You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The graph below shows the average monthly change in the prices of three metals during 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The line chart demonstrates the fluctuation regarding price change of three different kinds of metals in 2014.

Overall, there was a rise in the change of price of zinc, as opposed a constant drop in that of copper and nickel. Furthermore, the figure for nickel was the highest in the beginning but transpired to become the lowest one at the end of the period.

The proportion of the change of price of copper commenced at 2%, after which it gradually decreased by 2.5% within the next 5 months. Coppper then went on to gain an increase in July but reached a plateau at 1% until the end of September. It is noticeable that nickel had the most signifcant change in January at 6%, however, there was a huge drop which took place in the following months that made the price lower by -3%. After sustaining a leveling off just like its former between July and September, the monetary value of this metal rocketed by 3% and ending up at the same rate in the final year.

Compared to its counterparts, zinc had quite a rough start at only 1%. Even though the price gained a jump in February to 3%, it still illustrated a downfall just like the other two back to its starting point in May. The change continued to hit rock bottom in June which made it cheaper in sales until October, hovering just under 0%. Despite that, the price bounced back and managed to surpass both copper and nickel in the last two months to become the metal preference at exactly 2%.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the fluctuation regarding price change" -> "the fluctuations in price"
Explanation: Simplifying "the fluctuation regarding price change" to "the fluctuations in price" removes unnecessary words and enhances clarity and formality.
"as opposed a constant drop" -> "while experiencing a constant decline"
Explanation: "As opposed a constant drop" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "While experiencing a constant decline" corrects this and maintains a formal tone.
"transpired to become the lowest one" -> "eventually became the lowest"
Explanation: "Transpired" is less commonly used in this context and can sound informal. "Eventually became" is more straightforward and appropriate for academic writing.
"the proportion of the change of price" -> "the price change"
Explanation: "The proportion of the change of price" is redundant. "The price change" is more concise and clear.
"Coppper" -> "Copper"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error.
"went on to gain an increase" -> "subsequently increased"
Explanation: "Went on to gain an increase" is verbose and awkward. "Subsequently increased" is more direct and formal.
"the monetary value of this metal rocketed" -> "the price of this metal surged"
Explanation: "Rocketed" is an informal and metaphorical term. "Surged" is more precise and suitable for academic writing.
"huge drop" -> "significant decline"
Explanation: "Huge" is informal and imprecise. "Significant decline" is more formal and specific.
"ending up at the same rate in the final year" -> "ending the year at the same rate"
Explanation: "Ending up at the same rate in the final year" is awkward and verbose. "Ending the year at the same rate" is clearer and more concise.
"quite a rough start" -> "a challenging start"
Explanation: "Quite a rough start" is informal and vague. "A challenging start" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.
"hit rock bottom" -> "reached its lowest point"
Explanation: "Hit rock bottom" is an idiom that is too informal for academic writing. "Reached its lowest point" is straightforward and formal.
"hovering just under 0%" -> "remaining at a level just below 0%"
Explanation: "Hovering just under 0%" is colloquial and unclear. "Remaining at a level just below 0%" is more precise and formal.
"bounced back" -> "recovered"
Explanation: "Bounced back" is informal and metaphorical. "Recovered" is straightforward and suitable for academic contexts.
"the metal preference at exactly 2%" -> "the preferred metal at 2%"
Explanation: "The metal preference at exactly 2%" is awkward and unclear. "The preferred metal at 2%" is clearer and more direct.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main trends in the data. It also presents and adequately highlights key features/bullet points, such as the initial high price of nickel and the eventual rise in the price of zinc. However, some details are irrelevant or inaccurate, such as the statement that copper reached a plateau at 1% until the end of September. The essay also uses some informal language, such as "transpired to become" and "hit rock bottom," which is not appropriate for an academic essay.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by focusing on the most important features of the data and providing more accurate information. The writer should also use more formal language and avoid using informal expressions.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner with a clear overall progression. The main features of the data are summarized, and there is an attempt to compare the changes in prices of the three metals. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, and there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences could be improved. For example, phrases like "it is noticeable that" and "compared to its counterparts" are used, but they do not always create smooth transitions between ideas. Additionally, while paragraphing is present, it is not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped together for clarity.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices more naturally, ensuring that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smoother. Additionally, improving the logical grouping of ideas within paragraphs would help clarify the progression of information. Finally, ensuring that all references are clear and appropriately used would strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, allowing for a basic understanding of the price changes in metals. The use of terms like "fluctuation," "rise," "drop," and "plateau" indicates an attempt to convey precise meanings. However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "transpired to become" and "rocketed by 3%," which detract from clarity. Additionally, there are noticeable spelling errors (e.g., "Coppper" and "signifcant") that could cause some difficulty for the reader. Overall, while the vocabulary is sufficient for the task, it lacks the sophistication and precision required for a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and improving accuracy in word choice and spelling. Practicing the use of less common lexical items and ensuring correct collocations would also be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors before submission can help eliminate minor mistakes that may impede communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some attempts at using complex structures, the overall grammatical accuracy is inconsistent. There are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation, such as "as opposed a constant drop" (should be "as opposed to a constant drop") and "signifcant" (spelling error). These errors occasionally obscure meaning but do not significantly hinder communication. The essay shows an understanding of the task and attempts to convey information clearly, but the frequent errors and lack of control over more complex structures limit the score.

How to improve: To improve the score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy by proofreading for common errors and ensuring correct sentence structures. Increasing the variety of complex sentences while maintaining accuracy will also help. Additionally, attention to punctuation and spelling will contribute to clearer communication. Practicing writing with a focus on these areas can lead to a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line chart illustrates the fluctuations in the price changes of three different types of metals in 2014.

Overall, there was an increase in the price change of zinc, in contrast to a consistent decline in the prices of copper and nickel. Furthermore, the figure for nickel was the highest at the beginning but ultimately became the lowest by the end of the period.

The price change of copper started at 2%, after which it gradually decreased by 2.5% over the next five months. Copper then experienced a rise in July but reached a plateau at 1% until the end of September. Notably, nickel had the most significant change in January at 6%; however, it experienced a substantial drop in the following months, resulting in a decrease of -3%. After maintaining a similar level as before between July and September, the price of this metal surged by 3%, ending at the same rate in the final month.

In comparison to its counterparts, zinc had a challenging start at only 1%. Although the price jumped in February to 3%, it still demonstrated a decline similar to the other two metals, returning to its starting point in May. The price continued to hit a low in June, making it less competitive until October, hovering just under 0%. Despite this, the price rebounded and managed to surpass both copper and nickel in the last two months, ultimately becoming the preferred metal at exactly 2%.