The pie chart provides information about various favorite activities during the summer holiday of 100 students at a secondary school in the UK. Write a report to describe data in the chart.

The pie chart provides information about various favorite activities during the summer holiday of 100 students at a secondary school in the UK. The percentage of students going to the beach is highest, at 33%. The second popular activities is swimming at the town pool, at 27%. Furthermore, the percentage of students who are go biking and go surfing is the same, just 13% and 15%. Besides, just 8% of students go hiking. The lowest percenatge is watching movie, specifically, with 4%. As can be seen from the table, going to the beach is the most popular activities during the summer holiday of students. Overall, the outdoor activities are popular.

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Errors and Improvements:

"activities is" -> "activities are"
Explanation: The subject "activities" is plural, so the verb should also be plural. Using "activities are" ensures subject-verb agreement in formal language.
"who are go biking" -> "who go biking"
Explanation: The phrase "who are go biking" is grammatically incorrect. The correct form is "who go biking" for a more concise and grammatically accurate expression.
"percetage" -> "percentage"
Explanation: There is a typo in the word "percetage." The correct term is "percentage," maintaining proper spelling and formality.
"watching movie" -> "watching movies"
Explanation: "Watching movie" should be corrected to "watching movies" to use the correct plural form and maintain grammatical accuracy.
"just" (repeated) -> "only"
Explanation: The use of "just" twice in close proximity is redundant. Replacing one instance with "only" maintains clarity and avoids repetition.
"As can be seen from the table" -> "As depicted in the chart"
Explanation: The phrase "As can be seen from the table" is a common expression but can be refined for academic writing. Substituting it with "As depicted in the chart" maintains clarity and adds a more formal touch.
"activities" -> "recreational activities"
Explanation: Adding the adjective "recreational" before "activities" provides a more specific and formal description, enhancing the precision of the statement.
"Overall, the outdoor activities are popular" -> "In summary, outdoor activities are widely favored."
Explanation: The phrase "Overall, the outdoor activities are popular" is a bit simplistic. The suggested alternative provides a more sophisticated and academically appropriate conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay briefly mentions each activity presented in the pie chart but lacks a detailed analysis. There is a general overview, but the essay does not delve into specifics, missing opportunities to provide more insight into each activity. For instance, there is no mention of the specific percentages associated with activities like biking, surfing, and hiking.
- How to improve: To enhance task response, provide a more detailed analysis of each activity. Explicitly mention the percentages associated with biking, surfing, hiking, and watching movies. This will demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the data and fulfill the requirement of describing the information in the chart more thoroughly.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a relatively clear position by highlighting that going to the beach is the most popular activity, supported by its 33% prevalence. However, the overall stance could be strengthened by connecting each activity to the overarching theme of outdoor activities being popular. The last sentence tries to conclude the essay, but the connection between outdoor activities and popularity needs to be reinforced.
- How to improve: To strengthen the position, explicitly link each mentioned activity to the theme of outdoor activities being popular. Use transitions to connect the individual activities to the overarching theme, providing a more coherent and unified stance throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay briefly presents the information from the pie chart, mentioning the percentages associated with each activity. However, there is a lack of extension and support for ideas. For instance, the essay mentions that going to the beach is the most popular activity but does not explore why this might be the case or provide additional context.
- How to improve: To improve idea presentation, extend each point by providing more context or reasons behind the popularity of each activity. For example, explore why going to the beach is the most favored activity and provide additional insights or factors contributing to its popularity. This will enhance the depth of the essay and provide a more thorough analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the various activities mentioned in the pie chart. However, there are minor language issues, such as the use of "percetage" instead of "percentage." These do not significantly deviate from the topic but may impact overall clarity.
- How to improve: To stay more precisely on topic, carefully proofread the essay for minor language issues and correct them. Ensure that the terminology used is accurate, maintaining a high level of clarity and professionalism in the presentation of data.

In summary, while the essay provides a basic overview of the information in the pie chart, there is room for improvement in addressing each checklist item. Enhancing the detail, coherence, depth, and precision of language will contribute to a more comprehensive and effective response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. The introduction provides a clear overview of the data, and the body paragraphs follow a sequential order by presenting activities in descending order of popularity. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, as there are abrupt shifts between activity percentages without clear connections.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using cohesive devices to connect ideas more smoothly. For example, use transitional phrases to indicate relationships between activities or employ a thematic progression that logically connects one idea to the next.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to present different activities, but their structure is somewhat inconsistent. Some paragraphs focus on a single activity, while others combine multiple activities in a single paragraph. This affects the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and focuses on a single main idea. Divide paragraphs more consistently to create a better-structured essay. For instance, have separate paragraphs for each activity to enhance clarity and organization.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses basic cohesive devices such as enumeration (e.g., "firstly," "secondly") to indicate the order of activities. However, there is a lack of diverse cohesive devices, such as pronouns, conjunctions, or transitional expressions, which could enhance the overall coherence.
- How to improve: Introduce a variety of cohesive devices to improve the overall coherence. For instance, use pronouns like "these" or "those" to refer back to previously mentioned activities. Additionally, consider using conjunctions (e.g., "furthermore," "besides") to establish connections between sentences and ideas.

In summary, while the essay effectively presents the data, there is room for improvement in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of diverse cohesive devices. Implementing these suggestions will contribute to a more coherent and cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a fairly adequate range of vocabulary, with varied terms such as "going to the beach," "swimming at the town pool," "biking," "surfing," "hiking," and "watching movies." However, there is room for improvement as some repetition occurs with phrases like "the percentage of students" and "the most popular activities." Additionally, the essay could benefit from incorporating more specific and vivid descriptive words to enhance the richness of the language.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms and more descriptive adjectives. For instance, instead of repeating "the percentage of students," use alternatives like "the proportion of pupils" or "the share of adolescents." To add depth, incorporate adjectives that vividly describe the activities, such as "invigorating swimming" or "scenic biking."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The usage of vocabulary is generally precise, with clear expressions of activities. However, there are instances of imprecise language, like the repetitive use of "is" in phrases such as "The second popular activities is swimming" and "The lowest percenatge is watching movie, specifically, with 4%." Additionally, the phrase "The lowest percenatge" contains a spelling error.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, carefully structure sentences to avoid unnecessary repetition. In the mentioned examples, consider revising to "The second most popular activity is swimming" and "The lowest percentage is for watching movies, specifically at 4%." Proofread for spelling errors, replacing "percetnage" with "percentage."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay has some spelling errors, such as "percenatge" instead of "percentage." These errors, while minor, impact the overall impression of language proficiency.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, proofread the essay carefully before submission. Consider utilizing spelling and grammar tools available in word processing software to catch and correct errors. Pay close attention to commonly misspelled words, such as "percentage," to enhance overall spelling precision.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures. Simple sentences are predominantly used, but there is an attempt at incorporating more complex structures, such as the use of comparative structures ("The second popular activities is swimming…") and parallel structures ("The lowest percentage is watching movie, specifically, with 4%"). However, more sophistication in sentence structures, such as compound and complex sentences, would enhance the overall fluency and coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve the range of structures, consider integrating a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. Vary sentence lengths to create a more engaging rhythm. For instance, instead of relying solely on straightforward statements, experiment with subordinating conjunctions to introduce dependent clauses, adding depth to your sentences.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays noticeable grammatical issues, including subject-verb agreement ("The second popular activities is swimming…") and article usage ("The lowest percenatge is watching movie"). There are also punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences and inconsistent use of capitalization. These inaccuracies impact the overall clarity and precision of the essay.
- How to improve: Carefully review subject-verb agreements and article usage. Proofread for punctuation errors, ensuring consistency in capitalization and proper comma placement. Consider seeking assistance in identifying and correcting these specific grammatical issues. Additionally, paying attention to detail during the editing process can significantly enhance the grammatical accuracy of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided pie chart furnishes information regarding the favorite activities of 100 students at a secondary school in the UK during their summer holidays. The highest percentage of students, constituting 33%, engage in beach-related activities. Following closely, the second most popular pursuit involves swimming at the town pool, with a percentage of 27%. Moreover, an equal percentage of students, accounting for 13% each, partake in biking and surfing. In addition, a modest 8% of students opt for hiking, while the lowest percentage, standing at 4%, is allocated to watching movies.

As depicted in the chart, beach-related activities stand out as the predominant choice among students during their summer break. In summary, outdoor activities are widely favored, with the majority of students opting for beach-related and swimming activities, indicating a preference for recreational pursuits during the holiday season.