The diagrams give information about changes in a student accommodation building.

The provided diagrams illustrate the changes made to a student accommodation building from 2010 to the present day.

From an overall perspective, it is clear that the residence hall has undergone several significant modifications, with the most notable change being the expansion of a student bedroom into the garden area.

Starting at the main entrance, one can observe that the first student bedroom and bathroom on the left hallway have remained unchanged over the period. At the end of the hallway, there is now an en-suite room, constructed in the current time frame, situated close to the second student bedroom. This bedroom has now been linked with the kitchen, which currently serves as a social space.

To the north of the diagram, a triple student bedroom has been introduced, made possible by repurposing the living room and utilizing vacant land previously intended for gardening. In the southern part of this area, a car parking space has been developed, replacing the former garden. Additionally, the student accommodation is now encircled by the garden

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"From an overall perspective" -> "Taking an overarching view"
Explanation: "From an overall perspective" is a common phrase, but using "Taking an overarching view" adds sophistication and variety to the language while maintaining the same meaning.
"the most notable change being" -> "the predominant alteration being"
Explanation: "the most notable change being" is somewhat repetitive and could benefit from a more varied expression. "the predominant alteration being" provides a more advanced alternative while retaining clarity.
"one can observe" -> "it is evident"
Explanation: "one can observe" is somewhat passive and could be replaced with a more assertive phrase like "it is evident," which maintains clarity while enhancing the language’s formality.
"currently serves as" -> "currently functions as"
Explanation: "serves as" is adequate, but "functions as" adds a touch of sophistication to the language.
"made possible by repurposing" -> "facilitated by repurposing"
Explanation: "made possible by" is a bit common; "facilitated by" adds a more advanced and formal tone.
"utilizing vacant land previously intended for gardening" -> "utilizing vacant land initially designated for gardening"
Explanation: "previously intended for gardening" could be replaced with "initially designated for gardening" to convey a clearer sense of the land’s original purpose.
"car parking space" -> "parking facility"
Explanation: "car parking space" is slightly redundant; "parking facility" is a more concise and sophisticated term.
"encircled by" -> "surrounded by"
Explanation: "encircled by" is clear, but "surrounded by" is a more common and slightly more formal expression.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the changes in the student accommodation building from 2010 to the present. Key features, such as the expansion of a student bedroom into the garden area, the introduction of an en-suite room, and the repurposing of living spaces for additional bedrooms, are clearly presented and highlighted. However, some details could be more fully extended, and there is room for improvement in providing additional supporting data or elaborating on the significance of the changes.
How to improve: To enhance the response and potentially achieve a higher band score, consider providing more specific details about the modifications, such as dimensions, capacities, or the impact of the changes on student living conditions. Additionally, ensure that all key features are thoroughly addressed and avoid focusing too much on minor details that may detract from the overall clarity of the overview. Remember to maintain a clear and logical structure throughout the essay.
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Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression. It effectively introduces the changes in the student accommodation building over time, starting with a general overview and then detailing specific modifications. However, cohesion within and/or between sentences may be somewhat mechanical, lacking fluidity at times. Some areas could benefit from clearer referencing and better transition between ideas.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on creating smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that the progression of ideas is seamless, avoiding abrupt shifts in topic. Use cohesive devices more effectively to connect ideas logically throughout the essay. Additionally, pay attention to referencing to ensure clarity and coherence in the presentation of information. Lastly, make sure that the use of paragraphing is logical and consistent, with each paragraph clearly presenting a central topic related to the overall theme of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering various aspects of the changes in the student accommodation building. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, such as "repurposing," "encircled," and "vacant land," which adds some depth to the description. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied and sophisticated to enhance precision and clarity. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "student bedroom," alternative phrases like "dormitory" or "residential unit" could be employed. There are also minor errors in word choice, such as "constructed in the current time frame" which could be improved for clarity. Despite these shortcomings, the vocabulary usage generally facilitates communication effectively.

How to improve: To elevate the lexical resource, incorporate a broader range of vocabulary, especially more sophisticated and precise terms. Utilize synonyms and varied expressions to avoid repetition. Proofread the essay to correct minor errors in word choice, ensuring clarity and coherence throughout the text. Additionally, strive for consistency in terminology and refine phrasing to enhance fluency and coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. It effectively communicates the changes in the student accommodation building, utilizing descriptive language and a variety of sentence structures. However, there are some errors in grammar and punctuation, such as missing commas and awkward phrasing, which occasionally disrupt the flow of the essay. These errors do not significantly hinder comprehension but indicate a need for improvement.

How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to punctuation, ensuring proper usage of commas and other punctuation marks. Additionally, revising sentence structures to ensure clarity and coherence can further improve the overall quality of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagrams depict the alterations made to a student accommodation building between 2010 and the present day.

Overall, it is evident that the residence hall has undergone significant changes, most notably the expansion of a student bedroom into the garden area.

Beginning at the main entrance, the first student bedroom and bathroom on the left hallway have remained unchanged throughout the period. However, at the end of the hallway, an en-suite room has been added in the current timeframe, adjacent to the second student bedroom. This bedroom has also been connected to the kitchen, which now functions as a communal area.

Moving to the northern part of the building, a triple student bedroom has been created by repurposing the living room and utilizing previously unused land designated for gardening. In the southern area, the former garden has been replaced with a car parking space. Additionally, the student accommodation is now surrounded by the garden.