Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is believed that heavy principle for traffic violation is a crucial way to minimize road side collision. In my opinion, although the heavy fine is a good way, different solutions can bring far greater benefits to froster traffic security.
One the one hand, some people might argue that strict punishments can keep driving infraction to a minimum. The heavy laws about driving carefully can act as a deterrent to decrease the number of accidents on the streets.These laws also create discipline for citizen participating in traffic everyday. In addition, the government can impose heavy fine such as imprisonment, capital punishment or death penalty on individuals who violate traffic laws seriously and repeatedly. For example, in Singapore, the government increased penalties to long prison terms for traffic law violators. Thanks to this laws, traffic in Singapore has become stable and there are few accidents.
On the other hand, there are more convincing reasons why I believed that other ways can better traffic safety. One of those ways is to educate and teach people more and more traffic laws, letting them know about fines and prison sentences for serious violations. Furthermore, the government can increase the difficulty of the driving test to select drivers participating in traffic safely. Besides, if we invest more in public transportation and attract more people to use buses, trains, and subways, it will reduce traffic congestion, accidents, and drunk driving or driving too fast. In Korea and Japan, for example, they prioritize using buses and trains to get around instead of motorbikes or bicycles. Therefore, traffic in their country rarely has traffic jams and collisions.
In conclusion, despite imposing heavy punishment to cut down violent traffic, I think other method such as education and public transport improvement are better and more effective.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"heavy principle for traffic violation" -> "stringent penalties for traffic violations"
Explanation: The phrase "heavy principle" is unclear and unnatural in this context. "Stringent penalties" is more precise and appropriate for an academic tone, and "violations" should be plural to match the general reference.
"minimize road side collision" -> "reduce roadside collisions"
Explanation: "Minimize" is less commonly used in this context than "reduce," which is more natural and appropriate. "Road side" should be one word, "roadside," and "collision" should be plural to match the general discussion.
"froster traffic security" -> "enhance traffic safety"
Explanation: "Froster" is not a recognized English word in this context, making "enhance traffic safety" a more accurate and formal alternative.
"One the one hand" -> "On the one hand"
Explanation: This appears to be a typographical error. Correcting it to "On the one hand" maintains the formal structure of presenting contrasting points.
"heavy laws about driving carefully" -> "stringent regulations for cautious driving"
Explanation: "Heavy laws" is an unclear and informal expression. "Stringent regulations" is more precise and formal, and "for cautious driving" clearly states the purpose of the regulations.
"create discipline for citizen participating in traffic everyday" -> "foster discipline among citizens who participate in traffic daily"
Explanation: "Create discipline for citizen" is awkward and unclear. "Foster discipline among citizens" is more natural and formal, and "who participate in traffic daily" clarifies the subject.
"heavy fine such as imprisonment, capital punishment or death penalty" -> "severe penalties such as imprisonment or even the death penalty"
Explanation: "Heavy fine" is incorrect when referring to imprisonment or death. "Severe penalties" is more accurate and encompasses a broader range of punishments. Note that "capital punishment" and "death penalty" are synonymous, so only one should be used for clarity and conciseness.
"Thanks to this laws" -> "Owing to these laws"
Explanation: "Thanks to" is somewhat informal for academic writing. "Owing to" is more formal. Also, "this" should be "these" to agree in number with "laws."
"I believed" -> "I believe"
Explanation: The use of past tense "believed" is incorrect in this context as the author is stating their current opinion. "I believe" is the correct present tense form.
"better traffic safety" -> "improve traffic safety"
Explanation: "Better" as a verb is less formal and can be unclear. "Improve traffic safety" is more direct and suitable for an academic tone.
"more and more traffic laws" -> "an increasing number of traffic laws"
Explanation: "More and more" is informal and lacks precision. "An increasing number of" is more formal and clear.
"cut down violent traffic" -> "reduce traffic violence"
Explanation: "Cut down" is somewhat informal and "violent traffic" is an awkward phrasing. "Reduce traffic violence" is clearer and more formal.
"other method such as" -> "other methods, such as"
Explanation: "Method" should be plural to match the context of suggesting multiple strategies. Adding a comma before "such as" improves the sentence flow and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument as outlined in the prompt. It discusses the effectiveness of strict punishments for driving offenses and presents alternative measures for improving road safety. The author’s opinion is also clearly stated.
- How to improve: While the essay does cover both perspectives, the analysis could be further enhanced by providing more specific examples and statistics to support the arguments presented. Additionally, ensuring a more balanced discussion of the two viewpoints would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author’s position is evident throughout the essay. They express a preference for alternative methods such as education and public transport improvement over strict punishments for driving offenses.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, the author could explicitly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion for emphasis. Additionally, maintaining consistency in presenting supporting arguments would strengthen the clarity of the stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the effectiveness of strict punishments and alternative measures for improving road safety. Examples such as the implementation of heavy penalties in Singapore and the prioritization of public transportation in Korea and Japan are provided to support the arguments.
- How to improve: To extend and support ideas further, the author could delve into more depth regarding the potential impact of each proposed solution. Providing additional evidence or real-life case studies would strengthen the argumentation and enhance the essay’s persuasiveness.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing various measures for improving road safety, including the effectiveness of strict punishments and alternative solutions.
- How to improve: To ensure a tighter focus on the topic, the author should avoid tangential discussions and maintain a clear connection to the prompt throughout the essay. Providing more explicit links between each point and its relevance to road safety would strengthen the coherence of the response.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear position, there is room for improvement in providing more comprehensive analysis, supporting ideas with stronger evidence, and maintaining a tighter focus on the topic. Incorporating these suggestions would enhance the overall quality and effectiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a coherent structure by presenting both viewpoints on the effectiveness of strict punishments for driving offenses and offering the author’s opinion. Each viewpoint is clearly delineated in separate paragraphs, providing a logical progression of ideas.
- How to improve: While the overall structure is logical, there are areas where clarity could be enhanced. To improve, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that there is a smooth transition between paragraphs. Additionally, consider providing a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to guide the reader through the essay’s argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to separate different aspects of the argument. Each paragraph addresses a specific point, such as the benefits of strict punishments or alternative measures for improving road safety.
- How to improve: To further enhance paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. Additionally, strive for coherence within paragraphs by using appropriate transitions to connect sentences and ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, including transitional phrases ("On the one hand," "On the other hand," "In conclusion") and cohesive conjunctions ("Furthermore," "Besides"). These devices help to connect ideas and improve the flow of the essay.
- How to improve: While cohesive devices are utilized, their effectiveness could be enhanced by using a wider range of transitions and conjunctions. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay to maintain coherence and cohesion.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing information, utilizing paragraphs, and employing cohesive devices to convey the argument. To improve coherence and cohesion further, focus on enhancing clarity through improved transitions, clearer topic sentences, and consistent use of cohesive devices.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating diverse terms such as "principle," "froster," "infraction," "deterrent," "imprisonment," "capital punishment," "collisions," "prioritize," and more. These vocabulary choices contribute to the depth of the argument and enhance the overall lexical variety of the essay.
- How to improve: While the essay already showcases a broad vocabulary, further enhancement could be achieved by incorporating more nuanced synonyms or exploring alternative phrasings to avoid repetition. Additionally, integrating domain-specific terminology related to traffic management and safety could elevate the lexical richness of the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally precise use of vocabulary, effectively conveying ideas without ambiguity. For instance, terms like "heavy fine," "long prison terms," and "public transportation" are employed accurately to convey specific meanings within the context of traffic safety discussions.
- How to improve: To further enhance precision, ensure consistency in the application of vocabulary throughout the essay. Additionally, be cautious of potentially ambiguous terms or phrases that may obscure the intended message. Strive for clarity by choosing words that accurately convey the intended meaning in the context of the essay.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a moderate level of spelling accuracy. While most words are spelled correctly, there are instances of misspellings such as "principle" instead of "penalty," "froster" instead of "foster," and "imprisonment" instead of "imprisonment." These errors, though relatively minor, slightly detract from the overall coherence and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-checking tools or proofreading the essay carefully before submission. Additionally, actively practice spelling commonly used words and pay attention to their correct spellings during writing tasks. Developing a habit of double-checking spelling can significantly mitigate errors and enhance the overall quality of written work.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. There is an attempt to vary sentence beginnings and structures, but some sentences lack complexity and may appear repetitive. For example, the essay frequently begins sentences with "One the one hand" and "On the other hand," which could be diversified for better flow and sophistication.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, try incorporating more complex sentence patterns such as using subordinate clauses, participial phrases, or relative clauses. Additionally, vary transition phrases to avoid repetition and maintain reader engagement. For instance, instead of consistently starting new points with "One the one hand" and "On the other hand," experiment with alternatives like "Furthermore," "Moreover," "In contrast," etc.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate grammar and punctuation, but there are instances of errors throughout the text. These errors include subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., "It is believed that heavy principle…"), incorrect verb tense usage (e.g., "On the one hand, some people might argue"), and missing articles (e.g., "a deterrent to decrease the number of accidents"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors such as missing commas before introductory phrases and inconsistent capitalization.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure consistency in verb tense usage. Proofreading for missing articles and punctuation errors, particularly commas, can help enhance clarity and readability. Additionally, consider reviewing grammar resources or seeking feedback from peers to address specific areas of improvement. Practice writing sentences with correct grammar and punctuation to reinforce learning and develop stronger writing skills.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates proficiency in grammar and sentence structure, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy. By incorporating a wider range of sentence patterns and refining grammar and punctuation skills, the essay can achieve greater clarity, coherence, and sophistication, ultimately leading to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is believed that imposing stringent penalties for traffic violations is a crucial strategy in reducing roadside collisions. In my opinion, while heavy fines are indeed beneficial, alternative measures can significantly enhance traffic safety.

On the one hand, some argue that strict punishments serve as a deterrent to minimize driving infractions. Stringent regulations for cautious driving can instill discipline among citizens who participate in traffic daily. Additionally, the government can impose severe penalties, such as imprisonment or even the death penalty, on individuals who repeatedly violate traffic laws. For instance, Singapore has implemented stringent laws, leading to stable traffic conditions and fewer accidents.

On the other hand, there are more convincing reasons why I believe that other methods can better improve traffic safety. Educating people about traffic laws and the consequences of violating them can be highly effective. Furthermore, increasing the difficulty of the driving test can ensure that only safe drivers participate in traffic. Moreover, investing in public transportation and encouraging its use can reduce traffic congestion, accidents, and instances of drunk driving or speeding. Countries like Korea and Japan prioritize public transport, resulting in minimal traffic jams and collisions.

In conclusion, while imposing heavy punishments is one approach to reducing traffic violence, I believe that other methods, such as education and improving public transportation, are more effective in enhancing road safety.