You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people.

Why might this be the case?

Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Currently, a significant trend in owning a personal house or hiring one is the matter of concern which generates a debate regarding influences on societies. In my view. I believe that it could bring about unique benefits and drawbacks to tenants.

To begin with, the primary positive consequence of private house is reliable financial preservation. As the monetary inflation leading to serious debasement of money could noy affects a fixed assets, even it has a potential increasing valuable of houses in the future. Additional, it is favorable that owners could generate a stable income from renting
or other services. By contrast, the population explosion in the contemporary era witnessed a significant growth causes a lack of opportunity for individuals having a tight budget.

On the other hand, renting houses is a logical idea for individuals determining to short term settlement. Subsequently, tenants would get the flexible house movement and the instant finding a reasonable one, thus avoiding the sophisticated alternative.Furthermore, hiring a home,which is absolutely appropriate for the affordability of destitute peoples, is not suitable with the long term target due to the expensive expense instead of investment.

In conclusion, the trend of owning a home or renting one in this era has both negative and positive consequences. Regardless of any impacts, this trend is likely to expand in the developing countries.

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Errors and Improvements:

1. "Currently, a significant trend in owning a personal house or hiring one is the matter of concern which generates a debate regarding influences on societies." -> "Presently, a noteworthy trend in home ownership or rental arrangements is a subject of concern, sparking debates regarding its societal impacts."
   Explanation: Replacing "Currently" with "Presently" maintains formality, and rephrasing "a significant trend in owning a personal house or hiring one" to "home ownership or rental arrangements" improves clarity and conciseness. Additionally, "the matter of concern which generates a debate regarding influences on societies" is convoluted; simplifying it to "a subject of concern, sparking debates regarding its societal impacts" clarifies the sentence.

2. "In my view. I believe that it could bring about unique benefits and drawbacks to tenants." -> "In my opinion, I contend that it could yield distinctive advantages and disadvantages for tenants."
   Explanation: Removing the redundant "In my view" and replacing "I believe" with "I contend" enhances formality. Additionally, "unique benefits and drawbacks" is replaced with "distinctive advantages and disadvantages" for more precise language.

3. "To begin with, the primary positive consequence of private house is reliable financial preservation." -> "First and foremost, the principal benefit of homeownership is dependable financial security."
   Explanation: "To begin with" is replaced with "First and foremost" for variety and formality. "Positive consequence of private house" is revised to "benefit of homeownership" for clarity and specificity.

4. "As the monetary inflation leading to serious debasement of money could noy affects a fixed assets, even it has a potential increasing valuable of houses in the future." -> "While monetary inflation can erode the value of currency, it generally does not significantly impact fixed assets, and there is even potential for appreciation in the value of houses over time."
   Explanation: "Monetary inflation leading to serious debasement of money" is rephrased as "monetary inflation can erode the value of currency" for clarity. "Fixed assets" is used instead of "private house" for specificity. "No affects" is corrected to "does not affect." "Potential increasing valuable of houses" is adjusted to "potential appreciation in the value of houses" for clarity and precision.

5. "Additional, it is favorable that owners could generate a stable income from renting or other services." -> "Additionally, homeowners have the advantage of generating a stable income through renting or other services."
   Explanation: "Additional" is corrected to "Additionally" for proper usage. "It is favorable that owners could" is revised to "homeowners have the advantage of" for clarity and conciseness.

6. "By contrast, the population explosion in the contemporary era witnessed a significant growth causes a lack of opportunity for individuals having a tight budget." -> "Conversely, the contemporary population explosion has led to significant growth, resulting in limited opportunities for individuals with constrained budgets."
   Explanation: "Witnessed a significant growth causes a lack of opportunity" is rephrased to "has led to significant growth, resulting in limited opportunities" for clarity and grammatical correctness.

7. "On the other hand, renting houses is a logical idea for individuals determining to short term settlement." -> "On the other hand, renting houses is a sensible choice for individuals seeking short-term accommodation."
   Explanation: "Logical idea for individuals determining to short term settlement" is revised to "sensible choice for individuals seeking short-term accommodation" for clarity and conciseness.

8. "Subsequently, tenants would get the flexible house movement and the instant finding a reasonable one, thus avoiding the sophisticated alternative." -> "As a result, tenants enjoy flexibility in housing options and the convenience of quickly finding a suitable residence, thereby bypassing more complex alternatives."
   Explanation: "Subsequently" is replaced with "As a result" for variety and formality. "Flexible house movement" is clarified to "flexibility in housing options" for better understanding. "Instant finding a reasonable one" is rephrased to "the convenience of quickly finding a suitable residence" for clarity and formality. "Sophisticated alternative" is replaced with "more complex alternatives" for specificity.

9. "Furthermore, hiring a home, which is absolutely appropriate for the affordability of destitute peoples, is not suitable with the long term target due to the expensive expense instead of investment." -> "Moreover, renting a home, while initially affordable for those in financial need, is not conducive to long-term financial goals, as it entails ongoing expenses rather than investment."
   Explanation: "Furthermore" is adjusted to "Moreover" for variety and formality. "Hiring a home" is corrected to "renting a home" for proper usage. "Absolutely appropriate for the affordability of destitute peoples" is rephrased to "initially affordable for those in financial need" for clarity and precision. "Not suitable with the long term target due to the expensive expense instead of investment" is revised to "not conducive to long-term financial goals, as it entails ongoing expenses rather than investment" for clarity and conciseness.

10. "In conclusion, the trend of owning a home or renting one in this era has both negative and positive consequences." -> "In conclusion, the contemporary trend of homeownership or renting presents both advantages and disadvantages."
    Explanation: "The trend of owning a home or renting one in this era has both negative and positive consequences" is rephrased to "the contemporary trend of homeownership or renting presents both advantages and disadvantages" for clarity and conciseness.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address all parts of the question by discussing both the reasons why owning a home might be important and whether this situation is positive or negative. However, the discussion lacks depth and clarity, and some parts of the prompt are not fully explored.
  • How to improve: To improve, ensure that each aspect of the prompt is thoroughly addressed. Provide more specific examples and explanations to support your points. Additionally, pay attention to the clarity of expression to avoid ambiguity.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present a position on the topic, but the stance is somewhat unclear and inconsistent. While the author mentions both positive and negative aspects of owning a home versus renting, there is a lack of a strong, coherent argument throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: Work on clearly stating and maintaining a consistent position throughout the essay. Take a clear stance on whether owning a home is predominantly positive or negative, and support this position with well-developed arguments and examples.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks development and support. Some points are made without adequate explanation or evidence, and there is a need for further elaboration on key points.
  • How to improve: Focus on expanding and supporting ideas with relevant examples, explanations, and evidence. Provide more detailed analysis and ensure that each point is fully developed before moving on to the next.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic but occasionally deviates due to unclear expression and lack of coherence. Some parts of the essay seem tangential to the main argument, leading to a loss of focus.
  • How to improve: Maintain a clear focus on the topic throughout the essay by carefully structuring your arguments and ensuring that each paragraph contributes directly to addressing the prompt. Avoid tangential discussions and stay concise and relevant.

Overall, while the essay attempts to address the prompt, there is room for improvement in terms of clarity, coherence, depth of analysis, and development of ideas. Focus on expressing your ideas clearly, maintaining a consistent position, and providing strong evidence to support your arguments. Additionally, pay attention to staying on topic and ensuring that all parts of the prompt are thoroughly addressed.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempts at organizing information logically. There is an introduction that sets up the topic, followed by two body paragraphs discussing the positive and negative aspects of owning versus renting a home. However, the development of ideas within each paragraph is somewhat disjointed. For example, the discussion on the positive aspects of owning a home shifts abruptly from financial preservation to population growth without a clear transition. Similarly, the negative aspects of renting are discussed but lack coherence in connecting the ideas smoothly.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and transitions smoothly to the next. Use topic sentences to clearly introduce the main point of each paragraph and provide supporting details and examples to develop the idea cohesively. Additionally, consider using transitional phrases or words to guide the reader through the flow of ideas more smoothly.
• Use Paragraphs:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but the structure and effectiveness are limited. Each paragraph attempts to address a separate aspect of the topic, such as the positive and negative aspects of owning versus renting a home. However, the paragraphs lack coherence and unity within themselves. Sentences within paragraphs sometimes feel disconnected from each other, leading to a lack of clarity in the presentation of ideas.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph. Then, provide supporting details and examples that relate directly to the topic sentence. Aim for unity and coherence within each paragraph by ensuring that all sentences contribute to the development of the main idea. Consider using transitions or linking words to establish connections between sentences and paragraphs.
• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, the use of cohesive devices is limited and inconsistent, which affects the overall coherence of the essay. Some transitions are used effectively to introduce new ideas or contrast different points of view, but others are either missing or used incorrectly, leading to choppy or disjointed prose.
  • How to improve: To enhance the use of cohesive devices, aim for consistency and accuracy in their application throughout the essay. Use a variety of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions, transitions, pronouns, and lexical cohesion, to establish clear relationships between ideas and improve the flow of the essay. Review each sentence and paragraph to ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to create smooth transitions and logical connections between ideas.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates some understanding of coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in organizing information logically, using paragraphs effectively, and employing a range of cohesive devices to enhance the overall clarity and coherence of the essay. By focusing on these areas and implementing the suggested improvements, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, leading to a more cohesive and well-structured response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt to utilize a variety of vocabulary throughout. There are instances where a range of synonyms and phrases are employed to express ideas, such as "significant trend," "reliable financial preservation," "monetary inflation," and "population explosion." However, there are also instances where the vocabulary could be more diverse, and certain phrases appear repetitive, like the repeated use of "significant." Additionally, some expressions lack precision or clarity, such as "monetary inflation leading to serious debasement of money" could be refined for clarity and accuracy.
  • How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, strive for greater diversity in word choice. Instead of repeating phrases like "significant trend," explore alternative vocabulary or rephrase to avoid redundancy. Additionally, aim for precision and clarity in expression; consider revising ambiguous phrases like "monetary inflation leading to serious debasement of money" for clarity and accuracy. Consulting a thesaurus or vocabulary guides can aid in expanding vocabulary repertoire.
• Use Vocabulary Precisely:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a mix of precise and imprecise vocabulary usage. For instance, phrases like "reliable financial preservation" and "stable income" demonstrate a precise choice of words to convey specific meanings. However, there are instances of imprecise language, such as "serious debasement of money," which could be clarified for better understanding. Furthermore, some phrases lack specificity, like "significant trend," which could benefit from more precise descriptors.
  • How to improve: To improve precision in vocabulary usage, focus on selecting words that accurately convey intended meanings. Avoid vague or ambiguous language by opting for specific terms. For instance, instead of "serious debasement of money," consider using more precise terminology like "devaluation of currency." Additionally, strive for specificity in expressions like "significant trend" by providing clearer descriptors or context to enhance understanding.
• Use Correct Spelling:
  • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally acceptable, with only minor errors observed. However, there are instances of misspelled words, such as "noy" instead of "not" and "destitute" instead of "destitute." While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, they detract from the overall professionalism and polish of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing strategies such as proofreading carefully before submission, utilizing spell-check tools, and practicing spelling through targeted exercises. Reviewing commonly misspelled words and paying attention to detail during the writing process can also help minimize errors and enhance overall spelling proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the structures further. For instance, there is a tendency towards simple sentences, which limits the complexity and sophistication of the writing. Additionally, the use of complex structures, such as relative clauses and participial phrases, is minimal.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, try incorporating a variety of sentence types, including compound-complex sentences and inversion structures. Introduce relative clauses and participial phrases to add complexity and sophistication to your writing. Varying the length and structure of sentences will improve the overall flow and coherence of the essay.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several grammatical errors and inaccuracies, including issues with subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and article usage. For example, "could noy affects" should be "could not affect," and "favorable that owners could generate" should be "favorable because owners could generate." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences and misuse of punctuation marks.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on practicing grammar rules related to subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and article usage. Proofread your writing carefully to identify and correct errors in punctuation. Utilize resources such as grammar guides and exercises to reinforce your understanding of grammar rules. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to identify recurring errors and areas for improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

Presently, a noteworthy trend in home ownership or rental arrangements is a subject of concern, sparking debates regarding its societal impacts. In my opinion, I contend that it could yield distinctive advantages and disadvantages for tenants.

First and foremost, the principal benefit of homeownership is dependable financial security. While monetary inflation can erode the value of currency, it generally does not significantly impact fixed assets, and there is even potential for appreciation in the value of houses over time. Additionally, homeowners have the advantage of generating a stable income through renting or other services.

Conversely, the contemporary population explosion has led to significant growth, resulting in limited opportunities for individuals with constrained budgets.

On the other hand, renting houses is a sensible choice for individuals seeking short-term accommodation. As a result, tenants enjoy flexibility in housing options and the convenience of quickly finding a suitable residence, thereby bypassing more complex alternatives. Moreover, renting a home, while initially affordable for those in financial need, is not conducive to long-term financial goals, as it entails ongoing expenses rather than investment.

In conclusion, the contemporary trend of homeownership or renting presents both advantages and disadvantages.