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You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The two pie charts below show total world energy consumption and electricity generation for last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The two pie charts below show total world energy consumption and electricity generation for last year.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

You should write at least 150 words.

The presented bar charts demonstrate the worldwide energy utilization and the production of electricity power in the previous year. The numbers are in percent.
Overall, it can be observed that the graphic on the right is just for electricity, whereas the diagram on the left illustrates the entire usage of energy, involving the use of gasoline automobiles. Oil was consumed the most in the whole power use, however, it's fairly small in the production ones.
Looking in detail, the amount of oil using all over the world is the largest, accounting for 34,3% in total, which is a third. In contrast, the same year showed a small proportion of produced power in oil, nearly 7%. The second largest energy in use was coal, constitute 25.1% and that in electricity generation was more than roughly 15% (39,8%). Following oil and coal, gas was the third-highest fossil fuel that people use last year, make up 20.9%, while it just 1% lower than that in the second ones.
The hydro generation was a little bigger than the productio of nuclear, which is 16% and 15% respectively, but the use of nuclear was more common than hydro usage, 2.2% and 6.5% respectively. Another considerable thing is the utilization of renewables and wastes not being used in generating electricity.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "The presented bar charts demonstrate" -> "The bar charts presented illustrate"
    Explanation: "Illustrate" is more precise and academically appropriate than "demonstrate" in this context, as it specifically refers to the act of showing or representing data visually.

  2. "the production of electricity power" -> "electricity production"
    Explanation: "Electricity production" is a more concise and formal term, eliminating redundancy and improving the sentence’s clarity.

  3. "The numbers are in percent." -> "The percentages are indicated."
    Explanation: "Indicated" is more formal and precise than "are in," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing.

  4. "it’s fairly small" -> "it is relatively small"
    Explanation: "It is relatively small" avoids the contraction "it’s," which is too informal for academic writing, and uses a more formal adverb.

  5. "the amount of oil using all over the world" -> "global oil consumption"
    Explanation: "Global oil consumption" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "the amount of oil using all over the world."

  6. "accounting for 34,3%" -> "accounting for 34.3%"
    Explanation: The decimal point should be included in the percentage to maintain numerical accuracy and readability.

  7. "which is a third" -> "which represents approximately one-third"
    Explanation: "Represents approximately one-third" is more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquialism "a third."

  8. "the same year showed a small proportion of produced power in oil" -> "the same year exhibited a relatively low proportion of oil in electricity production"
    Explanation: This revision clarifies the meaning and avoids the awkward construction of the original phrase.

  9. "constitute 25.1%" -> "constituted 25.1%"
    Explanation: "Constituted" is the correct past tense form for the context, indicating the action of constituting occurred in the past.

  10. "make up 20.9%" -> "accounted for 20.9%"
    Explanation: "Accounted for" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "make up," which is somewhat informal.

  11. "just 1% lower than that in the second ones" -> "only 1% lower than that in the second category"
    Explanation: "Category" is more precise and formal than "ones," which is vague and informal.

  12. "The hydro generation was a little bigger than the productio of nuclear" -> "Hydroelectric generation exceeded nuclear production"
    Explanation: "Exceeded" is more precise and formal than "was a little bigger," and "hydroelectric generation" is the correct term for the context.

  13. "the use of nuclear was more common than hydro usage" -> "nuclear energy was more prevalent than hydroelectric energy"
    Explanation: "More prevalent" is a more formal alternative to "more common," and "nuclear energy" and "hydroelectric energy" are the correct terms for the context.

  14. "Another considerable thing is the utilization of renewables and wastes not being used in generating electricity" -> "Notably, renewable energy and waste were not utilized in electricity generation"
    Explanation: "Notably" introduces the point in a more formal way, and "not utilized" is more precise than "not being used," which is less formal and slightly awkward in this context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the two pie charts, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not make comparisons between the two charts, which is a key requirement of the task. The essay also presents some irrelevant details, such as the mention of gasoline automobiles in the introduction.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by making more comparisons between the two charts. For example, the essay could compare the percentage of oil used for energy consumption and electricity generation. The essay could also be improved by removing irrelevant details, such as the mention of gasoline automobiles. The essay should also be more concise and avoid unnecessary repetition. For example, the essay could be improved by combining the sentences "The amount of oil using all over the world is the largest, accounting for 34,3% in total, which is a third" and "In contrast, the same year showed a small proportion of produced power in oil, nearly 7%."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to compare the data from the two pie charts, the connections between ideas are not always clear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which affects the clarity of the relationships between the points made. Additionally, the paragraphing is not always logical, as some ideas are jumbled together without clear separation.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing the information more logically, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately will help clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, improving the clarity of referencing and substitution can reduce repetition and enhance the overall flow of the essay. Finally, ensuring that paragraphs are used effectively will contribute to a more structured response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with some attempts to use less common lexical items. However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the production of electricity power" (which could simply be "electricity generation") and "the use of gasoline automobiles" (which is somewhat off-topic). Additionally, there are errors in spelling and word formation, such as "constitute" instead of "constituting" and "make up" instead of "making up." While these errors do not completely impede communication, they do detract from the overall clarity and precision of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary and using more precise terms relevant to the topic. Practicing the correct forms of verbs and ensuring proper collocation will also improve clarity. Additionally, minimizing spelling errors and refining word choice will contribute to a more sophisticated control of language. Reading high-quality academic texts can help in acquiring a broader range of vocabulary and understanding its appropriate usage in context.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. There are frequent grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and punctuation, which can cause some difficulty for the reader. For instance, phrases like "the largest, accounting for 34,3%" and "constitute 25.1%" show inaccuracies in structure and form. Additionally, the use of "make up" instead of "makes up" indicates a lack of control over verb forms. Overall, while the essay conveys some information, the grammatical inaccuracies hinder clarity and coherence.
How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on practicing complex sentence structures and ensuring subject-verb agreement. Regularly reviewing grammar rules, particularly for verb forms and punctuation, can help reduce errors. Additionally, incorporating a wider variety of sentence types and ensuring that each sentence is error-free will improve overall clarity and coherence in writing. Engaging in targeted grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can also be beneficial.

Bài sửa mẫu

The presented pie charts demonstrate worldwide energy consumption and electricity generation in the previous year. The figures are expressed in percentages.

Overall, it can be observed that the chart on the right pertains solely to electricity, whereas the diagram on the left illustrates total energy usage, including the consumption of gasoline for automobiles. Oil was the most consumed source of energy overall; however, its contribution to electricity production was relatively small.

Looking in detail, the amount of oil used worldwide was the largest, accounting for 34.3% of total energy consumption, which is approximately one-third. In contrast, the same year showed a small proportion of electricity generated from oil, at nearly 7%. The second largest source of energy consumption was coal, constituting 25.1%, while its contribution to electricity generation was approximately 39.8%. Following oil and coal, gas was the third-highest fossil fuel used last year, making up 20.9%, which is just 1% lower than coal’s contribution to electricity generation.

Hydro generation was slightly higher than nuclear production, at 16% and 15% respectively, but the use of nuclear energy was more common than hydro usage, at 2.2% and 6.5% respectively. Another notable point is that the utilization of renewables and waste was not represented in electricity generation.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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