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Young people who commit crimes should be treated the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Young people who commit crimes should be treated the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many individuals argue for uniform punishments for both juvenile delinquents and adult lawbreakers. This perspective is analogous to a double-edged sword, considering both favorable and unfavorable aspects. However, I firmly believe that the drawbacks it brings far outweigh the merits, and in this essay, I will elucidate my perspective on the matter.

Firstly, proponents advocating for uniform treatment of young and adult criminals contend that any leniency towards the young may serve as an incentive for juvenile offenders. Juvenile delinquents possess rights that often entail pardons, allowing them to evade responsibility for their transgressions. This, in turn, increases the likelihood of them committing crimes or becoming recidivists. One case in point is from Vietnam in 2017, where a young man, a burglar, broke into a house, accidentally killing four people in a family during the robbery. The standard punishment for such transgressions could entail capital punishment, yet he was underage at that time, receiving only an 18-year imprisonment sentence. Hence, there is a public desire for equal punishments for young offenders and adults, aiming to mitigate criminal behaviors among the youth and, concurrently, uphold the safety and security of society.

Nevertheless, I firmly believe that imposing equivalent punishments on young delinquents and adults is unjust and inappropriate in most instances due to disparities in their cognitive awareness. Teenagers are not distinctly conscious of their surroundings and are prone to impulsive criminal behavior or lawbreaking. Their wrongdoings, which I believe result from a series of unconscious actions, should be considered as the outcomes of impulsive age—where they desire to express themselves and underestimate the long-term effects that may cause on themselves and others. Unlike adults, they lack comprehensive vigilance about their society and surroundings. They also lack the experience needed to fully comprehend the consequences of their actions, and unlike adults, they lack the right to represent themselves in the court. Therefore, laws and rules designated for young criminals are absolutely appropriate for rehabilitating them to become good contributors to society.

To conclude, despite the fact that teenage criminals avoiding responsibility for their wrongdoings may pose potential risks to society, they should have their own rights and punishments designated for them to have an opportunity for rehabilitation.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Many individuals argue for uniform punishments for both juvenile delinquents and adult lawbreakers." -> "Numerous individuals advocate for consistent penalties for both juvenile delinquents and adult offenders."
    Explanation: Replacing "argue" with "advocate" and "lawbreakers" with "offenders" provides a more formal tone, aligning with academic style. It also introduces a synonym for "punishments" to enhance variety.

  2. "This perspective is analogous to a double-edged sword, considering both favorable and unfavorable aspects." -> "This standpoint resembles a double-edged sword, taking into account both advantageous and disadvantageous aspects."
    Explanation: Substituting "perspective" with "standpoint" and "considering" with "taking into account" elevates the formality of the expression, while maintaining clarity and precision.

  3. "I firmly believe that the drawbacks it brings far outweigh the merits." -> "I strongly contend that the disadvantages it entails far outweigh the benefits."
    Explanation: Replacing "firmly believe" with "strongly contend" and "brings" with "entails" contributes to a more assertive and formal language style. It also substitutes "merits" with "benefits" for variety.

  4. "and in this essay, I will elucidate my perspective on the matter." -> "In this essay, I will elucidate my stance on the matter."
    Explanation: Eliminating the redundant phrase "and in this essay" and replacing "perspective" with "stance" enhances conciseness and formality without sacrificing clarity.

  5. "proponents advocating for uniform treatment of young and adult criminals" -> "proponents advocating for uniform treatment of juvenile and adult offenders"
    Explanation: Replacing "young and adult criminals" with "juvenile and adult offenders" simplifies the expression without loss of specificity, aligning better with academic precision.

  6. "leniency towards the young" -> "leniency towards juveniles"
    Explanation: Substituting "the young" with "juveniles" maintains formality while offering a more precise and commonly used term for this context.

  7. "case in point is from Vietnam in 2017" -> "illustrative example comes from Vietnam in 2017"
    Explanation: Replacing "case in point is" with "illustrative example comes" adds variety to the language and maintains a formal tone.

  8. "the outcomes of impulsive age" -> "the consequences of impulsive behavior typical of their age"
    Explanation: Replacing "outcomes of impulsive age" with "consequences of impulsive behavior typical of their age" provides a more precise and formal description of the situation.

  9. "laws and rules designated for young criminals" -> "laws and regulations tailored for juvenile offenders"
    Explanation: Substituting "young criminals" with "juvenile offenders" and "designated for" with "tailored for" improves precision and formality in expressing the concept.

  10. "contributors to society." -> "contributors to societal well-being."
    Explanation: Expanding "society" to "societal well-being" adds nuance and formality to the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the question. It introduces the topic, presents a clear stance, and elaborates on both favorable and unfavorable aspects. The use of a specific example (Vietnam in 2017) adds depth to the argument.
    • How to improve: While the essay provides a comprehensive response, consider further expanding on the potential drawbacks of treating young offenders the same as adults. This could strengthen the analysis and demonstrate a nuanced understanding of the topic.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout. The writer firmly believes that equivalent punishments for young and adult criminals are unjust, and this perspective is evident in each paragraph.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, ensure that the thesis statement explicitly reflects the stance taken in the essay. This can reinforce the reader’s understanding of the author’s position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The ideas are well-presented, and the essay successfully extends and supports its arguments. The use of the Vietnam example, discussing the potential consequences of leniency for young offenders, and emphasizing their cognitive disparities enhances the depth of the essay.
    • How to improve: While the essay is strong, consider incorporating additional examples or data to further support the claims. This could strengthen the overall persuasiveness of the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively stays on topic, discussing the treatment of young criminals compared to adults. There are no significant deviations from the prompt.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the central theme. Avoid unnecessary details or tangential discussions that may distract from the main argument.

In summary, this essay is well-structured and effectively addresses the prompt. To further improve, consider expanding on potential drawbacks, reinforcing the clarity of the thesis statement, incorporating additional examples or data, and ensuring each paragraph directly contributes to the central theme.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organizational structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction provides a preview of the author’s stance, and the subsequent paragraphs follow a logical sequence to support this stance. The use of transitional phrases, such as "Firstly" and "Nevertheless," aids in guiding the reader through the argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining the thesis statement to provide a more concise overview of the main points. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to a coherent flow.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs, each dedicated to a distinct idea or argument. However, there is room for improvement in the structure of some paragraphs, such as the second one, which could benefit from clearer topic sentences to guide the reader.
    • How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. Additionally, ensure a smooth transition between paragraphs to maintain the overall coherence of the essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay incorporates cohesive devices, including transitional phrases ("Firstly," "Nevertheless," "To conclude") and pronouns ("this perspective," "it brings," "my perspective"). However, there is limited use of more advanced cohesive devices, such as parallelism and varied sentence structures.
    • How to improve: Broaden the use of cohesive devices by incorporating parallel structures within and between sentences. This can enhance the overall flow and coherence of the essay. Additionally, consider using a wider range of linking words to establish stronger connections between ideas and arguments.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a commendable level of coherence and cohesion with a well-organized structure. To further improve, focus on refining the thesis statement, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices to elevate the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably broad vocabulary, incorporating a mix of general and more specific terms related to the topic. For instance, phrases such as "double-edged sword," "recidivists," and "cognitive awareness" indicate a conscious effort to diversify language use.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of vocabulary further, consider incorporating more advanced synonyms or expressions in key areas. For instance, instead of repeatedly using the term "young criminals," try alternatives like "adolescent offenders" or "juveniles."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision. However, there are instances where more specific terms could enhance clarity. For example, in the phrase "where they desire to express themselves," a more precise term like "seeking self-expression" would provide a clearer understanding.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to the context and choose vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. In areas where precision is crucial, consider consulting a thesaurus to identify more nuanced alternatives.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is mostly accurate, with minimal errors observed. However, a careful review would help address occasional lapses, such as "pardon" instead of "pardon" and "transgressions" instead of "transgressions."
    • How to improve: Prioritize a thorough proofreading process to catch and rectify any spelling errors. Utilize spell-check tools and consider seeking feedback from others to ensure the highest level of accuracy.

In summary, the essay exhibits a commendable use of vocabulary, with room for improvement in terms of both variety and precision. The overall spelling is accurate, but a meticulous review would enhance the essay’s linguistic quality. Keep refining language choices to convey ideas with utmost clarity and sophistication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, enhancing overall readability. Complex sentences, compound sentences, and varied sentence lengths are effectively employed throughout the essay. For instance, the use of a complex sentence is evident in the following sentence: "This perspective is analogous to a double-edged sword, considering both favorable and unfavorable aspects." This sentence structure adds depth to the expression of ideas.
    • How to improve: To further enhance sentence variety, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences. This can be achieved by combining ideas in a way that maintains clarity while offering a more intricate structure. Additionally, consider using parallelism to create a more polished and sophisticated flow in certain sections.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy. Verb conjugations, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure are well-executed. Punctuation is used effectively, with appropriate comma placement and clear sentence boundaries. However, there are a few instances where sentence structures could be refined for greater clarity, such as the sentence: "Teenagers are not distinctly conscious of their surroundings and are prone to impulsive criminal behavior or lawbreaking." It might benefit from rephrasing for smoother readability.
    • How to improve: To refine grammatical accuracy, pay particular attention to sentence structures that might be slightly convoluted or where the intended meaning could be clarified. In the mentioned sentence, consider rephrasing to improve the flow: "Teenagers, lacking distinct consciousness of their surroundings, are prone to impulsive criminal behavior or lawbreaking." Additionally, proofread for any minor grammatical errors or typos that might be present.

In summary, the essay exhibits a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, with well-crafted sentence structures contributing to its overall coherence. Minor refinements in sentence construction and proofreading for clarity will further elevate the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Numerous individuals advocate for consistent penalties for both juvenile delinquents and adult offenders. This standpoint resembles a double-edged sword, taking into account both advantageous and disadvantageous aspects. I strongly contend that the disadvantages it entails far outweigh the benefits. In this essay, I will elucidate my stance on the matter.

Firstly, proponents advocating for uniform treatment of juvenile and adult offenders argue that any leniency towards the young may serve as an incentive for juvenile offenders. Juvenile delinquents possess rights that often entail pardons, allowing them to evade responsibility for their transgressions. This, in turn, increases the likelihood of them committing crimes or becoming recidivists. An illustrative example comes from Vietnam in 2017, where a young man, a burglar, broke into a house, accidentally killing four people in a family during the robbery. The standard punishment for such transgressions could entail capital punishment, yet he was underage at that time, receiving only an 18-year imprisonment sentence. Hence, there is a public desire for equal punishments for young offenders and adults, aiming to mitigate criminal behaviors among the youth and, concurrently, uphold the safety and security of society.

Nevertheless, I firmly believe that imposing equivalent punishments on young delinquents and adults is unjust and inappropriate in most instances due to disparities in their cognitive awareness. Teenagers are not distinctly conscious of their surroundings and are prone to impulsive criminal behavior or lawbreaking. Their wrongdoings, which I believe result from a series of unconscious actions, should be considered as the outcomes of impulsive age—where they desire to express themselves and underestimate the long-term effects that may cause on themselves and others. Unlike adults, they lack comprehensive vigilance about their society and surroundings. They also lack the experience needed to fully comprehend the consequences of their actions, and unlike adults, they lack the right to represent themselves in the court. Therefore, laws and rules designated for young criminals are absolutely appropriate for rehabilitating them to become good contributors to society.

In conclusion, despite the fact that teenage criminals avoiding responsibility for their wrongdoings may pose potential risks to society, they should have their own rights and punishments designated for them to have an opportunity for rehabilitation.

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