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You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Read the following text from a book about fashion. In modern socicty, fashion is becoming more highly valued in people’s choice of clothes. Nowadays, it is not uncommon to see people walking around in brand-name clothes and sunglasses like celebrities. While some people think it is a positive development, others blame for negative aspects of fashion obsession. Now, write an essay to an educated reader to discuss your opinions about fashion consciousness. Include reasons and any relevant examples to support your answer. You should write at least 250 words. Your response will be evaluated in terms of Task Fulfilment, Organization, Vocabulary and Grammar.

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Read the following text from a book about fashion.
In modern socicty, fashion is becoming more highly valued in people's choice of clothes. Nowadays, it is not uncommon to see people walking around in brand-name clothes and sunglasses like celebrities. While some people think it is a positive development, others blame for negative aspects of fashion obsession.
Now, write an essay to an educated reader to discuss your opinions about fashion consciousness. Include reasons and any relevant examples to support your answer.
You should write at least 250 words. Your response will be evaluated in terms of Task Fulfilment, Organization, Vocabulary and Grammar.

Fashion plays an indispensable role in today's world. Individuals of all ages now pay attention to fashion. Because they desire to appear fashionable, they choose to dress in trendy, branded clothing. In contrast, a lot of individuals argue that this has a bad effect on people who don't know much about fashion and don't even have enough money to buy expensive branded goods. This essay will discuss the details and weigh if the following fashion is good or bad for society.
On the one hand, there are several reasons why people prefer wearing trendy clothes. Their main goals are to remain competitive, stay up to date with the times, and fit in with society. In addition, as the fashion business continues to grow creatively and continuously, new and distinctive styles and products are constantly introduced to draw in young people who are prepared to spend money on stylish clothing. When individuals wear such clothes, their tastes shift with the seasons, exhibiting their individuality and sense of style. They must thus always stay up to speed and quickly catch up with fashion trends if they wish to avoid falling behind.
On the other hand, some people are skeptical that following the trend will bring negative effects. Clothes with striking designs will be a major topic of conversation due to the rapidly changing trend, which may not follow cultural norms. For instance, if people are consumed with the fashion competition, they will not be able to manage and balance their spending. Bad habits are easy to acquire when the economy is struggling, especially in young people.
In conclusion, everything appears to have two sides. Nevertheless, let's select a fashion statement for ourselves and an affordable price range for the necessary clothing. The only things that count are comfort and confidence.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Individuals of all ages now pay attention to fashion." -> "Individuals across all age groups now exhibit a keen interest in fashion."
    Explanation: The phrase "pay attention to" is a bit casual for an academic essay. Replacing it with "exhibit a keen interest in" maintains formality while expressing the idea more precisely.

  2. "Because they desire to appear fashionable, they choose to dress in trendy, branded clothing." -> "Motivated by the desire to project a fashionable image, they opt for trendy, branded clothing."
    Explanation: The revised sentence uses more formal language ("motivated by") to convey the idea of a desire to appear fashionable, and it replaces "choose to dress" with "opt for" for a more sophisticated expression.

  3. "a lot of individuals" -> "many individuals"
    Explanation: Using "a lot of" is somewhat informal for academic writing. "Many" is a more precise and formal alternative.

  4. "weigh if the following fashion is good or bad for society" -> "evaluate whether this fashion trend positively or negatively impacts society."
    Explanation: "Weigh if" is an informal phrase; "evaluate whether" is a more suitable replacement. Additionally, using "positively or negatively impacts society" enhances the formality and precision of the statement.

  5. "Their main goals are to remain competitive, stay up to date with the times, and fit in with society." -> "Their primary objectives include maintaining competitiveness, staying abreast of current trends, and adhering to societal norms."
    Explanation: The replacement uses more formal language ("primary objectives" instead of "main goals") while retaining the meaning of the sentence.

  6. "draw in young people who are prepared to spend money on stylish clothing" -> "attract a demographic of youthful consumers willing to invest in fashionable attire"
    Explanation: The revised phrase enhances formality by using "attract" instead of "draw in" and rephrases the latter part of the sentence in a more formal manner.

  7. "their tastes shift with the seasons, exhibiting their individuality and sense of style" -> "their preferences evolve seasonally, showcasing their distinct individuality and fashion sense"
    Explanation: The revised phrase maintains the meaning but uses more formal and precise vocabulary, replacing "tastes shift" with "preferences evolve."

  8. "quickly catch up with fashion trends" -> "swiftly keep pace with prevailing fashion trends"
    Explanation: The replacement employs more formal language ("swiftly keep pace") to convey the idea of staying updated with fashion trends.

  9. "some people are skeptical that following the trend will bring negative effects" -> "some individuals harbor skepticism regarding the detrimental impacts of following trends"
    Explanation: The revised sentence uses a more formal construction ("harbor skepticism") to express doubt and replaces "negative effects" with "detrimental impacts" for greater precision.

  10. "Clothes with striking designs will be a major topic of conversation due to the rapidly changing trend, which may not follow cultural norms." -> "Garments featuring bold designs may become prominent discussion points, deviating from established cultural norms due to the swiftly evolving trend."
    Explanation: The revised sentence employs more formal language and enhances clarity by using "garments" instead of "clothes" and providing a more structured description of the situation.

  11. "if people are consumed with the fashion competition" -> "if individuals are excessively preoccupied with fashion competitiveness"
    Explanation: The replacement phrase "excessively preoccupied with fashion competitiveness" is more formal and precise than "consumed with the fashion competition."

  12. "let’s select a fashion statement for ourselves and an affordable price range for the necessary clothing" -> "Let’s opt for a personal fashion statement and identify an economically viable range for essential clothing items."
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains formality by using "opt for" instead of "select" and replaces "an affordable price range" with "an economically viable range" for a more formal expression.

  13. "The only things that count are comfort and confidence." -> "The pivotal factors revolve around comfort and confidence."
    Explanation: The phrase "count are" is slightly informal; using "revolve around" maintains formality while conveying a similar meaning.

These changes aim to enhance the formality and precision of the essay while ensuring a more academically appropriate tone without altering the intended meaning.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "Individuals of all ages now pay attention to fashion. Because they desire to appear fashionable, they choose to dress in trendy, branded clothing."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestion: This part introduces the idea that people pay attention to fashion to appear fashionable, but it lacks depth. To improve, expand on why people desire to appear fashionable. For instance, discuss how societal pressures or the influence of media shape people’s perceptions of fashion, thereby driving them to adopt trendy clothing. This expansion would provide a clearer rationale behind the desire for fashionable attire.
    • Improved example: "In today’s society, the pervasive influence of media and societal norms compels individuals to pay meticulous attention to fashion trends. This influence creates a desire to appear fashionable, leading people of all ages to choose trendy, branded clothing as a means of aligning with the prevalent fashion standards and societal expectations."
  2. Quoted text: "On the other hand, some people are skeptical that following the trend will bring negative effects. Clothes with striking designs will be a major topic of conversation due to the rapidly changing trend, which may not follow cultural norms."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestion: While you touch upon the skepticism regarding negative effects, the argument lacks specificity. Try to provide more concrete examples or reasons to support this skepticism. For instance, delve deeper into how rapidly changing fashion trends might clash with cultural norms and potentially create social tensions or misunderstandings. By incorporating a specific example or scenario, your argument will become more persuasive.
    • Improved example: "Conversely, skeptics often raise concerns about the collision of rapidly changing fashion trends with deeply rooted cultural norms. For instance, the adoption of clothes with unconventional designs might inadvertently disrespect cultural traditions, potentially leading to societal discord or misunderstandings among diverse communities. This clash between fashion trends and cultural values accentuates the potential negative ramifications of blindly following trends."

Overall, while the essay presents both perspectives on fashion consciousness, it would benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the reasons behind the desire for fashionable attire and a deeper analysis of the potential negative effects of following trends on cultural norms and social dynamics. Strengthening these aspects would enhance the depth and clarity of the arguments presented.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion. The introduction sets the stage by presenting the topic, and there is a clear attempt to organize ideas logically. The essay contains a mix of simple and compound sentences, contributing to coherence. Paragraphing is utilized, although not consistently logically, and there are instances where ideas could be better connected.

The essay employs cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases and pronouns, but there are instances where the connection between sentences may feel somewhat mechanical. The central topic within each paragraph is generally clear, aiding coherence. However, there are some instances where the overall progression of ideas could be smoother.

How to improve:

  1. Logical Flow: Work on ensuring a smoother progression of ideas. Transition words can be used more effectively to guide the reader through the essay.

  2. Consistent Paragraphing: Make sure each paragraph follows a clear structure, introducing, developing, and concluding a specific idea. This will enhance overall cohesion.

  3. Varied Sentence Structure: Aim for a greater variety in sentence structures to add complexity and coherence to the essay.

  4. Cohesive Devices: Use cohesive devices more naturally to strengthen the connections between sentences and ideas. This will contribute to a more fluid and cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing some flexibility and precision in expressing ideas related to fashion consciousness. The writer successfully uses less common lexical items and shows awareness of style and collocation. The essay also avoids major errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation, contributing to effective communication.

The writer employs a variety of vocabulary to discuss the positive and negative aspects of fashion consciousness. Expressions like "remain competitive," "fit in with society," and "draw in young people" showcase a broad vocabulary. Additionally, the use of phrases such as "struggling economy" and "fashion competition" demonstrates an understanding of style and collocation.

While there are some minor errors in sentence structure and word usage (e.g., "indispensable role" could be refined to "significant role," and "catch up with fashion trends" could be streamlined to "keep up with fashion trends"), these do not impede overall communication. The essay effectively conveys the writer’s opinions with clarity.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource further, the writer could focus on refining sentence structures for greater clarity and precision. Additionally, attention to word choice in certain instances could contribute to a more sophisticated expression of ideas. Proofreading for minor errors in word usage and sentence construction will help elevate the essay’s overall lexical quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. A variety of complex structures are used, contributing to the overall flexibility of the essay. While there are a few errors, they are infrequent and don’t significantly impede communication. The essay effectively communicates the writer’s opinions on fashion consciousness and provides relevant examples.

How to improve: To move to a higher band, focus on refining sentence structures and minimizing errors. Pay attention to word choice for precision and clarity. Additionally, ensure that complex structures are used consistently and accurately throughout the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

Fashion has become a pivotal element in today’s society, capturing the interest of individuals of all ages. The desire to exude a sense of style propels many to opt for trendy, branded clothing. While this trend garners support from enthusiasts, some voice concerns about its societal impacts, arguing that it may disadvantage those unfamiliar with fashion and unable to afford expensive brands. This essay aims to explore these aspects and weigh the positives and negatives of fashion consciousness on society.

On one hand, the allure of trendy attire stems from the desire to remain competitive, stay attuned to current trends, and align with societal expectations. The dynamic fashion industry consistently introduces novel styles, appealing to a youthful demographic willing to invest in fashionable wear. This seasonal evolution in preferences allows individuals to showcase their distinct fashion sensibilities, necessitating a swift adaptation to prevailing trends to avoid falling behind.

Conversely, skepticism looms regarding the potential adverse effects of this fashion fervor. Garments sporting bold designs may steer discussions away from established cultural norms, raising concerns about excessive fixation on fashion competitiveness. Such fixation might lead to imprudent spending habits, particularly among the younger populace, especially when economic circumstances are challenging.

In conclusion, the debate surrounding fashion’s influence presents dual perspectives. However, it is prudent to curate a personal fashion statement aligned with an economically feasible range for essential clothing items. Ultimately, prioritizing comfort and confidence should supersede the allure of fleeting trends.

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