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Young people today tend to change jobs quickly. State the cause of the trend. Is this a positive or negative trend? essay about 200 words

Young people today tend to change jobs quickly. State the cause of the trend. Is this a positive or negative trend? essay about 200 words

Nowadays, young people are often challenged with difficulties in choosing a suitable job for themselves. Therefore appear trend tends to change jobs quickly. In my perspective, this is a negative trend and needs to be addressed. In this following essay, I will talk about the causes of trends and provide examples to support my argument.
The world is increasingly developing and people also have to race with them . Life makes them always fear when they think about money which is a burden. They always find safety for their family also themselves which is the reason they often tend to change jobs quickly. They fear wasting time with the job is not suitable, so it makes them quick decisions about their job.
Tending to change jobs quickly is not positive because if they tend to do more times, it makes people not devoted and not love to work. More there, it will always make them feel inconsonant any jobs. For example, if one person does not love and does not gain in their job they do not find a suitable job for themselves also not having jobs makes them feel confident. Create for myself a bad habit is not carefully thinking and being easily impacted by difficulties.
Finally, any job always needs a person diligent and devoted to it. Even though we must race with time and money but we have to know what should we do because any time one changes jobs it can have serious consequences. Tending to change jobs quickly is a bad thing, we should change this trend and make us have critical work better.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. “Nowadays” -> “In contemporary times”
    Explanation: Replacing “Nowadays” with “In contemporary times” adds formality and avoids a slightly informal tone.
  2. “Therefore appear trend tends to change jobs quickly.” -> “Therefore, a noticeable trend is the rapid turnover in job changes.”
    Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and proper structure. The suggested alternative provides a clearer and more formal expression.
  3. “In my perspective” -> “From my perspective”
    Explanation: “In my perspective” should be corrected to “From my perspective” for grammatical accuracy and formality.
  4. “The world is increasingly developing and people also have to race with them.” -> “The world is rapidly evolving, and individuals must keep pace with these changes.”
    Explanation: The improved sentence uses more sophisticated vocabulary and provides a clearer description of the situation.
  5. “Life makes them always fear when they think about money which is a burden.” -> “The demands of life instill a constant fear when contemplating the financial burdens they carry.”
    Explanation: The revised sentence replaces colloquial language with more formal and precise terminology.
  6. “They always find safety for their family also themselves which is the reason they often tend to change jobs quickly.” -> “They prioritize securing the well-being of both their families and themselves, leading to their propensity for frequent job changes.”
    Explanation: The suggested alternative conveys the same message more formally and concisely.
  7. “They fear wasting time with the job is not suitable, so it makes them quick decisions about their job.” -> “They fear wasting time in unsuitable jobs, which prompts them to make hasty career decisions.”
    Explanation: The improved sentence clarifies the connection between the fear of wasting time and making quick decisions, using more precise language.
  8. “Tending to change jobs quickly is not positive because if they tend to do more times, it makes people not devoted and not love to work.” -> “Frequent job changes have a negative impact, as they lead to reduced dedication and a diminished love for work.”
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains a formal tone while expressing the same idea more clearly and concisely.
  9. “More there, it will always make them feel inconsonant any jobs.” -> “Furthermore, this behavior consistently results in a lack of harmony with any job.”
    Explanation: The suggested alternative uses “Furthermore” for better flow and replaces “inconsonant” with “lack of harmony” for clarity.
  10. “Create for myself a bad habit is not carefully thinking and being easily impacted by difficulties.” -> “This creates a detrimental habit characterized by a lack of thoughtful consideration and vulnerability to challenges.”
    Explanation: The revised sentence uses more formal language and conveys the same message with improved clarity.
  11. “Finally, any job always needs a person diligent and devoted to it.” -> “In conclusion, every job requires diligence and dedication.”
    Explanation: The improved sentence maintains formality and avoids unnecessary repetition.
  12. “Even though we must race with time and money but we have to know what should we do because any time one changes jobs it can have serious consequences.” -> “While we must contend with time and financial pressures, we must also carefully consider our choices, as frequent job changes can lead to significant consequences.”
    Explanation: The revised sentence corrects the sentence structure and uses more formal language to convey the message effectively.
  13. “Tending to change jobs quickly is a bad thing, we should change this trend and make us have critical work better.” -> “Frequent job hopping is detrimental; we should work towards reversing this trend and fostering a culture of diligent work.”
    Explanation: The final sentence is rewritten for clarity and formality, avoiding the use of “bad thing” and improving the overall structure.

 

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

  1. Quoted text: “Nowadays, young people are often challenged with difficulties in choosing a suitable job for themselves. Therefore appear trend tends to change jobs quickly. In my perspective, this is a negative trend and needs to be addressed. In this following essay, I will talk about the causes of trends and provide examples to support my argument.”
    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction lacks clarity and conciseness. It does express a perspective and introduces the essay’s main focus, but the language is somewhat convoluted. To enhance the introduction, consider rephrasing it for better coherence and directly stating your position on the topic. For instance, “In today’s dynamic job market, young individuals often face challenges in selecting suitable careers, leading to a prevalent trend of frequent job changes. I firmly believe that this pattern is detrimental, and in the following essay, I will explore its causes and provide illustrative examples to support my stance.”
    • Improved example: “In today’s dynamic job market, young individuals often face challenges in selecting suitable careers, leading to a prevalent trend of frequent job changes. I firmly believe that this pattern is detrimental, and in the following essay, I will explore its causes and provide illustrative examples to support my stance.”
  2. Quoted text: “The world is increasingly developing and people also have to race with them. Life makes them always fear when they think about money which is a burden. They always find safety for their family also themselves which is the reason they often tend to change jobs quickly. They fear wasting time with the job is not suitable, so it makes them quick decisions about their job.”
    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: This paragraph attempts to address the causes of the trend but lacks coherence and clarity. The connection between the world’s development, the fear of financial burdens, and the tendency to change jobs quickly is not well-established. It would be beneficial to provide specific examples or elaborate on these points for a more compelling argument. For example, “The rapid pace of global development has created a competitive environment, prompting individuals to constantly strive for financial security for themselves and their families. This fear of financial instability often leads to hasty decisions in changing jobs, driven by the desire for a perceived safer alternative. To illustrate, individuals may abandon a current job without thoroughly assessing its suitability, fearing potential financial burdens.”
    • Improved example: “The rapid pace of global development has created a competitive environment, prompting individuals to constantly strive for financial security for themselves and their families. This fear of financial instability often leads to hasty decisions in changing jobs, driven by the desire for a perceived safer alternative. To illustrate, individuals may abandon a current job without thoroughly assessing its suitability, fearing potential financial burdens.”
  3. Quoted text: “Tending to change jobs quickly is not positive because if they tend to do more times, it makes people not devoted and not love to work. More there, it will always make them feel inconsonant any jobs. For example, if one person does not love and does not gain in their job they do not find a suitable job for themselves also not having jobs makes them feel confident. Create for myself a bad habit is not carefully thinking and being easily impacted by difficulties.”
    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: This paragraph contains relevant points but lacks clarity and cohesion. The idea of individuals becoming less devoted due to frequent job changes needs further development and clarification. Additionally, the example provided is not clear, and the connection between not loving a job and feeling confident is unclear. It would be beneficial to rephrase and provide a more concrete example. For instance, “Frequent job changes contribute to a lack of commitment and passion for work. This inconsistency may create a cycle of dissatisfaction, making individuals feel disconnected from any job they undertake. For instance, a person who continually switches jobs without finding fulfillment may struggle to identify a suitable career path, leading to a lack of confidence. This tendency to create a pattern of thoughtlessly changing jobs can become a detrimental habit, preventing individuals from carefully considering their career choices and easily succumbing to difficulties.”
    • Improved example: “Frequent job changes contribute to a lack of commitment and passion for work. This inconsistency may create a cycle of dissatisfaction, making individuals feel disconnected from any job they undertake. For instance, a person who continually switches jobs without finding fulfillment may struggle to identify a suitable career path, leading to a lack of confidence. This tendency to create a pattern of thoughtlessly changing jobs can become a detrimental habit, preventing individuals from carefully considering their career choices and easily succumbing to difficulties.”

Overall, the essay addresses the task partially, and improvements in clarity, coherence, and depth of examples would contribute to a more effective argument.

 

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion. The ideas are generally organized in a clear and logical manner, and there is a discernible overall progression in the response. The introduction presents the topic and the writer’s perspective, and subsequent paragraphs discuss the causes of the trend and provide examples to support the argument.

The use of cohesive devices is effective in connecting ideas within and between sentences, although there are instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion. For example, the phrase “Therefore appear trend tends to change jobs quickly” lacks clarity and could be revised for better coherence. Additionally, there are some issues with referencing and substitution, such as the use of “it” in “so it makes them quick decisions about their job,” which may cause confusion.

Paragraphing is utilized, but not always logically. Some paragraphs could be more clearly focused on a central topic, enhancing the overall cohesion of the essay. Despite these issues, the essay maintains a general flow, and the reader can follow the writer’s line of reasoning.

How to improve:

  1. Clarity of expression: Revise sentences for clarity, avoiding awkward phrases and ensuring that ideas are presented in a straightforward manner.
  2. Referencing and substitution: Pay careful attention to the use of pronouns to avoid confusion. Clearly specify what “it” or other pronouns refer to in each instance.
  3. Logical paragraphing: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that ideas are logically organized within paragraphs.
  4. Varied cohesive devices: While cohesive devices are used, strive for a more varied range to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

 

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary and often relies on basic vocabulary, leading to repetitive language. There are frequent errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation, which can cause strain for the reader. For example, phrases like “race with them,” “feeling inconsonant any jobs,” and “have critical work better” contain vocabulary and grammar errors. Additionally, the essay lacks sophistication in lexical features, and there is little evidence of uncommon or precise word choices. The use of language is somewhat awkward, which affects the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.

How to improve:

  1. Expand Vocabulary: To improve the essay’s Lexical Resource, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary. Incorporate more diverse and appropriate words to convey ideas more effectively.
  2. Proofread for Errors: Thoroughly proofread the essay to correct spelling and word formation errors. Ensuring accuracy in language usage is crucial.
  3. Avoid Repetition: Try to avoid repetitive phrases and expressions, as they can make the essay less engaging. Use synonyms or rephrase sentences to add variety to your writing.
  4. Practice Sentence Structure: Work on sentence structure and grammar to create more fluent and coherent sentences. Clear and well-structured sentences enhance the overall readability of the essay.

Overall, significant improvement is needed in vocabulary usage and language accuracy to reach a higher band score for Lexical Resource in an IELTS Task 2 essay.

 

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt at a variety of sentence structures, including some complex ones. However, there are frequent grammatical errors and issues with punctuation throughout the essay. The errors, though noticeable, do not entirely distort the meaning of the sentences. The vocabulary used is basic, and there is room for improvement in terms of lexical variety and precision. The overall communication is affected by the grammatical issues, causing some difficulty for the reader.

How to improve: To enhance the Grammatical Range and Accuracy, focus on improving sentence structures by incorporating a wider variety of sentence types. Pay attention to verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and the correct use of articles. Review and revise the essay for common grammatical errors and punctuation issues. Expand your vocabulary to include more precise and varied expressions. Consider seeking feedback from others to identify specific areas for improvement in grammar and punctuation.

 

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, young people often face challenges in selecting a suitable job for themselves, leading to a trend of quickly changing jobs. In my perspective, this is a negative trend that requires attention. In this essay, I will discuss the causes of this trend and provide examples to support my argument.

The world is rapidly developing, and individuals find themselves in a constant race to keep up. The pressure of life, particularly the concern about financial burdens, prompts young people to prioritize the well-being of their families and themselves. This fear of wasting time in unsuitable jobs leads them to make quick decisions about their employment.

The tendency to change jobs quickly is not positive because frequent changes can result in a lack of dedication and passion for work. Moreover, it can make individuals feel out of sync with any job they undertake. For instance, if someone is not passionate about and does not find fulfillment in their job, they struggle to identify a suitable profession, leading to a lack of confidence. Developing a habit of not carefully considering decisions and being easily influenced by difficulties is detrimental.

In conclusion, any job requires diligence and devotion. Despite the pressures of time and money, it is crucial to make informed decisions, as frequent job changes can have serious consequences. The trend of quickly changing jobs is undesirable, and efforts should be made to encourage critical thinking and better decision-making in the workforce.

 

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