Youth unemployment is becoming increasingly problematic in many parts of the world. Why are younger individuals struggling to find work? Suggest potential solutions to this growing issue.

To begin with, there are two major causes of why the amount of youth unemployment is becoming increasingly problematic in many parts of the world.
Let's list some reasons why younger individuals are struggling to find work. First, in periods of economic downturn or recession, job opportunities decrease, and younger individuals, often with less experience, may be the first to be laid off or the last to be hired. Individuals with a high level of education and extensive work experience who often win selections are the ones with many years of life. Second, The old education system in some regions may not align with the demands of the modern job market, leaving graduates with skills that aren't directly applicable to available jobs. Many individuals invest a lot of money in their college years but cannot apply the knowledge they have been taught to real-life situations encountered at work or even have advanced degrees but do not have the opportunity to work. Because people couldn't find a company that wanted to hire a position for that degree. Many job vacancies require previous experience, which creates a catch-22 for young job seekers who need a job to gain experience but need experience to get a job. How can people apply for a position that requires 20 years of professional experience when they just graduated from college at the age of 22. That is impossible.
What are the potential solutions to this growing issue? People could offering vocational and technical training programs can provide youth with market-relevant skills, bridging the gap between education and employment needs. That helps individuals apply the knowledge they have learned to work. Encouraging businesses to offer apprenticeships can give young individuals practical experience and a foot in the door. That can help solve the problem of work experience when individuals can simultaneously work and accumulate experience at the same time, connect employers with potential young employees, facilitate the hiring process. Companies can also consider retaining individuals through the internship process. elite or eliminate incompetent individuals.
In conclusion, the causes of Youth unemployment are high recruitment conditions and he old education system in some regions may not align with the demands of the modern job market, while the possible measures worth considering may include facilitate internships for individuals and improve training programs

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Errors and Improvements:

"To begin with, there are two major causes of why" -> "Initially, two primary reasons contribute to"
Explanation: The phrase "To begin with, there are two major causes of why" is somewhat redundant and informal. The suggested replacement streamlines the sentence and elevates the formality.
"the amount of youth unemployment" -> "the rate of youth unemployment"
Explanation: "Amount" is not the correct term for describing unemployment rates. "Rate" is the appropriate term in economic contexts.
"Let’s list some reasons" -> "This discussion enumerates several reasons"
Explanation: "Let’s list some reasons" is too informal for academic writing. The suggested phrase is more formal and appropriate for an academic essay.
"younger individuals" -> "younger individuals"
Explanation: While "younger individuals" is not incorrect, "young individuals" is more concise and equally formal.
"the old education system" -> "outdated educational systems"
Explanation: "The old education system" sounds informal and vague. "Outdated educational systems" is more specific and academically appropriate.
"aren’t directly applicable" -> "are not directly applicable"
Explanation: Contractions like "aren’t" are too informal for academic writing. Expanding contractions enhances formality.
"Because people couldn’t find a company" -> "This occurs because individuals cannot find companies"
Explanation: "Because people couldn’t find a company" is informal and lacks clarity. The suggested revision is more formal and precise.
"How can people apply" -> "It is implausible for individuals to apply"
Explanation: The original question format is informal and rhetorical. The suggested statement is more formal and declarative, fitting the academic style.
"People could offering vocational" -> "Offering vocational"
Explanation: "People could offering vocational" is grammatically incorrect and informal. The correction simplifies and corrects the sentence structure.
"That helps individuals apply" -> "This approach enables individuals to apply"
Explanation: "That helps individuals apply" is informal and vague. "This approach enables individuals to apply" is more formal and clear.
"That can help solve the problem" -> "This strategy can address the issue"
Explanation: "That can help solve the problem" is informal. "This strategy can address the issue" is more precise and academically appropriate.
"elite or eliminate incompetent individuals" -> "retain or remove underperforming individuals"
Explanation: "Elite" is misused, and the phrase is informal. "Retain or remove underperforming individuals" is clearer and more formal.
"the causes of Youth unemployment are high recruitment conditions and he old education system" -> "the causes of youth unemployment include stringent recruitment criteria and outdated educational systems"
Explanation: The original sentence contains a typographical error ("he") and uses informal phrasing. The suggested revision corrects these issues and employs more precise language.
"while the possible measures worth considering may include facilitate internships for individuals and improve training programs" -> "while potential solutions may involve facilitating internships for individuals and enhancing training programs"
Explanation: The original sentence is awkwardly phrased and somewhat informal. The suggested revision is more concise and uses more formal vocabulary.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Task Response: 9

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the prompt, discussing the reasons for youth unemployment and suggesting potential solutions. It identifies economic downturns and mismatches between education and job market demands as causes, and proposes vocational training, apprenticeships, and internships as solutions.
- How to improve: While the essay covers the required elements, it could benefit from further elaboration on each point. Providing more detailed examples or statistics to support the arguments would enhance the depth of analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently asserting that youth unemployment arises from economic factors and educational disparities. The solutions proposed align with this stance.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, ensure that each paragraph reinforces the main position explicitly. This could involve restating the thesis or topic sentence in each paragraph to reinforce the essay’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, extending them with examples such as the impact of economic downturns and the need for practical experience through apprenticeships. However, some ideas could be further developed, such as elaborating on the benefits of vocational training and internships.
- How to improve: To improve idea presentation and extension, delve deeper into each proposed solution. Explain not only what the solutions are but also how they effectively address the problem of youth unemployment. Providing real-life examples or case studies could strengthen this aspect.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, addressing both the causes of youth unemployment and potential solutions. However, there are minor instances where the discussion deviates, such as the brief mention of retaining individuals through internships, which could be more directly linked to the main theme.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that every point made directly relates to the central theme of youth unemployment. Avoid introducing tangential ideas that do not contribute substantially to the discussion.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and provides relevant insights into the causes of youth unemployment and potential solutions, there is room for improvement in terms of depth of analysis, clarity of position, development of ideas, and maintaining focus. By incorporating these suggestions, the essay can further enhance its coherence and persuasiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with distinct introduction, body, and conclusion sections. The introduction sets up the discussion by identifying two major causes of youth unemployment, while the body paragraphs elaborate on each cause and provide potential solutions. However, the development of ideas within paragraphs lacks depth and coherence. For instance, the explanation of causes and solutions could be more elaborated and connected logically.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, focus on developing each point with more depth and clarity. Ensure that each paragraph follows a clear topic sentence and supports it with relevant examples or explanations. Additionally, consider using transition phrases to smoothly connect ideas between paragraphs, improving the overall coherence of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs to organize ideas, but the structure within paragraphs is inconsistent. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas without clear separation, leading to a lack of coherence. For instance, the second paragraph addresses both the causes of youth unemployment and potential solutions within a single paragraph, which can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: Aim for more effective paragraphing by focusing on unity and coherence within each paragraph. Separate distinct ideas into individual paragraphs to improve clarity and make it easier for the reader to follow the argument. Each paragraph should focus on a single aspect of the topic, supported by evidence or examples.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes some cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases like "to begin with," "second," and "in conclusion," to guide the reader through the essay’s structure. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied and sophisticated to enhance coherence further. Additionally, there is a need for more cohesive devices within paragraphs to improve the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: Increase the variety of cohesive devices used throughout the essay, including conjunctions, pronouns, and transitional expressions. Ensure that cohesive devices are used not only between paragraphs but also within paragraphs to create smoother transitions between ideas. This will help improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in organizing information more logically, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices to enhance the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good attempt to utilize a broad vocabulary, particularly with terms like "economic downturn," "applicable," "vocational and technical training programs," and "apprenticeships," which are aptly used within the context of discussing unemployment issues and potential solutions. However, the range of vocabulary is somewhat limited to general descriptions without delving into more nuanced or sector-specific language that could enrich the discussion. For instance, the discussion around the mismatch between education and job market demands could benefit from examples of specific skills or industries.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer could incorporate more specific terms related to the fields of economics, education, and employment. For example, discussing "skill gaps," "labor market flexibility," or "entrepreneurial initiatives" could offer depth. Additionally, using synonyms to avoid repetition (e.g., replacing "problematic" with "challenging" or "difficult") would demonstrate greater lexical flexibility.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows instances of both precise and imprecise vocabulary use. Phrases like "economic downturn" and "vocational and technical training programs" are used accurately and effectively convey specific concepts. However, there are also imprecisions, such as "elite or eliminate incompetent individuals," which seems to confuse the intended meaning. The use of "elite" here is unclear and likely incorrect, detracting from the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve precision, it’s crucial to choose words that exactly convey the intended meaning. For the confusing phrase mentioned, a clearer alternative could be "evaluate and potentially retain interns based on competency." Consulting dictionaries or thesauri can aid in finding the most appropriate terms. Additionally, revising sentences for clarity and ensuring that each word contributes to the intended message can enhance precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely demonstrates correct spelling, contributing positively to its readability and professionalism. However, careful proofreading could further eliminate minor errors and inconsistencies that occasionally surface, such as in "the old education system" where "The" should be lowercase in the middle of a sentence.
- How to improve: Regular practice in writing and proofreading can significantly improve spelling accuracy. Utilizing spell check tools as a first pass and then manually reviewing the text can catch most errors. For commonly confused words or spellings, making a personal list to reference can be helpful. Engaging with a wide range of written materials can also naturally improve spelling skills over time, as exposure to correct usage reinforces memory.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable effort in employing a diverse vocabulary and generally using it accurately, meriting a band score of 6 for Lexical Resource. To reach higher levels, focusing on expanding the range of vocabulary with more specific and nuanced terms, ensuring precision in word choice, and rigorously proofreading for spelling accuracy will be key areas for improvement.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. It employs simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is room for improvement in terms of variety. Many sentences follow a similar structure, such as "First, in periods of economic downturn or recession…" which could be diversified for better readability and engagement.
- How to improve: To enhance the essay’s effectiveness, aim to incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures. This could involve using more complex sentence structures, such as conditional sentences or sentences with introductory phrases or clauses. Varying the length and rhythm of sentences can also make the essay more engaging for the reader.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing throughout the essay. For example, "People could offering vocational and technical training programs…" should be corrected to "People could offer vocational and technical training programs…" Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it’s essential to review each sentence carefully for errors in subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and sentence structure. Proofreading for punctuation errors, such as missing commas or incorrect usage of apostrophes, can also help enhance the clarity and coherence of the essay. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to identify and correct errors effectively.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammar and structure, there is room for refinement to elevate it to a higher band score. By incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy, the essay can become more compelling and effectively convey the intended message.

Bài sửa mẫu

Youth unemployment is increasingly problematic worldwide. Initially, two primary reasons contribute to the rate of youth unemployment. This discussion enumerates several reasons why younger individuals struggle to find work. First, during economic downturns, job opportunities diminish, and younger individuals, often lacking experience, may face layoffs or difficulty in securing employment. Selection processes often favor candidates with extensive work experience, placing younger individuals at a disadvantage. Second, outdated educational systems may not equip graduates with skills directly applicable to available jobs. Many invest heavily in education but find their knowledge isn’t practical in the workplace. Additionally, job requirements often demand prior experience, creating a cycle where young job seekers lack the experience needed for employment.

As for potential solutions, offering vocational and technical training programs can address the issue. Such programs provide market-relevant skills, helping individuals apply their knowledge effectively. Encouraging businesses to offer apprenticeships can also provide practical experience and facilitate entry into the workforce. Furthermore, companies can address youth unemployment by offering internships, allowing them to evaluate and mentor young talent while providing valuable experience.

In conclusion, the causes of youth unemployment include stringent recruitment criteria and outdated educational systems. To combat this, potential solutions may involve facilitating internships for individuals and enhancing training programs. These measures can help bridge the gap between education and employment, ultimately reducing youth unemployment rates.