You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The chart below shows the annual number of rentals and sales (in various formats) of films from a particular store between 2002 and 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
The chart below shows the annual number of rentals and sales (in various formats) of films from a particular store between 2002 and 2011.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.
The table chart below shows how the annual number of film rentals and sales varied according to various formats at a store from 2002 to 2011.
It can be seen that as the annual number of films between 2002 and 2007, their rentals decreased , whereas their DVD sales experienced the opposite trend, and reached a peak at 215,000 units in 2007. The highest number for film rentals, approximately 185,000 units, was seen in 2002, compared to 85,000 units for VHS sales. However, the VHS sales were not maintained and decreased dramatically to 10,000 units in 2005. In 2006, there were no more VHS films sold.
From 2007 to 2011, both the number of film rentals and DVD sales showed a downtrend, while particularly the new figure called Blu-ray-sales increased gradually. During this period, the number of DVD sales started declining from the peak to 180,000 units in 2011, whereas the film rentals decreased by about 20,000 each year. Meanwhile the Blu-ray-sales figure rose from approximately 3,000 units to 15,000 units between 2007 and 2011.
In general, the annual number of film DVD sales at a store was higher than that of other formats. Additionally, over time, the blu-ray sales appeared to be alternative VHS sales.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"the annual number of film rentals and sales varied according to various formats" -> "the annual number of film rentals and sales varied across different formats"
Explanation: "According to various formats" is vague and can imply reliance on formats rather than indicating the distribution of rentals and sales across those formats. "Across different formats" provides clearer meaning and maintains academic tone. -
"as the annual number of films between 2002 and 2007, their rentals decreased" -> "during the period from 2002 to 2007, film rentals decreased"
Explanation: The phrase "as the annual number of films" is awkward and unclear. "During the period from 2002 to 2007" clearly indicates the timeframe, and "film rentals decreased" is more straightforward. -
"the opposite trend, and reached a peak at 215,000 units in 2007" -> "the opposite trend, reaching a peak of 215,000 units in 2007"
Explanation: The phrase "and reached a peak at" is grammatically incorrect. "Reaching a peak of" is more concise and maintains the flow of the sentence. -
"the highest number for film rentals, approximately 185,000 units, was seen in 2002" -> "the highest number of film rentals, approximately 185,000 units, occurred in 2002"
Explanation: "Was seen in" is informal and less precise. "Occurred in" is more formal and directly conveys the information. -
"the VHS sales were not maintained and decreased dramatically" -> "VHS sales declined significantly"
Explanation: "Were not maintained" is vague and unnecessarily complex. "Declined significantly" is more direct and uses precise language appropriate for an academic context. -
"there were no more VHS films sold" -> "no VHS films were sold thereafter"
Explanation: "There were no more" is informal; "no VHS films were sold thereafter" is more formal and precise. -
"both the number of film rentals and DVD sales showed a downtrend" -> "both film rentals and DVD sales exhibited a downward trend"
Explanation: "Showed a downtrend" is less formal. "Exhibited a downward trend" uses more sophisticated vocabulary suitable for academic writing. -
"while particularly the new figure called Blu-ray-sales increased gradually" -> "while the newly introduced Blu-ray sales increased gradually"
Explanation: "Particularly the new figure called" is awkward and informal. "The newly introduced Blu-ray sales" is clearer and more precise. -
"the number of DVD sales started declining from the peak to 180,000 units" -> "DVD sales began to decline from the peak, reaching 180,000 units"
Explanation: "Started declining" is less formal. "Began to decline" is more appropriate, and "reaching" clarifies the final figure. -
"the film rentals decreased by about 20,000 each year" -> "film rentals decreased by approximately 20,000 units annually"
Explanation: "About" is informal; "approximately" is more precise. "Each year" is replaced with "annually" for conciseness and formality. -
"the blu-ray sales appeared to be alternative VHS sales" -> "Blu-ray sales appeared to serve as an alternative to VHS sales"
Explanation: "Appeared to be alternative" is awkward and unclear. "Appeared to serve as an alternative to" is clearer and maintains an academic tone.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6
Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by providing an overview of the main trends in the data. It presents and highlights key features, such as the peak in DVD sales in 2007 and the decline in VHS sales, but some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the statement that Blu-ray sales appeared to be alternative VHS sales is not supported by the data.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by focusing on the most significant trends and providing more accurate and relevant details. For example, the essay could mention that DVD sales were consistently higher than rentals throughout the period, and that Blu-ray sales increased steadily after their introduction in 2007. The essay could also be more concise and avoid unnecessary repetition.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the body paragraphs. The writer organizes the information logically, addressing the trends in film rentals and sales over the specified years. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be clearer. For example, phrases like "it can be seen that" and "in general" are used, but they do not always enhance the flow of the essay. Additionally, while paragraphing is present, it could be improved for better clarity and logical structure, particularly in distinguishing between different formats of film sales.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph clearly relates to a central topic. Improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs will also contribute to a more seamless reading experience. Additionally, refining the use of referencing and substitution can help avoid repetition and clarify relationships between ideas.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, allowing for clear communication of the main features of the data presented. The use of terms such as "decreased," "peak," "dramatically," and "downtrend" shows an attempt to use less common vocabulary. However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and some awkward phrasing, such as "the new figure called Blu-ray-sales" and "appeared to be alternative VHS sales," which detracts from the overall clarity and precision. Additionally, there are minor errors in spelling and punctuation, such as the unnecessary space before the comma in "decreased , whereas." These issues do not severely impede communication but do indicate a need for improvement in lexical accuracy and fluency.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision. This includes refining word choices to avoid awkward phrases and ensuring that terms are used correctly in context. Practicing the use of synonyms and varying sentence structures can also help to improve fluency and flexibility in vocabulary use. Additionally, careful proofreading can help to eliminate minor errors in spelling and punctuation.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some complex structures present, the overall grammatical range is limited. The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as "the annual number of films between 2002 and 2007, their rentals decreased" (which should be rephrased for clarity) and "the new figure called Blu-ray-sales increased gradually" (which could be more clearly expressed). These errors do not significantly impede communication, but they do detract from the overall accuracy and fluency of the writing.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the variety and complexity of sentence structures while ensuring grammatical accuracy. This can be done by practicing the use of subordinate clauses and more sophisticated vocabulary. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing will help improve clarity and coherence in the writing. Engaging with more complex texts and writing practice can also enhance overall grammatical range and accuracy.
Bài sửa mẫu
The table chart below shows how the annual number of film rentals and sales varied according to various formats at a store from 2002 to 2011.
It can be seen that between 2002 and 2007, the annual number of film rentals decreased, whereas DVD sales experienced the opposite trend, peaking at 215,000 units in 2007. The highest number of film rentals, approximately 185,000 units, was recorded in 2002, compared to 85,000 units for VHS sales. However, VHS sales were not sustained and decreased dramatically to 10,000 units in 2005. By 2006, no VHS films were sold.
From 2007 to 2011, both the number of film rentals and DVD sales showed a downward trend, while the newly introduced Blu-ray sales increased gradually. During this period, DVD sales declined from their peak to 180,000 units in 2011, whereas film rentals decreased by about 20,000 each year. Meanwhile, Blu-ray sales rose from approximately 3,000 units to 15,000 units between 2007 and 2011.
In general, the annual number of DVD sales at the store was higher than that of other formats. Additionally, over time, Blu-ray sales appeared to be an alternative to VHS sales.
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