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Young people today spend too much money and time following fashion trends. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Young people today spend too much money and time following fashion trends. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the contemporary world, the prevalence of young individuals investing substantial resources, both in terms of time and money, in following fashion trends is undeniable. I am inclined to agree with the notion that young people today spend excessively on fashion trends, and this behavior has several implications worth exploring.

Firstly, the influence of social media has propelled fashion trends to the forefront of youth culture. Platforms like Instagram and TikTok provide a constant stream of curated images and videos showcasing the latest styles and trends. The desire to conform to these trends and present an aesthetically pleasing image has led many young people to allocate a significant portion of their budget towards clothing and accessories. This not only contributes to financial strain but also fosters a culture of comparison, where self-worth is often tied to one's ability to keep up with the latest fashion.

Moreover, the fast-paced nature of the fashion industry exacerbates the issue. Trends change rapidly, compelling young individuals to frequently update their wardrobes to stay in vogue. This constant cycle of consumption not only has economic ramifications but also raises concerns about the environmental impact of disposable fashion.

In conclusion, the contemporary obsession with fashion trends among young people has led to a considerable expenditure of both time and money. While self-expression is vital, it is crucial to strike a balance that allows for individual creativity without succumbing to the pressures of excessive consumption. Encouraging a more mindful approach to fashion can promote financial responsibility and a focus on holistic personal growth among the youth.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "young individuals" -> "young individuals"
    Explanation: The phrase "young individuals" is appropriate but can be further enhanced by using a more specific term, such as "young people" or "youth," to maintain formality and avoid repetition.

  2. "undeniable" -> "undeniable"
    Explanation: The word "undeniable" is suitable in this context; no improvement is necessary.

  3. "I am inclined to agree" -> "I concur"
    Explanation: "I concur" is a more formal expression, aligning with academic writing standards. It also adds a touch of authority to the statement.

  4. "several implications worth exploring" -> "various implications worthy of exploration"
    Explanation: The suggested alternative employs more sophisticated vocabulary, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

  5. "Firstly" -> "First and foremost"
    Explanation: "First and foremost" is a more formal transition that adds emphasis, contributing to the overall academic tone.

  6. "Platforms like Instagram and TikTok" -> "Social media platforms such as Instagram and TikTok"
    Explanation: The revised phrase includes a more precise description, adhering to formal language conventions in academic writing.

  7. "constant stream" -> "continuous influx"
    Explanation: "Continuous influx" is a more refined term that elevates the formality of the sentence.

  8. "allocate a significant portion of their budget" -> "dedicate a substantial portion of their financial resources"
    Explanation: The alternative phrase provides a more detailed and formal description of the financial commitment involved.

  9. "contributes to financial strain" -> "exacerbates financial strain"
    Explanation: "Exacerbates" adds a layer of intensity, conveying a stronger impact and maintaining an academic tone.

  10. "fosters a culture of comparison" -> "cultivates a culture of comparison"
    Explanation: "Cultivates" is a more formal and precise term, enhancing the sophistication of the sentence.

  11. "self-worth is often tied to one’s ability" -> "individuals often associate their self-worth"
    Explanation: The revised phrase restructures the sentence for clarity and formality.

  12. "Moreover" -> "Furthermore"
    Explanation: "Furthermore" is a more formal transition, contributing to the overall academic style.

  13. "exacerbates the issue" -> "aggravates the situation"
    Explanation: "Aggravates" is a more advanced term that maintains formality while expressing the escalation of the problem more vividly.

  14. "This constant cycle of consumption" -> "This perpetual cycle of consumption"
    Explanation: "Perpetual" conveys the ongoing nature of the cycle in a more formal manner.

  15. "economic ramifications" -> "economic consequences"
    Explanation: "Consequences" is a slightly more formal term that aligns with academic writing conventions.

  16. "In conclusion" -> "To conclude"
    Explanation: "To conclude" is a formal and succinct transition commonly used in academic writing.

  17. "considerable expenditure" -> "significant expenditure"
    Explanation: "Significant expenditure" maintains the meaning while using a more formal and precise term.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "In the contemporary world, the prevalence of young individuals investing substantial resources, both in terms of time and money, in following fashion trends is undeniable."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction successfully establishes the writer’s stance on the topic. However, it lacks a concise summary of the main points that will be explored in the essay. To enhance clarity, consider providing a brief overview of the reasons supporting your agreement with the statement. For instance, you could mention the role of social media and the fast-paced nature of the fashion industry.
    • Improved example: "In the contemporary world, the prevalence of young individuals investing substantial resources, both in terms of time and money, in following fashion trends is undeniable. This essay will delve into the influence of social media and the rapid changes in the fashion industry, highlighting why young people are increasingly drawn towards excessive spending on fashion."
  2. Quoted text: "This not only contributes to financial strain but also fosters a culture of comparison, where self-worth is often tied to one’s ability to keep up with the latest fashion."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The idea of financial strain and the impact on self-worth is well-articulated. However, to further strengthen the argument, consider providing a concrete example or personal experience that illustrates how individuals may face financial challenges or experience a negative impact on self-esteem due to their efforts to stay fashionable.
    • Improved example: "This not only contributes to financial strain but also fosters a culture of comparison, where self-worth is often tied to one’s ability to keep up with the latest fashion. For instance, a study showed that young individuals who struggled to afford trendy clothing reported lower self-esteem compared to those who focused on personal expression without succumbing to fashion pressures."
  3. Quoted text: "Moreover, the fast-paced nature of the fashion industry exacerbates the issue. Trends change rapidly, compelling young individuals to frequently update their wardrobes to stay in vogue."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This point is well-presented, but it would benefit from a more detailed example or personal anecdote to illustrate the challenges faced by young people in keeping up with rapidly changing fashion trends. Providing a specific instance could add depth to your argument and make it more convincing.
    • Improved example: "Moreover, the fast-paced nature of the fashion industry exacerbates the issue. Trends change rapidly, compelling young individuals to frequently update their wardrobes to stay in vogue. For instance, a recent survey found that the majority of young adults feel pressured to buy new clothes every few weeks to align with the latest trends, leading to both financial strain and environmental concerns."

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the task, presenting a clear position with relevant supporting ideas. To enhance it further, consider incorporating concise overviews of main points and providing more detailed examples or personal experiences to illustrate your arguments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and each paragraph contributes to the overall flow of the essay. The writer skillfully uses cohesive devices, such as transitions and pronouns, to connect ideas and maintain coherence. While there is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, there are occasional instances of underuse or overuse, preventing a seamless connection between all ideas. The central topic within each paragraph is generally clear, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there is room for improvement in balancing the use of cohesive devices for a more consistent flow.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider refining the use of cohesive devices for more consistent connections between ideas. Pay attention to transitions and ensure they guide the reader smoothly through the essay. While maintaining the logical organization, strive for a more even distribution of cohesive elements to avoid occasional disruptions in the flow. Additionally, carefully review the use of pronouns and other cohesive devices to eliminate any instances of under- or overuse. Overall, a more meticulous approach to maintaining cohesion will elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable command of vocabulary, utilizing a broad range of words effectively. The writer skillfully conveys precise meanings, employing uncommon lexical items with fluency and flexibility. The overall control of lexical features is sophisticated, with very few minor errors that can be considered as occasional ‘slips.’ The essay effectively explores the topic and maintains a high level of coherence and cohesion, contributing to the overall lexical quality.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource further, consider incorporating a few more high-level vocabulary words or phrases where appropriate. Ensure consistency in style and collocation throughout the essay. Occasionally, the essay tends towards more common expressions, so integrating a few more sophisticated terms could elevate the lexical richness. Additionally, careful proofreading to eliminate any remaining minor errors would contribute to a flawless execution.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures, utilizing varied complex structures to articulate ideas effectively. There is evident control over grammar and punctuation, resulting in mostly error-free sentences throughout. Complex sentences are used to convey nuanced ideas about the influence of social media, the rapid pace of fashion, and its implications, contributing to a cohesive argument.

How to improve: To reach a higher band score, aim for even greater diversity in complex structures and consider refining certain sentences for absolute clarity. Also, while the essay predominantly avoids errors, a slightly higher level of accuracy in expression could be pursued to minimize any remaining minor errors.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the modern world, there’s an undeniable trend among young individuals who dedicate a substantial amount of their time and money to follow fashion trends. I tend to agree that today’s youth spend excessively on these trends, and this behavior carries significant implications.

Social media, particularly platforms like Instagram and TikTok, greatly influence youth culture by constantly showcasing the latest styles. The pressure to conform to these trends and portray an attractive image leads many young people to spend a significant part of their money on clothing and accessories. This not only strains their finances but also fosters a culture of comparison where self-worth often depends on keeping up with the latest fashion.

Furthermore, the fast-paced nature of the fashion industry worsens the situation. Trends change quickly, forcing young individuals to frequently update their wardrobes to stay fashionable. This continuous cycle of consumption not only affects their finances but also raises concerns about the environmental impact of disposable fashion.

To sum up, the current obsession with fashion trends among young people results in a substantial expenditure of both time and money. While self-expression remains crucial, finding a balance that allows for individual creativity without succumbing to excessive consumption is vital. Encouraging a more mindful approach to fashion can promote financial responsibility and overall personal growth among the youth.

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