You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: In the past, most people worked for small businesses, while more people now work for large businesses. What are the advantages and disadvantages of working for large businesses? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
In the past, most people worked for small businesses, while more people now work for large businesses. What are the advantages and disadvantages of working for large businesses?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own
knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
It is a global consensus that nowadays people prefer to work in the big companies rather than in small ones which has become a global trend. Like two sides of the same coin, this phenomenon involves both advantages and disadvantages.
There are a lot of advantages to working in a tremendous firm. The most significant benefits would be that they are usually better in terms of economic matters. One evident advantage of this is that if one works in such companies, he/she will be offered better salaries. Moreover, these groups have great benefits packages, including paid leaves and regular pay rise in order to attract experienced and hard-working employees. An additional advantage is that working in prominent firms helps individuals to boost their resumes. This is due to the fact that such firms are those which have huge capital and are successful to run big and well-known projects. Being a member of this community contributes to making people look good on personal’s CVs and better job opportunities in the future.
Despite the mentioned benefits, there are several significant consequences that should be taken into consideration. One major disadvantage of this is that working for large corporations are usually under great pressure. Running for large enterprises requires people to perform various tasks and complete them before deadlines. Should they fail, they can be punished by their manager or even fired. So they are constantly under tension, especially for beginners.
A further disadvantage is that working for large businesses is tiring due to low job security. These companies frequently purge their staff, which creates more pressure for employees.
To sum up, working for big companies can be advantageous, yet there are disadvantages that should be weighed carefully against the advantages.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"It is a global consensus" -> "It is widely acknowledged"
Explanation: "It is widely acknowledged" is a more precise and formal expression that avoids the colloquial tone of "global consensus," which can imply a broad, unqualified agreement that may not be universally accepted. -
"nowadays" -> "currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is more formal and precise than "nowadays," which can sound informal and vague in academic writing. -
"big companies" -> "large corporations"
Explanation: "Large corporations" is a more specific and formal term than "big companies," which is too casual for academic writing. -
"small ones" -> "smaller entities"
Explanation: "Smaller entities" is a more formal and precise term than "small ones," which is colloquial and vague. -
"Like two sides of the same coin" -> "Similar to the dual nature of a coin"
Explanation: "Similar to the dual nature of a coin" is a more formal and precise way to describe the analogy, avoiding the idiomatic expression "like two sides of the same coin." -
"a lot of advantages" -> "numerous advantages"
Explanation: "Numerous" is more formal and precise than "a lot of," which is too informal for academic writing. -
"tremendous firm" -> "large corporation"
Explanation: "Large corporation" is a more specific and formal term than "tremendous firm," which is vague and informal. -
"better in terms of economic matters" -> "superior in economic terms"
Explanation: "Superior in economic terms" is more formal and precise than "better in terms of economic matters," which is somewhat redundant. -
"he/she" -> "they" or "one"
Explanation: Using "they" or "one" avoids the awkward and informal use of "he/she," which is less appropriate in formal academic writing. -
"paid leaves" -> "paid vacation time"
Explanation: "Paid vacation time" is a more specific and formal term than "paid leaves," which is less commonly used and less precise. -
"regular pay rise" -> "regular salary increases"
Explanation: "Regular salary increases" is a more formal and precise term than "regular pay rise," which is less commonly used in formal writing. -
"boost their resumes" -> "enhance their curricula vitae"
Explanation: "Enhance their curricula vitae" is a more formal and precise expression than "boost their resumes," which is colloquial. -
"huge capital" -> "substantial resources"
Explanation: "Substantial resources" is a more formal and precise term than "huge capital," which is somewhat informal and vague. -
"successful to run big and well-known projects" -> "successful in managing large and prominent projects"
Explanation: "Successful in managing large and prominent projects" is more formal and precise than "successful to run big and well-known projects," which is awkwardly phrased. -
"personal’s CVs" -> "their CVs"
Explanation: "Their CVs" is grammatically correct and more formal than "personal’s CVs," which is awkward and incorrect. -
"working for large corporations are usually under great pressure" -> "employees of large corporations often face significant pressure"
Explanation: "Employees of large corporations often face significant pressure" is more formal and avoids the awkward construction of "working for large corporations are usually under great pressure." -
"Running for large enterprises" -> "Working for large enterprises"
Explanation: "Working for large enterprises" is the correct phrase, as "running" is incorrectly used here, implying a competitive context rather than employment. -
"fired" -> "terminated"
Explanation: "Terminated" is a more formal term than "fired," which is commonly used in informal contexts. -
"tiring due to low job security" -> "stressful due to uncertain job security"
Explanation: "Stressful due to uncertain job security" is a more precise and formal way to describe the impact of job insecurity on employees, compared to "tiring due to low job security," which is vague and informal.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of working for large businesses. The advantages are clearly outlined, such as better salaries and enhanced resumes, while the disadvantages include job pressure and low job security. However, the response could be improved by providing a more balanced exploration of each point, as the advantages are more thoroughly discussed than the disadvantages. For instance, while the essay mentions job pressure, it could elaborate on how this affects work-life balance or employee morale.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both advantages and disadvantages are discussed with equal depth. This could involve providing specific examples or statistics related to job pressure or job security to give a fuller picture of the disadvantages.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position by stating that there are both pros and cons to working for large businesses. The introduction sets the stage for this duality, and the conclusion reiterates the need to weigh these factors. However, the transition between advantages and disadvantages could be smoother, as the shift feels somewhat abrupt. Additionally, the phrase "this phenomenon involves both advantages and disadvantages" could be more assertively framed to indicate the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer should use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument. For example, phrases like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" can help signal shifts in focus. Additionally, reinforcing the main argument in each paragraph would help maintain a strong position throughout the essay.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the advantages of working for large businesses, such as better salaries and enhanced resumes. However, the support for these ideas could be strengthened. For instance, while the essay mentions "better salaries," it does not provide any specific figures or comparisons to small businesses. The disadvantages, while mentioned, lack depth in their explanation and supporting examples.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should include specific examples or data to back up claims. For instance, citing studies that show average salary differences between large and small businesses would enhance credibility. Additionally, providing real-life examples of job pressure or job security issues in large firms would make the disadvantages more relatable and impactful.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages and disadvantages of working for large businesses. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused. For example, the phrase "this phenomenon involves both advantages and disadvantages" could be more directly tied to the specific aspects of large businesses rather than being a general statement.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the advantages and disadvantages of large businesses. Avoiding vague statements and instead using specific language related to the topic will help keep the essay tightly aligned with the prompt. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates to the main question will help maintain clarity and relevance throughout the essay.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the dual nature of working for large businesses. The body paragraphs are organized into advantages and disadvantages, which helps the reader follow the argument. However, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother. For example, the phrase "Despite the mentioned benefits" serves as a transition but feels somewhat abrupt. The essay could benefit from a clearer indication that the discussion is shifting from one perspective to another.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that more explicitly signal shifts in the argument. For instance, phrases like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" could be employed to better guide the reader through the contrasting points. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea will help reinforce the logical organization.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with one paragraph dedicated to advantages and another to disadvantages. Each paragraph contains multiple sentences that elaborate on the main point. However, the paragraph discussing disadvantages could be more cohesive, as it introduces two separate disadvantages without a clear connection between them. The transition from discussing pressure to job security feels somewhat disjointed.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, consider grouping related ideas together and using linking sentences to connect them. For example, after discussing the pressure of deadlines, a sentence could be added to explain how this pressure relates to job security, creating a more cohesive narrative. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear focus will enhance overall clarity.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Moreover" and "An additional advantage," which help to connect ideas within the advantages section. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, particularly in the disadvantages section, where the points are introduced with "One major disadvantage" and "A further disadvantage" without additional linking phrases to enhance flow.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, using "In contrast," "Furthermore," or "Consequently" can help create a more nuanced connection between ideas. Additionally, varying sentence structures and using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts can improve cohesion throughout the essay.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, there are areas for improvement that could elevate the score. Focusing on smoother transitions, clearer paragraph connections, and a broader range of cohesive devices will enhance the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "tremendous firm," "benefits packages," and "purge their staff." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "working for large businesses" and "working in big companies," which detracts from the overall lexical variety. The use of phrases like "global consensus" and "economic matters" shows an attempt to incorporate more sophisticated language, but the overall range remains limited.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should aim to use synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "large businesses," alternatives like "corporate giants," "multinational companies," or "major enterprises" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more descriptive adjectives and adverbs can enrich the text, such as using "substantial" instead of "tremendous" or "competitive" instead of "better."
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "better in terms of economic matters" is vague and could be more specific. Additionally, the term "purge their staff" may carry a negative connotation that doesn’t accurately reflect the typical context of workforce reduction in large companies, which is often referred to as "downsizing" or "restructuring."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that conveys specific meanings. Instead of "better in terms of economic matters," a more precise phrase could be "more competitive salaries and benefits." When discussing job security, using terms like "layoffs" or "restructuring" would provide clearer context than "purge."
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with few errors present. However, there are minor issues, such as "pay rise," which is more commonly spelled as "pay raise" in American English. Additionally, "personal’s CVs" should be corrected to "person’s CVs" to reflect proper possessive form.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on commonly confused terms and ensuring correct usage of possessives. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors that may be overlooked during the writing process.
In summary, while the essay achieves a Band Score of 6 for Lexical Resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and ensuring spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "Like two sides of the same coin" and "This is due to the fact that" shows an attempt to incorporate more sophisticated structures. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a tendency to rely on similar structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "One evident advantage" or "An additional advantage." This can make the writing feel somewhat monotonous.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could experiment with different ways to start sentences and incorporate more varied conjunctions and transitions. For example, instead of frequently using "One advantage is that," the writer could use phrases like "Another noteworthy benefit is…" or "In addition to this, it is important to note that…". Additionally, using more relative clauses or participial phrases could add complexity and interest to the writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some notable errors. For instance, the phrase "working for large corporations are usually under great pressure" should use "is" instead of "are" to agree with the singular subject "working." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the lack of a comma in "which has become a global trend," which could improve clarity. The phrase "personal’s CVs" is also awkward; it would be clearer as "individuals’ CVs."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that singular and plural forms are used correctly. A thorough proofreading process could help catch these errors. For punctuation, practicing the rules for commas, especially in complex sentences, would enhance clarity. The writer might also benefit from reviewing possessive forms to ensure they are used correctly, as in the case of "individuals’ CVs" instead of "personal’s CVs."
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
It is widely acknowledged that nowadays people prefer to work in large corporations rather than in smaller entities, which has become a global trend. Similar to the dual nature of a coin, this phenomenon involves both advantages and disadvantages.
There are numerous advantages to working in a large firm. The most significant benefits are that they are usually superior in economic terms. One evident advantage is that if one works in such companies, they will be offered better salaries. Moreover, these corporations have great benefits packages, including paid vacation time and regular salary increases to attract experienced and hard-working employees. An additional advantage is that working in prominent firms helps individuals enhance their curricula vitae. This is due to the fact that such firms have substantial resources and are successful in managing large and well-known projects. Being a member of this community contributes to making people look good on their CVs and provides better job opportunities in the future.
Despite the mentioned benefits, there are several significant disadvantages that should be taken into consideration. One major disadvantage is that employees of large corporations often face significant pressure. Working for large enterprises requires people to perform various tasks and complete them before deadlines. Should they fail, they can be punished by their manager or even terminated. Thus, they are constantly under tension, especially for beginners.
A further disadvantage is that working for large businesses can be stressful due to uncertain job security. These companies frequently purge their staff, which creates additional pressure for employees.
To sum up, working for large corporations can be advantageous; however, there are disadvantages that should be weighed carefully against the advantages.