e.g., "for instance," "as a result," "consequently") to clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms can help avoid repetition and create smoother transitions between sentences. Practicing the use of cohesive devices in different contexts will also enhance overall fluency and coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will help elevate the coherence and cohesion to a higher level.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "investment," "development," "reflection," and "cutting-edge technology." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive, particularly in phrases like "the government should increase the expense" and "the role of the other." This suggests a reliance on a narrow set of expressions, which can detract from the overall quality of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of "increase the expense," you might say "allocate more funds" or "enhance financial support." Additionally, using more sophisticated vocabulary related to the topic, such as "prioritize," "foster," or "cultivate," could elevate the essay’s lexical quality.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage in the essay. For example, the phrase "the effects are unreplaceable" is awkward and could be better expressed as "the contributions are invaluable." Similarly, "the maintenance depends on lots of factors" could be more accurately stated as "the sustainability relies on numerous factors." These inaccuracies can lead to confusion and weaken the argument.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. Reviewing synonyms and their contexts can help. For instance, instead of "lots of factors," you could use "a multitude of factors" or "various elements." Practicing paraphrasing sentences with different vocabulary can also aid in developing a more precise lexical resource.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "unreplaceable" (which should be "irreplaceable") and "use" (which should be "used"). These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail and can detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading routine. After completing the essay, take a moment to read through it carefully, focusing on spelling and grammatical errors. Additionally, using tools like spell checkers or writing software can help identify mistakes before submission. Regular practice with spelling exercises or quizzes can also reinforce correct spelling habits.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, improving precision in word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy—the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "Without them, any nation would be wiped out of the map, even if it had the cutting-edge technology." However, there are also several instances of simple sentence construction, such as "In addition, the social subjects could be considered as a reflection of humanity." This reliance on simpler structures limits the overall complexity and variety of the writing. The essay also contains some awkward phrasing, such as "the expense on teaching science subjects," which could be better expressed as "investment in teaching science subjects."
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex and compound sentences. For example, combining ideas into one sentence using conjunctions or relative clauses can create a more sophisticated flow. Additionally, varying the sentence openings (e.g., starting with adverbial phrases or using inversion) can also contribute to a more dynamic writing style.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, "Its maintenance depends on lots of factors such as the growth of the economic" should be corrected to "Its maintenance depends on many factors, such as economic growth." The phrase "how the society being operated" is awkward and should be rephrased to "how society operates." There are also issues with punctuation, such as the lack of commas in compound sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences, as seen in "Politicians made out the rules in order to control crime, they also gave out strategies, policies for a country to grow and so many other things."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, proper use of articles, and the correct formation of phrases. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these concepts. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly for complex sentences, will aid in improving clarity. Reading more academic essays can also provide examples of correct grammar and punctuation in context.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and some relevant points, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy will significantly improve the writing quality and potentially raise the band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Currently, there is an argument that the government should increase expenditure on teaching science subjects instead of others for a country’s development and progress. Personally, I believe we should invest in both of them because their effects are irreplaceable. In this passage, I will present each reason to support my opinion.

First of all, countries do not rely solely on one or two specific subjects in school. Their development depends on numerous factors such as the growth of the economy, how society is operated, and how education is conducted. Politicians establish the rules in order to control crime; they also develop strategies and policies for a country to grow and many other things. Without them, any nation would be erased from the map, even if it had cutting-edge technology.

In addition, social subjects could be considered a reflection of humanity. Individual values require guidance to evolve. That is when we need the other subjects. Their role is crucial because they teach students who they are, how to cultivate good character and self-awareness, and especially how to be themselves.

In conclusion, no subject can fully replace the role of another. For the development of a country, there must be an investment in both of them. If a nation is based only on some scientists, there will be no one to draw out the path for it. Without history or geography, math cannot be used, and vice versa.