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You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some people say that modern technology has made shopping today easier, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion You should write at least 250 words.

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Some people say that modern technology has made shopping today easier, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion

You should write at least 250 words.

There has been an argument about whether advanced technology has facilitated the way people go shopping or not. In my opinion, shopping online has benefited us a lot nowadays.

We can not deny the convenience that modern technology has brought about to people in shopping. Firstly, people can save time by going shopping online. Instead of going to several stores which takes a lot of time, we can stay at home, and go on some technological shopping platforms to find the things we need. For example, we can lie on the sofa and surf online for clothes, make an order, and then the package will be delivered directly to our house. Secondly, modern shopping offers people multiple choices at reasonable prices. There are thousands of online stores for people to choose the one that has the best price with good feedback. For example, if we want to buy a T-shirt, we can buy it online since we can compare the prices, read comments, and pick the best one.

However, there are still some drawbacks when shopping with modern technology. One of them is that people may receive bad products. Since we are not able to see eye to eye with the items at the store, we may not know the quality of them. Moreover, the retailers could probably send us inequality or wrong products which is not as they advertise. Indeed, once time when I ordered white shoes, they sent me blue ones, which annoyed me a lot.

In conclusion, modern technology can either make shopping less difficult or not. However, I believe we can take advantage of high-tech shopping.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "There has been an argument about whether advanced technology has facilitated the way people go shopping or not." -> "There has been a debate regarding whether advanced technology has facilitated the shopping process."
    Explanation: Replacing "argument" with "debate" and restructuring the sentence enhances formality and precision.

  2. "We can not deny the convenience that modern technology has brought about to people in shopping." -> "We cannot deny the convenience that modern technology has brought to the shopping experience."
    Explanation: Correcting the contraction "can not" to "cannot" and refining the sentence for better flow and formality.

  3. "Firstly, people can save time by going shopping online." -> "Firstly, individuals can save time by engaging in online shopping."
    Explanation: Replacing "going shopping online" with "engaging in online shopping" and using "individuals" instead of "people" contributes to a more formal tone.

  4. "Instead of going to several stores which takes a lot of time, we can stay at home, and go on some technological shopping platforms to find the things we need." -> "Rather than visiting multiple stores, which is time-consuming, we can stay at home and explore various online shopping platforms to find the necessary items."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity, using the correct verb form "takes," and employing more formal language.

  5. "For example, we can lie on the sofa and surf online for clothes, make an order, and then the package will be delivered directly to our house." -> "For instance, we can recline on the sofa, browse online for clothing, place an order, and have the package delivered directly to our residence."
    Explanation: Substituting "lie on the sofa and surf online" with "recline on the sofa, browse online" and using more formal terms like "residence" instead of "house."

  6. "Secondly, modern shopping offers people multiple choices at reasonable prices." -> "Secondly, contemporary shopping provides individuals with a plethora of options at competitive prices."
    Explanation: Enhancing formality by using "contemporary shopping" and specifying "provides individuals with a plethora of options."

  7. "There are thousands of online stores for people to choose the one that has the best price with good feedback." -> "Numerous online stores are available, allowing individuals to select the one with the most competitive pricing and positive feedback."
    Explanation: Simplifying and refining the sentence for better flow, eliminating redundancy, and using "numerous" for a more formal touch.

  8. "Since we are not able to see eye to eye with the items at the store," -> "As we cannot physically inspect items in the store,"
    Explanation: Replacing the colloquial "see eye to eye" with a more formal expression and restructuring the sentence for clarity.

  9. "Moreover, the retailers could probably send us inequality or wrong products which is not as they advertise." -> "Moreover, retailers may potentially send us defective or incorrect products that do not match their advertised descriptions."
    Explanation: Substituting "inequality" with "defective," correcting the subject-verb agreement, and using more formal language.

  10. "Indeed, once time when I ordered white shoes, they sent me blue ones, which annoyed me a lot." -> "Indeed, on one occasion when I ordered white shoes, they sent me blue ones, causing considerable annoyance."
    Explanation: Enhancing formality by replacing "once time" with "on one occasion," and providing a more formal expression for the degree of annoyance.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the impact of modern technology on shopping. It discusses the convenience and benefits of online shopping but also acknowledges drawbacks such as the potential for receiving subpar products.
    • How to improve: While the essay covers both views, it could enhance the depth of analysis by providing more nuanced perspectives on the drawbacks and benefits. For instance, elaborating on the potential economic impact of online shopping or considering cultural aspects would add richness to the discussion.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The writer clearly expresses a positive stance toward the advantages of modern technology in shopping, particularly favoring online shopping. The opinion is consistent and presented throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, consider providing a brief preview of the main points in the introduction, clearly stating that the essay will discuss both views but lean towards the benefits of technology in shopping.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas logically, with examples to support each point. However, some points, such as the drawbacks, could be further extended and elaborated.
    • How to improve: Provide more in-depth examples and expand on the drawbacks of online shopping. Discussing potential solutions or mitigations for the identified issues would add depth to the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the impact of technology on shopping as per the given prompt. However, the anecdote about receiving the wrong product slightly deviates from the main focus.
    • How to improve: Ensure that all examples and anecdotes directly relate to the prompt. If using a personal experience, connect it explicitly to the broader discussion of technology’s impact on shopping.

In summary, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, maintains a clear position, and supports ideas with examples. To improve, consider providing more nuanced perspectives, previewing main points in the introduction, expanding on ideas, and ensuring all content directly aligns with the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization. The introduction sets the stage by presenting the topic, the body paragraphs explore the advantages and disadvantages of modern technology in shopping, and the conclusion offers a concise summary. However, within paragraphs, there’s room for improvement in maintaining a more consistent flow. For instance, the shift from discussing the benefits of online shopping to the drawbacks could be smoother.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider maintaining a clear progression of ideas within each paragraph. Ensure that the shift from one point to another is seamless. Use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the essay.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs, with a clear separation of ideas between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, there’s a slight imbalance in the length of paragraphs. The first body paragraph is notably shorter than the second one.
    • How to improve: Aim for more balanced paragraph lengths to ensure each point receives sufficient elaboration. In this case, the first body paragraph could be expanded to provide more depth to the argument about the convenience of online shopping.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices, such as transitions (e.g., "firstly," "secondly," "however," "in conclusion") and pronouns. These contribute to a coherent structure. However, there’s an opportunity to diversify the range of cohesive devices further for a smoother transition between ideas.
    • How to improve: Introduce a wider array of cohesive devices, such as synonyms, parallel structures, and more advanced transitions. This will add sophistication to the essay and enhance the overall coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid organizational structure with room for refinement in maintaining logical flow within paragraphs and diversifying the use of cohesive devices for improved coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While there is an attempt to incorporate various words, some repetition is noticeable (e.g., "modern technology," "shopping," "online"). The vocabulary lacks diversity and could benefit from the inclusion of more nuanced expressions and synonyms.
    • How to improve: To enhance the lexical range, try introducing synonyms and alternative expressions for key terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "modern technology," consider variations like "advanced technology," "digital innovations," or "high-tech solutions." This will contribute to a more varied and sophisticated vocabulary.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary is generally acceptable, but there are instances where more accurate and specific terms could be used. For example, the phrase "inequality or wrong products" might be clarified with terms such as "substandard" or "defective products." Furthermore, the expression "annoyed me a lot" could be replaced with a more precise emotion or reaction.
    • How to improve: Pay attention to the context and aim for precision in your word choice. Consider using more specific terms to convey your ideas accurately. For example, instead of "annoyed me a lot," you could say "frustrated me considerably" or "disappointed me greatly."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally correct spelling; however, there are some errors, such as "we can not deny" (should be "cannot") and "eye to eye" (should be "hand in hand"). These errors do not significantly impede understanding, but enhancing spelling accuracy would contribute to a more polished and professional presentation.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading your work carefully. Pay close attention to common words and phrases, and be mindful of potential errors. Additionally, using spell-check tools can be helpful in identifying and correcting spelling mistakes.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and compound sentences, but more complex structures such as complex-compound sentences or varied sentence beginnings could be incorporated for greater sophistication. For instance, the essay predominantly employs straightforward sentence structures, such as "There has been an argument" and "We can not deny the convenience."
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider integrating complex sentences, using different sentence beginnings, and experimenting with rhetorical devices. For example, introducing relative clauses, varying sentence lengths, or incorporating rhetorical questions can add depth to the essay.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, but there are instances of errors and awkward constructions. For example, "We can not deny the convenience" should be written as "We cannot deny the convenience." Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, such as "there are thousands of online stores," where the subject (thousands) is plural, but the verb (are) is not. Punctuation, including commas and periods, is mostly accurate, but there are places where the placement could be refined for better clarity.
    • How to improve: Focus on correcting common grammatical errors, especially in verb agreement and sentence structure. Consider revising sentences for clarity and coherence. For instance, in the sentence "However, I believe we can take advantage of high-tech shopping," it might be beneficial to specify how exactly one can take advantage of high-tech shopping to strengthen the argument. Additionally, pay attention to comma usage, ensuring it aligns with the grammatical structure of the sentence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical structures and punctuation, but there is room for improvement in sentence variety and the refinement of grammatical accuracy. By incorporating a wider range of structures and addressing specific grammatical issues, the essay could achieve a higher band score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

There has been a debate regarding whether advanced technology has facilitated the shopping process. We cannot deny the convenience that modern technology has brought to the shopping experience. Firstly, individuals can save time by engaging in online shopping. Rather than visiting multiple stores, which is time-consuming, we can stay at home and explore various online shopping platforms to find the necessary items. For instance, we can recline on the sofa, browse online for clothing, place an order, and have the package delivered directly to our residence.

Secondly, contemporary shopping provides individuals with a plethora of options at competitive prices. Numerous online stores are available, allowing individuals to select the one with the most competitive pricing and positive feedback. As we cannot physically inspect items in the store, retailers may potentially send us defective or incorrect products that do not match their advertised descriptions. Indeed, on one occasion when I ordered white shoes, they sent me blue ones, causing considerable annoyance.

However, there are still some drawbacks when shopping with modern technology. One of them is that people may receive bad products. Since we are not able to see eye to eye with the items at the store, we may not know the quality of them. Moreover, the retailers could probably send us inequality or wrong products, which is not as they advertise. Indeed, on one occasion when I ordered white shoes, they sent me blue ones, causing considerable annoyance.

In conclusion, modern technology can either make shopping less difficult or not. However, I believe we can take advantage of high-tech shopping.

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