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You should spend about 20 minutes on this task The maps below compare 2 floor plans of one trade conference held in 2009 and 2010. Write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task

The maps below compare 2 floor plans of one trade conference held in 2009 and 2010.

Write at least 150 words.

The maps depict the significant evolution of a two-story trade conference from 2009 to 2010.

Overall, the transformation is striking, with the deconstruction of a display area and a meeting room and the introduction of refreshment. The conference was notably redesigned to accommodate more customers, enabling it to attract a larger number of people while serving the needs of its customers.

A closer examination reveals that a main entrance and a side entrance remained in the same positions after 1 year, which were at the left and right of the top of the diagram respectively. Moreover, in the place of the old legislation, being between the main entrance and the side entrance, there was a new refreshment in 2010.

On the left of the bottom of the picture, a concert hall, a stage, and seats were reorganized to make room for a larger exhibition area, previously positioned at the left of the balcony and redesigned into a complex to locate opposite the new exhibition room. By contrast, a display area and a meeting room were demolished, allowing the conference to expand the exhibition room. Although the balcony remained the size after one year, it added a new feature, lounge area, catering more customers. The legislation was later constructed on the left of the top of the balcony.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "significant evolution" -> "notable transformation"
    Explanation: "Notable transformation" conveys a clearer sense of change and is more precise in an academic context than "significant evolution," which can be vague.

  2. "the deconstruction of a display area and a meeting room and the introduction of refreshment" -> "the removal of a display area and a meeting room, along with the addition of a refreshment area"
    Explanation: "Removal" is more precise than "deconstruction," which implies a more complex process than simply taking away. "Refreshment area" is clearer than "refreshment," which is vague.

  3. "accommodate more customers" -> "accommodate a greater number of attendees"
    Explanation: "Attendees" is a more appropriate term in a conference context than "customers," which implies a commercial transaction rather than participation in an event.

  4. "larger number of people" -> "increased attendance"
    Explanation: "Increased attendance" is more concise and specific than "larger number of people," which is somewhat informal and vague.

  5. "remained in the same positions after 1 year" -> "remained in their original positions after one year"
    Explanation: "Original positions" is clearer and more precise than "same positions," and spelling out "one" is more formal than using the numeral "1."

  6. "in the place of the old legislation" -> "in place of the former legislation"
    Explanation: "Former legislation" is more precise and formal than "old legislation," which can sound informal.

  7. "there was a new refreshment in 2010" -> "a new refreshment area was introduced in 2010"
    Explanation: This revision clarifies that the refreshment area is a new addition and uses a more formal structure.

  8. "concert hall, a stage, and seats were reorganized" -> "concert hall, stage, and seating arrangements were reorganized"
    Explanation: "Seating arrangements" is more precise than "seats," which can be vague.

  9. "to make room for a larger exhibition area" -> "to create space for an expanded exhibition area"
    Explanation: "Create space" is more formal than "make room," and "expanded" is more precise than "larger."

  10. "previously positioned at the left of the balcony" -> "previously located to the left of the balcony"
    Explanation: "Located" is more precise than "positioned," and "to the left" is clearer than "at the left."

  11. "demolished, allowing the conference to expand the exhibition room" -> "removed, thereby enabling the conference to expand the exhibition area"
    Explanation: "Removed" is clearer than "demolished," and "thereby enabling" is more formal than "allowing."

  12. "the size after one year" -> "its dimensions after one year"
    Explanation: "Dimensions" is more precise and formal than "size."

  13. "added a new feature, lounge area" -> "added a new feature: a lounge area"
    Explanation: The colon clarifies that "lounge area" is the new feature being introduced.

  14. "The legislation was later constructed on the left of the top of the balcony" -> "The legislation area was subsequently established to the left of the upper balcony"
    Explanation: "Legislation area" is more precise than "legislation," and "subsequently established" is more formal than "later constructed." "Upper balcony" is clearer than "top of the balcony."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by providing an overview of the changes made to the conference floor plan. It identifies the key features of the changes, such as the addition of a refreshment area and the expansion of the exhibition area. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features, and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the balcony remained the same size after one year, but the image shows that the balcony was expanded to include a lounge area.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed information about the changes made to the conference floor plan. For example, the essay could provide specific measurements of the changes or discuss the reasons for the changes. The essay could also be improved by avoiding irrelevant details, such as the statement that the main entrance and side entrance remained in the same positions.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents a coherent overview of the changes made to the trade conference floor plans from 2009 to 2010. It demonstrates a clear overall progression, with a logical arrangement of information. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be clearer. For example, phrases like "by contrast" are used, but the relationships between the ideas could be better articulated. Additionally, while the essay uses paragraphs, the organization within them is not always logical, particularly in the description of changes, which may confuse the reader.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices more effectively, ensuring that each device clearly indicates the relationship between ideas. Additionally, improving the logical flow within paragraphs by clearly linking sentences and maintaining a consistent topic focus would strengthen the overall organization. Finally, refining the use of paragraphing to ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and follows a logical sequence would also contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task, with attempts to use less common vocabulary such as "deconstruction," "accommodate," and "reorganized." However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the old legislation" which seems to be a misinterpretation of the intended meaning. Additionally, there are errors in spelling and word formation, such as "refreshment" which should be "refreshment area" for clarity. These errors do not severely impede communication but do detract from the overall effectiveness of the lexical resource.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and ensuring precise word choice. They should also pay attention to collocations and the context in which certain words are used. Reducing spelling and word formation errors will enhance clarity. Practicing with more complex sentence structures and integrating a wider variety of lexical items can also contribute to a stronger lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While it attempts to convey the changes made to the trade conference layout, there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that occasionally hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "the deconstruction of a display area and a meeting room" and "the legislation was later constructed" are unclear and may confuse the reader. Additionally, there are issues with punctuation and sentence structure that detract from the overall coherence of the essay. However, the meaning is generally conveyed, and the errors do not completely obstruct communication.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving grammatical accuracy and clarity. This can be done by:

  1. Ensuring that complex sentences are structured correctly and clearly convey the intended meaning.
  2. Reducing grammatical errors by proofreading the essay for common mistakes, such as subject-verb agreement and proper use of articles.
  3. Using a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance the overall quality of the writing.
  4. Clarifying ambiguousphrases to ensure that the reader can easily understand the points being made.

Bài sửa mẫu

The maps depict the significant evolution of a two-story trade conference from 2009 to 2010.

Overall, the transformation is striking, with the removal of a display area and a meeting room, alongside the introduction of a refreshment area. The conference was notably redesigned to accommodate more visitors, enabling it to attract a larger number of attendees while serving their needs more effectively.

A closer examination reveals that the main entrance and side entrance remained in the same positions after one year, located at the left and right of the top of the diagram, respectively. Moreover, in place of the former legislation area, situated between the main entrance and the side entrance, a new refreshment area was established in 2010.

On the left side of the bottom of the picture, a concert hall, stage, and seating were reorganized to create a larger exhibition area, which was previously positioned at the left of the balcony and redesigned into a complex located opposite the new exhibition room. In contrast, the display area and meeting room were demolished, allowing the conference to expand the exhibition room. Although the balcony retained its size after one year, it incorporated a new feature, a lounge area, catering to more customers. The legislation area was later constructed on the left side of the top of the balcony.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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