You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The table below shows information about the population of New Zealand from 2011 to 2012 by age group. Summarize the formation by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The table below shows information about the population of New Zealand from 2011 to 2012 by age group.

Summarize the formation by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

You should write at least 150 words.

The given table illustrates how the New Zealand's population changed between 2011 and 2012 by age cohort.

Overall, while there were increases in the percentage of New Zealand's population in 40-64, over 65 and all ages group, that of New Zealand's residents in under 15 and 15-39 age branket were decrease slighty. It is also noteworthy that over 65 age cohort was always the highest change among all the age cohort.

Regarding over 65 age group, the proportion of population in this age group grew rapidly from 2011 to 2012, with the respective figures of 573.946 and 596.903 (4.0%). This was followed by 40-64 age cohort, it had undergone a slight rise from 1.331.907 in 2011 to 1.339.898 in the next year (0,6%), compared to 0,6% of change level in all ages blanket, albeit at higher rate, climbing minimally from 4.381.269 to 4.410.284.

Moving to under 15 age cohort, while this figure dropped slightly from 898.160 in 2011 to 896.364 in 2012( 0.2%), the 15-39 age cohort experienced the same as the latter categorise, decinling from 1.577.256 to 1.574.102 (0.2%).

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1. "New Zealand’s population changed" -> "the population of New Zealand changed"
   Explanation: Adding "the" before "population" clarifies the noun phrase and enhances the formal tone of the sentence.

2. "slightly" -> "slightly" -> "slightly"
   Explanation: "slightly" is used incorrectly as an adverb in the context of "age bracket." The correct usage would be "slightly" as an adverb, but since "age bracket" is not a typical context for "slightly," the phrase should be rephrased for clarity and accuracy.

3. "branket" -> "bracket"
   Explanation: This is a spelling error. "Bracket" is the correct spelling.

4. "was always the highest change" -> "constituted the largest change"
   Explanation: "Constituted" is a more precise and formal verb than "was," and "largest" is more appropriate than "highest" in this context, referring to the magnitude of change rather than a physical height.

5. "grew rapidly" -> "experienced a significant increase"
   Explanation: "Experienced a significant increase" is more formal and precise than "grew rapidly," which can sound somewhat colloquial.

6. "slight rise" -> "modest increase"
   Explanation: "Modest increase" is a more formal and precise term than "slight rise," which is somewhat vague and informal.

7. "compared to 0,6% of change level in all ages blanket" -> "compared to a 0.6% change in the overall population"
   Explanation: This revision clarifies the comparison and avoids the awkward and incorrect phrase "0,6% of change level in all ages blanket," which is grammatically incorrect and unclear.

8. "climbing minimally" -> "increasing marginally"
   Explanation: "Increasing marginally" is a more formal and precise way to describe a small but noticeable change, replacing the colloquial "climbing minimally."

9. "decinling" -> "decreased"
   Explanation: This appears to be a typographical error. "Decreased" is the correct term.

10. "the latter categorise" -> "the latter category"
    Explanation: "Category" is the correct noun form, not "categorise," which is a verb.

11. "decinling" -> "decreased"
    Explanation: Another typographical error. "Decreased" is the correct term.

These changes enhance the academic tone of the essay by using more precise and formal vocabulary, correcting grammatical errors, and clarifying the meaning of the text.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main trends in the population of New Zealand between 2011 and 2012. The essay also presents and adequately highlights key features/bullet points, but some details are irrelevant, inappropriate, or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the over 65 age cohort was always the highest change among all the age cohorts, but this is not accurate. The essay also provides some inaccurate figures, such as the percentage change in the 40-64 age cohort.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate information and by avoiding irrelevant details. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language and by organizing the information more clearly. For example, the essay could be organized by age group, with each paragraph focusing on a specific age group. The essay could also be improved by using more specific data to support the claims made. For example, instead of simply stating that the over 65 age cohort grew rapidly, the essay could provide the actual percentage change.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to compare the changes in different age cohorts, the connections between ideas are not always clear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which hampers the flow of the essay. Additionally, the paragraphing is present but not always logical, with some sentences feeling disjointed. Overall, while the main features of the data are reported, the clarity and coherence of the writing could be significantly improved.

How to improve:

1. Enhance Logical Flow: Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use linking phrases to connect ideas and maintain a clear progression throughout the essay.
2. Refine Cohesive Devices: Use a wider range of cohesive devices accurately. Avoid overusing certain phrases and ensure that they effectively indicate relationships between ideas.
3. Clarify Paragraph Structure: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, with supporting details clearly linked to that idea. Consider starting each paragraph with a topic sentence that summarizes the main point.
4. Proofread for Accuracy: Check for grammatical errors and typos that can distract from the overall message. Accurate data presentation is crucial in a task that involves summarizing statistics.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey information about the population changes in New Zealand, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, with noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation. For instance, terms like "branket" and "decrease slighty" indicate a lack of precision and control. Additionally, phrases such as "the highest change among all the age cohort" and "the respective figures of" are awkwardly constructed, which detracts from clarity. Overall, the errors present may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended message.

How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary and using a wider range of lexical items. This includes incorporating more precise terms related to demographic changes and ensuring correct spelling and word formation. Practicing the use of synonyms and less common vocabulary can also help convey meanings more fluently and flexibly. Additionally, reviewing grammar and sentence structure will improve clarity and coherence, making the essay more effective in communicating the intended information.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures and attempts to use complex sentences, but these attempts are often inaccurate. There are frequent grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and punctuation, which can cause some difficulty for the reader. For example, phrases like "the percentage of New Zealand’s population in 40-64, over 65 and all ages group" lack clarity and proper structure. Additionally, the use of terms like "age branket" and "decinling" indicates spelling errors that detract from the overall quality. While the writer conveys some information, the errors hinder effective communication.
How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following:

1. Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures while ensuring they are grammatically correct.
2. Proofreading: Carefully check for spelling and punctuation errors before submission.
3. Grammar Practice: Engage in targeted grammar exercises to improve understanding of subject-verb agreement and proper sentence construction.
4. Clarity and Cohesion: Work on making sentences clearer and more cohesive, ensuring that each idea flows logically into the next.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given table illustrates how New Zealand’s population changed between 2011 and 2012 by age cohort.

Overall, while there were increases in the percentage of New Zealand’s population in the 40-64, over 65, and all age groups, the percentage of residents in the under 15 and 15-39 age brackets decreased slightly. It is also noteworthy that the over 65 age cohort experienced the most significant change among all the age cohorts.

Regarding the over 65 age group, the proportion of the population in this age group grew rapidly from 2011 to 2012, with the respective figures of 573,946 and 596,903 (4.0%). This was followed by the 40-64 age cohort, which underwent a slight rise from 1,331,907 in 2011 to 1,339,898 in the next year (0.6%), compared to the 0.6% change in the all ages bracket, which climbed minimally from 4,381,269 to 4,410,284.

Moving to the under 15 age cohort, this figure dropped slightly from 898,160 in 2011 to 896,364 in 2012 (0.2%), while the 15-39 age cohort experienced a similar decline, decreasing from 1,577,256 to 1,574,102 (0.2%).