You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some countries achieve international sports by building specialised facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development? Discuss both views and give your opinion. You should write at least 250 words.

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Some countries achieve international sports by building specialised facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development?

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

You should write at least 250 words.

having built morden facilities to train most talented athletes instead of provieding easly acess to eveyone can use have both merit and dismerit . the first merit of it is giving a peachful place for the atheletes to training .they will not need to worry about any thing just focus on training. another positive side of this point is it will promote their motivate to training because seeing the priority of their country to them .for example , if they have a specialised building to exercise , they will have a good mental health and a place to grow their talent and encourage them to training their best .on the other hand , the downside of its point is that many people will have many expectation to them so it may cause them fell anxiety and fear of making their country dissapointed ,another downside is limiting the accession of the sport from evreyone will be the result of not proding sport facilities , many peolpe will not have chance to try or playing this sport .this may make many people do not have the desire and care and update the news of thier althelete result . this will make them feel depressed and sad .the effort of their athletes do not raise and congratulate by their native people . for example ,if their team get a high internation sports but no one in their country pay attention to it achivement ,it will fell like thier effort to get the sucess is useless.in gnerral , i think building specialised facilities and provideing sports that everyone can use is both important

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Errors and Improvements:

1. "morden" -> "modern"
   Explanation: "Modern" is the correct spelling of the word, aligning with standard English usage.
2. "provieding" -> "providing"
   Explanation: "Providing" is the correct form of the verb, following standard spelling rules.
3. "easly" -> "easy"
   Explanation: "Easy" is the appropriate adjective to describe accessibility, adhering to correct spelling and usage.
4. "acess" -> "access"
   Explanation: "Access" is the correct spelling of the word, maintaining clarity and adherence to standard English.
5. "atheletes" -> "athletes"
   Explanation: "Athletes" is the correct spelling of the word, eliminating the misspelling.
6. "peachful" -> "peaceful"
   Explanation: "Peaceful" accurately describes the conducive atmosphere for training, correcting the misspelling.
7. "motivate" -> "motivation"
   Explanation: "Motivation" is the noun form required in this context, providing grammatical correctness.
8. "their country to them" -> "their country’s commitment to them"
   Explanation: Restructuring the phrase for clarity and formality, indicating the country’s dedication to its athletes.
9. "exercise" -> "train"
   Explanation: "Train" is more precise in the context of athletic preparation, enhancing clarity and professionalism.
10. "peolpe" -> "people"
    Explanation: "People" is the correct spelling, ensuring accuracy and readability.
11. "accession" -> "access"
    Explanation: "Access" is the appropriate term to convey the availability of sports facilities to everyone, maintaining clarity and conciseness.
12. "try or playing" -> "try or play"
    Explanation: Correcting the grammatical structure to maintain parallelism and coherence within the sentence.
13. "althelete" -> "athlete"
    Explanation: "Athlete" is the correct spelling, eliminating the misspelling and ensuring clarity.
14. "achivement" -> "achievement"
    Explanation: "Achievement" is the correct spelling, aligning with standard English usage.
15. "gnerral" -> "general"
    Explanation: "General" is the correct spelling, addressing the misspelling and maintaining clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument regarding specialized sports facilities for top athletes versus accessible facilities for everyone. It discusses the merits and drawbacks of each approach.
  • How to improve: While the essay briefly touches on both views, it lacks clarity and coherence in presenting arguments for each perspective. To improve, ensure each viewpoint is clearly articulated with supporting evidence and examples. Additionally, providing a more structured approach with separate paragraphs for each viewpoint can enhance readability and coherence.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present both positive and negative aspects of specialized sports facilities, indicating a balanced perspective. However, the lack of clear organization and coherent argumentation makes it difficult to discern the author’s stance.
  • How to improve: To enhance clarity, the author should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Additionally, maintaining a consistent stance throughout the essay by effectively structuring arguments and providing supporting evidence will improve coherence and readability.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks coherence and depth in their development. While some points are made, they are not elaborated upon or supported with sufficient evidence or examples.
  • How to improve: To improve, the author should focus on developing each idea with specific examples, explanations, and logical reasoning. This will enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of the arguments presented. Additionally, ensuring a logical flow between sentences and paragraphs will improve the overall coherence of the essay.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses the topic by discussing the merits and drawbacks of specialized sports facilities. However, it lacks focus and coherence in presenting relevant arguments.
  • How to improve: To stay on topic, the author should maintain a clear focus on the prompt throughout the essay. This can be achieved by carefully structuring the essay around the key points raised in the prompt and avoiding irrelevant digressions. Additionally, linking each argument back to the central theme of specialized sports facilities will improve relevance and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt at organizing information logically, but it lacks coherence due to inconsistencies in the presentation of ideas. There is a basic attempt to present arguments for both sides, but the progression of ideas is hindered by unclear transitions and a lack of clear topic sentences to guide the reader through each paragraph.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, it’s crucial to establish a clear structure for the essay. Start with an introduction that introduces the topic and outlines the main points to be discussed. Each body paragraph should focus on a single idea supported by relevant examples or explanations, with clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader. Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to maintain coherence and facilitate the flow of ideas.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but the structure is inconsistent and lacks coherence. There are several instances where ideas are grouped together in a single paragraph, resulting in a lack of clarity and organization. Additionally, some paragraphs contain multiple ideas without clear transitions between them.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea or argument. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main point, followed by supporting details or examples. Aim for unity and coherence within each paragraph by maintaining focus on the central idea and using transitions to connect related ideas between paragraphs. Consider revising the essay to create a more structured and cohesive paragraphing scheme.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a variety of cohesive devices, resulting in a disjointed flow of ideas. While some attempts are made to use cohesive devices such as conjunctions ("but," "and"), there is limited use of other cohesive devices such as pronouns, transitional phrases, or logical connectors. This hampers the overall coherence of the essay and makes it challenging for the reader to follow the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance coherence, aim to use a wider range of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Incorporate pronouns (e.g., "this," "these," "it") to refer back to previously mentioned ideas and maintain continuity. Use transitional phrases (e.g., "however," "in addition," "on the other hand") to signal shifts between ideas and improve the flow of the argument. Additionally, consider using logical connectors (e.g., "therefore," "consequently," "as a result") to establish logical relationships between sentences and paragraphs, thereby improving overall coherence and cohesion. Practice integrating these cohesive devices effectively to enhance the clarity and coherence of your writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates some understanding of coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in organizing information logically, utilizing effective paragraphing techniques, and incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, you can enhance the clarity, coherence, and overall effectiveness of your writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, although some terms are used incorrectly or imprecisely. For instance, "morden" should be "modern," "peachful" should be "peaceful," and "acession" should be "accession." Despite these errors, the essay does make an effort to incorporate different words and phrases throughout.
  • How to improve: To enhance the lexical range, it’s essential to focus on accuracy alongside variety. Using a wider array of vocabulary is commendable, but it’s equally important to ensure that each term is employed correctly. Additionally, expanding vocabulary through reading diverse materials and noting down unfamiliar words along with their contexts can aid in more accurate usage.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay attempts to use vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, "a peachful place" should be "a peaceful place," and "accession of the sport from evreyone" should be "access for everyone to the sport." These inaccuracies hinder the clarity of expression and may affect coherence.
  • How to improve: Precision in vocabulary usage can be improved through careful consideration of word choice and attention to detail. Consulting a dictionary or a thesaurus to verify the meanings and contexts of words can help in selecting the most appropriate terms. Moreover, proofreading the essay after writing and revising it can aid in identifying and correcting any imprecise vocabulary.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several spelling errors, such as "morden" instead of "modern," "provieding" instead of "providing," "acession" instead of "accession," and "peolpe" instead of "people." These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and may impede reader comprehension.
  • How to improve: Improving spelling accuracy requires consistent practice and attention to detail. Utilizing tools such as spell checkers and language learning apps can assist in identifying and correcting spelling mistakes. Additionally, reviewing commonly misspelled words and practicing their spellings regularly can contribute to enhancing spelling proficiency. Finally, proofreading written work carefully before submission is crucial in catching and rectifying any spelling errors.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an attempt to incorporate a variety of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of accuracy, precision, and spelling. Focusing on these aspects can enhance the effectiveness of expression and elevate the quality of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of sentence structures, albeit with some limitations. Simple sentences dominate, with occasional complex structures attempted but not consistently executed. For instance, there is an attempt at complex sentences like "The first merit of it is giving a peaceful place for the athletes to training," but these are often marred by grammatical errors.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should aim for more complex sentence constructions consistently. Utilizing compound and complex sentences effectively can elevate the sophistication of the essay. Practicing different sentence types and studying model essays can help improve sentence variety.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits numerous grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies throughout its entirety. These errors include misspellings ("morden" instead of "modern," "peachful" instead of "peaceful"), subject-verb agreement issues ("many people will have many expectation"), and punctuation mistakes (lack of commas in compound sentences, missing apostrophes in possessives). Moreover, there are instances of awkward phrasing and word choice ("promote their motivate," "accession of the sport from everyone").
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading meticulously to identify and correct errors. Additionally, studying grammar rules and practicing sentence structure can aid in improving accuracy. Utilizing spelling and grammar check tools can serve as a helpful initial step in identifying and rectifying mistakes. Moreover, paying attention to punctuation rules, particularly the use of commas in complex sentences and apostrophes in possessives, is crucial for clarity and coherence. Finally, expanding vocabulary and refining word choice can contribute to more precise and effective expression.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates some attempt at varied sentence structures, the frequent grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies hinder its effectiveness. Improvement in both areas through consistent practice and attention to detail is essential for achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Building modern facilities to train the most talented athletes instead of providing easy access for everyone has both merits and demerits. The primary merit is providing a peaceful place for athletes to train, allowing them to focus solely on their training without distractions. Another positive aspect is that it can enhance their motivation, as it demonstrates the priority their country places on their development. For instance, if athletes have a specialized facility for exercise, it can contribute to their mental well-being, nurture their talents, and inspire them to perform at their best.

On the other hand, the downside is that this approach can create undue pressure on athletes, leading to anxiety and a fear of disappointing their country. Additionally, by limiting access to these facilities, there’s a risk of reducing opportunities for broader public engagement in sports. This could diminish public interest and support, leaving athletes feeling unrecognized and unappreciated for their achievements.

In conclusion, while building specialized facilities has its advantages, ensuring access to sports facilities for everyone is equally important. Both are vital in nurturing talent and promoting sports development. Therefore, a balanced approach that caters to both elite athletes and the general public is essential for fostering a healthy sports culture and maximizing overall success in international sports.

Word count: 205